Tag Archives: national review

  there's a monster at the end of this book also too

Heroic Truth-Teller Mark Steyn: Big Bird Killed Our Ambassador In Libya

Here, let the National Review’s Mark Steyn tell you what’s wrong with Sesame Street. Basically: everything. It is why we are falling apart as a country. Babying children with images of friendly monsters leads to the widespread perception that the world outside your own home isn’t scary, and before you know it, it gets harder and harder to demonize gays and cling to xenophobic fantasies about the Other. The end result of all this open mindedness is that your ambassador gets killed by an al-Qaeda militant cell just outside Bengazi. So don’t blame Obama for that; blame Sesame Street! (no, rly, he is actually saying this.) Read more on Heroic Truth-Teller Mark Steyn: Big Bird Killed Our Ambassador In Libya…
  like a policy porn star

Mitt Romney Takes Four Different Positions On Pre-Existing Conditions In Twelve Hours

Yesterday, David Gregory had an exclusive breaking up to the minute two-part interview with the Romneys on Meet the Press. The first part of the interview was spent awkwardly sitting super-close to the Romneys and asking them kind of silly questions as the bus bounced up and down and maybe David Gregory got a little bit carsick. 9 AM EST At one point, Gregory asked the Romney hive mind if it would keep any parts of Obamacare. Romney responded thusly: Romney told Gregory he “likes parts of” Obamacare, and that he would leave in place the prohibition against excluding people with pre-existing conditions and the policy that lets young adults stay on their parents’ insurance policies “up to whatever age they might like,” Romney said, rather unbelievably. “I say we’re going to replace Obamacare. And I’m replacing it with my own plan. And even in Massachusetts when I was governor, our plan there deals with pre-existing conditions and with young people.” This is really, really big news. Obamacare guarantees that you will not be discriminated against in terms of pricing or insurance issue if you have a preexisting condition, even if you were not covered while you had the preexisting condition. Because this is 2012 and we live in America, this is somehow still an issue that needs to be dealt with. Romney has never said this before, and so it is a massive shift in his stance on this issue. That means, of course, that it was actually a massive screw-up, and  it’s all the liberal media’s fault. Read more on Mitt Romney Takes Four Different Positions On Pre-Existing Conditions In Twelve Hours…
  shining bigots on a hill

Not At All Racist or Sexist National Review Staff Tells You Why Not to Vote For The President

We need to get that uppity negro out of the White House because he only signs the back of checks instead of the front of them, but we are not racist! (says the National Review Online Staff). And also! The people who point out that we’re racist — THOSE are the real racists, OF COURSE. This is all laid out for us in a horrible/hysterical 689-item list of reasons to not vote for Obama.  So if you’re racist or sexist or hate Poors or really have a problem with education, then there is something in this list for you! Herewith, some of the highlights – and lowlights — of National Review’s 689 reasons to not re-elect Barack Obama. Read more on Not At All Racist or Sexist National Review Staff Tells You Why Not to Vote For The President…
  hard times

Terrified DNC Reporters Trapped Inside Filthy Butthole Murder Motels, Nation Laughs

There is a crisis, in Charlotte, that outweighs all other crises in America — including “the gaffes” — right now: the DNC assigned reporters to a bunch of shitty motels and they’re unhappy. And how does the Democratic platform address this? What about the Republican platform? Not a mention, proving once and for all that this is the most unserious presidential race we’ve ever witnessed. Now your Wonkette, which is first and foremost a Rich Person’s Blog, made accommodations at a palatial, 17th century French-style estate with a stable of 400 dancing horses. Maybe if these others reporters ever got off the welfare and got jobs for once in their pathetic lives, they could live the Wonkette 1% life, too. For now, let’s read tragic descriptions from the National Review of the squalor that we, as a nation, have allowed our proud national political reporter class to all die in. Read more on Terrified DNC Reporters Trapped Inside Filthy Butthole Murder Motels, Nation Laughs…
  i really like that antoine dodson fellow

National Review’s Victor Davis Hanson Has Thoughts About Black People

Victor Davis Hanson writes for the National Review, which has fired like a billion racists this year. You would think, therefore, that when writing on issues of race, the National Review would show caution and some semblance of restraint when talking about it. You would also be a goddamn idiot. Read more on National Review’s Victor Davis Hanson Has Thoughts About Black People…
  opinionatin'

Fred Thompson Explains How Tax Returns Work: Let’s Say There’s a Guy Watching Pornography…

