Tag Archives: nazi pope

  ecumenical outreach is the new black

Special New Pope Nice Time Is Going To Happen All The Time So Deal With It

Wonkiputians, we hope you like your new left wing religious blog! We’re gonna be like Sojourners but with tons of swears! We’re gonna talk about how New Pope is special nice time pope ALL THE TIME. Before you all descend upon yr Wonkette like a pack of rabid wolves and explain how he still hates the gays: yes, yes, we wish that New Pope would come gay marry everyone right now too, but for now we’ll make do with this: Read more on Special New Pope Nice Time Is Going To Happen All The Time So Deal With It…
  sex ed

Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant

An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world’s women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed in flowing silken capes and a bejeweled silken hat, the childless old man described his religion’s required process for creating new human life forms: Read more on Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant…
  sexy contests

Which Terrible Picture of Bill Maher vs. The Pope Won Our Ticket Contest?

Because of the upcoming April 1 performance of teevee’s anti-Jesus person Bill Maher at the Bethesda Strathmore Music Center, we had a pair of tickets to give away to the Wonkette reader who could make the most troubling computer image of Maher mud wrestling St. Joseph Ratzinger, the famous Nazi Hero who recently became the Pope of Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich. Which picture won the tickets? Was it this one? Or was it one of the other Top Six Finalists? WHO WILL WIN, etc. Read more on Which Terrible Picture of Bill Maher vs. The Pope Won Our Ticket Contest?…
  election year betrayals

Obama Screws Over America’s Women To Appease Religious Fanatic Men

One thing about patriarchal religions of the ancient Middle East — like, say, “Sharia Law” or “American Catholicism” — is that the menfolk don’t like the womenfolk having any control of their own bodies or lives. That’s why there was a predictable outrage over the Obama Administration’s long-planned addition of basic family planning medicine to health insurance coverage. It might seem like reproductive health would naturally be part of what we consider “health insurance coverage,” but that would be a dangerous assumption in a nation where one major political party, the Republicans, is completely based on the ring kissing and worship of an old Nazi child molester in Rome. Read more on Obama Screws Over America’s Women To Appease Religious Fanatic Men…
  god's mafia

Mysterious Vatican Bank Probed For Mysterious Money Laundering

Prosecutors have frozen $30 million in sketchy Vatican Bank money that was transferred in a dubious fashion to secret accounts at J.P. Morgan in Germany and the Banca del Fucino in Italy. The pope’s bank — officially known as the “Institute for Religious Works,” because that’s a very ridiculous name for a bank — is led by chairman Ettore Gotti Tedeschi and director general Paolo Cipriani, who are both under investigation for money laundering. Is there any crime Vatican officials don’t regularly commit? Read more on Mysterious Vatican Bank Probed For Mysterious Money Laundering…
  religion in the news

Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics

Trying to finish what his Nazi forces started during World War II, Pope Joseph Ratzinger will attack England tomorrow with a bizarre offer to turn Anglicans into Catholics, even though he has publically described non-Catholic Christians as following a “defective” religion, and also the Church of England lets ladies work as priests, and other Anglican churches allow women to serve as bishops, and in general the decentralized Anglican faith is not really so much known for raping children constantly, the way the ordained Catholic officials rape children constantly, and then spend decades/centuries trying to hide it and discrediting the victims. Anyway, good try, Ratzi, we guess? Read more on Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics…
  religion in the news

Pope Finally Manages To Vaguely Admit Catholic Church Child Rape Might Be a Bad Thing

Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger flew on his supervillain pope-plane to Portugal and said a few words about the decades-long child-rape scandal destroying the Vatican Mafia’s global bullshit business. This is apparently a big deal, that Ratzinger sort of half-ass acknowledged that priests and bishops raping children and the highest officials in the Catholic Church engineering massive international cover-ups might be kind of a rotten situation. He’s the best pope ever, for saying this! He didn’t even blame the newspapers and the homosexuals and the Devil and the liberals this time, specifically, the way his creepoid henchmen did during the Easter week “festivities.” Read more on Pope Finally Manages To Vaguely Admit Catholic Church Child Rape Might Be a Bad Thing…
  put the pope in prison

Joseph Ratzinger’s Bishops: Too Much Boy Rapin’, Or Not Enough?

How beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger handled two Austrian bishops and their various sex crimes back in the 1980s is apparently a “Rorschach test,” in that those slavish followers of the Evil Pontiff say (in German) that he did “pretty great” by encouraging the promotion of one relentless child-fucker over another bishop who is only accused of hiding an immense stash of priest-on-priest sexytime pictures and child pornography, while others describe these powerful Vatican officials raping children as “wrong.” Read more on Joseph Ratzinger’s Bishops: Too Much Boy Rapin’, Or Not Enough?…
  nazis are weird

Vatican Hack Blames … Anti-Semitism For Global Outrage Over His Church Raping Children

Let’s see let’s see let’s see THINK GODDAMMIT what’s a good term to use when you’re defending an actual NAZI in a Pope Hat over his role in defending and protecting Catholic priests all over the world who rape little boys? How about “anti-Semitism.” Ha ha, Jesus may have died on Good Friday but irony sure didn’t. Read more on Vatican Hack Blames … Anti-Semitism For Global Outrage Over His Church Raping Children…
  new traditions

CNN Notes Traditional ‘Toppling of the Pope’ As Christmas Celebrations Begin

It’s not New Year’s until the ball drops in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, and Christmas celebrations cannot begin until a woman knocks over the Pope on Christmas Eve. And so began another Feliz Navidad around the world, once the lady knocked down the Pope. Happy Holiday, CNN online editor stuck working on Christmas Day! [CNN International] Read more on CNN Notes Traditional ‘Toppling of the Pope’ As Christmas Celebrations Begin…
  must be santa

Nut Lady Knocks Over Pope, For Christmas

Beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger was just doing whatever He does at the Vatican on Christmas Eve, when a mysterious Lady In Red just cold knocked his old Nazi ass to the floor, for like two seconds, no big, but of course it is Christmas Sacrilege to do this to this guy, the current pope and former Nazi and future Sinter Klaus. Fröhliche Weihnachten! Read more on Nut Lady Knocks Over Pope, For Christmas…
  god's health insurance plan

Celestial Guardians Do Not Care For Pope Ratzi

It’s no secret that certain earthly beings harbor no love for the current Pope, a self-made Prada-clad dandy with a troubled past of torturing Luke Skywalker with his laser-beam hands. But apparently not even the Pope’s own guardian angel likes him very much, because it let him break his wrist a few weeks ago. Read more on Celestial Guardians Do Not Care For Pope Ratzi…
  what's black and white and red all over?

Appeaser Obamas Meet With Former Nazi

What enemy of America is Nobama meeting now? Oh, just former Nazi Youth and New World Order socialist Joseph Ratzinger, Italy’s latest “bad pope.” How lousy is this pope? He even let Chicago Muslin lady Michelle Obama inside His boys-only clubhouse! [CBC] Read more on Appeaser Obamas Meet With Former Nazi…
  somebody tell alex jones!

Teabagger Alert: Pope Ratzi Creating Newer ‘New World Order’

Former Nazi Youth and rancid pontiff Joseph Ratzinger has an important message for the agitated teabaggers of America: An even newer New World Order is on the way, and this one is going to be run by the Vatican — along with, we suspect, a 13-seat Council of Elders including Goldman Sachs, Barack Obama, Israel, Red China, NAFTA, Michele Bachmann (oh hell yeah she’s working for the NWO!), the IRS, let’s see and probably the Sierra Club, KFC-Taco Bell, NASA and the Carlyle Group. Hope you like FEMA camps! [New York Times] Read more on Teabagger Alert: Pope Ratzi Creating Newer ‘New World Order’…
  new study proves it

Obama *Almost* More Popular Than Nazi Pope & Multi-Racial Golfing Star Combined

Well, Barack Obama has failed again. The so-called president isn’t quite as popular as Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger and Partially-African-American Nike model Tiger Woods combined, according to an idiotic new study which also revealed that 5% of Americans want to meet and have their topless picture taken with teevee’s Hannah Montana. Read more on Obama *Almost* More Popular Than Nazi Pope & Multi-Racial Golfing Star Combined…