Ha ha ha ha ha hahha ahah, so good, but wait, where’s the… oh…OHHHH! The story itself is the punchline! And yet, what could the specific comedic mechanism be here? Maybe that it’s silly for the U.N. to do this when America is the richest and freest country in the world so obviously there couldn’t be any problems like this. DUH. More likely, though, Jonah just thinks the term “special rapporteur” is French and gay and made up. But it’s… the term they use? For these positions? Oh Jonah. One time he wrote a book about how American liberals are really Nazis! [The Corner via Gawker]

Have you heard Sarah Palin’s new zeitgeisty bon mot? It’s “Yes, We Can!” This is exactly how she concluded a recent column in the National Review about drilling and how it’s important that it happens constantly, in every imaginable place. “Alternative sources of energy are part of the answer, but only part. There’s no getting around the fact that we still need to ‘drill, baby, drill!’ And if those in D.C. say otherwise, we need to tell them: ‘Yes, we can!’” Oh god this is probably going to actually work for her, isn’t it? [POLITICO]

Rich Lowry vs. Matt Latimer, this is so on! The ONE TIME Rich Lowry goes to work and puts on his bowler hat and three piece suit and pretends to be a newspaper-man, Matt Latimer, former Bush speechwriter/social chair of Mars’ douchiest fraternity, refuses to answer any of Lowry’s broadsheet journalism media questions! “Matt Latimer, isn’t the fact that you’re in a pederastic relationship with Donald Rumsfeld—and the fact that you’re currently helping him write his own memoir—call into question your favorable characterization of said human?” Lowry asked within the pages of his forgotten reactionary quarto, “Corner.” Now watch Matt Latimer defer to a mid-range Roomba named “Kevin Kellems.” MORE »

The brilliant political humans at National Review’s The Corner — the #1 Internet blog — are cold slappin’ high-fives and chuggin’ jars of Elmer’s glue because they are just so happy that the American president was unable to bring the biggest sporting event on earth, and a boon to the local economy of Chicago, to America. Thanks for trying, Obama — NOT. Get it?? Ha ha ha! Fuck you Obama you fuck! STIMULUS — FAIL. OLYMPICS — FAIL. HEALTH CARE — GAY. RACISM — FAIL. RUSSIA — FAIL. IRAN — FAIL. ENERGY — WORTHLESS. (Oh btw, Rio won. Congrats Rio!) [The Corner]

Frothy British Tory and leisurely National Review writer John “Salad Days” Derbyshire, most famous for being a pervert and excoriating students at Virginia Tech for not properly defending themselves against that gunman, has a new book coming out, just like every other asshole. Within this anger-pamphlet is a section called, “The Case Against Female Suffrage.” Radio host and aged goblin carcass Alan Colmes recently asked Derbyshire to explain this section. Why does he hate nice ladies so much? Any other historic civil rights achievements he wants to dial back? etc. MORE »

National Review is so fucking weird, Jesus Christ. Here’s their new thing, “National Review Calls Home,” which is like a giant hideous conference call between Jonah Goldberg and rented auxiliary humans Rich Lowry and Mark Steyn—and of course all the National Review subscribers, whom Jonah Goldberg will personally be calling from some sticky-buttoned corded phone somewhere. “During the call Rich, Jonah, and Mark will discuss the hottest issues of the day. You’ll get the opportunity to ask questions, answer surveys, or you can just sit back and enjoy hearing these great pundits and observers make sense of the current political scene.” Jonah Goldberg will actually illegally stalk his readers until they sign up for his fake open-source wingnut radio. [NRO]

Remember that weird day earlier this week when famous wingnut pamphlet National Review made that bold anti-birther stand, saying it was really time to distance the once-respected conservative mag from the retard-right “Nobama’s the illegal alien” trailer-park circus? Well, ha ha, whoops, never mind: “On reflection, I think this was an ill-considered assertion.” And blam, four pages of Errg, where’s the long-term certification I heard that’s considerable different from short-stop computer certificates? Blacks can’t be president! [National Review]

You know who used to be American, when he killed fucking foreigners in “World War II or Korea or one of these places,” while wearing the proper green “Army duds,” before liberal Hollywood turned him into a cocksucking cross-dresser? GI JOE THAT IS WHO, come on. MORE »

It’s a good thing National Review isn’t a Real American business that need to make money or anything, because otherwise it would go broke after the outrageous decision by its libtard editors to publish a long, detailed and sane deconstruction of the Birther Conspiracy. Of course, none of the NRO cowards would dare sign their actual name to such an outrage against Ron Paul’s Constitution, so it’s just signed by “The Editors” — French for “le pussies.” Really, look at what these socialist zeroes are writing about Nobama: “Like Bruce Springsteen, he has a lot of bad political ideas; but he was born in the U.S.A.” MORE »

Former federal prosecutor and current National Review smart person Andy McCarthy has a number of interesting political opinions about such things as Barack Obama’s memoir, Barack Obama’s attitude towards Iran, and the Uighurs. Now he has a new interesting political opinion about Barack Obama’s first pitch at the Baseball All-Star Game Tuesday night. What does he have to say? MORE »

Known lamer Hu Jintao, the President of China, had to cut short his stay at the boring, disorganized Italian G8 kegger today so as to “deal with” deadly riots in his country’s northwest Xinjiang Uighur Autonomous Region, boo. (At least that’s his excuse; he just didn’t want to answer gay Europe’s treehugger questions about the new coal-fired power plants he opens every week — awkward!) 156 people have died in this latest bout of Uighur-Han Chinese violence centered in the city Urumqi, which is like China’s Seattle. So. Should Bermudans be worried that the four released Uighurs from Guantanamo Bay will kill them all? Violent deathbot Andy McCarthy of the National Review weighs in! MORE »