Tag Archives: national prayer breakfast

  He'll be here all week and try the veal

Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again

Obama needs to watch more Fox News, obviously
Last week, President Obama committed the impeachable high crime of saying some historically accurate things at the National Prayer Breakfast about how Christians have also done some terrorism and violence and bad things in the name of spreading their faith, and they have not been perfect all the time since the first year of anno domini. Read more on Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again…
  all apologies

Fox News Forgets What Year It Is

Do you remember Dr. Ben Carson’s VERY IMPORTANT SPEECH at the National Prayer Breakfast in February of last year? No? How could you forget? It’s like forgetting 9/11. Just 434 days ago, today, Dr. Ben boldly rambled proclaimed that poverty is bad, education is the answer, we should adopt God’s taxation system, went off on a weird riff about health care, and explained that political correctness is stifling OUR GREAT NATION right in front of President ‘Nobama, The Great Capitulator. And Bamz was PISSED. You can tell because the Prez had the audacity to walk right up to Dr. Ben, shake his hand and thank him for participating. See! Obama can’t even keep breakfast in line! How’s he going to keep Russia from invading Alaska? But, that is not the end of the story. Because Dr. Ben was persecuted for his thoughtful remarks. Scandal and outrage ensued! Riots were foretold. The liberal media, also known as Fox News commentator Cal Thomas, told People on the Internet that the National Prayer Breakfast wasn’t the right venue for partisan politics. Blood ran in the streets. And now, 1 year, 2 months and 10 days later it is happening all over again: This morning Fox News has the exclusively, non-exclusive scoop (which is completely coincidental and in no way related to the press release announcing Dr. Ben’s new book) that directly after the Prayer Breakfast the White House demanded that Dr. Ben apologize to the president. Which shocked us all last year when they first reported it. But not as much as CNN’s Breaking News Headline last night – you guys, did you know the Titanic sunk?! WHAT THE FUCK. We really hope they find the black box soon. Read more on Fox News Forgets What Year It Is…
  must the poor really always be with us?

Orrin Hatch Tells Obama He Can’t Be Like Jesus, Because Of Taxes (VIDEO)

Attention, President Obama! Mousy Mormon Senator Orrin Hatch would like to have a word with you in the undersea Holocaust-victim baptizing chamber. Hatch will be doing that thing he always does, that raisin-mouthed, monotonous, mild-mannered smug thing he uses to cloak all manner of backwards beliefs and statements. The decrepit senator from Utah is currently offended because Barack Obama had the absolute gall to directly quote a famous Biblical character like Jesus Christ at the National Prayer Breakfast and thereby make this annual networking event/affront to the Constitution tawdry and, what’s worse, political! Read more on Orrin Hatch Tells Obama He Can’t Be Like Jesus, Because Of Taxes (VIDEO)…
  raise your mimosas for jc

God Nabs All the Top Stars For His Annual Prayer Banquet

For approximately 8,758 hours a year, the United States of America upholds one of its most cherished values, the freedom of religion. For the other couple hours, its government gathers together to tell Jesus, “Just kidding. We totally all believe in you. Give us a high five.” Yes, it’s the first Thursday in February, which means the National Prayer Breakfast was this morning. And, luckily, God was able to nail down some of the top media superstars of the moment for His annual meal. For one, Gabriel Giffords’ husband, Mark Kelly. Also, President Obama, of course. And: “other speakers [included] Jose Enriquez, one of the rescued Chilean miners, and Randall Wallace, who wrote the screenplay for the film Braveheart.” God must have been really pumped for those last two! Read more on God Nabs All the Top Stars For His Annual Prayer Banquet…
  plates of hate

The National Prayer Breakfast Is Especially Homophobic And Murderous This Year

Everyone hates Barack Obama extra much today for speaking at the National Prayer Breakfast, which is racist against gays. Basically every President since Hillary Clinton has attended this thing, but Obama is in trouble because some of the hosts of this year’s breakfast—obviously a group with the word “Family” in the name—want to… guess what horrendous thing… quickly… time’s up! The answer is “execute all the homosexuals in Uganda. ” Read more on The National Prayer Breakfast Is Especially Homophobic And Murderous This Year…
 

Identity Thieves to Prayer Breakfast Volunteers: Where’s Your God Now?

Did you volunteer for the National Prayer Breakfast? Good news: someone’s cleaning out your bank account right now! Here’s a portion of a letter sent to all volunteers from the “Ushers Team” at last month’s event: On Wednesday, a briefcase with one of our computers was reported missing from the Washington Hilton. Unfortunately, the computer contained an electronic version of the list of ushers and their information, which included name, date of birth, social security number and work address. But don’t worry! The power of prayer is sure to bring the briefcase back. And Anna Nicole Smith back to life. And win the war. Full email after the jump. Read more on Identity Thieves to Prayer Breakfast Volunteers: Where’s Your God Now?…
 

Laura & George Break the Fast With Jesus & Dr. Collins

Did you know a Prayer Breakfast is like Advil & Coffee for your soul? Here’s Laura, George, Rep. Emanuel Cleaver of Missouri trying to eat some hotcakes while the Good Doctor Francis Collins gets busy with the Jesus songs. Today’s National Prayer Breakfast was the best ever! Read more on Laura & George Break the Fast With Jesus & Dr. Collins…