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Posts Tagged ‘nation of addicts’

Barack Obama Back To Smoking His Face Off

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

Winners never quit, and quitters never win.There is a terrible “wagon” in politics that people ride when they don’t want to have fun anymore. When you are on this wagon, you do not smoke or drink or do amphetamines or masturbate. It appears that Barack Obama, having ridden in the non-smoking section of this wagon, has fallen off it, and now he is a secret Cigarette Goblin again. Except because he is famous, and running for president, this is not a secret to anyone. MORE »


Eliot Spitzer To Suffer Harrowing Withdrawal From Sex Addiction

Friday, March 21st, 2008

He shall emerge clean of sex, and triumphant!Everyone knows that fun things are bad for you, and if you do enough fun things repeatedly then you are an “addict.” A man who has fun sex with hookers, for example, is a shamefully diseased sex addict on the verge of sexing himself to death. But generous Fate intervened on behalf of addict Eliot Spitzer, who has reportedly entered therapy to cure himself of this strange compulsion to have enjoyable no-strings-attached sex with young women. How long before the cure “takes”? MORE »