Here is John McCain’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, looking into a camera and going cross-eyed with the effort of reading off some cue cards. He wants you to know that John McCain is holding a contest, in which you can make a video about your Selfless American Neighbor! And if you win it, you and your neighbor will be punished with compulsory attendance at the Republican National Convention and a public teabagging courtesy of the presumptive nominee. This is the most tragically awkward video in the history of YouTube. [John McCain 2008]

The rampant, raging Absolut vodka controversy took on new dimensions this weekend when a pack of insane nativists vowed to boycott Absolut and demanded the firing of the employee who approved an ad that encourages the Mexicans to take over the Northern Hemisphere. To be fair, it is well known that The Illegals and their cohort take most of their political marching orders from liquor ads. MORE »

It turns out that Mark Penn, the lardbot numbers swami who singlehandedly sank Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign, can multitask by ruining several things at once. He recently turned his focus to the swank DC neighborhood of Georgetown, which he is ruining through a campaign of endless construction. MORE »

A shocking new poll by Zillow.com — that site you stopped checking after your house became worthless — shows that nobody really wants to live anywhere near the power-mad scumbags running for president. Asked if they’d like to have Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson, Mike Huckabee, John Edwards, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Dennis Kucinich, Joe Biden or Ron Paul as a next-door neighbor, the top choice was “None of them.” MORE »