Tag Archives: nbc

  Science: Pretty Good Except For The Fake Parts

Ben Carson Lays Down Some Science For You (Depending On Your Value For ‘Science’)

We really can all get along. *CHOMP!*
The Liberal Media tried to Gotcha! Conservahero Ben Carson again this weekend, and once more he escaped the Logic Snares set for him by secularist tricksters. He is not going to fall for your little traps, LIEberals! On NBC’s Meet the Press Sunday, Chuck Todd asked Carson how “science and religion, in your mind, coexist” — an obvious attempt to try to get him to talk about Evolution, which as any good Christian knows is poppycock. Read more on Ben Carson Lays Down Some Science For You (Depending On Your Value For ‘Science’)…
  Glad we solved that problem forever

2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously

Nope, no rape news this year
In the early days of 2014, the world was a simpler, happier place. Bill Cosby was still a kindly, grandfatherly funnyman and not a horrible monster rapist, and we all enjoyed playfully teasing him about his sweaters and Jell-O Pudding Pops until the joke was entirely played out and stale and not funny anymore, seriously, enough. Read more on 2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously…
  We Don't Interrupt This Program...

Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!

Now it's a few hundred, and still nothin' on.
Update/new development: Yr. Wonkette is psychic once again! (see end of post) Barry Bamz is going to single-handedly overthrow the rule of law tonight, but the teevee networks have decided not to carry the speech, because come on, it’s only a presidential speech, and those are lame. Or maybe they’re too partisan, according to some guy who writes a really overheated column at Politico: Read more on Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!…
  If It's Sunday It's A Good Thing There's A 2:00 Replay

Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary

We have to admit, Wonketteers, that we did not stick to our Chuck Todd diet. We really did intend to get up every Sunday for Meet the Press to see Chuck’s tough questioning of the Biggest Names in News and stay in shape with his touchscreen map upper-body workouts, but it wasn’t until his first show after the Democrats were sent to live on the farm upstate that he enticed us to come back by landing an EXCLUSIVE interview with Scott Walker, King of Wisconsin. Read more on Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary…
  first day of school

Chuck Todd Meets The Press, Needs To Improve Listening Skills

Chuck Todd is so excited, you guys! It’s his first week as the new host of Meet the Press. That other guy with two first names failed his way into a $4 million buyout and NBC, looking to bring back the powerhouse once steered by Tim Russert, took the opportunity to slip Tim’s son Luke and Morning Misery Joe Scarborough in along with Chuck to lend the proper gravitas. We couldn’t wait to see Chuck’s debut Sunday morning, by which we mean we slept in and caught the late rerun. Read more on Chuck Todd Meets The Press, Needs To Improve Listening Skills…
  Shameless self-promotion

Meet The Press Is About To Get So Much Worse; You Need This Coffee Mug More Than Ever

Buy it now
Do you need yet one more reason to ignore NBC’s “Meet the Press” because you can’t get enough of John McCain and the weekly parade of the same old white dudes saying the same old white dude things? What the heck is wrong with you? FINE, be that way. Have one more reason. Heck, have two, courtesy of the New York Post’s Page Six: Read more on Meet The Press Is About To Get So Much Worse; You Need This Coffee Mug More Than Ever…
  Your morning cup of wut?

It’s Labor Day (In Case You Didn’t Know) And Other News You Can Maybe Use

If it's Sunday ... it's probably still going to suck
Everyone enjoy having the day off, except for those of you who don’t have the day off. Also, enjoy some news. Now that NBC has gotten rid of that old host of “Meet the Press” — David something? Who can remember? — the whole gang is real excited about Chuck Todd. Sundays are going to be so awesome now! Read more on It’s Labor Day (In Case You Didn’t Know) And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  If it's Sunday David Gregory's sitting around unemployed

David Gregory Booted From NBC, At Least He Has $4 Million To Keep Him Company

This is definitely the saddest news of the day. No, the week. No, the century. Basically, it is the saddest thing ever. EVER. NBC’s David Gregory, best known for asking really great questions on “Meet the Press” and getting his objective journalist on by dancing with Karl Rove at the 2007 nerd prom, has been sacked. Ousted. Booted. Shit-canned. Read more on David Gregory Booted From NBC, At Least He Has $4 Million To Keep Him Company…
  who mourns for a dimwit?

