Tag: national review

Wonkagenda: Tuesday, August 16, 2016.

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Tired Of Live Babies Getting Stabbed To Death After Abortions? READ THIS!

Sen. Ben Sasse and nutbag anti-abortion activist Jill Stanek's 'Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act' will make a thing illegal that is actually already illegal.

Mitt Romney Will Be GOP’s Sexxxy Knight In Shining Armor! Or Scott Walker! Or Somebody!

PLEASE SOMEBODY, ANYBODY! The #NeverTrumpers are DYING here!

Bill Kristol’s Butt Buddy David French Not Running For President, What A Shame

Who could have seen this coming and WHOA IF TRUE, but we must regretfully inform you that Bill Kristol was wrong about a thing.

Ben Shapiro Making Trouser Starbursts Over Sexy New Candidate David French (Who?)

Well, we guess Ben Shapiro, former lover of all things Breitbart, is one of the Renegade Jewishes now, officially, as he is drenching the front part of his bathing suit region with Embarrassment Stains over Bill Kristol's boy wonder independent...

Pussy Obama Refuses To Start WWIII, Is That Even Legal?

While you were all eating cornflakes and thinking about hamster porn early this week, Vladimir Putin was being a dick. I know, right, what is up with that? Specifically, Putin was being a dick by sending a couple of Russian...

White Castle Officially Wins Contest For Dumbest Thing Said About Minimum Wage

Another day, another fast food company saying a terrible, extremely stupid thing about rising wages. Surprise! This time, the stupid thing in question is being said by an executive from White Castle, that restaurant your insufferable NY friends (as if...
Did somebody say spandex?

Kansas To Give Gun Dealers Special Rights Like They’re A Bunch Of Gays Or Something

Thank Christ Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback and his team of merry Republican legislators have fixed the budgetary crisis they created, and now have time to move on to the important issues. It's time to ban discrimination against poor, helpless,...
You can tell he's being silly because his appleheaded vagina mouth is in the "giggle" position.

Donald Trump Just Teasing, Won’t Commit Murder To Test Idiot Fans’ Loyalty

Donald J. Trump's jokes are too funny for average people to understand sometimes. This weekend, he said, "I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK? It’s, like, incredible."...
Love the smell of Republican infighting!

RNC Fires Racist Dirtbag Magazine For Being Mean To Racist Dirtbag Candidate

Oh how terrible, it seems that Donald Trump's existence continues to tear the Republican Party asunder, we are so deeply sorry about how hard we are LOLing. National Review, the racist collective of racist goons spawned from William F. Buckley,...
Aww shit, it's from Flint!

Marco Rubio Can’t Be Bothered To Learn About Every Dumb City With Poison Water

You know how it can be when you're running for an important job like president of the United States. There are so many flights and meetings and speeches, you barely know what city you're in. You have to cram all...
Mistakes were made

Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza Still Mad Obama Put Him In Jail Like A Common Felon

We were really excited at the prospect of never having to think about Dinesh D'Souza ever again. Like the Elder God of Smug Dickery, however, Yogg Doucha hath risen from the briny depths for to wax his wroth. Tremble,...

Cheerfully Insane National Review Music Video Is OH SWEET JESUS!

For reasons beyond the human ken, the National Review thought a great way to celebrate its 60th anniversary was with this video: an animated all-singing, all-dancing history of the modern conservative movement, at least from the moment that William F....
RNC Chair Reince Priebus

Republicans To Cancel NBC Debate Unless Candidates Get Reality Shows And BJs

It would appear that Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus has failed to read his Wonkette yet again. We sexplained Thursday that anybody who thinks the CNBC debate sucked because it was overtly biased against the candidates is A...
It's actually a Hugo Chavez mustache. Shut up, he did too have one like that.

National Review Calls Bernie Sanders A Nazi, For The LOLs

The National Review's Kevin D. Williamson is pretty annoyed that anyone thinks he called Bernie Sanders a Nazi, because the word "Nazi" appears nowhere in his article where he explains that Bernie Sanders is totally a national socialist. And...
Me is the president I have been waiting for!

Jeb Bush Will Fight Gay Marriage Forever! Or Until He Changes His Mind

Jeb! Bush doesn't care what the Supreme Court says about gay marriage. At the Faith and Freedom Coalition funtimes party last week, he promised religious conservatives he'd fight against equality FOREVER AND EVER, because Jesus said you don't have...