Tag Archives: national mall

  american idiots

‘American Spring’ Coup Huge Success, Obama To Resign Any Minute Now, Probably

America, your long national nightmare is almost over! As predicted, tens of millions of protesters have flooded into Washington DC, bringing the city to a halt and trapping the illegal so-called “leaders” of the illegitimate, unconstitutional “government” inside the walls of their marble fortresses — but only temporarily, as they will surely hear the call of We The People and step down in disgrace. That’s what WND’s lede would have read if more than a few hundred teabagger loons had shown up for the big Depose Obama Rally scheduled for Friday. As it was, the brave coup leaders stood around and got rained on for a while before the weather cleared and they marched around some. But Obama still might resign in disgrace, just as soon as the other ten million or so demonstrators arrive later this weekend. Read more on ‘American Spring’ Coup Huge Success, Obama To Resign Any Minute Now, Probably…
  it gets better

Michele Bachmann Bravely Stands Up For Oppressed Straight People Everywhere

Michele Bachmann leads a rough life. Despite being a Congresswoman, former presidential front-runner, and a national spokesperson for Crazy Eye Syndrome, she has a problem. As a straight person, she is tired of being bullied by the gays all the time. Bachmann recently went on the Lars Larson show to discuss CPAC, and discussed being the victim of bullying, via Right Wing Watch: “And the thing that I think is getting a little tiresome is the gay community have so bullied the American people and they have so intimidated politicians that politicians fear them and they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere. Well, not with the Constitution you don’t.” When will America come to terms with the decades of oppression faced by straight people at the manicured hands of the gays? And here’s the crazy(er) part: that’s not the craziest thing she said in the interview!  Read more on Michele Bachmann Bravely Stands Up For Oppressed Straight People Everywhere…
  to get their fair share of abuse

8 Legislators Arrested Protesting For Immigration Reform, Conservatives Outraged First Amendment Not Shut Down Yet

Several thousand people marched on the National Mall yesterday to call for comprehensive immigration reform, and over 150 people were arrested when they blocked the street, including eight Democratic members of Congress, among them the awesome handsome Keith Ellison, pictured above. Conservatives on Twitter pondered the implications for national policy: Why was this protest allowed to happen when the government is shut down and Park Service Nazis are turning people away from national monuments? Read more on 8 Legislators Arrested Protesting For Immigration Reform, Conservatives Outraged First Amendment Not Shut Down Yet…
  don't make me pull this car over

STOP IT. STOP SETTING YOURSELVES ON FIRE ON THE NATIONAL MALL.

We had the immense great pleasure (not really) of ear-witnessing the police kill that poor postpartum crazy lady at the Capitol yesterday. (We actually had “postpartum” when we heard there was a baby in the car, till we were swayed by the equally valid suggestion “some man in the White House is shitting himself right now.”) There we were, minding everybody’s business, walking down to the WWII Memorial to see if any congresspeople were around being brazen, gaping, hairy assholes. Instead, a string of gunshots, a loud boom, and 50,000 cop cars screaming to a halt half a block up from us turned out to be somewhat more diverting than even Michele Bachmann’s swirling eyes. Read more on STOP IT. STOP SETTING YOURSELVES ON FIRE ON THE NATIONAL MALL….
  satire woodstock

Liveblogging the Comedy Central Rally Thing From the National Mall

As the world knows, one of those stations on the teevee reserved some of the green areas of the National Mall on which to have a comedy concert thing, and this is happening right now. If you decided you did not want to go to this thing and be forced to stand among the unwashed liberal teevee-watching elites, your Wonkette is now here with LIVE TEAM COVERAGE to accompany you watching this on teevee or your computer or whatever. (And if you are at the rally and somehow reading this, go ahead and tip us at the usual e-mail with whatever odd photos you have taken or with descriptions of whatever weird stuff is going on in the crowd that we don’t see in our Media Bubble.) Currently famed Jimmy Fallon house band The Roots are performing the “pre-show” with John Legend, just as they did at Glenn Beck’s rally, so we guess we should start this liveblog thing. Read more on Liveblogging the Comedy Central Rally Thing From the National Mall…
  oh did someone ask trig's opinion?

Can the Media Shut Up About Comedy Central In Time To Cover the Election?

If you haven’t heard, Comedy Central is going to have a comedy event this weekend on the National Mall, because some of their shows are primarily rooted in political humor. This has very much confused the media, because people who hold “rallies” on this spot of dirt and grass are usually very political! (Except for musicians, like at the July 4 fireworks show or, say, this “rally.”) They generally DO NOT care for some people coming into THEIR BLAND CITY OF BULLSHIT and performing comedy and stuff on a stage. And thus this week has been made up of endless, inane editorials about how this rally is bad for politics or whatever, and the only way this can be bad for politics, of course, is if they cover it like it is the most important event in politics when in fact there is a pretty important election a week away. So will they have time to break away from their huge presence at this comedy concert thing to devote their full, necessary effort to covering the glut of highly important elections that are currently coming down to the wire? Read more on Can the Media Shut Up About Comedy Central In Time To Cover the Election?…
  at least glenn beck won't be there

Government Reveals Comedy Central’s Secret, Boring Rally Plans

Such mystery surrounding the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert comedy rally in Washington this Saturday! One mysterious thing is that people who work for news outlets in DC “can’t go” because it is going to be funny, but perhaps not funny in the way that angry old racist people playing bumper cars with their obesity scooters are funny. ALSO, the Youth! It will be “funny” when America’s old people and Washington’s press corps both learn that the viewers of these Comedy Central current events programs are, in fact, mostly in their early 40s. This is information publicly available through such youth outlets as the Wall Street Journal and the Nielsen audience-measuring conglomerate. But what about the secret liberal-comedy schedule? We have it! Read more on Government Reveals Comedy Central’s Secret, Boring Rally Plans…
  sure this guy seems legit okay we'll impeach