Stupid Constitution Won’t Let George Zimmerman Sue NBC For Being Mean To George Zimmerman

Poor George Zimmerman just can’t seem to catch a break. Despite his best efforts, there are still people who don’t see him as a hero. Worse, his fledgling career as an artist seems to have stalled out, and while plenty of people might want to punch him right in the nose, he can’t do it for money. And now, he can’t even look forward to taking the LIEberal Media to the cleaners for unfairly editing his 911 call, because his lawsuit against NBC has been tossed. Poor guy. It’s as if the only thing that went well for him was getting away with shooting a black kid to death. As the song asks, is that all there is? Read more on Stupid Constitution Won’t Let George Zimmerman Sue NBC For Being Mean To George Zimmerman…
  drink the pain away

Were You Not Ready To Kill Yourself Yet This Morning?

Remember when we all liked Chelsea Clinton, because Rush Limbaugh was SUCH a PIECE OF SHIT to her little gangly pre-teen self? WHO DOES THAT? Hahaha, we just answered our own question: drug-addicted sociopaths do that, that is who! And then she grew up to be such a lovely young lady! (Look! At right!) But then she got that stupid made-up job at NBC, and we all realized she is an actual charisma black hole? Read more on Were You Not Ready To Kill Yourself Yet This Morning?…
  If it's Sunday it's gee what else is on TV?

NBC Hires Expert To Figure Out Mystery of Why David Gregory’s Show Sucks So Hard

If you are a Reglar ‘Merican person who has occasionally flipped to NBC’s Meet the Press on a hungover Sunday morning, thinking the vapid tones of whatever panel of white men plus John McCain is appearing that day might somehow relieve your headache and nausea, only to find it worsened when you were compelled to throw things at your television and scream “THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!!!!” then you already know exactly what is wrong with NBC’s has-been Sunday talk show. Like every other Sunday morning talk show, it is, at best, the same rotating cast of a dozen or so professional beltway pontificators explaining how Democrats are like THIS, but Republicans are like THAT, with the occasional “some say” or “both sides do it” interruption from the milquetoast moderator — in this case, David Gregory, who plays a Very Serious Journalist on the tee vee, even though he’s really always wanted to be a dancer. Sometimes, he awakens from his half-coma enough to journosplain who is and isn’t a JournalistTM, as defined by David Gregory. (It feels a tad superfluous, even malicious, to remind you once more than David Gregory was a back-up dancer to Karl Rove at the annual gathering of Very Serious Journalists Stroking Themselves Approvingly in Tuxedos, also known as the White House Correspondents Dinner. It is superfluous and malicious, but we just did it anyway because Jesus H. Christ, if you are a back-up dancer to “MC Rove,” you do not ever EVER NEVER NOT EVER get to define who is and is not a journalist.) If, however, you are NBC, you are apparently shocked and amazed that Gregory’s show is getting its ass ratings-kicked by, among others, Pretend to Face the Nation, hosted by practically dead Bob Schieffer. How could this once great show — and by once great, of course, we merely mean that it used to be the top rated show on Sunday when it was hosted by Tim Russert, who at least had a personality, plus a chalkboard — no longer be revered or, like, watched? Time to call in A Expert: Last year, the network undertook an unusual assessment of the 43-year-old journalist, commissioning a psychological consultant to interview his friends and even his wife. The idea, according to a network spokeswoman, Meghan Pianta, was “to get perspective and insight from people who know him best.”* We’re going to take a quick commercial break so we can all die of laughter. When we return, for those who managed to survive, we’ll try to imagine exactly how this “consultation” works. Then we will die of laughter some more. Read more on NBC Hires Expert To Figure Out Mystery of Why David Gregory’s Show Sucks So Hard…
  four and twenty blackburns baked in a nye

Marsha Blackburn Wins Climate Change ‘Debate’ With Bill Nye! (Does Not Fling Actual Poo)

So the slightly hyped Big Climate Change “Debate” between science education advocate and teevee guy Bill Nye and Tennessee congresspillock Marsha Blackburn on Sunday’s Meet The Press actually turned out to be a whopping 13-minute segment, which was short enough that no real details could be explained, yet long enough to make a viewer yearn for the sweet release of death. The only good thing to be said for it was that host David Gregory framed it as a debate on climate change policy, although of course Blackburn predictably insisted the very question of human-caused climate change is still open. We suspect that in 2114 people boating through the canals of Nuevo Miami will still be arguing about whether the evidence is sufficient yet. Read more on Marsha Blackburn Wins Climate Change ‘Debate’ With Bill Nye! (Does Not Fling Actual Poo)…
  blackburn singin' in the dread of nye

