nasa
Newt Gingrich Still Angling For Job As Governor of Moon
The 2012 election is the collision of many, many smaller issues: Immigrants, and how they’re destroying everything; the disenfranchisement of Poors, due to laziness; that little issue of health care and who gets to blame whom for $700 billion in Medicare cuts. Plus deficits and tax rates and reproductive rights and Freedom and student loans [...]
CA Republicans Sue Hispanic Dem Candidate For Being Too Inspirational
A law firm with ties to the California GOP is deeply bothered to see Mexican-American Jose Hernandez’s name on the ballot for U.S. Congress (that is not the joke yet, but we could probably just stop there, ha ha) because he has listed himself as “astronaut” on the line for his occupation. Hernandez, the son [...]
Canada (Two Teenagers + Lego Man) Takes Over American Space Program
Things have not been going so well for America’s space program. We had a sad when we read about how the Obama Administration basically told Barack he could not have any exciting or inspirational “moon shot” programs, because everything had to go to Wall Street (heh heh). So not only did “moon shot”-style inspirational programs [...]
Some Guys: Obama Teleported to Mars With Us
The latest ploy to draw skepticism (or bizarre, unwanted fandom) to our $99 Million Dollar Man, President Obama, is to suggest that he teleported to Mars during a top-secret CIA mission to explore the planet in the 1980s. According to two guys named Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings, Obama, then known as one “Barry [...]
John Boehner’s Drunken Crying Ruins NASA Ceremony (VIDEO)
Were you lucky enough to have a real, live astronaut visit your elementary school back when public schools still existed? Bet the kids were so so super excited!!! We definitely were, because, of course, even a low- to middle-tier astronaut is several orders of magnitude cooler than anyone who hasn’t been weightless in Outer Space. [...]
Bored NASA Agents Now Invading Denny’s In Search of Moon Rocks
NASA had so much fun scaring the hell out of random horrified people by showering Earth with giant gobs of flaming scrap metal that they figured, “why break a streak?” So now they’re busy terrorizing and manhandling 74-year-old grandmother Joanne Davis for trying to sell a tiny speck of a moon rock that her late [...]
NASA Now Says Falling Satellite Will Maybe Destroy America Today
Have you heard about that no-big-deal falling six-ton bus-sized satellite that wasn’t really a risk for the United States? Well, NASA just changed its story, and now the U.S. is in the path of destruction. The satellite will fall out of space in a few hours. It might break up into pieces that mostly slam [...]
Dumb NASA Names Frozen Gas Giant Planet ‘Tatooine’ (Because It Has Two Suns)
The Kepler planet-hunting telescope has discovered something amazing 200 light years from our own dumb planet: a frozen gas giant about the size of Saturn, which orbits dual stars. So, other than it being a frozen gas giant the size of Saturn, the planet is exactly like the baked desert world of Tatooine from the [...]
Nice Spaceman Running For Senate From Washington State; Will End Minimum Wage & Colonize Space
You know things are horrible in American Politics when a guy campaigning for U.S. Senate on a platform of free trade/space colonization and ending the minimum age so bums can work as low-paid “government helpers” sounds more reasonable than actual senators currently in positions of great power. Courtesy of Wonkette commenter/operative AnnieGetYerFun, here’s some of [...]
Goodbye Forever To America’s Dreams of Space Travel (and Everything Else)
America’s half-century of manned spaceflight came to a crashing end (actually a safe landing) today as the space shuttle Atlantis completed the final flight of the entire NASA program. In a nation that refuses to care for its sick and find work for its tens of millions of idle people, sending a 1970s low-orbit glider [...]
Newt Gingrich Is Not Allowed In the Republican Party Anymore
Uh oh, you guys, a Republican presidential candidate Said a Thing Yesterday, and considering there was no higher profile candidate to trump (PUN?!) his thing, Newt Gingrich is your official Monday morning Guy Who Said a Thing Yesterday. On Meet the Press (which confirms that this happened Sunday, because if it’s Sunday), criticized the Republican [...]
NASA Scientist Finds Evidence Life Came To Earth On Meteorites
Look up there tonight, in the sky. According to a distinguished scientist at NASA’s Marshall Space Flight Center, a whole bunch of bacterial life arrived here on Earth inside a rare kind of meteorite that just happens to break apart on contact with water. Do those people always giving you hell look like aliens? Maybe [...]
Giffords’ Husband To Go Be Civil With Space Aliens In Space
Mark Kelly, husband of wounded Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, will fly the space shuttle Endeavour’s final mission in April, according to a source familiar with the decision. This is his Sputnik moment. He’s had it rough. Can we let him blow up the Moon? Anyway, we were sort of wondering what happens when you cry in [...]
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