So this weekend there’s a Japanese street fair, and a parade, and these are all very interesting events except JESUS CHRIST the Naval Observatory, home of the Vice President himself, is opening its doors after eight (!) years of mystery and death and intrigue. MORE »

Ha ha, we get to use that fantastic photo AGAIN. Just as raccoons executed a full-scale assault on the White House, we get word that a beagle/dachshund mix is loose near Observatory Circle. What is it with our current numbers 1 and 2, and their curious wildlife-attracting powers? MORE »

Dick Cheney, merchant of Doom, moved into the Naval Observatory eight years ago and made it disappear, magically, from Google Earth. A vague hologram of the mansion lingered aboveground while the actual dwelling burrowed 666 fathoms below the earth’s crust, coming at last to rest in a den of snakes. All you could see in aerial photos on Google Earth was a bunch of squares and nothingness in the midst of a normal neighborhood of houses and trees. MORE »

Joe Biden used to have a nice life. He did his work at the Senate, and then he took a relaxing train ride back to his nice house and family in Delaware. Thanks to the sinister schemes of your new president, Barack Obama, the happy times of Joe Biden will all end forever in January, when he will be forced by Secret Service gunpoint to leave his beloved home and take residence in the creepy abandoned lair of Dick Cheney. MORE »

Everybody knows the three rules of real estate: Location, Refinance, Foreclosure. But our best vice president ever, Dick Cheney, is focused on the first part of that maxim by building his “retirement” house literally across the street from CIA headquarters in McLean, Virginia. MORE »

We will never, ever learn how many missing persons are actually buried deep below the Naval Observatory, or perhaps still locked in its dungeon, kept barely alive and in constant pain, partly for organ-harvesting, and partly for mere sport. MORE »

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More updates to the Naval Observatory dead deer shocker!

A tipster grabbed these two cell phone pictures of the poor massacred beast, which is still decomposing on the grounds of the Cheney Compound. Where did it come from? Who killed it? Nobody knows.

New York Daily News gossips Rush and Molloy picked up our [EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT WONKETTE] story and called Cheney’s office for comment. They received a chilling non-denial denial that our Vice President had shot the animal himself (or possibly strangled it with his bare hands).

The DC cops remind us that you’re not supposed to hunt in Washington, because we’re not even allowed to have guns.

Update: Another, bigger picture, after the jump! It’s still there!

Veep’s Home: The Buck Stops Here [NYDN]
Earlier: Dick Cheney Kills By Night
Dick Cheney’s Xmas House of Horrors

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Here’s a double-breaking update to this morning’s outrage at the Vice President’s Official Residence:

I read the piece on the dead deer in front of the Naval Observatory. I saw it too. I was walking to work and tried my best to look away. It is a mystery why it was there so long. Wouldn’t the Secret Service have removed it? Sorry I didn’t get a picture.

Yeah, we’re sorry too! More intrigue, after the jump.

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More mysteries from deep within the Cheney Compound, courtesy an anonymous tipster: MORE »

The intrigue never stops at Dick Cheney’s Official Residence:

found leather c***ring at Naval Observatory - m4m
Reply to: pers-247511078@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-11, 5:43PM EST
if you “lost” the leather c***ring with the brass snaps in the bathroom of Bldg 56 of the Naval Observatory, contact me to reclaim. i’m dying to know who you are.

Missed Connections [Craigslist]
Earlier: Inside the Monster’s Lair: Cheney Residence Fotos!