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Posts Tagged “National Zoo”

white hairy things

Attention Whore Knut Turning Into Polar Bear Psychopath

Hey guess what, people? Hillary Clinton is still trying to "woo" superdelegates by sending threatening letters to Nancy Pelosi; Barack Obama continues to shake his head sadly, with dignity; and John McCain wants Democrats to vote for him. In other words, boring news rules the Internet today, which is why we bring you this important update on the increasingly fragile emotional state of the bear who drove the National Zoo's Butterstick to experiment with hard drugs. More »

9:34 AM on Thu Mar 27 2008
By saraksmith
2,749 views, 45 comments

Latest by Miss Perception: @Doglessliberal: that is actually a more accurate description of Paultard sex than Republican sex. Republican sex involves a lot of carbohydrates and cooking grease. more »

randy panda

Thug Panda Butterstick Nearly Humps D.C. Zookeeper's Leg To Death

The kids, they grow up so fast these days! Not so long ago, our little Butterstick was the National Zoo's newest adorable panda cub, conceived in a blissful and loving act of artificial insemination. Now officially called "Tai Shan," he is all growns up and raping zookeepers. At least, we assume that is what they mean when the Washington Post says he made "physical contact" with one of his caretakers. More »

9:19 AM on Thu Mar 20 2008
By saraksmith
3,564 views, 58 comments

butterstick

China To DC: 'Keep the Worn-Out Panda; We've Got Cute Baby Ones'

The indignity continued for once-popular child star “Butterstick the Panda” today, when the Chinese government refused to take the animal back. More »

4:25 PM on Tue Apr 24 2007
By KLayne
1,150 views, 20 comments

smoking

Democrats Also Hate Zoo Patrons

We can’t prove the incoming Democratic leadership has anything to do this — nobody will return e-mails today, for some reason — but it’s likely the National Zoo’s new total ban on smoking has Nancy Pelosi’s meddling fingerprints all over it. More »

12:16 PM on Fri Nov 24 2006
By KLayne
55 views, 7 comments

butterstick

Lame Atlanta Panda Gives Birth To Non-Butterstick Panda Baby

What else do you need to know? Some zoo down in CNN-ville has some low-level pandas that make even average pandas seem like Lindsey Lohan. More »

2:50 AM on Thu Sep 7 2006
By KLayne
531 views, 13 comments

bill frist

Senate Majority Leader Shirks Duty, Two Gorillas Die

The National Zoo has seen two sudden gorilla deaths in 3 short days. Mopie, 34, died Monday doing what he loved best — joylessly enduring his captivity and suffering through a forced introduction to another (dead) ape’s artificially-assembled “family group.” That other dead gorilla, Kuja, died last Saturday during heart surgery. More »

11:02 AM on Wed Jul 5 2006
By Pareene
84 views, 1 comment

metro

Metro Section: The Urban Jungle

  • The lion meat sold at Alexandria’s 2941 was a one time offer, however; side orders of giraffe dung are available daily at the zoo. [Freeride]
  • If you think the potholes on your way to work are a hassle, maybe you should start commuting around some Unexploded Ordnance. [DCist; Crazy Girl City]
  • Tomorrow is Bike to Work Day! They provide the donuts, you should not provide views of your ass in spandex. [WABA]
  • It’s so very hard to mention crime or jails without an anal rape joke. Really, it’s almost impossible. [DC Cookie]

12:00 AM on Fri May 19 2006
By dlat
103 views, Comment

butterstick

All Grown Up

Don t fret Wonkette readers. We couldn t let Butterstick s 6-month birthday ascension pass without note. The Stick-induced hot flashes burning our tip box yesterday were enough to eradicate the winter energy crisis. More »

8:20 PM on Mon Jan 9 2006
By epfeiffer
91 views

butterstick

Butterstick Goes Wild!

