Tag: national review

History's Greatest Monster, 2016 Edition

National Review: But What About The Clintons’ Underage Sex Slaves And Russian Blackmail?

Conservatives have yet to uncover The Scandal that will, once and for all and forever, destroy history's greatest monsters, Bill and Hillary Clinton. Not for lack of trying -- for decades, with a bazillionteen dollars, and an army of...
That's all behind us now

Hooray! Lady-beater Ray Rice Is Free To Play Sportsball Again

Here is some really important news for people who still care a lot about football, but not so much about domestic violence: Ray Rice has won the appeal of his indefinite suspension by the NFL. An arbitrator ruled Friday that his...
Suddenly that gas price no longer indicates how old this photo is!

Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can...
Still the worst

Evil Obama Planned To Send Secret Messages To Browns Only

Thank goodness for the wingnuts, who are keeping tabs on El Jefe Barack de la Martinez Diaz Obama and his conspiracy with the racists of La Raza to stealthily send hordes of brown people to conquer America while all...
Couldn't score in a donkey whorehouse with a bale of hay.

National Review Writer Would Like To Hang All The Sluts Who Have Abortions

Smug twat-waffle Kevin D. Williamson of the Jim Crow Picayune – oh sorry, we meant the National Review – set off a firestorm on Twitter this weekend. It seems the current occupant of NR’s William F. Buckley Chair for...
A Doktor Zoom original

National Review Burnishes ‘Serious Journalism’ Rep By Hiring Disgraced Plagiarist Benny Johnson

If you were concerned that hack plagiarist Benny Johnson, Buzzfeed's former viral politics editor and laughing stock of the internet -- which he loves :) -- would disappear into oblivion and fade from our memories, pinch your collective selves...
Kevin Williamson leads his crew on a journey into deepest, darkest Illinois.

Kevin Williamson’s Heart Of Darkness

We usually avoid the work of Kevin D. Williamson at National Review, partly because every piece is overwritten tripe with a point so far outside of reality we need a wormhole to reach it, and partly because we are...
Shuclack

Midwestern Police Trying New ‘Shoot All Black People’ Approach

Here are a couple stories in which police officers shot people, and race was most certainly not a factor, because race is never a factor now that Barack Obama is President/Dictator for Life. We begin with the tragic death...
But milk the Jew before you throw him down the well

Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats

Oh, golly, did Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, ever get a scoop Wednesday! Well, not a scoop, exactly, but it's plenty outrageous, as his screaming headline indicates: "Dem 2014 Campaign Strategy Released Online: Milk the Jews."...

Donald Trump Thinks Obama Should Resign Because That Guy From Mozilla Got Fired

Have you heard about how the liberal gay mafia fascists who hate diversity lynch mobbed that sweet nice man, Brendan Eich, who was CEO of Mozilla until he was killed by the evil gay agenda? Of course you have,...

Quick, Let’s All Do Frauds On PA Elections

Mitt Romney's chances of winning Pennsylvania's electoral votes were dealt a serious blow on Friday as a Commonwealth Court judge issued a permanent injunction against the enforcement of PA's strict voter ID law. In the ruling, Judge Bernard L. McGinley...

Duck Dynasty And National Review Cruises Locked In Battle To Death To Claim Your Hard-Earned Angerbear Racist Dollars

Looking forward to 2014? Already planning your big vacation? Decided which cruise you're going to go on? Probably not, because you're probably having an incredibly difficult time deciding between the Duck Dynasty cruise or the National Review cruise, or...

Hey Reddit /R/Politics Refugees, Have You Considered Annexing Wonkville?

Do you know Reddit? It is this thing. It is a glorious place of Internet freedom where users ("Redditors") post stories they have found from other places, and then other users ("Redditors") vote up and down on whether it...

No, Idiots, For The Last Time You Do Not Get To Use National Parks When They Are Closed

Nearly two weeks into the shutdown, the right's least-pathetic gambit remains their "cakes we like" strategy, in which the impasse would be resolved by passing discrete appropriations for things Republicans support, like national parks. Shut up, Republicans do too...

Sen. Mike Lee Loses The Script, Admits GOP Is ‘Holding Government Functions Hostage’

A hundred years from now, maybe a dozen misanthropic trolls will know that Mike Lee was a Republican Senator from Utah and that he was dear friends with our first Canadian president, Ted Cruz. But in the here and...

Ted Cruz’s Guide To Unmake Friends And Alienate People, Part Infinity

Ok wonkeroos, we need to talk about a serious subject that is threatening far too many of our most vulnerable citizens: bullying and abuse. While we like to snark and mock, we, as a country, should be doing everything...