• NOT A BAD MOVE ACTUALLY: Former President George W. Bush missed both Obama and Cheney’s speeches today, because he was traveling to, let’s see, New Mexico, “where he is the keynote speaker Thursday night at a fund raising dinner for a scholarship program for students at Artesia High School.” [Political Ticker]

Somebody on MSNBC said that Obama’s speech was ten pages single spaced and this must be true, because this has been going on half an hour and he is just getting started. How does this guy manage to talk at such lengths without a glass of water nearby? Because he is Magic. MORE »

It was a hard-fought primary, but in the end, Bill Clinton’s old Arkansas magic just couldn’t work another time. So now he’s stuck with a boring old prime time slot on the second-to-the-last night of the convention, yammering about national security when he really wants to talk about math and numbers and dollars like he did in the 90s. Let’s see how he muddles through… MORE »

Here, according to showbiz site TMZ.com, is “the most hated man in reality TV,” who somehow got “into Obama’s face” yesterday, at a BBQ joint in Virginia somewhere. This, according to TMZ, is proof that the Secret Service is trying to kill Barack Obama. [TMZ]

DEMOCRATS TO SPEND CONVENTION WEDNESDAY PRETENDING THEY AREN’T PUSSIES: The Obama people announced on a conference call today that the Wednesday of their convention — the night the vice president speaks, assuming there ever is one — will be National Security Night, meaning it will focus on “Securing America’s Future.” You know, with guns and sheee-iiiit. And that is why Dick Cheney will be Obama’s second black vice president. [The Page]

Rudy Giuliani, the greatest mayor of New York since Abraham Lincoln, has suddenly been unveiled as a “national security” surrogate for the McCain campaign and has started holding conference calls and interviews detailing how Barack Obama is literally Hitler and bin Laden, but more killing-er. Obama is naive Mr. September 10, while Giuliani and McCain are Mr. & Mrs. TUFF $EPTEMBER 12 PAYBACK. Here is one thing that Rudy actually said in a conference call today: “It is fair to say that Osama Bin Laden would be given new rights that nobody ever had before,” because Obama would pardon him and let him sleep in his Tony Rezko Mansion’s attic, the end. [TPM Election Central]

Commenter norbizness shares this creepy ad in which some sort of menacing night prowler (you, the viewer) goes into a house full of sleeping innocent children and gazes longingly at them while a phone rings. Who do you want looking over your orphanage of adorable tots? Hillary Clinton, of course, because she will be happy to pick up the phone at 3am! She was up anyway, eating a bag of Corn Nuts and polishing off a bottle of merlot while weeping quietly to reruns of What Not to Wear. [YouTube] MORE »

While Giuliani dines out on 9/11, Obama decides the ubiquitous American flag lapel pin doesn’t mean shit. “It’s become a substitute for true patriotism … I decided I won’t wear that pin on my chest.” Instead, he told reporters he’ll show his true patriotism by speaking out on issues like national security and stuff. [ABC News]

Sandia National Laboratory, which once produced fantastic death ray weapons and nuclear bombs to keep America strong, had to fire a gal for using the government’s supercomputers to access the cell phone account of some rap-metal idiot. MORE »

Yes, the “live” feed of Bush’s press conference was apparently bleeped on all the cable-news stations, about 15 minutes in. And it wasn’t just to cover a quick “Fuck y’all” either — it apparently covered five or six words (or syllables). MORE »

The intelligence community: Not interested in calls you make to plan your wedding, very interested in calls you make to Brian Ross. MORE »