Tag Archives: nashville

  How was YOUR dumb week?

Barack Obama’s Terrible, Horrible, Badass, Balls Out Rager Of A Week

Editrix can have Old Handsome Joe Biden, we like Sexy Obama.
Oh look at the White House all BRAGGIN’ and shit. That Nice Time video above was provided to yr Wonkette (and by “provided,” we mean we went to the White House website and copied the embed code) as a way of illustrating how Barack Obama just had one of the most badass weeks of his entire presidency, a week bigger than the best weeks of Sarah Palin’s, Ronald Reagan’s, your mom’s, and Jesus’s presidencies COMBINED. Read more on Barack Obama’s Terrible, Horrible, Badass, Balls Out Rager Of A Week…
  Ghostwriters In The Sty

Mike Huckabee Sure Does Pal Around With A Lot Of Alleged Child Molesters

Funny how that guy keeps showing up
This is rather inconvenient for a presidential candidate, you’ve got to suppose: John Perry, the ghostwriter co-author of two of Mike Huckabee’s books, who seems to have ghostwritten co-authored books with about nine million other rightwing Christians as well, was accused of molesting a child in two different lawsuits, according to a piece published Wednesday evening by BuzzFeed’s Andrew Kaczynski and Ilan Ben-Meir. Read more on Mike Huckabee Sure Does Pal Around With A Lot Of Alleged Child Molesters…
  I was just cleaning my "gun" and it went off

NRA Convention Is Jizz-Soaked Festival Of Guns, Fear, Hillary-Hate, More Jizz

Scenes from the hotel rooms at the convention, probably.
The 2015 NRA Convention concluded this weekend in Nashville, and despite the fact that attendees were not allowed to carry their guns every single place they wanted, even if they thought they saw an ISIS or a black person, the convention reportedly went off without a hitch! Or a safety! In fact, the convention seems to have gone off in the pants of many of the speakers and attendees, but in a good way! Let’s enjoy some jizz-soaked highlights, which are the natural product of what happens when so much gun-humping happens in one place. Read more on NRA Convention Is Jizz-Soaked Festival Of Guns, Fear, Hillary-Hate, More Jizz…
  Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

Donald Trump: How Can We Win If Obama Keeps Saying ‘ISIL’?

What's with the pinkie there? Does he always do that? We'd never noticed
Donald Trump was welcomed to the National Rifle Association’s annual meeting this weekend, and of all the minds analyzing the situation in the Middle East, the finely tuned think-organ of Donald Trump is definitely one of them. He has discovered the real reason  the terrorist group known in Arabic as الدولة الإسلامية في العراق والشام (ad-Dawlah al-Islāmiyah fīl-ʿIrāq wash-Shām ) is so darned much trouble: Because our so-called “president” uses the wrong danged acronym for it in English! Read more on Donald Trump: How Can We Win If Obama Keeps Saying ‘ISIL’?…
  But what if a bad guy with a gun gets in?

No Guns Allowed At NRA Convention, Now Everyone Will Get Mugged :(

But how can I get Sarah Palin to autograph my lady gun if I can't take it to the convention?
WHOA gun-humpers better put their right hands on their hearts and their left hands on the guns they put in their underpants to make their bulges look bigger, because the beloved National Rifle Association may have been infiltrated by Obama-loving anti-American liberals. They have announced that at their annual convention of donkey-fucking nutbags, to be held this weekend in Nashville, you aren’t even allowed to have loaded guns! How is this even safe? What if a bad guy with a gun somehow infiltrates the premises, like an Ay-rab or a black person? Read more on No Guns Allowed At NRA Convention, Now Everyone Will Get Mugged :(…
  A Good Guy With A Schwinn

Hero Tennessee Legislator Explains How Guns Are Like Bicycles, Only Safer

Kevlar bike helmet optional
The Constitution-loving Tennessee House of Representatives expanded freedom a little bit last week, voting 65-21 in favor of a bill that would prevent local governments from restricting guns in public parks. They were in a hurry to pass it in time for the NRA’s Annual Meeting, to be held in Nashville April 10-12. And while some nervous nellies (and communist agitators) might have some qualms about letting people carry guns around in public parks, hero state Rep. Glen Casada explained in a press conference that guns are no more dangerous than bicycles, because sure, people sometimes get shot accidentally, but then, people die on bikes alla time too. Read more on Hero Tennessee Legislator Explains How Guns Are Like Bicycles, Only Safer…
  Quiet Dignity

NYPD Cops Respect Fallen Officer Through Classy Political Stunt At Funeral

Hard to tell who or what is being faced here, but it is 'away,' we hear
Photo by Viorel Florescu, New York Daily News Just to prove how much they objected to Mayor Bill de Blasio’s inciting the murder of two policemen last week, hundreds (or possibly thousands) of NYPD officers attending a memorial service for one of the officers turned their backs on a video screen carrying de Blasio’s remarks during the funeral. It was a fitting display of contempt for a man who had dared to stir up hatred of police by telling his son that he needed to be careful around police, since they don’t always show love and respect for young black men, which is obviously just not true. De Blasio also apparently encouraged the murders by allowing widespread protests in New York after the grand jury decision in the killing of Eric Garner, because allowing criticism of police is precisely the same as calling for them to be murdered. Read more on NYPD Cops Respect Fallen Officer Through Classy Political Stunt At Funeral…
  nice time!

