NADER ANNOUNCING RUNNING MATE RIGHT NOW, AT PREPPY CRAP SCHOOL: Presidential candidate from Hell, Ralph Nader, is announcing his running mate RIGHT NOW at George Washington University in the District of Columbia. Will it be a black lady, a blind hobbit, or one of those dastardly wicket goblins? We’ll let you know which of these three he chooses.

UPDATE: It is this human, “San Francisco Supervisor and Board President” Matt Gonzalez, who is either white or Mexican, but not black, female, a hobbit or a wicket goblin, as of this hour. [Ralph Nader]