national zoo

With our government shutdown, obviously caused by Barack Obama insisting on remaining president of the United States after his reelection, there have been terrible things. Terrible things like old men going kamikaze on the WWII memorial on the National Mall, and also the pesky fact that poor women can’t get WIC to feed their babies […]

Whoever said that manufacturing was dead was clearly not in the “Congressional crisis” industry. You may have thought that supply was low, or that demand was waning, but Congress is back yet again to manufacture another crisis and shove it down your throat, whether you want it or not. What are we collectively gagging on […]

Why do we suddenly see members of Congress referring inanely to nerdface Hu Jintao, the weakest leader in the history of the People’s Republic of China, as a “dictator” and a murdering “gangster”? Our pandas have been SECURED. That’s right, Washington, your pandas have signed a five-year extension, so you can rest assured that your […]

HMM, SYMBOLISM: “Sam, an elderly female bald eagle who had lived at the Smithsonian’s National Zoo since 2003, was euthanized by officials on Dec. 31, authorities said.” First the Smithsonian lets ants just walk all over a crucifix like they own it, and then their death panel decides to kill granny bald eagle, America’s greatest […]

Ever since the Red Chinese took their panda back to Communist China, Washington’s National Zoo has been a pretty beat-down no-panda-havin’ sort of place. Kids don’t want to go there, not even to get out of school for the day — what does the zoo even have left, as far as animals? Some old deer […]

Beloved black-and-white poopbag “Butterstick” has finally been seized by our Chinese overlords and flown back to Red China, where the sad worn-out creature will be brutally interrogated for his contacts with the Dalai Lama. And then, magically, the famous bear will suddenly start manufacturing stuff and building gleaming new cities of glass and steel, and […]

Good lord, has it really been five years since famous baby panda “Butterstick” — which means Tai Shan in Chinese — was born in the Washington zoo? Yes it has, even though it feels like at least 50 years ago, and the once-adorable little puppet has turned into an immense, terrifying monster. Sometime this morning, […]

It doesn’t matter whether the National Zoo’s panda’s uterus is half full or half empty—the important thing is how you look at it. [DCist]

The life of Butterstick the National Zoo panda follows an all-too-common trajectory: we’ve seen him grow from adorable infant to teenage crack-whore to compulsive leg-humper and now, to a middle-aged adult with irritable bowels.

Tonight: British folk-rock stalwart Robyn Hitchcock, of Soft Boys “fame,” will be singing weird lyrics, lecturing his audience, and generally being awesome all over the Black Cat tonight. $20 tickets are still available here. 8PM. [Black Cat]

BUTTERSTICK  1:07 am January 19, 2009

by Ken Layne

THAT’S NOT CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN: “‘Because competent mating did not occur,’ the zoo statement said, veterinarians anesthetized both pandas on Saturday, collected semen from Tian Tian and inserted it into Mei Xiang’s uterus.” [Washington Post]

The National Zoo is getting an exciting aerial tram, for sky views of Tian Tian and Mei Xiang and maybe Knut, way in the distance. [DCist] Here’s a list of all the fancy D.C. schools Sasha and Malia might attend, which features Insider Knowledge like mission statements copied and pasted from the schools’ websites and […]