Why is the state of Missouri punishing our nation’s most community service-oriented neo-Nazis with irony? Last year some members of Missouri’s National Socialist Movement adopted a highway, like a Girl Scout troop or whatever does all the time without any problems, except that since they are Nazis and not Girl Scouts, certain issues arose. But you know what? The Missouri Nazis loved that highway as if it were of their own, pure, Aryan blood. But what is Missouri trying to do now, after the Missouri Nazis have been cleaning the thing four times a year? Rename it after some rabbi, a known Jew (!), who escaped from their ancestors, the Actual Nazis, during history’s famous incident, the Holocaust. MORE »

Well, Barack Obama has failed again. The so-called president isn’t quite as popular as Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger and Partially-African-American Nike model Tiger Woods combined, according to an idiotic new study which also revealed that 5% of Americans want to meet and have their topless picture taken with teevee’s Hannah Montana. MORE »

BEAUTY PAGEANT POLITICS: “During an appearance last week with MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann, Michael Musto jested that Miss California officials also paid for Carrie Prejean to ‘cut off her penis’ and likened her to Klaus Barbie, a Nazi war criminal believed to be responsible for up to 4,000 deaths.” [Fox News]

Intrepid blog reporter David Weigel of the Washington Independent is so intent on getting himself murdered that he traveled all the way to Kentucky over the weekend for something called the “Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot.” You must check out all of his photos, here, but we simply want to note the mixed feelings these fellows have toward Nazis. Basically they love the Nazis, because they are Neo-Nazis, but they also hate the Nazis because Obama is a Nazi. MORE »

Whoa hey how’d the Entire News Media miss this one? Especially considering the main things we all jabber about, these days, are stock prices and whatever Jon Stewart said about Jim Cramer …. Anyway, get out your duct tape because a certified American Nazi was building a “dirty bomb” which he apparently planned to explode at Obama’s Inauguration. All the radioactive and bomb-making shit was in his house — you know, the one with the Nazi Flag, in Maine — and his plans were moving along just fine until his wife shot the motherfucker dead, the end? MORE »

A nut in a World War II Nazi military uniform aims his bayonet-tipped rifle at Seattle cops and is shot dead. A distraught guy fires a gun in the air from his garage and three Los Angeles police cut him down. An angry old Colorado ski bum plots an epic four-pronged terror attack on the rich people of Aspen, but he shoots himself in his Jeep Cherokee before detonating the four bombs. Across the country, wrecked Americans chose to go completely insane on New Year’s. Welcome to 2009. It’s going to be awful. MORE »

In this Wall Street Journal boring article about how Europeans sure love cigarettes yadda yadda, we were intrigued by this paragraph calling Nazi Pope Joe “the Plumber” Ratzinger a known smoker! Is this some hilarious WSJ New Year’s joke? Because there is no evidence we can locate, outside of some obviously photoshopped images of Ratzi in a cloud of cancer, to suggest our crappiest pope indulges in this particular variety of sucking on cylindrical objects. MORE »

Weird Joe Biden wants a puppy, too! But instead of a cute little rescue mutt, Ol’ Hairplug went to a puppy farm, in Philadelphia, and bought a mean-ass German Shepherd, which is being trained right now by Delaware’s killer-dog K9 cops. MORE »

• WAIT, WHAT?: The Washington Post’s masterful Chris Cillizza: “A huge crowd today could be a mixed blessing for Obama. On the one hand, it is a potent symbol of the excitement his candidacy has caused worldwide. On the other, thousands and thousands of cheering Germans may not play well stateside. Does a big crowd work to Obama’s benefit or detriment? Or somewhere in between?” The teevee crowd, of course, shares this sentiment. What do these people mean? That the “benefit” is the image of a large, excited crowd, and the “detriment” is that it’s a large, excited crowd of Nazis? [WP/The Fix]

Here’s a doll of “Onkle Barack,” as crafted by a renowned artisan from Nazi Germany. It only costs 139 Euros, which is like 200 or 300 Ameros, so you all can buy it and sleep with it because you like him so damn much, rotten kids… [Some German Online Store, Spiegel]

Ha ha, here is some great newspaper from Nazi Germany that comically names the White House “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” because a slave may soon call it home. This is very offensive, according to the Internet, and of course we all know why: what a nasty way to detract from Obama’s writing skill, by comparing it to Harriet Beecher Stowe’s! Have you actually *read* Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Yikes! [Spiegel]