national zoo
It’s All Going To Be OK: The Zoo Pandas Signed a Five-Year Extension
Why do we suddenly see members of Congress referring inanely to nerdface Hu Jintao, the weakest leader in the history of the People’s Republic of China, as a “dictator” and a murdering “gangster”? Our pandas have been SECURED. That’s right, Washington, your pandas have signed a five-year extension, so you can rest assured that your [...]
National Zoo Death Panel Murders Brave Bald Eagle
HMM, SYMBOLISM: “Sam, an elderly female bald eagle who had lived at the Smithsonian’s National Zoo since 2003, was euthanized by officials on Dec. 31, authorities said.” First the Smithsonian lets ants just walk all over a crucifix like they own it, and then their death panel decides to kill granny bald eagle, America’s greatest [...]
Vote To Name National Zoo’s Dumb Octopus ‘Cthulhu’
Ever since the Red Chinese took their panda back to Communist China, Washington’s National Zoo has been a pretty beat-down no-panda-havin’ sort of place. Kids don’t want to go there, not even to get out of school for the day — what does the zoo even have left, as far as animals? Some old deer [...]
China Tired of Loaning Us Everything, Seizes Butterstick From Washington Zoo
Beloved black-and-white poopbag “Butterstick” has finally been seized by our Chinese overlords and flown back to Red China, where the sad worn-out creature will be brutally interrogated for his contacts with the Dalai Lama. And then, magically, the famous bear will suddenly start manufacturing stuff and building gleaming new cities of glass and steel, and [...]
Farewell, Butterstick: Unwanted Panda Being Shipped To China
Good lord, has it really been five years since famous baby panda “Butterstick” — which means Tai Shan in Chinese — was born in the Washington zoo? Yes it has, even though it feels like at least 50 years ago, and the once-adorable little puppet has turned into an immense, terrifying monster. Sometime this morning, [...]
Panda Pregancy Is Not So Black And White (Sorry!)
It doesn’t matter whether the National Zoo’s panda’s uterus is half full or half empty—the important thing is how you look at it. [DCist]
Butterstick Takes It Up The Hindquarters For Science
The life of Butterstick the National Zoo panda follows an all-too-common trajectory: we’ve seen him grow from adorable infant to teenage crack-whore to compulsive leg-humper and now, to a middle-aged adult with irritable bowels.
Easter Is Now Celebrated with Mole Rats and Reggae
Tonight: British folk-rock stalwart Robyn Hitchcock, of Soft Boys “fame,” will be singing weird lyrics, lecturing his audience, and generally being awesome all over the Black Cat tonight. $20 tickets are still available here. 8PM. [Black Cat]
THAT’S NOT CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN: “‘Because competent mating did not occur,’ the zoo statement said, veterinarians anesthetized both pandas on Saturday, collected semen from Tian Tian and inserted it into Mei Xiang’s uterus.” [Washington Post]
Attention Whore Knut Turning Into Polar Bear Psychopath
Thug Panda Butterstick Nearly Humps D.C. Zookeeper’s Leg To Death
China To DC: ‘Keep the Worn-Out Panda; We’ve Got Cute Baby Ones’
Democrats Also Hate Zoo Patrons
Lame Atlanta Panda Gives Birth To Non-Butterstick Panda Baby
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