Tag Archives: nasa

  Get Your Nerd On

NASA Discovers Earthlike Planet For Donald Trump To Be President Of: Your Saturday Nerdout

But is it a 'Class M' planet?
It’s Saturday, and time to be ridin’ Nerdy. We really wanted to show you an allegedly cool video of Neil deGrasse Tyson explaining the history of the universe in under eight minutes, but it got “removed as a violation of YouTube’s policy on repetitive, misleading or inappropriate metadata.” So there you go: Not even NdGT can sneak “live nude girls” into metadata on a science video. Once those metadata issues get fixed — shouldn’t Neil have his own personal Mr. Scott? — we’ll give that sucker another try. Read more on NASA Discovers Earthlike Planet For Donald Trump To Be President Of: Your Saturday Nerdout…
  Here have some news n stuff

Butthurt Missouri County To Spend Year Mourning Gay-Murder Of Marriage

RIP straight marriage
There are sad losers and really sad losers, and then there’s this un-freaking-believably pathetic three-person commission in Dent County, Missouri, who unanimously voted to spend the next 12 months crying like Nancy Kerrigan with a skinned knee because BOO HOO GAY MARRIAGE. To demonstrate their “mourning” for the now-dead sanctity of one closeted man unenthusiastically humping his sexually unsatisfied wife every other Wednesday night with the lights off, the flag in front of the county courthouse will be lowered, until June 2016, to “below half-staff.” OOOOH, SICK BURN! Would be a sicker burn if they decided to turn the flag upside down while they’re at it: Read more on Butthurt Missouri County To Spend Year Mourning Gay-Murder Of Marriage…
  Are Side Bets Allowed?

Science Nerds To Climate Deniers: Wanna Bet ‘Climate Change’ Isn’t Real? For Real, Wanna Bet?

And Hitler believed in germs!
We’re pretty sure this counts as Nice Time, or something close to it: The Committee for Skeptical Inquiry (CSI), the pro-science group that challenges pseudoscience and paranormal claims, has challenged the climate-change deniers at the Heartland Institute, which loves telling the world that climate change is all just a big hoax and that there’s been no global warming since 1998, to put up or shut up. The terms of the challenge are pretty simple. If the Heartland Institute is so certain that there’s no global warming, then surely it would be willing to stake $25,000 on an easily provable question: Read more on Science Nerds To Climate Deniers: Wanna Bet ‘Climate Change’ Isn’t Real? For Real, Wanna Bet?…
  Here have some news n stuff

Of Course Fake ‘Black’ Lady Will Get Reality TV Show Now, Because America

Ready for her close-up
In our noble and oh-so-exceptional country, panels of men explain how ladies and their parts work, “not a scientist” politicians teach us about science and how it’s all fake anyway, and people who think we’re the U.S. of Jesus tell Jews how to be do Being A Jew correctly. So this sounds about right and exactly what we deserve. Black-but-actually-not Rachel Dolezal — who identifies as black because she really hates whitey (read: her parents, and they’re not the boss of her!) — can’t be president of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP anymore, so maybe she can be a reality TV star! It is the career choice for anyone who has failed at reality life. (See, for example, every reality TV star ever.) Read more on Of Course Fake ‘Black’ Lady Will Get Reality TV Show Now, Because America…
  Here have some news n stuff

People Have Paid Millions To Listen To George W. Bush, For Some Reason

Him?
The new rule is that making money is bad (if you’re a Clinton). And making money by charging speaking fees is bad (if you’re a Clinton). And being able to charge a TON of money because people really want to hear you say words is REALLY BAD (if you’re a Clinton). But the jury is still out if your name is George W. Bush: Read more on People Have Paid Millions To Listen To George W. Bush, For Some Reason…
  A Great Time To Major In Not Studying Things

Republicans Slash Money For NASA Because NASA Might Use It For Science

Go home, NASA, you're drunk
The House Science Committee, in a move that took absolutely no one by surprise, voted last week to slash NASA’s budget for Earth sciences, because apparently the planet we live on has had enough science done to it and doesn’t need any more. NASA is supposed to be about rockets and heroic space stuff, so the agency’s budget did get a nice additional $200 million for space flight, while roughly $300 million has been cut from the 2016-2017 budget for Earth sciences. Take that, Earth! Read more on Republicans Slash Money For NASA Because NASA Might Use It For Science…
  Take A Cruz On Denial

Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church

Get your denier bingo cards out!
In a bravura performance Tuesday, Ted Cruz crammed an astonishing number of lies about global warming into four minutes of a longer interview with Texas Tribune reporter Jay Root. It was really pretty impressive! Cruz asserted that “we should follow the science and follow the evidence” on climate change, and then proceeded to reel off a whole catalogue of distortions, half-truths, and outright lies that have been refuted again and again. He hit just about every space on the Climate Denial Bingo card; for the sake of our sanity, we won’t refute everything he said, just some of our favorite stretchers. Read more on Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church…
  Ground Control To Major Ted

