Tag Archives: national review

  unforced error

Sen. Mike Lee Loses The Script, Admits GOP Is ‘Holding Government Functions Hostage’

A hundred years from now, maybe a dozen misanthropic trolls will know that Mike Lee was a Republican Senator from Utah and that he was dear friends with our first Canadian president, Ted Cruz. But in the here and now, Mike Lee is important, or something, at least we guess he is because we keep reading his name, and the words he said. Like these: [L]et’s leave Obamacare for another day and not hold the vast majority of government functions hostage when the vast majority of government functions don’t have anything to do with the implementation and enforcement of Obamacare. Not a bad idea, Mike Lee, and thank you for your candor! It’s so refreshing to hear a Republican admit that his party is holding “the vast majority of government functions hostage” in order to sabotage a law they don’t like. Oh, this isn’t what Mike Lee was trying to say? It would be unfair to imply this? DO NOT CARE. RUBICON CROSSED. Read more on Sen. Mike Lee Loses The Script, Admits GOP Is ‘Holding Government Functions Hostage’…
  cruz control

Ted Cruz’s Guide To Unmake Friends And Alienate People, Part Infinity

Ok wonkeroos, we need to talk about a serious subject that is threatening far too many of our most vulnerable citizens: bullying and abuse. While we like to snark and mock, we, as a country, should be doing everything we can to make our society a better safer place. Rep. Sean Duffy (R-Season 5) knows this as well as anyone, per TPM: Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) continued to draw the scorn of House Republicans on Friday when Rep. Sean Duffy (R-WI) fumed that Senate conservatives have “bullied” and “abused” their counterparts in the lower chamber throughout the push to defund Obamacare. Wait a sec. We don’t think those words mean what he thinks they mean.  Read more on Ted Cruz’s Guide To Unmake Friends And Alienate People, Part Infinity…
  i will work harder!

National Review: Hispanics Triumph In American Dream Of Lifetime Working At Walmart

We were really excited when the GOP realized they no longer had any choice but to start flailing semi-earnestly in the direction of Hispanics, because we knew it would produce stuff like this, from the National Review: “What Wal-Mart Knows about Hispanics,” by Rachel Campos-Duffy, a mother of six (good job!) and the national spokesthing for a thing called The LIBRE Initiative. LIBRE is a 501(c)(4) non-profit dedicated to fooling Hispanics into voting for people who openly despise them, and as a 501(c)(4), LIBRE doesn’t have to disclose donor information. Well, obviously! We wouldn’t want anyone to know how awesome and generous we are, either. If you fondly remember when Peggy Noonan saw a Mexican, you’ll love this: Read more on National Review: Hispanics Triumph In American Dream Of Lifetime Working At Walmart…
  won't they just shut up and let obamacare fail already?

Jonah Goldberg: If The Kids Love Obama So Much, Let Them Sign Up For Obamacare

When yr Wonkette has an idea that doesn’t pan out because a little thought or even some research reveals a fatal flaw in the premise, we spike the idea (or Editrix or Dok does it for us, coldly, like we’ve been bad, the way we like it.) The National Review does  things differently, we guess. Example: Jonah Goldberg. For some reason, Jonah Goldberg apparently thought it would be fun to write his latest column from the perspective of a man who thinks “Obamacare” is something akin to a loyalty oath, because his whole premise is: “You darn kids, you’re the reason we’re stuck with this Obama, so get off my lawn and get yourselves some Obamacare if you love him so much!” Read more on Jonah Goldberg: If The Kids Love Obama So Much, Let Them Sign Up For Obamacare…
  the girl can't help it

John Derbyshire: Military Men Can’t Help But Rape Ladies And Ladies Can’t Help But Be Liars

Oh, ladies in the military. Why are you so bad at not getting sexually assaulted? We know it can’t possibly be because the military has a terrible culture about sexual assault. Of course not. The far more likely explanation is that you ladies are eccentric gold-digging whores. Yes, the illustrious John Derbyshire, who got fired from the National Review for being too racist, which we thought was actually unpossible, has now dropped by Taki’s Magazine — the home base for that thing that got him fired — to explain how of course sexual assault happens and is the lady’s fault when it does but of course sexual assault does not happen because ladies are liars. Let’s hit the highlights and low points, shall we? Hahaha, do not be ridiculose, there are only low points. Read more on John Derbyshire: Military Men Can’t Help But Rape Ladies And Ladies Can’t Help But Be Liars…
  makes sense when you look at it this way

