Tag: navy

Jeff Sessions Can’t Pee Test Everyone In D.C. Your Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 20, 2017

Patriots in the White House, Jesus doesn't love horndog gov Robert Bentley, and Rexxon is full steam ahead. Your morning news brief!

Trump’s Love For Himself May Cause Chafing. Wonkagenda For Wed., Dec. 28, 2016

Trump rubs his ego until it bleeds, Paul Ryan's getting a Constitution lesson, and the Navy's Elite Thai SEAL Team Hookers! Your daily news brief!

Wonkagenda: Thursday, August 11, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
A couple of amateurs

Mark Kelly And David Petraeus Started New Gun Safety Group Before Orlando. See? It Didn’t Work!

Former astronaut Mark Kelly and retired Gen. David Petraeus have formed a group to fight for stronger gun laws. We're looking forward to the Usual Suspects yelling these vets don't know anything about firearms.

Pity Obama Let Those Sailors Die In Iranian Captivity, Oh They’ve Been Released?

Tyrant Barack Obama committed perhaps the most grievous sin of his evil reign Tuesday night when he danced around and gigglebanged Congress during the State of The Union, telling everybody what a badass president he was, at the very...
Guess we really WILL have to bomb Agrabah now.

Old Wisconsin Lady Can’t Sleep, What With ISIS Having Rough Sex Next Door

We've all had THOSE neighbors. You've taken your night time sleepytime medicine, you're flipping the clicker back and forth between Lawrence Welk reruns and the Home Shopping Network, and you're ready to dream about doing the Charleston with visiting...

Mike Huckabee’s Shriveled Manhood Threatened By Gay Homosexual Army Secretary

Oh, poor Mike Huckabee! It seems that not a day goes by when he doesn't wake up to some new terrible gay homosexual Muslim threat to his "religious liberty" or his failing manhood. Sometimes it's how Syrian refugees are...
myfriends, my friends, my friends..FIVE AND A HLAF YEARS, ALAN!

Wingnut Heroes To Arrest John McCain For Doing Bad Things

A rightwing radio talker has announced what's sure to be a turning point in the movement to restore constitutional something-or-other to the taking-back of America, and also the freedom and such as, for our once-great nation, hooray! Calling the...
Not feeling a lot safer, nope

Military Recruiters Not Thrilled With Militia ‘Protecting’ Them, By Accidentally Shooting Stuff

After the Chattanooga shootings, a whole bunch of armed militia loons took it upon themselves to do for the military what the Pentagon was too pussy to do for itself: dress up like they're ready for World War Z...
So controversial.

NBC Affiliate Decides Republican Navy Doctor Too Gay For Delicate Tennessee Viewers

Did you know marriage equality is a mainstream thing these days? Polling released Monday shows that fully 56 percent of Americans are more than ready for the Supreme Court to do gay marriage to the entire country, and those numbers...
Come to serve your country, stay for the constant racial denigration!

Army Unit Has ‘Racial Thursdays’ Tradition To Relieve Stress Of Not Being Racist The Other Days

Who is in trouble for racism this time? Oh, hello, it is a platoon of soldiers at Fort Wainwright in Alaska who have allegedly been holding an unauthorized "Racial Thursdays" event, where everybody gets to say all the awful...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Add China To List Of Countries Sarah Palin Can See From Her House

If you enjoyed the Inception-inspired editing featured in last week's Fartknocker Report, you will be a sad panda today, because Sarah Palin's back to her standard derpsplaining-into-the-camera format. She published five videos this week, which might make it seem like...
Shtup Making Sense

Morning Maddow: Here’s Rachel Saying ‘Shtupping.’ Also, Maybe A Murder At Gitmo?

Rachel Maddow leads into this developing story about the firing of the head of the Navy's base at Guantanamo Bay with a quick overview of the David Petraeus affair, noting that Petraeus lost his job as CIA director only...
Having the Royal Navy bring him the stuff was probably a mistake on his part

Old Handsome Joe Biden’s Son Hoovering Up All The Cocaine

Vice President Joe Biden's son Hunter was discharged from the Navy Reserve in February of this year after failing a drug test for cocaine, according to the Wall Street Journal. It's a sad story, and pretty unremarkable, but thank...

Al Gore Forgot To Add ‘To Seven’ About A Thing So Climate Change A Hoax Haw Haw

One day in the future, we will all sit around and tell our grandchildren where we were on December 13, 2013, the day that some wingnut bloggers realized was the anniversary of Al Gore’s 2008 prediction that the North...

Army 2, Air Force 1: A Thrilling Contest To See Who Can Be The Absolute Worst About Sexual Assault

Remember November, when there were like one million gun tragedies in a row and we kept writing about them until we had horrible gun tragedy fatigue and said fuck it, because there's only so many times you can write...