Bill Nye, Science Guy, To Perform His Most Dangerous Feat Yet

Fresh off his not-really-a-debate (though he won) appearance with creationist Ken Ham, Science Guy Bill Nye will take on another leading proponent of nonscience, Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn, in a not-really-a-debate appearance on this Sunday’s Meet The Press on NBC. As we said about the Ham On Nye show, it’s not really going to prove anything, and more to the point, unlike questions like “is Neil Degrasse Tyson cuter than Carl Sagan?” or “Was Alexander Hamilton a good President?”* science is simply not a matter of opinion. On the other hand, Bill Nye is super awesome and probably better at communicating about science to a popluar audience than a real climate scientist would be, and we think it will be fun to watch him take Blackburn’s illogic apart. So as infotainment, it will be worth watching, even though we share most of Wonket alumnus Alex Pareene’s qualms that by even holding the “debate,” Meet the Press “is responsible for taking the anti-science side seriously enough to present it as a legitimate and defensible view.” But hell, that’s pretty much where a lot of viewers already are. They could only benefit from hearing it from a guy who’s pretty adept at explaining how science works, and it’s not like refusing to engage the anti-science crowd has shown them to be illegitimate. Better to take their nonsense apart and make it clear why it’s nonsense. Read more on Bill Nye, Science Guy, To Perform His Most Dangerous Feat Yet…
  jello?

Bill Cosby Pal Does Not See Why Bill Cosby’s 14 Rape Allegations Would Preclude A New NBC Show, No Big Deal

Fun story! If the allegations from, let’s see, carry the 1, FOURTEEN WOMEN are true, beloved entertainer Bill Cosby is a pig serial rapist. Like, the rape-rape kind. Like, over decades. Bill Cosby also has a show in development at NBC. Is this a problem? Of course this is not a problem. Read more on Bill Cosby Pal Does Not See Why Bill Cosby’s 14 Rape Allegations Would Preclude A New NBC Show, No Big Deal…
  This is CNN being CNN

CNN Tries To Be Even More Worser By Wooing Jay Leno’s Chin To Make Bad Jokes On It

In case you’re one of those people who wonders to yourself, Gosh, how could cable “news” possibly get even more unbearably unbearable, heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s your answer: Jay Leno. CNN President Jeff Zucker said earlier this month that he wants CNN to have more of “an attitude and a take” and to have it compete not just with Fox News and MSNBC but with the Discovery and History channels. […] Zucker appears to be making headways in that direction by meeting with “The Tonight Show” host Jay Leno about possibly joining CNN after his run with NBC ends[.] Let’s go to a quick commercial break to laugh our asses off that (a) Jay Leno; (2) the History Channel is Zucker’s inspiration for ‘tude; and (c) JAY FUCKING LENO? We has a confuse because we thought Wolf Blitzer was CNN’s No. 1 funny man, but perhaps Zucker means he’s looking to hire someone who is trying to be funny, not just doing it all accidental like. In which case, perhaps Leno is a splendiferous choice, because he sure does try to be funny. Let’s just consider all the trying-to-be-funny we can look forward to as we hold our vomit buckets close if Zucker bribes Leno’s chin hard enough, shall we? Read more on CNN Tries To Be Even More Worser By Wooing Jay Leno’s Chin To Make Bad Jokes On It…
  a real apology would end obamacare and refund the koch brothers

Barack Obama Apologizes For Slaughtering Millions With Private Companies’ Insurance Cancellations, Refuses to Kill Obamacare

Here is President B. Barry Bamz McMuslin apologizing for the confusion resulting from his “If you like your plan, you can keep it” LIE, because when he said it, he didn’t anticipate how much people really liked their seriously crap insurance. In an interview with NBC’s Chuck Todd, the President acknowledged that for people getting cancellation letters from their insurance companies, the news is distressing, but also noted that most of them will be able to find “a better deal than they have now.” And of course, it doesn’t help that insurance companies are routinely offering over-priced “replacement” plans that cost much more than what may be available on the exchanges, without telling consumers that they may be able to find better deals — a problem Barry doesn’t mention, because he’s Being Diplomatic. Read more on Barack Obama Apologizes For Slaughtering Millions With Private Companies’ Insurance Cancellations, Refuses to Kill Obamacare…
  you ain't seen nothin yet

