Tag Archives: nancy pelosi

  Definitely More Said Than Done

Nancy Pelosi Sticks Confederate Flag In Republicans’ Eyeholes, Chaos Ensues

Sadly just a photoshop job
The fight over the Confederate Flag in the U.S. House of Representatives got weird Thursday, complete with shouting, bills being pulled off the floor, and, most terrifying of all, open and flagrant deployment of parliamentary procedure. The fuck-tussle was a sequel to Wednesday’s butthurt-fest by southern Republicans who sought to undo a Democratic move to limit display of Confederate flags in national cemeteries; in response, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi introduced a separate resolution that would have banned the display of Confederate symbols in the U.S. Capitol. Rather than going on record for or against the treason banner, Republicans voted instead to refer the bill to committee, essentially punting on the issue. Read more on Nancy Pelosi Sticks Confederate Flag In Republicans’ Eyeholes, Chaos Ensues…
  Et tu Nancy?

Democrats Betray Obama On Trade Deal, Guess He’s Done Being President Now

Hmm, yeah, still not funny
Looks like President Barry H. Bamz is officially in lame duck season, because on Friday, House Democrats stabbed him right in the back — they also betrayed, rejected, revolted, and rebelled! — blocking a bill to allow him to make super top secret trade deals with other countries. (That’s how trade deals are made, apparently. In secret. Because of sensitive things we humble folk couldn’t possibly understand and don’t need to know, yay for  transparency.) Read more on Democrats Betray Obama On Trade Deal, Guess He’s Done Being President Now…
  Bombs away!

House Republicans Find Billions Of Dollars Under Couch Cushions, Will Spend It On War

You know how we do not have any money? And we are drowning in debt? And we should abolish the IRS and the Department of Education and repeal all healthcare and privatize Social Security and “fix Medicaid” by killing it dead so we can drown the U.S. government in a bathtub? And Arizona Sen. Jeff Flake is real concerned that we spend a whopping $135k a year to quarantine cocoa plants so they do not die from disease and infestation and we do not run out of chocolate, and that’s a horrible waste of taxpayer dollars, and that’s why we’re so broke? Read more on House Republicans Find Billions Of Dollars Under Couch Cushions, Will Spend It On War…
  Here have some news n stuff

Americans Still Hate Hillary Clinton Less Than Every GOP Candidate Alive

Up to no good, maybe or maybe not
Remember how Hillary Clinton was finally vanquished and destroyed forever because of the latest whatevergate? Yeah, about that. CNN has a new poll with some bad news — for Republicans: Hillary Clinton continues to be a dominant force heading into the 2016 presidential election, according to a new CNN/ORC poll. The former secretary of state maintains a broad lead over the field of potential Democratic challengers she could face in a nomination contest and sizable advantages over the leading contenders from the Republican side in general election match-ups. Read more on Americans Still Hate Hillary Clinton Less Than Every GOP Candidate Alive…
  GOP and Iran sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Republicans Send Love Note To Iran That Obama Isn’t Really President, Wink Wink

Hey remember how I saved the country?
In an interesting maneuver of uber-patriotic diplomacy, Senate Republicans have decided to go rogue and educate Iran on how does the U.S. Constitution work, and how “President” Obama is, like, barely even the president: Read more on Republicans Send Love Note To Iran That Obama Isn’t Really President, Wink Wink…
  #Jokes

Lindsey Graham Real Sorry He Called Nancy Pelosi A Plastic-Faced Old Hag

He's a natural beauty
Sen. Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s most genteel gentleman and apparently the bastard son of John McCain (who knew?), has been testing the waters “to look beyond South Carolina as to whether or not a guy like Lindsey Graham has a viable path” to the White House. Read more on Lindsey Graham Real Sorry He Called Nancy Pelosi A Plastic-Faced Old Hag…
  Deja vu all over again

GOP Had So Much Fun Playing With National Security Funding, They’re Doing It Again This Week!

He's in charge here
If you loved last week’s edge-of-your-seat excitement about whether the Republican-controlled Congress would do its job and pass a bill funding the Department of Homeland Security, like a bunch of elected legislators whose job is to keep government agencies running, you will love this week’s edge-of-your-seat excitement about the exact same thing all over again! Read more on GOP Had So Much Fun Playing With National Security Funding, They’re Doing It Again This Week!…
  girls with high self-esteem

Science: Democrat Women Oppressing Democrat Men, By Beating Them In Elections Except When They Don’t

they have to be stopped
USA Today’s Ross Baker maintains a day job as a political science professor. This is a good thing for Ross. And while he is not the kind of scientist with the scary numbers that some Americans always mistrust, he is the kind of scientist who can write something so unique in its stupidity that it gets published in the editorial section of a national daily paper. Read more on Science: Democrat Women Oppressing Democrat Men, By Beating Them In Elections Except When They Don’t…
  I'm Not Mad Just Very Disappointed

Rick Santorum’s Tears Only Make New Pope And Nancy Pelosi Stronger

One! More! Time!
Can we establish something, dear Wonketteers? Can we all agree that the Pope really gets off on just straight-up trolling old prudes? It was just last week that Francis admitted that fracking is just the worst to the stunned silence of the pro-flaming-tap-water brigade, and it was only a few days ago that Il Papa made the salient point that Catholics don’t need to breed like rabbits because Jesus Christ, people, it is not the Irish famine. Read more on Rick Santorum’s Tears Only Make New Pope And Nancy Pelosi Stronger…
  declar...(hic)...ations

Peggy Noonan Shakes Off Six-Year Haze, Offers ‘Sophisticated And Sober-Minded’ Republicans Some Advice

She was living a nightmare. Sister Peggy Noonan of the Order of the Methaqualone Blackout had only meant to make a short trip down the island of Manhattan to marvel at the new Freedom Tower and ponder the hardy spirit of America. But her cab found itself at a complete standstill, trapped in a jam caused by thousands of the hoi polloi out protesting a black man’s choking death at the hands of an officer of the esteemed NYPD. Moved by their spirit, she threw her cabbie several of the Liberty dollar coins in her change purse and exited the vehicle, determined to walk among the people and commune with their spirits. Read more on Peggy Noonan Shakes Off Six-Year Haze, Offers ‘Sophisticated And Sober-Minded’ Republicans Some Advice…
  I Was A Idiot For The FBI

Shooty Screamy Former Police Chief: I Was An Undercover G-Man

Mark Kessler shoots a picture of a clown while pretending it is Nancy Pelosi
Remember that insane screamy gun-humper guy Mark Kessler, who got canned from his job as police chief of Gilberton, Pennsylvania, after posting a bunch of YouTube videos where he shot at photos of Nancy Pelosi and called on patriots to fight the tyrannical government and wanted to cleanse America of libtards, and liberal reporters and other enemies of freedom who all “take it up the ass”? The guy who even the “Oath Keepers” militia thought was a tad too radical? Last we heard from him, he was maybe going to get a reality teevee show or team up with another screamy shooty guy to form a legion of stupidheroes? Read more on Shooty Screamy Former Police Chief: I Was An Undercover G-Man…
  Primarily Boring

Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!

The nominee and his nipples
The last primaries of 2014 took place last night, and there’s a fun upset-not-upset in the mix! Up in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (God Save It! © Charles P. Pierce), lantern-jawed newcomer Seth Moulton became the first Democrat in 22 years to unseat a sitting congressman in a primary, beating scandal-plagued John Tierney by eight whole points. Get us up to speed here, Boston Globe, because not all of us are hardy lobstermen living on Boston’s North Shore. Read more on Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!…
  bring the family

Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!

  ATTENTION, LOVERS OF FREEDOM! We assume we’ll be seeing all of you Real Americans Saturday at noon. What’s that? You have plans to spend your Labor Day weekend eating warm potato salad by the lake, maybe burning some lawn clippings in defiance of local ordinances? To that we say NO. We do not give one good goddamn about your pre-marinated grillin’ steaks or your non-refundable cabin rental. Your presence is required elsewhere. Read more on Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!…