nerds
Millions of Americans Can Breathe Sigh Of Relief Now That We Are Safe From Unlocked Phones
Good news everyone! We are relieved, we are SO relieved, because as of Saturday, there are criminal penalties (including jail time and a fine of up to $500,000) for unlocking your phone so you can switch cel phone providers. Is this an oversight, you might be wondering? A mere loophole in an otherwise sound piece [...]
Cool-Kid Michigan Voters To Bully Nerd-Governor Rick Snyder With Votes
The dumb jocks who elect Michigan governors aren’t happy with current nerd governor Rick Snyder just because he signed a Right To Work bill into law basically before the damn thing was written and otherwise sat on his thumbs as the state legislature conducted a lame duck session so radical that it made Robespierre’s Committee of [...]
Computer Fiends Kidnap Romney’s 1040 Forms, Demand Fake Nerd Money For Ransom
Mitt Romney’s tax returns: Where are they??? If you have been following the presidential campaign to this point, in which Barack Obama’s birth certificate and Mitt Romney’s tax returns have battled it out for the title of Most Important Boring Government Document In History, you’ve probably assumed that Romney long ago encased these dangerous pieces [...]
Zany Washington Post Marijuana Story Contains Dangerous Levels Of Wordplay
Oh, Washington Post writer Emily Heil, we were going to make excuses for you, assuming you were some poor underpaid intern forced to churn out blog postlets for the Post’s “In The Loop” blog, which is different from all the other blogs the Post has, somehow, there’s probably a logic to it, but then we [...]
Shutdown To Preclude Civil War Nerds From Re-Taking Fort Sumter
Won’t somebody think of the real victims? Hundreds of Union and Confederate re-enactors plan to stay in Forts Sumter and Moultrie, another Park Service site across the harbor, during a week of events. If there is a shutdown, plans will move forward to re-enact the bombardment Tuesday with about 30 cannons ringing the harbor from [...]
Michigan Gov Giving Himself Power To Take Over Cities, Destroy Their Unions
Make no mistake, Michigan has a whole lot of financial problems, pretty much all the time. It’s the only state in the Union that continually bleeds residents more residents than it takes in and thus loses much of its tax base each year. And it’s not just the state government, which has to make cuts [...]
LOTR Nerd Blasts Your Wonkette For Disrespecting LOTR, Nerds
We didn’t know it was possible for someone who reads actual books and is a nerd to have bad grammar and spelling, but apparently it is, as one of them has written us to tell us that we committed “acts of common stereotyping” in our posts detailing Christine O’Donnell’s beliefs about Lord of the Rings. [...]
Christine O’Donnell Reveals Her Feminist Icons: LOTR Characters
Hey, somebody sent us the full article from Christine O’Donnell’s admission yesterday that she had lots of sex in college! Thanks, “Kyle M.” “I’m a conservative woman, but many conservative men really are chauvinistic,” she said in the article, as one of the reasons why now nobody wants to be with her. And also, when [...]
Today In Politics: Australian Nerds Invent a Tractor Beam
If you read one more thing today before you uninstall your internet, because of boredom, let it be this: Researchers from the Australian National University have announced that they have built a device that can move small particles a meter and a half using only the power of light. Physicists have been able to manipulate [...]
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