Tag: national mall

‘American Spring’ Coup Huge Success, Obama To Resign Any Minute Now, Probably

America, your long national nightmare is almost over! As predicted, tens of millions of protesters have flooded into Washington DC, bringing the city to a halt and trapping the illegal so-called "leaders" of the illegitimate, unconstitutional "government" inside the...

Michele Bachmann Bravely Stands Up For Oppressed Straight People Everywhere

Michele Bachmann leads a rough life. Despite being a Congresswoman, former presidential front-runner, and a national spokesperson for Crazy Eye Syndrome, she has a problem. As a straight person, she is tired of being bullied by the gays all...

8 Legislators Arrested Protesting For Immigration Reform, Conservatives Outraged First Amendment Not Shut Down Yet

Several thousand people marched on the National Mall yesterday to call for comprehensive immigration reform, and over 150 people were arrested when they blocked the street, including eight Democratic members of Congress, among them the awesome handsome Keith Ellison,...

STOP IT. STOP SETTING YOURSELVES ON FIRE ON THE NATIONAL MALL.

We had the immense great pleasure (not really) of ear-witnessing the police kill that poor postpartum crazy lady at the Capitol yesterday. (We actually had "postpartum" when we heard there was a baby in the car, till we were...

Liveblogging the Comedy Central Rally Thing From the National Mall

As the world knows, one of those stations on the teevee reserved some of the green areas of the National Mall on which to have a comedy concert thing, and this is happening right now. If you decided you...

Can the Media Shut Up About Comedy Central In Time To Cover the Election?

If you haven't heard, Comedy Central is going to have a comedy event this weekend on the National Mall, because some of their shows are primarily rooted in political humor. This has very much confused the media, because people...

Government Reveals Comedy Central’s Secret, Boring Rally Plans

Such mystery surrounding the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert comedy rally in Washington this Saturday! One mysterious thing is that people who work for news outlets in DC "can't go" because it is going to be funny, but perhaps not funny...

Massive Crowd of 5 Birthers Had a Rally On the Mall This Weekend

What an inspiring speech! There's birther Phil Berg, leader of this rally, hacking up phlegm and relaying the laundry list of "proof" we all know now by heart that the president was not born in the United States. As...

Slate: Stewart/Colbert Rally Is ‘Bad For Democracy,’ Or Something

Slate will be contrarian about anything, including, from time to time when they want to rinse out their mouths, contrarianism, so it comes as no surprise that one among them decided to warn us all that the upcoming Jon...

Nation’s Political Action Reduced To Crowd Figures, Animated GIFs

At one point in our nation's history, popular political action was supposed to mean something. For example, the entire Vietnam War was fought because the Vietcong stole John Kerry's windsurfing board, and all of America's youth gathered in the...

Big Liberal Rally Looks Pretty Lame!

Feel the excitement! Maybe it was early? Or late? Or lame? Judging from the number of cell-phone pictures (zero) and tips (zero) we've received, it sounds like you're all as excited about the Big Libtard Rally as we are!...

Dumb Libtards To Host Own Glenn Beck Rally This Weekend

The most important thing concerning liberals is no longer getting their party -- which actually controls the legislative and executive branches -- to pass liberal laws; it is to spend all their time criticizing teevee people who just want...

SUV Announces Magical March On Washington Happening On 9/12

If there's anything we've learned from this koran-burning non-story, it's that people from Florida are idiots. (Haha, we already knew that.) Well get ready, Washingtonians, because, according to the back of this Toyota RAV4 spotted on I-395, Floridians are...

Conservatives Think Glenn Beck’s White-People MLK March Is Dumb

Glenn Beck and an army of Teabaggers are going to march on Washington on the anniversary of the "I Have a Dream" speech this weekend for some reason or another. Basically somebody at Beck headquarters said, "Let's get some...

America Neglects the National Mall, Loses Custody

President Obama basically alienated every law enforcement official in the country when he called that Cambridge cop an ignoramus during his health care phone-a-thon on Wednesday. And now the DC chapter of the National Fraternal Order of Police has...

Legends Of Jazz, Television, And FURRIES, In A List Of Epic Proportions

Sunday, April 19: If you were too busy avoiding "hope" (Garth Brooks) to attend the free inaugural concert in January, then you have another chance to enjoy a free ride with the Green Apple Music Festival on the National...