Hero Ted Cruz Will Save Us All From NASA Studying Our Climate

JPL'S Orbiting Carbon Observatory 2
Ted Cruz is pretty darn annoyed with NASA these days, seeing as how it’s just been wasting a lot of taxpayer money studying the climate and foolishness like that. For heaven’s sake, everyone knows that NASA is supposed to be about space, and there is no climate in space. And that’s why he was ready to give a good talking-to to NASA Administrator Charles Bolden about all these stupid satellites that NASA has looking down at boring old Earth and its atmosphere and oceans, instead of looking out at other, more interesting things that are far away. So Cruz, who chairs the subcommittee that oversees NASA, kicked off a hearing last Thursday by asking Bolden just why NASA is ignoring its key mission of doing science to things that won’t cause problems for the fossil fuel industry. Read more on Hero Ted Cruz Will Save Us All From NASA Studying Our Climate…
  Here have some news n stuff

Idiot Republican Remembers Leonard Nimoy As Best Republican EVER!

What they said
For a guy who claims to be the hugest Star Trek fan in this galaxy or any other, Oregon state Rep. Bill Post is kind of a moron. After we learned last week of the death of Leonard Nimoy (not a Republican), who played the beloved (but, ahem, fictional) character of Mr. Spock (also not a Republican), Post took to the floor of the Legislature to pay tribute to an actor-slash-fictional-character who was, apparently, a better Republican than even Abraham Lincoln, St. Ronald Reagan, or Martin Luther King, Jr.: Read more on Idiot Republican Remembers Leonard Nimoy As Best Republican EVER!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Correction: Barack Obama Is Not In Fact The Antichrist

Manhater
Best newspaper correction ever or BEST EVER?Here’s the original letter. It’s quite something: Who and what is Barack Obama? Obama claims nobody can stop him or change anything he’s done. This evil must come to pass before the Lord’s return and the rise of the Antichrist, but you better know what evil you’re dealing with. Nobody is promised another minute of life upon this earth, and judgment comes at the time of your death. Read more on Correction: Barack Obama Is Not In Fact The Antichrist…
  Here have some news n stuff

Good Job, Everyone! 2014 Was The Hottest Year Ever, And It’s All Our Fault

We set a new record in 2014, heating our oceans and destroying this one and only planet we live on, but it’s OK because some “scientist” somewhere says it’s a hoax and God will take care of it anyway. High fives and trophies and gold stars for everybody! Read more on Good Job, Everyone! 2014 Was The Hottest Year Ever, And It’s All Our Fault…
  They're Doing Science And We're Still Alive

Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio Now In Charge Of Murdering Science In The Senate

We'd watch this, actually
It’s a great day to not believe in science, America! Sen. John Thune, chair of the Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee, has picked the perfect heads for two science subcommittees: Ted Cruz, who doesn’t like NASA doing science related to global warming, will head the Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness. And Marco Rubio, another climate denier and one of the first adopters of the “I’m not a scientist” meme, will chair the Subcommittee on Oceans, Atmosphere, Fisheries and Coast Guard, which of course has oversight of NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Gentlemen, start your fox and henhouse clichés! Read more on Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio Now In Charge Of Murdering Science In The Senate…
  Here have some news n stuff

At The Times, A Call For New York Cops To Do Their F*cking Jobs

Take a nap on your own time
It would seem the editorial writers of the usually sedate New York Times are a tad miffed about a thing. And it’s not how hard it is to find good help these days to make organic artisanal vegan food for Little Junior, or how the ladies need to stop being more successful than the menfolk and just marry whatever Tom, Dick, or Harry is interested. Nope, the Times is, in fact, righteously and justifiably a tad miffed — and by “a tad miffed,” we mean AS MAD AS HELL at New York’s “finest” — and they are NOT going to take it anymore: Read more on At The Times, A Call For New York Cops To Do Their F*cking Jobs…
  Here have some news n stuff

SCOTUS Throat-Crams Florida With Gay Marriage Because Duh, That’s What Happens Now

At this rate, we're going to run out of these
You really have to wonder why the “traditional marriage” crybaby bigots even bother anymore, when it’s so obvious that aside from the extra-ultra-conservatives who are in the teeny tiny minority, the highest court in the land does NOT want to hear their whining: Read more on SCOTUS Throat-Crams Florida With Gay Marriage Because Duh, That’s What Happens Now…
  Here have some news n stuff

House GOP Knows DC Voters Didn’t Mean to Legalize Weed

Not so fast, man
We all know how important it is to Republicans that the will of The People is never, ever overturned by some arbitrary branch of the eeeeevil Big Government. Like, say, when The People vote to ban rights for The Gay? Yeah, the government should stay the hell out of that. However, when the people vote to legalize marijuana, well, that’s a whole nother thing entirely, and it is obviously obvious that voters are idiots who need the government to step in and fix that for them: Read more on House GOP Knows DC Voters Didn’t Mean to Legalize Weed…
  Sweet Dreams And Flying Machines In Pieces On The Ground

Space Case Donald Trump Hates Private Enterprise Now

Burnin' out his fuse up there alone
An unmanned Antares rocket exploded seconds after liftoff from a facility in Virginia yesterday, with the total loss of a payload of food, water, and scientific experiments bound for the International Space Station. It was pretty spectacular: Read more on Space Case Donald Trump Hates Private Enterprise Now…