Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy! With a mere 97 months or whatever until the election, the negative attacks are beginning in earnest! For instance, you may have heard that Obama is a dirty plagiarist, and that McCain has sexy sex with sexy lobbyists, and that Hillary eats Christian babies! That’s all true, but how can you tell when the negative stories you read about the candidates are actually totally false bogus lies? Fortunately, we here at Cartoon Violence are here to separate the truth from the fiction — at least, when the fiction is in political cartoon form. MORE »

Just kidding! Well, he does say it’s a sin, and that he’s a sinner but he’s totes not a man who would choose that gay lifestyle because the “traditional concept of sexual behavior” is breeding, period. The danger with sex today, people, is that homosexuality is one of many “publicly endorsed and institutionally supported aberrations.” Other publicly endorsed aberrations, according to Huckles, include sadomasochism, pedophilia and necrophilia.

Ok, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these Christian conservative types? Does anyone else, anywhere, spend this much time thinking about other people having sex that isn’t doing so in order to masturbate, plan their next porno, or write for Fleshbot? Let alone, does anyone spend this much time equating the guy-on-guy anal action with fucking dead people, little kids or animals? Like, how does that even occur to you? Candidates are being assassinated in Pakistan and people are dying in Kenya over rigged elections and thousands of Americans and Iraqis are dead in Iraq because of a war we started for (apparently) no good reason and their feeble little minds are totally filled with thoughts of how God doesn’t want people to to engage in ass fucking because you can’t have babies? Jeebus Motherfucking Christ, I’m ready to start drinking now. Bring on the New Motherfucking Year.