nazi pope
Special New Pope Nice Time Is Going To Happen All The Time So Deal With It
Wonkiputians, we hope you like your new left wing religious blog! We’re gonna be like Sojourners but with tons of swears! We’re gonna talk about how New Pope is special nice time pope ALL THE TIME. Before you all descend upon yr Wonkette like a pack of rabid wolves and explain how he still hates [...]
Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant
An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world’s women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed in flowing silken capes and a bejeweled silken hat, the childless old man described his religion’s [...]
Which Terrible Picture of Bill Maher vs. The Pope Won Our Ticket Contest?
Because of the upcoming April 1 performance of teevee’s anti-Jesus person Bill Maher at the Bethesda Strathmore Music Center, we had a pair of tickets to give away to the Wonkette reader who could make the most troubling computer image of Maher mud wrestling St. Joseph Ratzinger, the famous Nazi Hero who recently became the [...]
Mysterious Vatican Bank Probed For Mysterious Money Laundering
Prosecutors have frozen $30 million in sketchy Vatican Bank money that was transferred in a dubious fashion to secret accounts at J.P. Morgan in Germany and the Banca del Fucino in Italy. The pope’s bank — officially known as the “Institute for Religious Works,” because that’s a very ridiculous name for a bank — is [...]
Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics
Trying to finish what his Nazi forces started during World War II, Pope Joseph Ratzinger will attack England tomorrow with a bizarre offer to turn Anglicans into Catholics, even though he has publically described non-Catholic Christians as following a “defective” religion, and also the Church of England lets ladies work as priests, and other Anglican [...]
Pope Finally Manages To Vaguely Admit Catholic Church Child Rape Might Be a Bad Thing
Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger flew on his supervillain pope-plane to Portugal and said a few words about the decades-long child-rape scandal destroying the Vatican Mafia’s global bullshit business. This is apparently a big deal, that Ratzinger sort of half-ass acknowledged that priests and bishops raping children and the highest officials in the Catholic Church engineering [...]
Joseph Ratzinger’s Bishops: Too Much Boy Rapin’, Or Not Enough?
How beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger handled two Austrian bishops and their various sex crimes back in the 1980s is apparently a “Rorschach test,” in that those slavish followers of the Evil Pontiff say (in German) that he did “pretty great” by encouraging the promotion of one relentless child-fucker over another bishop who is only [...]
Vatican Hack Blames … Anti-Semitism For Global Outrage Over His Church Raping Children
Let’s see let’s see let’s see THINK GODDAMMIT what’s a good term to use when you’re defending an actual NAZI in a Pope Hat over his role in defending and protecting Catholic priests all over the world who rape little boys? How about “anti-Semitism.” Ha ha, Jesus may have died on Good Friday but irony [...]
Devil Helping Nazi Pope Rape Kids In Vatican, Hitchens Annoyed
What’s the Nazi Pope and his Global Church of Child Fuckers up to these days, anyway? Whatever it is, Christopher Hitchens and Andrew Sullivan are all pissed off about it.
CNN Notes Traditional ‘Toppling of the Pope’ As Christmas Celebrations Begin
It’s not New Year’s until the ball drops in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, and Christmas celebrations cannot begin until a woman knocks over the Pope on Christmas Eve. And so began another Feliz Navidad around the world, once the lady knocked down the Pope. Happy Holiday, CNN online editor stuck working on Christmas [...]
Nut Lady Knocks Over Pope, For Christmas
Beloved Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger was just doing whatever He does at the Vatican on Christmas Eve, when a mysterious Lady In Red just cold knocked his old Nazi ass to the floor, for like two seconds, no big, but of course it is Christmas Sacrilege to do this to this guy, the current pope [...]
Celestial Guardians Do Not Care For Pope Ratzi
It’s no secret that certain earthly beings harbor no love for the current Pope, a self-made Prada-clad dandy with a troubled past of torturing Luke Skywalker with his laser-beam hands. But apparently not even the Pope’s own guardian angel likes him very much, because it let him break his wrist a few weeks ago.
Teabagger Alert: Pope Ratzi Creating Newer ‘New World Order’
Former Nazi Youth and rancid pontiff Joseph Ratzinger has an important message for the agitated teabaggers of America: An even newer New World Order is on the way, and this one is going to be run by the Vatican — along with, we suspect, a 13-seat Council of Elders including Goldman Sachs, Barack Obama, Israel, [...]
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