Tag: national review

Mistakes were made

Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza Still Mad Obama Put Him In Jail Like A Common Felon

We were really excited at the prospect of never having to think about Dinesh D'Souza ever again. Like the Elder God of Smug Dickery, however, Yogg Doucha hath risen from the briny depths for to wax his wroth. Tremble,...

Cheerfully Insane National Review Music Video Is OH SWEET JESUS!

For reasons beyond the human ken, the National Review thought a great way to celebrate its 60th anniversary was with this video: an animated all-singing, all-dancing history of the modern conservative movement, at least from the moment that William F....
RNC Chair Reince Priebus

Republicans To Cancel NBC Debate Unless Candidates Get Reality Shows And BJs

It would appear that Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus has failed to read his Wonkette yet again. We sexplained Thursday that anybody who thinks the CNBC debate sucked because it was overtly biased against the candidates is A...
It's actually a Hugo Chavez mustache. Shut up, he did too have one like that.

National Review Calls Bernie Sanders A Nazi, For The LOLs

The National Review's Kevin D. Williamson is pretty annoyed that anyone thinks he called Bernie Sanders a Nazi, because the word "Nazi" appears nowhere in his article where he explains that Bernie Sanders is totally a national socialist. And...
Me is the president I have been waiting for!

Jeb Bush Will Fight Gay Marriage Forever! Or Until He Changes His Mind

Jeb! Bush doesn't care what the Supreme Court says about gay marriage. At the Faith and Freedom Coalition funtimes party last week, he promised religious conservatives he'd fight against equality FOREVER AND EVER, because Jesus said you don't have...
History's Greatest Monster, 2016 Edition

National Review: But What About The Clintons’ Underage Sex Slaves And Russian Blackmail?

Conservatives have yet to uncover The Scandal that will, once and for all and forever, destroy history's greatest monsters, Bill and Hillary Clinton. Not for lack of trying -- for decades, with a bazillionteen dollars, and an army of...
That's all behind us now

Hooray! Lady-beater Ray Rice Is Free To Play Sportsball Again

Here is some really important news for people who still care a lot about football, but not so much about domestic violence: Ray Rice has won the appeal of his indefinite suspension by the NFL. An arbitrator ruled Friday that his...
Suddenly that gas price no longer indicates how old this photo is!

Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can...
Still the worst

Evil Obama Planned To Send Secret Messages To Browns Only

Thank goodness for the wingnuts, who are keeping tabs on El Jefe Barack de la Martinez Diaz Obama and his conspiracy with the racists of La Raza to stealthily send hordes of brown people to conquer America while all...
Couldn't score in a donkey whorehouse with a bale of hay.

National Review Writer Would Like To Hang All The Sluts Who Have Abortions

Smug twat-waffle Kevin D. Williamson of the Jim Crow Picayune – oh sorry, we meant the National Review – set off a firestorm on Twitter this weekend. It seems the current occupant of NR’s William F. Buckley Chair for...
A Doktor Zoom original

National Review Burnishes ‘Serious Journalism’ Rep By Hiring Disgraced Plagiarist Benny Johnson

If you were concerned that hack plagiarist Benny Johnson, Buzzfeed's former viral politics editor and laughing stock of the internet -- which he loves :) -- would disappear into oblivion and fade from our memories, pinch your collective selves...
Kevin Williamson leads his crew on a journey into deepest, darkest Illinois.

Kevin Williamson’s Heart Of Darkness

We usually avoid the work of Kevin D. Williamson at National Review, partly because every piece is overwritten tripe with a point so far outside of reality we need a wormhole to reach it, and partly because we are...
Shuclack

Midwestern Police Trying New ‘Shoot All Black People’ Approach

Here are a couple stories in which police officers shot people, and race was most certainly not a factor, because race is never a factor now that Barack Obama is President/Dictator for Life. We begin with the tragic death...
But milk the Jew before you throw him down the well

Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats

Oh, golly, did Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, ever get a scoop Wednesday! Well, not a scoop, exactly, but it's plenty outrageous, as his screaming headline indicates: "Dem 2014 Campaign Strategy Released Online: Milk the Jews."...

Donald Trump Thinks Obama Should Resign Because That Guy From Mozilla Got Fired

Have you heard about how the liberal gay mafia fascists who hate diversity lynch mobbed that sweet nice man, Brendan Eich, who was CEO of Mozilla until he was killed by the evil gay agenda? Of course you have,...

Quick, Let’s All Do Frauds On PA Elections

Mitt Romney's chances of winning Pennsylvania's electoral votes were dealt a serious blow on Friday as a Commonwealth Court judge issued a permanent injunction against the enforcement of PA's strict voter ID law. In the ruling, Judge Bernard L. McGinley...