Tag Archives: national zoo

 

BREAKING: PANDA CAM DOWN

Where is Drudge with that fucking siren!?! Okay, everyone: Deep breath. The panda cam (at Animal Planet, where they don’t LIMIT YOU to 15 minutes like some Zoos I know) is down. What is Butterstick doing? We don’t know! Is he tumbling down his rock pile? Contemplating his paws? Humping the cage bars? Possibly pushing cute beyond previously known boundaries? THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL. FUCK YOU NATIONAL ZOO WHAT KIND OF MONSTERS ARE YOU!!!!! Read more on BREAKING: PANDA CAM DOWN…
 

Cancer Stick

[Jason Reed/Reuters] It’s true: Everyone looks cooler smoking. We knew the pressures of early fame would push Butterstick into bad habits. On the plus side: He could stunt his growth, rendering him adorably pint-sized for years to come. Read more on Cancer Stick…
 

Gossip Roundup: Falling Stars

• Washington Whispers: Turns out many modern presidents don’t like the Oval Office. . . Springsteen for Senate? In Sen. Jon Corzine‘s dream. . . “International incident” may result when the National Zoo must turn over panda Tai Shan to China in two years. . . Sen. Barbara Boxer: “If liberals read [my novel] and it makes them happy, then I consider it a success.” [USN&WR] • Inside the Beltway: Bush‘s trip to the southwest includes fundraising stops for Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ) and Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (R-CO). [WT] • Rush & Molloy: Jayson Blair on Judith Miller: “[A] lot of reporters there live by special rules. What scares people at The Times is how quickly you can switch from being a star to being vilified.” [NYDN] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Falling Stars…
 

What Would You Do for the Stick?

In an highly dubious post, but perhaps serious offer, a Craigslister seeks out another very Washington-specific form of gratification: If you can get me a ticket to see Tai Shan between now and December 30, I will (I can’t believe I am saying this) give you a handjob, with my hands. Maybe, if you are cute, a BJ. I am serious about this. I really want to see this panda. Supposedly, she’s a graduate student at a “major” zoological organization so we’re not sure why she needs some average but early-rising Joe to get them for her. Maybe that’s just her “thing.” Though, rest assured: “I am not a ‘psycho’. I just love pandas! I really, really, really want to see Tai Shan.” Read more on What Would You Do for the Stick?…
 

Metro Section: Stinky Panda Porn

• If you didn’t get your Stick tix today, you’re stuck with the PandaCam. The National Zoo’s Stick showings are booked through Jan. 2. [FONZ] • On last week’s porn hearings: “One of Brownback’s witnesses apparently testified that masturbation ‘lights up your brain like a parade.’ Which makes me think I need to get to more parades.” [The Agitator] • Vividblurry’s semi-annual Metro rant: Look at “the ton of banners and posters and placards urging Metro riders to report ‘suspicious behavior’ to the station manager. Yeah, have fun with that. You’ll be greeted with a resentful if not vacant stare, assuming she looks up from her copy of Express to take notice of you.” [Vividblurry] • Bored PandaCam? Stinky plant time! Sort of stinky. Some are disappointed. [WP] Read more on Metro Section: Stinky Panda Porn…
 

Butterstick Live

Butterstick tickets are available online now, but good luck getting onto the National Zoo website. Even as we speak, hordes of PandaCam addicts and Stickheads are clogging up the joint. We couldn’t even get the page to load. Luckily, the Wonkette household snagged a set of “preview” tickets and last Saturday — with two borrowed children in tow as cover — we caught a glimpse of His Butteriness in person. In panda. A confession: Our distaste at the pandarazzi popping flash pics of Butterstick was momentarily outweighed by the desperate need to document his mind-melting adorability. Thus the photo at right, snapped while the Stick struggled with a bamboo branch, heroically attempting to extricate his fuzzy noggin. Further highlights after the jump. Read more on Butterstick Live…
 

