Tag Archives: nazis

  Christian martyrs

Gay-Hating Oregon Bakers Real Tired Of Getting Concentration Camped By Hitler

Ready for another dumb Hitler analogy, because this is the week where we do those? Let’s get reacquainted with Aaron and Melissa Klein, who decided to be martyrs just like Jesus, by refusing to make a cake for a lesbian wedding. Then they lost their bakery, because they are twats, and then Satan personally attacked them by canceling their GoFundMe, which they planned to use to pay the fine they owed the state of Oregon, for the crime of being twats. This was obviously more persecution, because it says right there in the book of Romans that all good Christians are entitled to a GoFundMe. Read more on Gay-Hating Oregon Bakers Real Tired Of Getting Concentration Camped By Hitler…
  Here a Hitler there a Hitler

Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama

Not what she said exactly but whatever!
So many Hitlers in the news this week, so little time! Barack Obama is doing Hitler stuff by making a deal with Iran to try to keep them from getting a bomb, which is very different from Republicans’ request of can we please just bomb that Muzzie country what scares us so much, and probably set off World War Three in doing so? Either you’re down with that plan or you’re totally Hitler. And now Sarah Silverman, a Twitter-verified Jewish, is one-upping Obama’s Hitler-ness by saying that Planned Parenthood is okay and doesn’t actually sell baby parts, even though it’s obvious that it sells so many baby parts. Coming soon to a mall near you! The Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Store! Right between Claire’s and Wet Seal!  (They do not sell baby parts, and if you believe that you are a fucking dumbshit.) Read more on Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama…
  you know who else ... ?

Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too

Also a schmuck
Look, kids, it’s repugnant fuck-eyed canker blossom Rick Santorum, trying to steal some attention from Mike Huckabee, who is trying to steal some attention from Donald Trump. And also to submit his name for Schmuck of The Year 5775, which we have already given to Huckabee, too bad for always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride Santorum. Read more on Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too…
  bad analogies

NOM Spokesbigot Says It’s Bad For Teachers To Secretly Gas Jews, Be Lesbians

Not qualified to be a teacher.
The National Organization For Marriage (NOM nom nom), you know them, right? Hilariously failed organization that for some reason still exists, even though the Supreme Court crammed gay marriage right up all American bottoms at the end of June, despite all the Hail Mary passes wingnuts tried to throw? Well, apparently NOM’s staff isn’t quite ready to start filling out job applications, probably because they’re not qualified for anything outside the bigot field, so they are still raising money and talking about things. Read more on NOM Spokesbigot Says It’s Bad For Teachers To Secretly Gas Jews, Be Lesbians…
  Sweet Jesus look at this hot guy

Beached North Carolina Wingnuts Worry Only Gays Will Get Rescued From Drowning Now

Hi lifeguard. My name is Evan. You want to save my life? I'll pretend I'm drowning so it looks legit. Or I can just meet you after your shift and we can make out. Whatever you want
In the wake of the Supreme Court’s Gay Marriage Throat-Cram-A-Thon, wingnuts have had hilarious reactions and stupid reactions and melodramatic reactions, and all of the other reactions that are dumb and bad. But here is one that takes the cake (but not the gay wedding cake; wingnuts are not allowed to be within 50 feet of those). Some people in Carolina Beach, North Carolina, were just out sunning their beached bodies when they saw (oh no!) a rainbow flag flying from one of the lifeguard post of the dashing gentleman pictured above, and immediately knew that meant that only gays would be rescued from drowning on that beach: Read more on Beached North Carolina Wingnuts Worry Only Gays Will Get Rescued From Drowning Now…
  Reality Czech

Lighthearted Reality Show Sends Czech Family To Nazi Summer Camp

Image via Ceska Televize American reality television is having a rough summer reputation-wise, what with the failed Bachelor pairings and the creepy wifely subservience and the repellent allegations of sexual abuse of children. Maybe our camera crews should try for a wholesome reboot and set up shop in a nice spot in the country with a full complement of Nazis. Read more on Lighthearted Reality Show Sends Czech Family To Nazi Summer Camp…
  Nice Time Lesbian Apparel Update

Super Rad Louisiana Lesbian Will Dance At Her Prom In A Tuxedo After All!

Take THAT, tuxedo snatchers!
Well that was fast! On Monday, we told the story of a really cool high-school kid in Monroe, Louisiana, named Claudetteia Love. She’s an out lesbian, and  she just wanted to wear a damn tuxedo to her prom, because she likes them. What could be wrong with that? Oh, the “lesbian” part, that’s what tripped up the school principal and some of the asshole adults who make up the faculty at Carroll High School. So the principal, Patrick Taylor, went and made up a new rule that said “no lesbians in tuxes at the prom,” because boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, or something, and Love and her friends decided they would just skip it. Read more on Super Rad Louisiana Lesbian Will Dance At Her Prom In A Tuxedo After All!…
  Lowest bar ever for Godwin

Tennessee Pol: Chalk-Drawing Protest Slogans The New Kristallnacht. Not Over-Reacting A Bit!

Time to Holocaust the Christian bakeries!
A state senator’s hometown office was attacked by a vicious assault of sidewalk chalk, and he has responded by explicitly calling the chalkers Nazis. Oy vey. Sen. Todd Gardenhire (R-Chattanooga) is a conservative member of the Tennessee state Senate. He recently voted against Gov. Bill Haslam’s Insure TN, an attempt to conservatively expand Medicaid in the most conservative way possible even though that’s pretty much what Obamacare is, but whatever. Small victories. Apparently, Insure TN wasn’t conservative enough for some senators, with seven of them voting against it and ultimately defeating it, even though almost all of them are on government health insurance. Shockingly, lots of poor people across Tennessee were mad that Republicans are down with poor people dying (whiners), so they struck back in the most vicious way possible: chalk drawings on the sidewalk. Fight the power! Read more on Tennessee Pol: Chalk-Drawing Protest Slogans The New Kristallnacht. Not Over-Reacting A Bit!…
  is mercury still in retrograde?

Sarah Palin Delivers Mostly Coherent Speech At CPAC, WTF?

Secret shout-out to the Muslims in the crowd apparently
We do not know what happened to our beloved sister Sarah Palin, but obviously someone sedated the hell out of her and told her if she dares to go off script during her speech at CPAC this year and vomit incoherent nonsense all over the stage like she usually does, she will get the hose again, precious, and no more reality teevee deals. Read more on Sarah Palin Delivers Mostly Coherent Speech At CPAC, WTF?…
  Teach A Man To Bloviate And He'll Eat For A Lifetime

Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following

How can we miss you if you won't go away?
When we heard the news last night that Bryan Fischer was fired by the American Patriarchy Association, our first thought was that it couldn’t have happened to a nicer wingnut. Our second thought was that this could be really bad for Yr. Wonkette, as a casual search through the archives shows that Mr. Fischer is a near-endless source of stupid hilarity. And our third thought had something to do with beer, as per usual. Read more on Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: American Family Association Fires Most Embarrassing Hater Bryan Fischer

this one might be a problem for the GOP
Rachel Maddow had a gen-you-wine old fashioned Big News Scoop in her Wednesday show. The larger story’s a little convoluted, but the really terrific news is right up there in the headline, kids: wingnut preacher Bryan Fischer has been fired from his position as “director of issues analysis” for the American Patriarchy Family Association. Mediaite reports, however, that he will continue to host his radio show for the AFA, so it’s really more of a demotion, we guess. Read more on Morning Maddow: American Family Association Fires Most Embarrassing Hater Bryan Fischer…
  priorities

GOP House Fixes All Nation’s Problems On First Day Back, By Banning Abortion Again

Do you remember your favorite Nazi research proponent and Congressperson Trent Franks (R-AZ)? Last Congress, he sponsored H.R. 1797, The Pain Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, which yr Wonkette described at the time as “a calamitous clusterfuck of epic proportions from start to finish.” The bill would have banned all abortions after the 20th week of pregnancy, and while it did include a rape exception, that would only have been triggered if the woman reported the rape to police. And as everyone knows, that is always easy and convenient and safe for all women, hooray! After a floor debate that included insight into the masturbation habits of fetuses, the House passed the bill last June by a vote of 228-196, and then the Senate rolled around on the floor laughing and refused to touch it with a 10-foot pole. Remember when Democrats used to control the Senate, until a few weeks ago? Those were good times. Read more on GOP House Fixes All Nation’s Problems On First Day Back, By Banning Abortion Again…
  Oopsie Scalise-y

Steve Scalise Totally Didn’t Speak At David Duke Event, Says Close Friend Of David Duke

Kooky Klown Klan Klaven
So you remember how it was reported that Steve Scalise (R-Jindaltopia) spoke at a meeting of infamous white supremacist David Duke’s white supremacy group in 2002? And remember how Scalise apologized for speaking at said white supremacist meeting, saying that he did not know that the white supremacist meeting was in fact a white supremacist meeting, and had he known it was a white supremacist group’s meeting, he never would have spoken at their white supremacist group’s meeting? Read more on Steve Scalise Totally Didn’t Speak At David Duke Event, Says Close Friend Of David Duke…
  Ice Cream Mandrake. Children's Ice Cream

BREAKING: Jesse Ventura Wrong About Nazi Water Fluoridation

This is a man who knows about conspiracies
Of the many things that you may have been worried about this week, the good fact-checkers at Politifact would like to free you of one possible source of anxiety: No, the practice of water fluoridation did not begin in Nazi Germany. Please remain calm and go about your business. Read more on BREAKING: Jesse Ventura Wrong About Nazi Water Fluoridation…
  You know who else yadda yadda

French City Real Mad They’re Not Allowed To Put Nazi Triangles On The Homeless, TO HELP THEM

Maybe they just need some health care?
You would think we’ve all learned our lesson about forcing certain segments of the population to wear yellow thingies on their clothes so we can easily identify them and say “Ewwwwww, you’re one of those people.” But in the French city of Marseille, officials forgot history and were condemned to try to repeat it. Read more on French City Real Mad They’re Not Allowed To Put Nazi Triangles On The Homeless, TO HELP THEM…
  Here have some news n stuff

House Unanimously Passes Super Controversial Bill Telling Nazis To Suck It

Finally they came for the Nazis
We may be the most polarized America we have ever been, including that time we Civil Warred — THANKS, OBAMA — but it’s nice to know that we can put aside our partisan bickering for one half of one second to come together to screw over some Nazis. Which has not always been the position of our fine United States government, at least when it came to “moderate Nazis,” but hey, we’ve made progress! You may recall the proposed Senate legislation we told you about in October to deny Social Security benefits to accused Nazi war criminals. Somehow, on Tuesday, the House of Representatives found time in its busy schedule of suing the president, whining about the onslaught of immigrants who are already here, and contemplating a shutdown out of spite to vote on its version of the bill: Read more on House Unanimously Passes Super Controversial Bill Telling Nazis To Suck It…