America’s first black president, 12-year-old space monster Michael Jackson, is still dead. But like most Americans, you are probably wondering, “Is he in the coffin at that vulgar Staples Center death show in Los Angeles, or is whatever’s left of his body somewhere else?” TMZ just sent us this EXCLUSIVE photo showing … we don’t know, really. Some microbes? PROOF OF LIFE ON MARS? Yes, we think so. 7/7, never forget. [TMZ]

As our nation mourns this tragic loss, we urge you to share your memories and baseless opinions here in the comments. There is no word, yet, on whether or not federal offices will be closed Friday — but you can assume they will be, so don’t worry about going to work. Our flagpoles are all at half-mast tonight. MORE »