Debt Ceiling Dangles Like Giant Turd Over Global Economy

So, kids, are we having fun with the government shutdown yet? From dieting kids, to cancer kids, to forced family vacations, isn’t Congress just the best?!? American exceptionalism at its finest! However, the fun is just beginning. Because while a government shutdown only causes headaches and pain for U.S. Americans, Congress is determined to share such misery with the rest of the world with another self-made crisis: the debt ceiling! Because sharing is caring! What’s this debt ceiling, you ask. Well, it is the statutory limit of borrowing for the Treasury Department, kind of like a credit card limit, but a super-platinum one where you get to set your own limit. If we can set our own limit, how can there possibly be a problem? Silly Wonkeroos, we have but one answer for you: House GOP. Let’s wonksplore, shall we?  Read more on Debt Ceiling Dangles Like Giant Turd Over Global Economy…
  needz moar meryl streep

RNC To NBC: That Hillary Clinton Movie Is Not Threatening To Us At All, Please Cancel It

Reince Priebus is deeply disappointed! He’s also concerned and disturbed! Is it because the GOP’s best chance at winning the presidency in 2016 is Hillary’s plane crashing into Biden’s train, then upon hearing the news Andrew Cuomo, Deval Patrick, Martin O’Malley, and Elizabeth Warren all choke on their organic free range tofurken and quinoa tenderloin? No! Actually, yes probably, but it’s also because of what NBC wants to put on the teevee: A docu-dramatic miniseries about Hillary Clinton, because apparently that constitutes an “event,” according to NBC chairman Robert Greenblatt. Where were you when you heard about the Hillary Clinton miniseries? Try to remember, you’ll want to tell your grandkids about it someday, so they can know about history. Speaking of history, when will Reince Priebus get Michael Steele’d for being terrible at his job and writing mewling, self-parodying letters, and we can forget how to spell his damn name? Read more on RNC To NBC: That Hillary Clinton Movie Is Not Threatening To Us At All, Please Cancel It…
  not even victoria jackson's ukulele?

Fox & Friends: Why Doesn’t NBC’s Hurricane Sandy Telethon Have More People Who Sneer At People Who Need Help?

Well it is obviously Media Matters Day here on your Wonket, as they are our “idiotic Fox & Friends video” go-to, and Fox & Friends is on somewhat of a tear! Now? They’re just asking! why NBC would give Barack Obama such a wet, tonguey blow job by doing … a Hurricane Sandy benefit? Is that because hurricane relief and disaster management have liberal biases? (Of course it is. And it’s obviously just Not Fair to mention a hurricane right after a hurricane happens, when Barack Obama is good at cleaning up after hurricanes, and Mitt Romney is bad at it.) But it is also because they are putting a whole bunch of rock stars on a stage, right before an election, and they are all liberals, and as Steve Doocy plaintively demanded, “HOW IS NBC GOING TO CONTROL WHAT PEOPLE SAY???” Read more on Fox & Friends: Why Doesn’t NBC’s Hurricane Sandy Telethon Have More People Who Sneer At People Who Need Help?…
  Blind Trust

Ann Romney Has No Idea What Is In Those Tax Returns But Assures You People That They Are Legal

Oh isn’t this NICE. Ann Romney took time away from her busy schedule of hanging out with Welsh ponies (srsly) to discuss politics with NBC news. And you will never guess what NBC learned, you guys. Ann Romney is not just the owner of a dancing horse! No sirree, she is the granddaughter of a coal miner! And a first generation American! And she has no idea what’s in her husband’s tax returns but she’s 100% confident that they’re legal! Don’t you people feel comforted? Read more on Ann Romney Has No Idea What Is In Those Tax Returns But Assures You People That They Are Legal…
  the end of america

Half-Term First Dude Todd Palin Will Be America’s Newest Reality Star Now, Because

So! Got any exciting TV-watching plans now that “Mad Men” is back on its usual two-year hiatus? Oh, you are going to watch “Stars Earn Stripes,” because that is a thing, and it is going to be hosted by terrifying unblinking robot General Wesley Clark along with “‘Entertainment Tonight’ and ‘Dancing with the Stars’ alum Samantha Harris”? Good, good. Sounds reasonable. And it’ll be “reality” “stars” teaming up with tough (and presumably hot) military men and ladies to do, like, missions? Hmmm. Who’s gonna be on it? “[B]oxing royalty Laila Ali, actor Dean Cain, former NFL player Terry Crews, singer Nick Lachey Olympic gold medalist Picabo Street, NBC’s ‘The Biggest Loser’ trainer Dolvett Quince, and WWE star Eve Torres.” We don’t know what any of those words mean. Not sure we’re thrilled with this television choice so far, America. Is there anything that could make us watch this? Sarah Palin husband Todd is among those competing in NBC’s new reality series “Stars Earns Stripes,” the network has revealed Tuesday. Right, so: no. Read more on Half-Term First Dude Todd Palin Will Be America’s Newest Reality Star Now, Because…