National Review: Only A Monster Would Say The Nazis Didn’t Make Sense

There’s a funny joke that liberals tell each other (okay, I lie, liberals are never funny because they are too busy being offended by non-lesbians) about how if Obama came out against Nazis, conservatives would find a way to defend them. Well, guess what, libtards? JOKE NO MORE. President Obama issued a statement yesterday to commemorate International Holocaust Remembrance Day. He noted that survivors who bore witness to “the horrors of the cattle cars, ghettos, and concentration camps have witnessed humanity at its very worst and know too well the pain of losing loved ones to senseless violence.” (We noted below how some in Europe chose to mark the day, which takes place each year on January 27, the day Soviet troops liberated Auschwitz.) The idea that all violence is “senseless” violence is one that has taken deep root on the left; it’s also, unfortunately, one that poses a major impediment to understanding the world. Nazism may have been an ideology to which the United States was — and to which the president is — implacably opposed, but it is hardly “senseless.” Say what you will about National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s a fucking ethos. We mean…uh…what?  We hate to go all trite wedding toast on you, but the dictionary defines senseless as “destitute of, deficient in, or contrary to sense.”  I think that most people could agree that mass genocide, for whatever purpose, is contrary to any established norm of “sense”. Right? …Right? No. Read more on National Review: Only A Monster Would Say The Nazis Didn’t Make Sense…
  thanksgiving at the corner

K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of some factory farm turkey. Read more on K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers…
  first they came for the truthers

NRO Weeps For America’s New Oppressed Minority: Poll Truthers

After a month or so of really kind of absurd arguments that every poll in existence was skewed because of liberalism and Nate Silver being a big gay homosexual, we have now come full circle: Jim Geraghty at the National Review has decided that those who criticize morons are basically calling them racists. So a lot of people who don’t read me that closely are going to look at what follows and interpret it as “Jim’s saying the polls are always wrong.” That’s not what I’m saying, but I’m prefacing all of this with that prediction, because we’ve all seen that when people don’t like what you have to say, they attempt to cut off discussion by calling you insane or silly. Sneering “truther” in response to a disagreement from the conventional wisdom is almost as worn out as “racist.” Geraghty then proceeds to argue that polls are probably always wrong, which is a totally different argument that his first sentence completely negates. But what about the fact that bold truth-teller Jimmy is basically being called a racist just because he’s kind of innumerate and hackish? Read more on NRO Weeps For America’s New Oppressed Minority: Poll Truthers…
  there's a monster at the end of this book also too

Heroic Truth-Teller Mark Steyn: Big Bird Killed Our Ambassador In Libya

Here, let the National Review’s Mark Steyn tell you what’s wrong with Sesame Street. Basically: everything. It is why we are falling apart as a country. Babying children with images of friendly monsters leads to the widespread perception that the world outside your own home isn’t scary, and before you know it, it gets harder and harder to demonize gays and cling to xenophobic fantasies about the Other. The end result of all this open mindedness is that your ambassador gets killed by an al-Qaeda militant cell just outside Bengazi. So don’t blame Obama for that; blame Sesame Street! (no, rly, he is actually saying this.) Read more on Heroic Truth-Teller Mark Steyn: Big Bird Killed Our Ambassador In Libya…
  like a policy porn star

Mitt Romney Takes Four Different Positions On Pre-Existing Conditions In Twelve Hours

Yesterday, David Gregory had an exclusive breaking up to the minute two-part interview with the Romneys on Meet the Press. The first part of the interview was spent awkwardly sitting super-close to the Romneys and asking them kind of silly questions as the bus bounced up and down and maybe David Gregory got a little bit carsick. 9 AM EST At one point, Gregory asked the Romney hive mind if it would keep any parts of Obamacare. Romney responded thusly: Romney told Gregory he “likes parts of” Obamacare, and that he would leave in place the prohibition against excluding people with pre-existing conditions and the policy that lets young adults stay on their parents’ insurance policies “up to whatever age they might like,” Romney said, rather unbelievably. “I say we’re going to replace Obamacare. And I’m replacing it with my own plan. And even in Massachusetts when I was governor, our plan there deals with pre-existing conditions and with young people.” This is really, really big news. Obamacare guarantees that you will not be discriminated against in terms of pricing or insurance issue if you have a preexisting condition, even if you were not covered while you had the preexisting condition. Because this is 2012 and we live in America, this is somehow still an issue that needs to be dealt with. Romney has never said this before, and so it is a massive shift in his stance on this issue. That means, of course, that it was actually a massive screw-up, and  it’s all the liberal media’s fault. Read more on Mitt Romney Takes Four Different Positions On Pre-Existing Conditions In Twelve Hours…
  shining bigots on a hill

Not At All Racist or Sexist National Review Staff Tells You Why Not to Vote For The President

We need to get that uppity negro out of the White House because he only signs the back of checks instead of the front of them, but we are not racist! (says the National Review Online Staff). And also! The people who point out that we’re racist — THOSE are the real racists, OF COURSE. This is all laid out for us in a horrible/hysterical 689-item list of reasons to not vote for Obama.  So if you’re racist or sexist or hate Poors or really have a problem with education, then there is something in this list for you! Herewith, some of the highlights – and lowlights — of National Review’s 689 reasons to not re-elect Barack Obama. Read more on Not At All Racist or Sexist National Review Staff Tells You Why Not to Vote For The President…
  hard times

