Tag Archives: nate silver

  you know you want it

Old Handsome Joe Biden Has Ten Percent Chance Of Becoming Earth’s Most Important Human Tonight

Every once in a while, some lucky American who is not the president gets to be The Most Important Human Being On Earth. For a while, it was Olympia Snowe! Sometimes, it was that schmuck from Nebraska, Ben something, fuck that guy. After tonight though, there is a 10 percent chance it will be our own true forever love, Old Handsome Joe Biden. Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Has Ten Percent Chance Of Becoming Earth’s Most Important Human Tonight…
  It Could Happen

How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not

The first time I set eyes on Nate Silver, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone him.
It looks like Republicans are probably going to control the Senate next year despite how people don’t like them, according to Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight blog and other respected nerds. In 2012, Silver famously predicted the winner of every Senate race, which was an impressive achievement for him but so boring for us. It was like finding your Christmas/”holiday” presents early. You’ll go through the motions of unwrapping your Regrets Her Abortion Barbie and Nature Despoiled II: The Warmening For Sega SexBox, but there’s no climax. The moment is flaccid; that is to say, unsuited to penetrating intercourse, never mind entertainment. Read more on How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not…
  media circus

Nate Silver Whinings Playbook: Why Doesn’t Paul Krugman Love Him No More?

We have complex feels about Nate Silver’s new data driven context providing empire, 538. We like it better than Ezra Klein’s well-funded vanity project, but then Silver slatepitch hired a climate change skeptic. We’re tipping fast towards unlike, however, thanks to Silver’s latest column, which is an extended whine about how Paul Krugman unfriended him. Read more on Nate Silver Whinings Playbook: Why Doesn’t Paul Krugman Love Him No More?…
  media circus

Hey Everybody Let’s Get Mad About The New Hires At 538 And Vox Maybe!

We hope the hiring sprees over at FiveThirtyEight and Vox are winding down, because it’s exhausting to keep up with what we are mad about. Vox is leading the sweepstakes by hiring the anti-gay gay guy that Ezra Klein admitted he didn’t really “read,” but then both hot New Media properties hired new people we also have to discuss. Read more on Hey Everybody Let’s Get Mad About The New Hires At 538 And Vox Maybe!…
  nerdy is the new black

Nate Silver’s ‘538’ Shines With Nerdy Luminescence; Ezra Klein’s ‘Vox’ Polishes Turds

Do you have a (figurative or literal) boner for political and sportsball prognosticating whiz kid Nate Silver? We got one from reading The Signal and the Noise,probably because yr humble correspondent minored in statistics in college. It raged even harder last year when we heard about the 538/ESPN deal (despite reservations about that fucking pedophile Mickey Mouse).  Well, get your (figurative or literal) fapping accessories ready, because 538 has relaunched chock full of “data journalism.” Read more on Nate Silver’s ‘538’ Shines With Nerdy Luminescence; Ezra Klein’s ‘Vox’ Polishes Turds…
  u mad bro?

Nate Silver Breaks Up With NYT But It’s Cool Because They Didn’t Really Want To Date Him Anymore Anyway

Are you Nate Silver fanboys? Are you also into sportsball? Then you have probably been fapping 24/7 since yesterday’s announcement that pint-sized stats wunderkind Silver is taking his toys and leaving the New York Times to go to ESPN to helm up some multifaceted job-creating machine. (No, really. That’s pretty much what ESPN says at the link. You think we actually want to write things that sound like that?) Anyway, leaving, job-creating, sportsball, EXCITEMENT At least we didn’t have to endure a LeBron James-style teevee show about whether Silver would stay or go. The NYT, however, is a little bit of a sore loser about the whole thing: Read more on Nate Silver Breaks Up With NYT But It’s Cool Because They Didn’t Really Want To Date Him Anymore Anyway…
  cool apology bro

Suck It, Nate Silver! Joe Scarborough Apologizes For Nothing

Joe Scarborough, who hosts MSNBC’s morning show because the rest of MSNBC’s Obama food stamp-loving libtard talent don’t wake from their welfare-funded fortified wine benders until well after noon, is really, really sorry he conflated Nate Silver with that unwashed hillbilly “unskewed polls” guy. And by really, really sorry, we mean he’s not sorry at all. While most of the world has moved past the 2012 election to focus on more important things, like Ken Layne’s fun cooking blog for moms and the possible 2016 presidential candidates, Scarborough remains upset that people are so mean to him just because Nate Silver was right all along. Read more on Suck It, Nate Silver! Joe Scarborough Apologizes For Nothing…
  begun these nerd wars have

Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup

One of the “fun” things about presidential elections is that every four years there’s a new dumb thing about the process for political junkies to yell at each other about despite the disinterest or genuine disgust of normals, and this year it’s polling! Did Nate Silver’s devil-math suck all the fun out of democracy, forever? Were the polls skewed because they didn’t reflect Republican understanding of reality? Were Gallup and Rasmussen “in the tank” for Republicans? Well, Gallup Editor-in-Chief Frank Newport has decided to weigh in on this controversy, and would like you to know that (a) Gallup was not wrong, because it abruptly stopped picking Romney to win by 7 points several days before the election, and (b) Nate Silver is a parasitic remora clinging to the great white shark that is Gallup and if everyone gets into the Nate Silver business the whole polling industry will collapse, and then we’ll have no polling at all, and then we’ll be sorry! Read more on Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup…
  rise of the machines

Terrifying Numbers-Wizard Nate Silver Predicts Electoral College; Future Elections To Be Replaced By Math

Good morning, America! Does this map look familiar to you? Of course it does, it’s the map appearing on every newspaper website in the country, indicating which party won all the various states in the Electoral College in last night’s election. Except this particular map actually comes from Nate Silver’s math and numbers emporium, and was created before any votes were counted! Is this proof that all elections will be replaced by the soulless beeping of IBM computers? Let’s hope! Read more on Terrifying Numbers-Wizard Nate Silver Predicts Electoral College; Future Elections To Be Replaced By Math…
  first they came for the truthers

NRO Weeps For America’s New Oppressed Minority: Poll Truthers

After a month or so of really kind of absurd arguments that every poll in existence was skewed because of liberalism and Nate Silver being a big gay homosexual, we have now come full circle: Jim Geraghty at the National Review has decided that those who criticize morons are basically calling them racists. So a lot of people who don’t read me that closely are going to look at what follows and interpret it as “Jim’s saying the polls are always wrong.” That’s not what I’m saying, but I’m prefacing all of this with that prediction, because we’ve all seen that when people don’t like what you have to say, they attempt to cut off discussion by calling you insane or silly. Sneering “truther” in response to a disagreement from the conventional wisdom is almost as worn out as “racist.” Geraghty then proceeds to argue that polls are probably always wrong, which is a totally different argument that his first sentence completely negates. But what about the fact that bold truth-teller Jimmy is basically being called a racist just because he’s kind of innumerate and hackish? Read more on NRO Weeps For America’s New Oppressed Minority: Poll Truthers…
  everyone is dumb

Sad Pundits: Why Won’t Insiders Tell Us Who Will Win The Election?

THIS ELECTION, YOU GUYS! It is … confusing? Like, some people say that Barack Obama will win re-election, while others say that his opponent, Mitt Romney, will prevail! WHO ARE WE TO TRUST? Normally, of course, we’d turn to the literally of hundreds of people who are employed full-time by various old- and new-media outlets to report on and offer opinions about politics, because they know things. But as a survey of these sages in the Politico reveals, they’re completely at sea as well! You must click the “MORE” clicky in order to read the single greatest quote in a Politico article of all time, which reveals the utter bankruptcy of the pundit class. Then you can spend the next six days doing something productive and rewarding with your life! Read more on Sad Pundits: Why Won’t Insiders Tell Us Who Will Win The Election?…
  mapocalypse now

Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky

Here is a map from an “election forecasting model” that the Fox News sent out to America, and your Editrix found it on the Twitter and shared it in the Secret Wonkette Chat Room, for panic-laughs. But seriously, Fox News, try to be a bit more realistic! All of us who have been frantically refreshing Nate Silver’s Math and Numbers Emporium for succor know that there’s no way that Obama loses Pennsylvania and Minnesota but wins Nevada. Ain’t gonna happen! But we have a more likely map to flip out about, after the jump! Read more on Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky…
  unnecessary

Who Will Be President Of T-Shirts? (Hint: It Is Ron Paul)

Quick, let’s brainstorm about the dumbest, most irrelevant data point with which we could attempt to analyze this presidential election! And while you’re shouting answers at your computer machines, know that nothing you suggest could be as colossally moronic as this: “At CafePress…we have been tracking 2012 election presidential candidate support via The Meter graph.” By tracking the race, they mean the T-shirt sales from the AOL of online print-on-demand outfits. So who is going to be our next president as foretold by shitty T-shirts? Ron Paul, of course. Unless it’s that NOBAMA fellow, who is now in a dead heat (for CafePress t-shirts sales) with Paul. The next president either will be the current president or a 70-something backbench Congressman from rural Texas who couldn’t muster a single primary or caucus win in his two consecutive presidential campaigns. Someone go stuff that Nate Silver fellow in a sack with a rabid wolverine and then toss him off a bridge. We no longer need his elitist (gay math) “regression analysis” to understand politics. Read more on Who Will Be President Of T-Shirts? (Hint: It Is Ron Paul)…
  new study proves it