Gay City Council Candidate Happy To Tick Off Baptists With ‘Southern Baptist Sissies’ Fundraiser

Dude, your photo's all Batman and stuff
The smiling left-leaning fellow in the photo is Nashville’s John Lasiter (no, the Pixar guy is John Lasseter; pay attention!), the city’s first openly gay candidate for Metro Council. And because he’s a pretty cool guy and doesn’t afraid of anything, he’s doing a somewhat counterintuitive kind of fundraiser in October, featuring a screening of a film by “writer-director-producer Del Shores” called Southern Baptist Sissies, a film adaptation of a 2006 play by Shores. Read more on Gay City Council Candidate Happy To Tick Off Baptists With ‘Southern Baptist Sissies’ Fundraiser…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the very best of the worst detritus that’s clung to our browser tabs all week. We find the stories that are too short for a full post but too stupid to ignore altogether and serve them up to you in a delicious frothy blend — add whatever brain solvents you may need to help digest them. Read more on Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies…
  Hey Y'all

We Will Donate All The Monies To Wendy Davis If We Can Touch Connie Britton’s Hair

Last year when Wendy Davis was ass-kicking and filibustering, frequent comparisons arose between Davis and the best Mom on modern teevee, Connie Britton’s Tami Taylor from “Friday Night Lights.” Rightly so, because Taylor/Britton is awesome and pro-choicey and all that. Now the fictional and real worlds are colliding as Britton and Davis are hosting a fundraising dinner together. Read more on We Will Donate All The Monies To Wendy Davis If We Can Touch Connie Britton’s Hair…
  we are all bozos on this bus

Heroic Koch Brothers Save Nashville From Dystopian Nightmare Of Rapid Transit

Here’s some welcome news! In addition to fighting to keep America safe from the nightmare of health insurance, sending out fishwives to scream at cute-milquetoast MSNBC hosts, and bringing rightwing lunacy to improvisational comedy, it would appear that the nice folks in the Koch Bros. squirrel factory have also managed to sponsor a bill aimed at killing a rapid-transit bus system in Nashville, Tennessee. Actually, the bill would prevent any city in the state from developing a rapid-transit bus system without state approval. You know, because local control is the best form of small government, except when it isn’t. Read more on Heroic Koch Brothers Save Nashville From Dystopian Nightmare Of Rapid Transit…
  most faculty chairs aren't electrified

Torture Memo Guy Alberto Gonzales To Waterboard Students As Law School Dean

Hey, remember that Alberto Gonzales guy? Not the baseball player, the guy who was Skippy Bush’s White House Counsel and then later the Attorney General — had kind of a habit of firing U.S. Attorneys that weren’t friendly enough to the Bush Administration, and of course he was kind of big on torture, because it would save America from terrorism? Well, he’s about to get what he deserves: not a jail term, silly, he’s been named the new Dean of the Law School at Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee! So the guy who helped give George W. Bush a legal rationale for torturing detainees is going to be in charge of preparing America’s next generation of lawyers. Kind of makes you feel good about the future, doesn’t it? Read more on Torture Memo Guy Alberto Gonzales To Waterboard Students As Law School Dean…
  happy days are here again

Why Not Make Your Afternoon Better With Some Happy Nice Time?

If you mosey on over to Happy Nice Time People today (WHICH YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DO), you can learn all about how teevee’s “Nashville” is getting better song-wise, the movie The Wind Rises is gorgeous, and what baseball writer you should be reading. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. We’ll also chat at you about how everybody on earth is trolling the people who tried to trademark the word “candy,” how Ghost Audrey Hepburn is kind of a jerk, and of course, sideboob. Read more on Why Not Make Your Afternoon Better With Some Happy Nice Time?…
  pay no attention to the university behind the curtain

Tennessee Wants To Make All Rape Cases Secret Until Trial, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Let’s say you really want to get back at some journalists who have been a pain in the ass, requesting a lot of information on a criminal case and just generally being nosey buttinskies. What to do, what to do… how about introducing a bill that would make all details of rape cases secret except for what’s revealed in a trial? You could say it’s about protecting victims’ privacy or something, and you’d be a hero. So here’s how we got here: Four (now former) sportsball players at Vanderbilt University in Nashville are accused of raping an undergraduate in a dorm last June. To make matters worse, there may also have been a cover-up by coaching staff, who deny that they urged the football players to delete video they took of the rape. (Again. Boys! Such fans of cinema verite!) In the course of covering the case, newspaper reporters from The Tennessean kept being blocked in efforts to see records about the case, so last week, The Tennessean and several other press outlets sued the Nashville Metro Police and Vanderbilt for access to those records. And then a few days later, at the request of the Metro Nashville legal department, the bill to restrict information in sexual assault cases was filed by state Sen. Becky Duncan Massey. This seems like pretty darn convenient timing, maybe! Read more on Tennessee Wants To Make All Rape Cases Secret Until Trial, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?…
  dumbfuck dynasty