While Wonkette partied their way through a long Friday night, there was much discussion of that cuddly cutie-pie that fills the gaping hole in our heart that's chewed out daily by cynicism. We speak, of course, of the Stick, and we will not stop speaking of the Stick until the day of his birth — Stickmas — is a Federal holiday. There is, by the way, a growing fifth column already plotting to thwart the dastardly plan to take Butterstick to China, with talk of human shields and prank calls. Ground zero of the plan to save the Stick could be right here. More »

1:42 PM on Mon Dec 19 2005
By jlinkins
153 views

Dining Out on Butterstick
OMG THEY'RE GOING TO EAT HIM! With bamboo shoots, no less! The irony is cruel, very cruel. Those assholes on the Post message board are going to pay.

breaking

BREAKING: MORE BUTTERSTICK VIEWING TIMES

FONZ has JUST announced additional Stick sighting slots. You have to be a member of the Zoo to snag a space, but, guys: $40. It beats — heh— giving someone a hand job. More »

11:51 AM on Tue Dec 6 2005
By wonkette
23 views

butterstick

BREAKING: PANDA CAM DOWN

Where is Drudge with that fucking siren!?! Okay, everyone: Deep breath. The panda cam (at Animal Planet, where they don't LIMIT YOU to 15 minutes like some Zoos I know) is down. What is Butterstick doing? We don't know! Is he tumbling down his rock pile? Contemplating his paws? Humping the cage bars? Possibly pushing cute beyond previously known boundaries? THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL. FUCK YOU NATIONAL ZOO WHAT KIND OF MONSTERS ARE YOU!!!!! More »

11:19 AM on Wed Nov 30 2005
By wonkette
1,029 views

butterstick

Cancer Stick

[Jason Reed/Reuters]

More »
personalities

Gossip Roundup: Falling Stars

• Washington Whispers: Turns out many modern presidents don't like the Oval Office. . . Springsteen for Senate? In Sen. Jon Corzine's dream. . . "International incident" may result when the National Zoo must turn over panda Tai Shan to China in two years. . . Sen. Barbara Boxer: "If liberals read [my novel] and it makes them happy, then I consider it a success." [USN&WR]
• Inside the Beltway: Bush's trip to the southwest includes fundraising stops for Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ) and Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (R-CO). [WT]
• Rush & Molloy: Jayson Blair on Judith Miller: "[A] lot of reporters there live by special rules. What scares people at The Times is how quickly you can switch from being a star to being vilified." [NYDN]

8:13 AM on Mon Nov 28 2005
By henry
77 views

butterstick

What Would You Do for the Stick?

In an highly dubious post, but perhaps serious offer, a Craigslister seeks out another very Washington-specific form of gratification:
If you can get me a ticket to see Tai Shan between now and December 30, I will (I can't believe I am saying this) give you a handjob, with my hands. Maybe, if you are cute, a BJ. I am serious about this. I really want to see this panda.
Supposedly, she's a graduate student at a "major" zoological organization so we're not sure why she needs some average but early-rising Joe to get them for her. Maybe that's just her "thing." Though, rest assured: "I am not a 'psycho'. I just love pandas! I really, really, really want to see Tai Shan." More »

5:11 PM on Mon Nov 21 2005
By wonkette
330 views

butterstick

Metro Section: Stinky Panda Porn

• If you didn't get your Stick tix today, you're stuck with the PandaCam. The National Zoo's Stick showings are booked through Jan. 2. [FONZ]
• On last week's porn hearings: "One of Brownback's witnesses apparently testified that masturbation 'lights up your brain like a parade.' Which makes me think I need to get to more parades." [The Agitator]
• Vividblurry's semi-annual Metro rant: Look at "the ton of banners and posters and placards urging Metro riders to report 'suspicious behavior' to the station manager. Yeah, have fun with that. You'll be greeted with a resentful if not vacant stare, assuming she looks up from her copy of Express to take notice of you." [Vividblurry]
• Bored PandaCam? Stinky plant time! Sort of stinky. Some are disappointed. [WP]

4:18 PM on Mon Nov 21 2005
By wonkette
191 views

butterstick

Butterstick Live

Butterstick tickets are available online now, but good luck getting onto the National Zoo website. Even as we speak, hordes of PandaCam addicts and Stickheads are clogging up the joint. We couldn't even get the page to load. More »

10:21 AM on Mon Nov 21 2005
By wonkette
94 views

butterstick

This Panda Could Be Hazardous to Your Health

Yesterday's post on the National Zoo's hideous acid-flashback panda wear and the role of the PandaCam in our life apparently introduced a fair number of people to that labor-wasting device (a.k.a. "The 'Stick Pic"). We were especially heartened to receive this notice:
Wonketter —
 
Brilliant! All work in the newsroom ground to a halt. We are all watching the Stick on Panda-cam.
 
You've done a valuable public service. I owe you a drink.
More »

1:00 PM on Fri Nov 18 2005
By wonkette
96 views