This poor stimulus bill has been kicked around and blown up a million times, completely dismembered, bathed in acid — basically Robocop, except boring, and with money. So what secret provisions did House and Senate negotiators slip into the bill into order to win the eternal fealty of the lobster queen Susan Collins and the other handful of senators who hold the entire fate of the free world in their parsimonious little fists? MORE »

The nation’s most historic nomination race in the history of History may be coming to an end today, but probably not, because Hillary Clinton can’t call it quits until she has figured out how to get her campaign out of tens of millions of dollars of debt. According to one shadowy source, the reason she’s staying in the race is “not about the vice-presidency or any other position she might get. It’s about the money – in particular the Clinton family money.” She shouldn’t worry too much, though, because a mere eight years ago Bill left office with an estimated $12 million in debt — and presto, after less than a decade of whoring around with Ron Burkle he’s back on top of the world! What will Hillary do to recoup her own debts, short of selling her hair and teeth? MORE »

Ha ha, remember how Hillary Clinton said that Barack Obama’s people shouldn’t go privately blabbing to the Canadian government about how they didn’t really want to renegotiate NAFTA? It turns out that Clinton’s campaign may have been guilty of the same RANK BACK-DOOR HYPOCRISY AND SHENANIGANS that the American people are so sick of they will vote for John McCain, who got all that out of his system in the 80s. MORE »