New York Times: Media Stopped Covering Palin Because She’s Washed Up

Hot new scientific data from NYT statistics wizard Nate Silver: “Sarah Palin’s potential candidacy, for instance, is only receiving about one-fifth as much attention as it did several months ago.” And why’s that? Because a cartoon millionaire who just flat out calls Barack Obama an African illegal immigrant is crushing Palin (and everyone else) in the Republican polls. This is why she’s literally begging the “mainstream media” to cover her stream-of-idiocy personal appearances. But the mainstream media is all done with old Failin’ Palin. Not that she ever had a chance in hell of coming close to the GOP nomination — Republicans above the poverty line have always thought she’s a moron — but now there’s no point in even covering her warmed-over clown offerings. Read more on New York Times: Media Stopped Covering Palin Because She’s Washed Up…
  there's always hope!

Nate Silver Says Democrats Might Not Lose 1,000 Seats

The Democrats will “win” today, because of cellphones: A lot of American adults (now about one-quarter of them) have ditched landlines and rely exclusively on mobile phones, and a lot of pollsters don’t call mobile phones. Cellphone-only voters tend to be younger, more urban, and less white — all Democratic demographics — and a study by Pew Research suggests that the failure to include them might bias the polls by about 4 points against Democrats, even after demographic weighting is applied. Read more on Nate Silver Says Democrats Might Not Lose 1,000 Seats…
  geek transformations into popular hotties

Ooh, Let Nate Silver Be Part of the Controversy! Let Nate Silver Be Part of the Controversy!

Tucker Carlson continued to spew out allegations against the sinister libruls on the late JournoList today, and so this dumb “controversy” and media navel-gazing rage on. But why hasn’t anybody reported on the fact that the Internet’s boyfriend NATE SILVER was ALSO ON THIS JOURNOLIST?!?!?!?! HMM? HMM? This story is being buried! Nate Silver is just as important as the other liberal media people! So after waiting FOREVER, Nate Silver decided he has to insert himself in this circle-jerk HIMSELF, as nobody else will criticize him and his little personal e-mails. Read more on Ooh, Let Nate Silver Be Part of the Controversy! Let Nate Silver Be Part of the Controversy!…
  except dean was a good dnc chair

Nate Silver Calls It For Deeds; McAuliffe Is New Howard Dean

Nate Silver and the nerdlingtons at FiveThirtyEight are liveblogging the Virginia election results (which are hidden and secret) and have called it, meaning it is officially over, by law: “7:45 EDT [Nate]: OK, the 538 decision desk is calling this one for R. Creigh Deeds. Almost half the vote is in, and although we’re a little bit light on turnout from areas like Richmond, neither Moran nor McAuliffe is doing anywhere near as well as they’d need to to make up for Deeds’ large advantage. It’s really a battle for second place at this point.” MORE, Silver, MUSH MUSH! Read more on Nate Silver Calls It For Deeds; McAuliffe Is New Howard Dean…
  rumors on the internets

Oh Just FYI: Your American Recession Dollars Are Going Towards Enabling Obama’s Fascist Agricultural Hobbies

Obama is still draining all the stimulus recession dollars on his personal communist pet project: re-sodding the National Mall in such a way that one million red roses spring up in shape of Stalin’s silhouette. Terrible, just terrible. [RedState] Read more on Oh Just FYI: Your American Recession Dollars Are Going Towards Enabling Obama’s Fascist Agricultural Hobbies…
  rumors on the internets

Don’t Be The Last One To Subscribe To htp:financeeconomy.website!

Dylan plugs in!: Plot Functions Weekly centerfold Nate Silver is moving to Brooklyn, of all places. [FiveThirtyEight] Obama has a new website, Financialstability.gov, which means Joe Biden will presumably be on the talk show circuit this week, hyping his new daguerreotype flipbook, financeeconomy.website. [The Caucus] Read more on Don’t Be The Last One To Subscribe To htp:financeeconomy.website!…
  public service announcements

Here’s One for the Ladies, and the Drunks

Despite the fact that Math Porn purveyor Nate Silver has revoked beer’s hard-earned recession-proof status, we venture to guess there’s a few of us who may still find utility in “What’s a Girl to Do When It’s Time to Put Down the Drink?” — a one-woman show by Tara Handron about alcoholic women in various stages of breakdown and recovery. Read more on Here’s One for the Ladies, and the Drunks…