Terrified DNC Reporters Trapped Inside Filthy Butthole Murder Motels, Nation Laughs

There is a crisis, in Charlotte, that outweighs all other crises in America — including “the gaffes” — right now: the DNC assigned reporters to a bunch of shitty motels and they’re unhappy. And how does the Democratic platform address this? What about the Republican platform? Not a mention, proving once and for all that this is the most unserious presidential race we’ve ever witnessed. Now your Wonkette, which is first and foremost a Rich Person’s Blog, made accommodations at a palatial, 17th century French-style estate with a stable of 400 dancing horses. Maybe if these others reporters ever got off the welfare and got jobs for once in their pathetic lives, they could live the Wonkette 1% life, too. For now, let’s read tragic descriptions from the National Review of the squalor that we, as a nation, have allowed our proud national political reporter class to all die in. Read more on Terrified DNC Reporters Trapped Inside Filthy Butthole Murder Motels, Nation Laughs…
  i really like that antoine dodson fellow

National Review’s Victor Davis Hanson Has Thoughts About Black People

Victor Davis Hanson writes for the National Review, which has fired like a billion racists this year. You would think, therefore, that when writing on issues of race, the National Review would show caution and some semblance of restraint when talking about it. You would also be a goddamn idiot. Read more on National Review’s Victor Davis Hanson Has Thoughts About Black People…
  opinionatin'

Fred Thompson Explains How Tax Returns Work: Let’s Say There’s a Guy Watching Pornography…

Dadgum bumblebee-belchin’ hoopdy bumbler mcdoo Fred Thompson, the former Senator who was convinced to “run for president” in 2008 because he drove a pick-up truck, has finally weighed in on the issue of Mitt Romney’s undisclosed tax returns. Writing at National Review, which is trying to reestablish its cred after publishing that editorial a few weeks ago telling Romney to release his returns, the ol’ derper says, shucks, well I says, I says don’t release those taxy money-papers to the presscritters — just ignore those dumblydoodlies; they don’t deserve nothin’ so much in the way of informinatin’ and such like. The whole media sitchee-ation’s a lot like pornography, what with the watchin’, and the frownin’, and the no-goodin’. (Fred Thompson has written a poor column.) Read more on Fred Thompson Explains How Tax Returns Work: Let’s Say There’s a Guy Watching Pornography……
  the #1 internet blog

National Review’s Style Guide Apparently Takes No Issue With ‘Wetbacks’

National Review famously maintains a roster of aging white nationalists to blab about the non-white aspects of American society in disparaging tones. This is not of my white ’50s culture, they write, and we must stop it. But usually they’ll at least work with sanitized think-tanky buzzwords to describe their pure belief that non-whites are ruining the country. Thoughts on “assimilation,” for example, always add a nice distance to the thing at hand. And yet today, there’s Jay Nordlinger, just stone cold typin’ “wetbacks” as a direct substitute for illegal immigrants, and my god how has this not been changed yet? Read more on National Review’s Style Guide Apparently Takes No Issue With ‘Wetbacks’…
  how is babby formed?

National Review Redefines Abortion To Mean ‘Having A Uterus,’ Basically

Oh HI, what were those pro-genocide anti-woman mass-murdering abortionists up to this weekend? Nothing much! Just using a quaint mix of “facts” and “reason” to explain (AGAIN) that morning after pills (a.k.a, “the so-called morning after pill,” a.k.a. “morning after abortion pills,” a.k.a “a shot of estrogen,” a.k.a. “abortive pills”) do not actually cause abortion. This is because there is no embryo for the pills abort, a fact supported by “the latest scientific findings” which, among other things, show that the pills work by delaying ovulation so that sperm can’t fertilize an egg to create an embryo. The fact that  “science,” “expert opinion,” and “facts” show that the morning after pill does not cause an abortion, to the New York Times, means that: “Religious conservatives are losing one of their primary arguments for trying to ban the morning-after birth control pill that can prevent pregnancy if taken within days after sexual intercourse. They and their political allies have long contended that the pills work by aborting an embryo at the earliest stages of development.” You stupid liberals, bringing FACTS to an IDEOLOGY fight! If an “abortion” means “removing an embryo or fetus from the body in which it has taken up residence” then no, the morning after pill does not cause abortion. But! Since abortion now means “anything a woman does to control her own reproductive capabilities,” then according to Donna Harrison over at the National Review Online, OF COURSE the morning after pill is TOTALLY an abortion: Read more on National Review Redefines Abortion To Mean ‘Having A Uterus,’ Basically…