Dadgum bumblebee-belchin’ hoopdy bumbler mcdoo Fred Thompson, the former Senator who was convinced to “run for president” in 2008 because he drove a pick-up truck, has finally weighed in on the issue of Mitt Romney’s undisclosed tax returns. Writing at National Review, which is trying to reestablish its cred after publishing that editorial a few weeks ago telling Romney to release his returns, the ol’ derper says, shucks, well I says, I says don’t release those taxy money-papers to the presscritters — just ignore those dumblydoodlies; they don’t deserve nothin’ so much in the way of informinatin’ and such like. The whole media sitchee-ation’s a lot like pornography, what with the watchin’, and the frownin’, and the no-goodin’. (Fred Thompson has written a poor column.) Read more on Fred Thompson Explains How Tax Returns Work: Let’s Say There’s a Guy Watching Pornography……
  the #1 internet blog

National Review’s Style Guide Apparently Takes No Issue With ‘Wetbacks’

National Review famously maintains a roster of aging white nationalists to blab about the non-white aspects of American society in disparaging tones. This is not of my white ’50s culture, they write, and we must stop it. But usually they’ll at least work with sanitized think-tanky buzzwords to describe their pure belief that non-whites are ruining the country. Thoughts on “assimilation,” for example, always add a nice distance to the thing at hand. And yet today, there’s Jay Nordlinger, just stone cold typin’ “wetbacks” as a direct substitute for illegal immigrants, and my god how has this not been changed yet? Read more on National Review’s Style Guide Apparently Takes No Issue With ‘Wetbacks’…
  how is babby formed?

National Review Redefines Abortion To Mean ‘Having A Uterus,’ Basically

Oh HI, what were those pro-genocide anti-woman mass-murdering abortionists up to this weekend? Nothing much! Just using a quaint mix of “facts” and “reason” to explain (AGAIN) that morning after pills (a.k.a, “the so-called morning after pill,” a.k.a. “morning after abortion pills,” a.k.a “a shot of estrogen,” a.k.a. “abortive pills”) do not actually cause abortion. This is because there is no embryo for the pills abort, a fact supported by “the latest scientific findings” which, among other things, show that the pills work by delaying ovulation so that sperm can’t fertilize an egg to create an embryo. The fact that  “science,” “expert opinion,” and “facts” show that the morning after pill does not cause an abortion, to the New York Times, means that: “Religious conservatives are losing one of their primary arguments for trying to ban the morning-after birth control pill that can prevent pregnancy if taken within days after sexual intercourse. They and their political allies have long contended that the pills work by aborting an embryo at the earliest stages of development.” You stupid liberals, bringing FACTS to an IDEOLOGY fight! If an “abortion” means “removing an embryo or fetus from the body in which it has taken up residence” then no, the morning after pill does not cause abortion. But! Since abortion now means “anything a woman does to control her own reproductive capabilities,” then according to Donna Harrison over at the National Review Online, OF COURSE the morning after pill is TOTALLY an abortion: Read more on National Review Redefines Abortion To Mean ‘Having A Uterus,’ Basically…
  pro choice republicans

Silly Ladies, Let NRO Explain To You About This ‘Paycheck Fairness’ Nonsense

Chins up, ladies! The National Review Online is trotting out Carrie Lukas, its Senior Women’s Correspondent, to tell you what to think. Who is Carrie Lukas, you might be wondering? Well, she is a regular National Review Online contributor (mostly about Lady issues) and the managing director and director of policy for the conservative but “non-partisan” Independent Women’s Forum. She also wrote a book, called The Politically Incorrect Guide to Women, Sex, and Feminism, which (among other things) includes information on “The impossible feminist dream of ‘having it all': how women who put their careers first inevitably suffer in their personal and/or family lives” and “Why, even in the modern workplace, women still find paid work less fulfilling than other, more personal activities — especially marriage and motherhood.” Indeed. Paid work like writing for the National Review Online definitely sounds less fulfilling than other, more personal activities. Regardless, she is now taking to the National Review Online to tell the ladies why their low paychecks are a sign of FREEDOM and LIBERTY and  something about the FREE MARKET. And also, to assure them that their paychecks AREN’T lower than men’s, but if they are, it’s for a good reason, so not to worry about it. Read more on Silly Ladies, Let NRO Explain To You About This ‘Paycheck Fairness’ Nonsense…
  america's greatest pundits

In Case It Wasn’t Clear, Michele Bachmann’s Dual Citizenship Is The Left’s Fault

Yesterday we learned that Michele Bachmann is a spy for the Swiss government, intent on bringing down the United States of America from within. “Go for it,” we say. But on the Right, this is a cause for great consternation. Also, on the Right, this is all considered the Left’s fault. For an explanation, let’s turn to Mark Krikorian, one of the remaining white nationalists at the #1 internet blog, National Review‘s The Corner. Read more on In Case It Wasn’t Clear, Michele Bachmann’s Dual Citizenship Is The Left’s Fault…
  i wanna be anarchy

