Wonkette

Greasy shitsack Barack Obama has sold out yet again to the Corporates and Racists: “SI.com has learned that for the first time in history, a major presidential candidate may sponsor a race car in NASCAR’s premier series. According to sources, Barack Obama’s campaign is in talks to become the primary sponsor of BAM Racing’s No. 49 Sprint Cup car for the Pocono race on August 3. Details of the agreement are expected to be worked out over the coming days.” Oh ho ho, of course, a TELECOM IMMUNITY CUP CAR. Don’t spend all your blood money in one place, n00bama. [Sports Illustrated]

Mike Easley, the Democratic governor of North Carolina, lives in a house made of popsicle sticks (pictured). Today he will announce that while Barack Obama may have clinched the latest reality-show moron vote, Hillary Clinton has earned Easley’s enthusiastic endorsement. The governor’s nod is sure to help Clinton gain credibility with white working-class types who were already going to vote for her anyway. [Politico]

Here is John McCain, dressed in a Budweiser-NASCAR costume, with his $100-million-dollar wife, who owns Budweiser, and NASCAR hero and Iraq War promoter Dale Earnhardt (Junior), the president of the Confederacy. MORE »

Get tip about new Paultard idea… go to website… now it is race cars… click on any website button… quote silly words:

Were on the AIR! Ron Paul Racing blog is for discussion and brainstorming to get a Ron Paul Ad on a NASCAR Cup car for the upcoming Daytona 500 races. It is surely in the top 10 most watched sporting event in the world, even a few mentions of Mr. Paul will effect millions of people in the USA as well as the fact it will be broadcast of FOX!!

… Try to find words to describe stupid… fail… commenters try. [Ron Paul Racing]

Whoever runs Rudy’s campaign should just quit and hide and never pretend to know anything about politics again. I mean what was this? This? This? Get out of here, handlers, git! We need to talk to your boy Rudy for a sec. [Pause]. Rudy: you’re fourth in Florida now. We hate to see 9/11 fail, so we made you an ad and you can have it, gratis. We saw your bus hilariously riding around the Daytona race track, and that’s a start, but you need redneck music to go with redneck images to properly reach redneck people. We’ve added some tunage. Oh? You’re welcome.

Goddamnit Fred Thompson is an idiot. Idiot idiot idiot dumbface! The latest example: Because Rudy Giuliani attended a NASCAR race Sunday, Thompson was probably worried that his redneck capital was being infringed upon. To recover lost hick points in Iowa on Tuesday, Thompson made a NASCAR simile about Democrats. Surely his NASCAR voter base appreciated the comparison. MORE »

Presumably armed with a bag of pork rinds and a Styrofoam cooler of cheap beer, Rudy Giuliani attended Sunday’s NASCAR Nextel Cup Ford 400 race where he sputtered, spat and lisped about religious liberty, alternative fuels and A-Rod’s new contract. How did a Brooklyn-born kid get into NASCAR? Ask his third wife, Judith who apparently perfected her crazy-eyed 100-yard stare at many many NASCAR races. Giuliani a regular guy at NASCAR race [Palm Beach Post] MORE »

While Osama bin Laden continues to veg in some Pakistani anus pit, Homeland Security officials are turning their attention to treacherous biological agents in the United States: NASCAR fans. According to the Charlotte Observer, the House Homeland Security Committee recently planned a “fact-finding trip about public health preparedness at mass gatherings,” an intrusion that robber barons from the 1880s would surely smash their monocles over. Of course the massiest of gatherings our country ever sees are NASCAR races, where every attendee has death fever, AIDS or some other shit. Knowing this, the staffers preparing the trip suggested that all researchers going to races “get a range of vaccines before attending,” namely hepatitis A, hepatitis B, tetanus, diphtheria and influenza.

Sounds like some paranoid staffers have been playing too much Oregon Trail.

Congress Considers Concord Hazardous? [Charlotte Observer]
Photo via Light on Pixels