This Panda Could Be Hazardous to Your Health

Yesterday’s post on the National Zoo’s hideous acid-flashback panda wear and the role of the PandaCam in our life apparently introduced a fair number of people to that labor-wasting device (a.k.a. “The ‘Stick Pic”). We were especially heartened to receive this notice: Read more on This Panda Could Be Hazardous to Your Health…
 

Buttersh*t

We are slightly ashamed to admit that a good deal of the last two hours was spent watching the PandaCam. What’s more, Butterstick was sleeping during most of it. There is truly nothing that can be done that this baby panda cannot make cuter. We’re guessing he craps cute. With a little contented smile on his face. It would appear to be almost impossible to make the ‘Stick anything but cute, except somehow the National Zoo has managed: Sure, replace Butterstick with his “real” name and you’re already lowering expectations, but, wow. That’s some seriously ugly panda wear. And Butterstick has been so good to them. This shirt sort of reminds us about all the animals that died and stuff. Read more on Buttersh*t…
 

Wonkette PSA: Get Your Daily Allowance of Butterstick

Tired? Angry? Scared? Confused? We recommend a full helping of Butterstick. And not that way. Pandas will not overturn Roe. Pandas will not give you bird flu. Pandas will not close the Senate. Not unless it’s really important. What do they do? They take first steps. The chew bamboo contentedly. They restore our faith in the world. Butterstick (known in some circles as Tai Shan, whatever) makes his public debut will be on display in a special sneak preview for volunteers and National Zoo members* next week and the first batch of tickets — over 6000 of them — sold out in four hours. But don’t despair! You’ll get another crack at His Creamy Goodness at 9AM today. Tickets are available through the Friends of the National Zoo website and you better make it snappy, only 1800 are being let loose. Read more on Wonkette PSA: Get Your Daily Allowance of Butterstick…
 

Tai Shan? More Like Tai Suck!

AP reports that the National Zoo’s baby panda “his displeasure clear Friday during his ninth medical exam,” but assumes that the source of his ire was a distemper shot. Fuck that, it’s his new name he’s pissed about: “Tai Shan,” or “peaceful mountain.” All wrong. Not even a good name for a drag queen. “Peaceful mountain of butter,” maybe. Who’s selling the “Butterstick” t-shirts and where can we get one? Read more on Tai Shan? More Like Tai Suck!…
 

We Are Lucky to Have Butterstick

We’re glad to see that MSM has finally deigned to cover the raging controversy over “Butterstick” the panda. Or, as the National Zoo prefers to call him, “Hua Sheng” or “Tai Shan” or “Qiang Qiang” or “Sheng Hua” or “Long Shan”. . . . they haven’t announced the winner of the naming poll yet. Whatever name America chooses, it will be the wrong one, of course. Look at him, he’s bigger than a breadbox, but he’ll always be Butterstick to us. Read more on We Are Lucky to Have Butterstick…
 

But-terstick! But-terstick! But-terstick!

Vote early, vote often, vote for the only panda name worth having: “Dragon Mountain”? “Magnificent”? Great monikers– for a Chinese drag queen. Our little bundle of fuzz deserves better — I mean, “butter.” Tom at Unrequited Narcissism has hacked a way to bring American-style democracy to the National Zoo, allowing anyone who believes in justice to write in “Butterstick.” Rigged ballots, racism, illegal voter intimidation! It’s like Florida all over again — maybe we can trick the old people into voting for the fatty food, too… Read more on But-terstick! But-terstick! But-terstick!…
 

Panda Nomenclature: It’s Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature

We’re hopping on another gay-friendly blogger campaign: Name that panda “Butterstick”! Unrequited Narcissism goes through the outstanding reasons for christening the little fella after our favorite fatty spread, the best being, “We’ve got a graphic, which means that soon CafePress will be disgorging butterstick promotional gear by the truckload.” (Heh. “Disgorging buttesticks.” I think have the first Disgorging Buttersticks 7-inch.) Read more on Panda Nomenclature: It’s Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature…