YOUR OBESE BRAIN IS NOT VERY ATTRACTIVE: Ignore our remarks about bacon, stop eating raw cookie dough, and get on John Mackey’s nutrient-dense, organic dick-bag diet: obese people have “severe brain degeneration.” Obese people’s brains are not only withered and weird; they also look older, so if you are at all vain about your brain’s appearance you will definitely not want to become obese. [LiveScience]

HMM MAYBE DON’T EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH YOU FAT PATHETIC SLOBS: Nestle is “voluntarily recalling” its best-selling “Fatty Fatso Cookie Dough Tubes” because the government says people are probably getting the E coli because Americans are so fucking disgusting they are just squeezing these foul, raw, cold grease poops right into their mouths. [ABC News]