National Review All Snitty About Poors And Taxes For A Change

Deroy Murdock at the NRO is really peeved, you guys, because he’s somehow accidentally managed to hear about things like “income inequality” and “fairness.” He’s TRIED to cover his ears and go la la la la la la and never ever watch anything other than Fox News, but that doesn’t drown out the screams of the class warriors coming for him with their pitchforks, so he’s trying a new strategy: avoiding the issue altogether by discussing income taxes and Margaret Thatcher, who made England such a free market paradise not at all filled with junkies and punks and Sid Vicious. And to be fair, he’s doing a pretty good job of it, managing to avoid touching on any of the substantive issues regarding income inequality and what it portends for the dystopian post-capitalist nightmare towards which we careen ever closer on a daily basis! Good job, Deroy Murdock! Read more on National Review All Snitty About Poors And Taxes For A Change…
  he would not join any club that would have him as a member

Another Racist Out At National Review Because It Is A Day Ending In ‘Y’ (VIDEO)

There is a thing called American Renaissance, and it is not very nice. And there is a man named Robert Weissberg who liked to go to their meetings and discuss “how Jews feel about the schwarzes” and “the future of white nationalism” and who wrote for National Review until … oh, right about last night, when poor Rich Lowry murdered him from the Internet. It is hard to be Rich Lowry lately; all those racists that had moved in and taken over, completely without his knowledge! Read more on Another Racist Out At National Review Because It Is A Day Ending In ‘Y’ (VIDEO)…
  same thing

Kathryn Jean Lopez Simply Does Not Care for Louis C.K., ‘Women’

There has been such a dearth of commentary — a gaping hole, really — from both left and right about the Health and Human Services’ birth control coverage mandate. National Review’s Kathryn Jean Lopez will now fill the hole! And she will fill it, hard, with the important parts in it that everyone has been neglecting in this story: Louis C.K., the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, Sarah Palin’s lady parts, the crucifixion and, sure, Hitler. Let us revel in her newest sortie, “Miserable ‘Women’.” (Scare-quotes in the original, because… miserable feminists are not women, or feminist non-women are miserable, or because there is no such thing? Is Kathryn Jean Lopez a woman? If you prick her, does she not bleed?) My, she sounds upset! Read more on Kathryn Jean Lopez Simply Does Not Care for Louis C.K., ‘Women’…
  clear simple and wrong

‘National Review’ Discovers Condoms In NYC, Solves Contraception

What an adventure did a random National Review Editorial Associate get himself into! Gather ’round, ye hobos, and hear his tale of daring… subterfuge… and rubber procurement! (Drop acid now.) It all began when a dazed but persistent carrier pigeon alighted upon the curlicued fountain pen of our Editorial Associate, to finally vomit forth the message it had accidentally swallowed in 1971, during the John V. Lindsay administration, if you young bloods can remember that far back in New York City history. Upon unfolding the still damp note, the Associate was immediately and providentially hepped to the existence of an important and scary thing that had, quick reminder, BEEN OPERATIONAL FOR 40 YEARS ALREADY: a free condom campaign deviously underwritten by the City of New York’s sexed-up bureaucrats. Swift corrective action was clearly needed, STAT! Read more on ‘National Review’ Discovers Condoms In NYC, Solves Contraception…
  'what's his beef with the free market?'

What Strange Terrorist Ads Will Air During Tonight’s Debate?

Are you one of those humans who watches the Super Bowl “for the commercials,” which are always uniformly terrible? This is why those of us who live in Washington watch presidential debates! Oh the interest groups, they love buying DC ad time during hilarious presidential debates. There’s usually an Israel Project/AIPAC thing about how scared we’d feel if Maryland or Virginia wanted to nuke its neighbor, an energy trade group’s spiel about how we need to blast water at underground rocks, a Pete Peterson Institute series in which smarmy elementary school children explain why we need to dismantle Social Security, and others. The best, though, is this cheap sketchy one from lobbyists who are trying to get the exiled-Iranian terrorist group MEK taken off the State Department’s official list of terrorist groups, for the sole reason that MEK doesn’t like the current Iranian government either. Why is this always on the TV? Read more on What Strange Terrorist Ads Will Air During Tonight’s Debate?…
  inquisition slash fiction

K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit

Wingnut Catholic slash-fiction blog National Review Online insisted, at 4 a.m. today (!), that fake Catholic convert Newt Gingrich quit losing the GOP primary and instead let authentic Catholic wingnut Rick Santorum continue losing against Mormon liberal Mitt Romney. This is apparently news, even though Kathryn Jean Lopez has always loved Rick Santorum nearly as much as she loves Joseph Ratzinger in his lovely Prada slippers and bejeweled hat and silken dress. Will Newt respect the decision of K-Lo and immediately drop out of the race, to allow Rick Santorum a longer public moment to discuss sperm and gynecology and the right holes to ejaculate into, etc.? There is, after all, a sense that America needs this, for the next 10 or 11 months straight. Read more on K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit…
  wonkette world o' books

Why Must Barack Obama Have His Own Taste in Books?