Massive Crowd of 5 Birthers Had a Rally On the Mall This Weekend

What an inspiring speech! There’s birther Phil Berg, leader of this rally, hacking up phlegm and relaying the laundry list of “proof” we all know now by heart that the president was not born in the United States. As Dave Weigel notes, there were “dozens of people” at this thing! That is a really big rally! Actually, Weigel has been the only journalist to cover this event at all, which is a real shame, because pretty soon that fat guy in the back with the Captain America hoodie is going to discover the “smoking gun” of the field of Obama-birth-certificate science, and everyone in the media is going to be really embarrassed for stopping their breathless coverage of these cretins so early in the game. Read more on Massive Crowd of 5 Birthers Had a Rally On the Mall This Weekend…
  wonkette late night

Slate: Stewart/Colbert Rally Is ‘Bad For Democracy,’ Or Something

Slate will be contrarian about anything, including, from time to time when they want to rinse out their mouths, contrarianism, so it comes as no surprise that one among them decided to warn us all that the upcoming Jon Stewart / Stephen Colbert political-rally parody event is a bad idea. Writer Timothy Noah is an old who will be having a bunch of youngs staying over at his house to go to this thing, and he is not happy about this! Don’t these children understand that parodying the teevee newscast or parodying the teevee news opinion show is funny, but parodying the political rally as a vehicle for your satire can never be done? Obviously not. But Dr. Comedy Timothy Noah does, and he also knows that you are not allowed to make fun of Teabaggers for being dumb. That sort of thing is mean! Read more on Slate: Stewart/Colbert Rally Is ‘Bad For Democracy,’ Or Something…
  but what of the blingee?

Nation’s Political Action Reduced To Crowd Figures, Animated GIFs

At one point in our nation’s history, popular political action was supposed to mean something. For example, the entire Vietnam War was fought because the Vietcong stole John Kerry’s windsurfing board, and all of America’s youth gathered in the streets to protest this by sticking flowers filled with explosives into the guns of the National Guard. These days, groups want to meet on the National Mall to protest things, but they are not allowed to be partisan or do much of anything, like hold signs or speak. But that’s okay! They can just stand there and look at the big teevees that are set up! The important thing is getting a count of how many people show up, not the content of the rally. Read more on Nation’s Political Action Reduced To Crowd Figures, Animated GIFs…
  whose streets our streets etc.

Big Liberal Rally Looks Pretty Lame!

Feel the excitement! Maybe it was early? Or late? Or lame? Judging from the number of cell-phone pictures (zero) and tips (zero) we’ve received, it sounds like you’re all as excited about the Big Libtard Rally as we are! Read more on Big Liberal Rally Looks Pretty Lame!…
  national mal

Dumb Libtards To Host Own Glenn Beck Rally This Weekend

The most important thing concerning liberals is no longer getting their party — which actually controls the legislative and executive branches — to pass liberal laws; it is to spend all their time criticizing teevee people who just want to make money off of the stupidity of conservatives. Thus, liberal groups are coming together this weekend to descend on the National Mall to “stick it” to Glenn Beck or something. But of course this will just be disorganized and dumb and sad. Read more on Dumb Libtards To Host Own Glenn Beck Rally This Weekend…
  that's a really souped-up scooter

SUV Announces Magical March On Washington Happening On 9/12

If there’s anything we’ve learned from this koran-burning non-story, it’s that people from Florida are idiots. (Haha, we already knew that.) Well get ready, Washingtonians, because, according to the back of this Toyota RAV4 spotted on I-395, Floridians are in town for a big 9/12 rally on the Mall! Read more on SUV Announces Magical March On Washington Happening On 9/12…
  glenn beck has a dream that you buy his books

Conservatives Think Glenn Beck’s White-People MLK March Is Dumb

Glenn Beck and an army of Teabaggers are going to march on Washington on the anniversary of the “I Have a Dream” speech this weekend for some reason or another. Basically somebody at Beck headquarters said, “Let’s get some of those yelling people to yell about things on the National Mall, but let’s put Glenn in front of them.” Now conservatives are actually starting to realize that Glenn Beck is just doing this to stoke his own cult of personality. It turns out the march was originally planned to help launch Glenn Beck’s latest book, but wingnuts are just now picking up on this. Read more on Conservatives Think Glenn Beck’s White-People MLK March Is Dumb…
  metro section

America Neglects the National Mall, Loses Custody

President Obama basically alienated every law enforcement official in the country when he called that Cambridge cop an ignoramus during his health care phone-a-thon on Wednesday. And now the DC chapter of the National Fraternal Order of Police has publicly chastised the President! Read more on America Neglects the National Mall, Loses Custody… Read more on America Neglects the National Mall, Loses Custody…
  your week in music

Legends Of Jazz, Television, And FURRIES, In A List Of Epic Proportions

Sunday, April 19: If you were too busy avoiding “hope” (Garth Brooks) to attend the free inaugural concert in January, then you have another chance to enjoy a free ride with the Green Apple Music Festival on the National Mall. You’ll have to endure some speeches about the environment (which, face it, will only hurt a little) but in between you get a free show from the FURRY-APPROVED Flaming Lips, DJ Spooky, Los Lobos, and Phish-lite jam band Moe. Chevy Chase (the person, not the city) will be the MC! Solar panels for all! Free, starts at 12PM. [Green Apple Music Festival] Read more on Legends Of Jazz, Television, And FURRIES, In A List Of Epic Proportions… Read more on Legends Of Jazz, Television, And FURRIES, In A List Of Epic Proportions…