Wonkette

It’s summertime and the living is terrible.

Would you enjoy a Top Ten List of all the apocalyptic current events proving this is the End of America and probably The World? We thought you’d like that, you elitist doom-porn scumsacks. MORE »

Rep. John Hall (Dirty Hippie, NY) became a congressman in 2006, when even a naked “soft rock” hippie seemed less dangerous than Mark Foley or Don Sherwood or John Sweeney. Problem is, hippiez r dum! Hall is now sending official congressional spam about the alleged Bush Administration plot to stop solar energy so the Oil Corporates can continue to rule the Earth. Are American enviro-leftists as gullible as the “God DAMN Muslim O’bama’s Christian Church” crowd? Let’s find out! MORE »

The Ottawa Herald (of Franklin County, Kansas, not Canada) became a national sensation this morning when it taught us that Barack Obama is actually a dangerous Muslim extremist who will destroy our precious values with his “change” and “hope.” But now the paper seems to be meekly backtracking from the crazy-ass ignorant rant written by the paper’s own printing-press operator! MORE »

At a voting precinct in Chicago yesterday, a vote-scanning machine rejected 20 paper ballots that voters had used “magic” invisible ink pens to fill out. Now don’t go shouting DIEBOLD just yet — these ballots were rejected because there is no such thing as a magic invisible ink pen to be used on paper ballots. The pen was just a stylus for touch-screen voting machines, and everyone in that precinct is a retard. MORE »

Confusion reigned in Bexar (that’s pronounced “bear,” Yankees) County yesterday, as thousands of dullards swamped the elections department with phone calls asking where they could vote on Tuesday. The answer: Nowhere! The Texas primary isn’t till March. MORE »