What does one say when confronted with a president who reads books while he’s on vacation? Surely something like “Why must you, President Smarty Pants, follow your interests when the time comes to select reading material? Why can’t you read something I would like to read? Why aren’t you me? After all, I am secretly a very important man/woman.” At least that’s what we should think, according to various opinion pieces recently posted on the wretched Internet. Read more on Why Must Barack Obama Have His Own Taste in Books?…
  urban youths

National Review: Weiner Scandal Is Like Urban Youth With the Hip Hop

Let us get something out of the way, first: We almost totally agree with the National Review Online “The Corner” writer who typed this about the Anthony Weiner scandal. The whole story is gross and doesn’t really matter and says very little about us, as a people, except for what we already know — that we’re a gross nation of gross people doing gross things, on Twitter. But, because it was published on the National Review comedy blog, “The Corner,” it needed some ridiculous and offensive racial stereotype thrown in there, just to maintain institutional equilibrium. In other words, Anthony Weiner twit-picking his yfrog to some gal was just like the black youth and their loud hip-hop. Read more on National Review: Weiner Scandal Is Like Urban Youth With the Hip Hop…
  they hate us just because we kill them all

National Review Writer Accidentally Writes True Thing

This doesn’t ever really happen, so we thought the moment should be memorialized: Andrew McCarthy, the National Review/”Brat Pack” blogger, wrote a sentence that in its clarity and honesty is unlike all other National Review Online sentences: “What really increases terrorist recruitment is invading Muslim countries, killing Muslims there, and staying to try to build Western democracies.” The context? Who cares! We are not reading the whole thing because it will just be dumb, and probably about how Muslims could have American Democracy if they wanted, but they don’t, because they hate freedom and love sharia. Oh no, now we’re going to have to look and see if he actually wrote that, too … yep, he wrote it. Read more on National Review Writer Accidentally Writes True Thing…
  valentine's day massacre

Kathryn Jean Lopez Asks Someone To Tell Her About Being Married

It’s Valentine’s Day, everybody — otherwise known as “the saddest day at National Review Online.” But NRO editor Kathryn Jean Lopez isn’t one to hide behind her sadness and resignation and Jonah Goldberg screensaver (when he was young and kind of cute). Instead, K-Lo asked a “marriage expert” to explain why she cannot seem to find the happiness Jesus Christ intended for her, in the form of wedded bliss to some tough guy, maybe Tony Soprano, so she wouldn’t have to live out her days as a spinster blogging in an apartment. Imagine the house she could have, in New Jersey! And children, just running around the way children probably run around, on the lawn or whatever. A lawn with a crucifix-picket fence, maybe. Some flowers or whatever, an herb garden. And this might be the night Tony comes home all ginned up and randy, with the sedan parked haphazardly on the lawn! Baby No. 3 could be created tonight. Read more on Kathryn Jean Lopez Asks Someone To Tell Her About Being Married…
  alms for the poor

For Only 50¢ a Day, You Too Can Save a Kathryn Jean-Lopez’s Life

In rotation with Santa Claus, apparently this too is now a pop-up ad on the National Review‘s website. Please, as you enjoy your bounty and familial love this holiday season, please think of the less fortunate. Please, think of the young K-Lo in the streets of Mumbai, trying to blog from underneath the rubble of Jonah Goldberg. [via Wonkette operative “Elon G.”] Read more on For Only 50¢ a Day, You Too Can Save a Kathryn Jean-Lopez’s Life…
  wonkette world o' books

National Review’s Andrew McCarthy Has a Sweet Jihad For You

When William F. Buckley founded National Review in 1955, did he know it would one day morph into a low-lit bathroom where plump “conservative” writers emote like teenagers filming “THIS IS HOW I FEEL, WORLD” YouTube diaries? Originally envisioned as a place where you could read defenses of Joseph McCarthy and Francisco Franco while sipping a sparkling Negroni, National Review today is mostly shallow wingnuts weeping into their Haagen-Dazs about mean liberals, evil Muslims, and “the ruling class” (what would WFB think?!). Standards have slipped so much that it now employs Andrew McCarthy, possibly of Weekend at Bernie’s fame, as their Muslim Terrorism expert. Andrew has just published a hefty tome titled The Grand Jihad: How Islam and the Left Sabotage America. What’s next, Corner kids? Gay Islam: Why It Will Eat You by Emilio Estevez? Read more on National Review’s Andrew McCarthy Has a Sweet Jihad For You…