So here’s this new affecting radio spot from the American Future Fund, in which Nancy Pelosi is a pirate, right?, because her last name begins with “P”. No, wait. Nancy Pelosi is like the Speaker of the House pirate who is forcing all the other Congress pirates to walk the plank, even though they’re her own crew members. It’s like actual pirates do, yeah? [YouTube]

Joe Lieberman’s above-ground slime cave was not the only office that was invaded and briefly colonized yesterday: 12 anti-abortion people were arrested outside some suite that belonged to Nancy Pelosi and were charged with all kinds of distinctions within the disorderly conduct family. The AP does not want to assume these people were associated with the tea bag people—”the speaker’s staff said those arrested were objecting to language in the health care overhaul that they said would allow federally subsidized abortions”—but it’s definitely safe to just go ahead and assume that they absolutely were. [AP]

Hooray, America is free! Unless Steny Hoyer memorized the House health care bill verbatim — AS WAS YOUR JOB STENY — and can transcribe it by votin’ time Saturday night, Pelosi’s AbortionCare is gone forever, strewn about on the floor outside her office. Independent and moderate voters must be so impressed with the Republican leaders’ professionalism today. [TwitPic/Mike Madden]

Ohio player Tony Walker sends us this picture of a super-scary Halloween yard display, in his yard, in Ohio. “I stole the TeaBagger style for the sign (lettering and such) but restructured the message to a leftest/socialist theme,” Tony types to us. So is this our first “costume picture” of Halloween Eve? Come on people, send your political fun costume pix NOW. But don’t go as “Sexy Nancy Pelosi” because that one’s taken … by Nancy Pelosi!

Violent anti-abortion galoot Randall Terry, as manifested on YouTube by this classically trained thespian, would like everyone to do something this Halloween season: form little backyard parties to burn effigies of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid (as well as any nearby pumpkins! Halloween theme!) Here is the preview of something like that, presumably inspired by the recent fantasy film Inglorious Basterds. [Washington Independent]

Meet “Col. Lou Huddleston.” He is running for Congress in North Carolina against Democratic incumbent Larry Kissell! But if “Col. Lou Huddleston” shuts his eyes and wishes hard enough and promises to be really really good, he’s 50% positive he can actually run against Nancy Pelosi. MORE »

Stray boys and cats are already camping outside of Target in hopes of procuring a SARAH PALIN NAUGHTY ALASKAN MAID HALLOWEEN COSTUME (one size fits all). Complete with a moose pelt mini skirt, an apron/Twitter feed, a GOP debit card and a boner-inducing book deal, industry analysts predict the nipple-hardening Alaskan get-up will be an easier sell than IRAQI WMDS! … MORE »

• Introducing: Lip gloss that transforms into a secret date rape drug test kit! Hallelujah! Now you can let that Republican Senator buy you thousands of Flirtinis. Ah, peace of mind. [The Daily Dish]
• Rush Limbaugh can only tell the truth because his son wished it so, when he blew out his birthday candles. Wikiquotes, on the other hand … lies lies lies. [RedState]
• Will Matt Yglesias be able to use his Flux Capacitor to go back in time and prevent himself from reading Infinite Jest? No one knows. [Matt Yglesias]
• The RNC has found new footage that suggests Hitler spent his last days in the Führerbunker pouting about Nancy Pelosi and her shared vision of an Aryan public option. [TPM]
• What will the ’10s be like? Will it be a fun decade? Maybe roller skates will have a comeback? Or will we regress into anarchy and burn tires in the cobblestone streets and eat space ice cream for nourishment? [AMERICAblog]

Speaking of Nancy Pelosi and Afghanistan and sexism, here’s a completely brilliant clip of cool-as-ice Harry Reid, the “Late-Middle-Aged Arthur Fonzarelli of Reno,” executing the latest attempt in his decades-long quest to “break the touch barrier” with Nancy Pelosi, finally. (And after all these years!) MORE »

• SHUT UP AND MAKE THE GENERAL A GODDAMN PIE: Republicans tend to hate it when ladies have jobs. They should be at home, pooping out babies, because of the Bible. Sometimes they conceal this hatred, sometimes they don’t, and sometimes they don’t in official NRCC press releases: “If Nancy Pelosi’s failed economic policies are any indicator of the effect she may have on Afghanistan, taxpayers can only hope McChrystal is able to put her in her place.” These vaginers don’t understand America, and War: our government ranks military commanders over civilian commanders, duh. [NRCC via Matt Yglesias]

Nancy Pelosi wakes up every day and picks something to make worse. Today it is the ostentatiously minor “Alan Grayson Affair,” in which Floridian Congressman Alan Grayson went sooo crazy at some Orlando Kinko’s and came back with sassy hyperbolic poster-boards. Anyway, so Nancy Pelosi could have easily been like, “Alan: just mumble some bad-faith apology on Rachel Maddow or whatever and we will reimburse you for the Kinko’s purchases.” It being Nancy Pelosi, she of course did the opposite. MORE »