Tag: nazi pope

Special New Pope Nice Time Is Going To Happen All The Time So Deal With It

Wonkiputians, we hope you like your new left wing religious blog! We're gonna be like Sojourners but with tons of swears! We're gonna talk about how New Pope is special nice time pope ALL THE TIME. Before you all descend...

Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant

An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world's women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed...

Which Terrible Picture of Bill Maher vs. The Pope Won Our Ticket Contest?

Because of the upcoming April 1 performance of teevee's anti-Jesus person Bill Maher at the Bethesda Strathmore Music Center, we had a pair of tickets to give away to the Wonkette reader who could make the most troubling computer...

Obama Screws Over America’s Women To Appease Religious Fanatic Men

One thing about patriarchal religions of the ancient Middle East -- like, say, "Sharia Law" or "American Catholicism" -- is that the menfolk don't like the womenfolk having any control of their own bodies or lives. That's why there...

Mysterious Vatican Bank Probed For Mysterious Money Laundering

Prosecutors have frozen $30 million in sketchy Vatican Bank money that was transferred in a dubious fashion to secret accounts at J.P. Morgan in Germany and the Banca del Fucino in Italy. The pope's bank -- officially known as...

Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics

Trying to finish what his Nazi forces started during World War II, Pope Joseph Ratzinger will attack England tomorrow with a bizarre offer to turn Anglicans into Catholics, even though he has publically described non-Catholic Christians as following a...

Pope Finally Manages To Vaguely Admit Catholic Church Child Rape Might Be a Bad Thing

Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger flew on his supervillain pope-plane to Portugal and said a few words about the decades-long child-rape scandal destroying the Vatican Mafia's global bullshit business. This is apparently a big deal, that Ratzinger sort of half-ass...

Joseph Ratzinger’s Bishops: Too Much Boy Rapin’, Or Not Enough?

How beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger handled two Austrian bishops and their various sex crimes back in the 1980s is apparently a "Rorschach test," in that those slavish followers of the Evil Pontiff say (in German) that he did...

Vatican Hack Blames … Anti-Semitism For Global Outrage Over His Church Raping Children

Let's see let's see let's see THINK GODDAMMIT what's a good term to use when you're defending an actual NAZI in a Pope Hat over his role in defending and protecting Catholic priests all over the world who rape...

Devil Helping Nazi Pope Rape Kids In Vatican, Hitchens Annoyed

What's the Nazi Pope and his Global Church of Child Fuckers up to these days, anyway? Whatever it is, Christopher Hitchens and Andrew Sullivan are all pissed off about it. Apparently, priests fuck all the little boys. Which reminds us...

CNN Notes Traditional ‘Toppling of the Pope’ As Christmas Celebrations Begin

It's not New Year's until the ball drops in Times Square on New Year's Eve, and Christmas celebrations cannot begin until a woman knocks over the Pope on Christmas Eve. And so began another Feliz Navidad around the world,...

Nut Lady Knocks Over Pope, For Christmas

Beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger was just doing whatever He does at the Vatican on Christmas Eve, when a mysterious Lady In Red just cold knocked his old Nazi ass to the floor, for like two seconds, no big,...

Celestial Guardians Do Not Care For Pope Ratzi

It's no secret that certain earthly beings harbor no love for the current Pope, a self-made Prada-clad dandy with a troubled past of torturing Luke Skywalker with his laser-beam hands. But apparently not even the Pope's own guardian angel...

Appeaser Obamas Meet With Former Nazi

What enemy of America is Nobama meeting now? Oh, just former Nazi Youth and New World Order socialist Joseph Ratzinger, Italy's latest "bad pope." How lousy is this pope? He even let Chicago Muslin lady Michelle Obama inside His...

Teabagger Alert: Pope Ratzi Creating Newer ‘New World Order’

Former Nazi Youth and rancid pontiff Joseph Ratzinger has an important message for the agitated teabaggers of America: An even newer New World Order is on the way, and this one is going to be run by the Vatican...

Obama *Almost* More Popular Than Nazi Pope & Multi-Racial Golfing Star Combined

Well, Barack Obama has failed again. The so-called president isn't quite as popular as Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger and Partially-African-American Nike model Tiger Woods combined, according to an idiotic new study which also revealed that 5% of Americans want...