Nashville ‘Church Member’ Sues A&E And Barack Obama For Being So Mean To Duck Dynasty Star

A Nashville guy who claims he’s a member of Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson’s church is suing A&E Network for its suspension of Robertson. Chris Sevier claims that the private company’s personnel decision will have a chilling effect on decent Christian weirdos like himself, inhibiting them from preaching damnation for the gheys. For good measure, the lawsuit also names President Obama, because obviously he tells cable teevee networks what to do. This is just logic. Chris Sevier pretty much lives for stupid lawsuits; he’s the goofball who tried to sue Apple because it brought porn onto his computer. This new lawsuit is already every bit as successful as that one, since it’s gotten Chris Sevier’s name on the interwebs. He would also like you to know that he has a band. Guy’s a regular Buckaroo Banzai. Read more on Nashville ‘Church Member’ Sues A&E And Barack Obama For Being So Mean To Duck Dynasty Star…
  what if they had a culture war and nobody came?

Relax, Nashville, Your Symphony Hall Is Not Going To Become A Mosque

Nashville paranoids were well and truly trolled last week by a fake website claiming that the city’s Schermerhorn Symphony Center, which had been damaged by severe flooding in 2010 and just last month escaped foreclosure, would soon be converted into a mosque. Vigilant protectors of Constitutional religious freedom all that is good and true and American sprang into action, emailing everyone in creation and putting up a Facebook page to stop the “Shariahorn” (and to protest a scheduled August appearance by Kathy Griffin, because she hurt Jesus’s feelings at the Emmys six years ago). And then, just when the anti-sharia forces were building up a good head of steam, a conservative blogger went and called the whole thing a hoax, citing “some of the people” who had been promoting the beware-the-mosque story. The Nashville Scene followed up with a unique approach: They called the Nashville Symphony and asked if the Schermerhorn was going to become a mosque. Nope. Cue the Adagio for Sad Trombones. Read more on Relax, Nashville, Your Symphony Hall Is Not Going To Become A Mosque…
  no country for old bigots

Islamophobe Nuts Decry Sharia Takeover of Nashville Hotel

The vicious professional Muslim-haters of the anti-religious freedom organization “Preserving Freedom Conference” were all set to make their pretty pennies holding a sweaty, paranoid circle jerk for Islamo-fear fetishists at the Hutton Hotel in Nashville, but the mean venue owners canceled their booking contract after they realized it might be bad for business to be seen hosting a gathering of feverish bigots. This, of course, can mean only one thing: BLAME THE SHARIA WITCH MAGIC, and organizers promptly declared the hotel under the spell of Allah’s oppressor demons.  Read more on Islamophobe Nuts Decry Sharia Takeover of Nashville Hotel…
  he is wisdom to the mighty he is succor to the brave

Basil Marceaux’s Exploiters Staged a Debate, and It Made Lincoln-Douglas Look Like a Conversation Between Two Retarded Baby Pandas

THERE HAVE BEEN GREAT MOMENTS IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICAN RHETORIC. Yet there has been only one occasion of pure, unadulterated genius. That’s what happened last night: a debate staged between the Internet’s favorite Tennessee gubernatorial candidate, Basil Marceaux, and two other crazies. Read more on Basil Marceaux’s Exploiters Staged a Debate, and It Made Lincoln-Douglas Look Like a Conversation Between Two Retarded Baby Pandas…
  post-racial relations

Sick of Arizona Hatreds? Here’s Some Tennessee Hatreds

Well this is just awful: an African-American couple who were about to close on a vacation home in Lebanon, Tennessee found “a drawing of a man hanging from a noose and a racial epithet sketched on the property’s masonry entrance,” reports The Tennessean. The couple, Kenneth and Deborah Boyd, say they “had to reassure” their teenage daughter “that they would be safe” on the property, after she saw the hate pictures. Lebanon needs moar hopey/changey. Read more on Sick of Arizona Hatreds? Here’s Some Tennessee Hatreds…
  rumors on the internets

Fox News Smells A Stinky Oil Conspiracy

Matt Yglesias is reaping the many benefits of “blogging whilst standing” — a yoga position championed by Donald Rumsfeld. [Matt Yglesias] A squadron of Eliot Ness Zombies raided a bar in Philly and confiscated a bunch of microbrew IPAs and a keg of Miller Genuine Draft Light 64. [Hit & Run] Read more on Fox News Smells A Stinky Oil Conspiracy…