Which not-gay Romney son is your favorite? Meet them all, after the jump!

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Kids today: what’s the matter with them? According to the Navy, they are actually aliens. Danger Room found a Navy recruiting powerpoint presentation and apparently these nutty “millennials” have crazy ideas about not joining the Navy. Why? Because they are “coddled” and “narcissistic praise junkies,” of course! Oh, and because of Iraq. Also did you know they have complicated text messaging codes? And if you want to convince them to sign their life away to Uncle Sam, you’ll need to crack that code. MORE »

* What other generals have names that rhyme with something treasonous? [Michelle Malkin]
* Lying has worked so well for the six years, why stop now? [Slate]
* Last time we spent $13,000 for cookies and brownies was never, because that’s more money than we’ve ever seen in our lives. [Think Progress]
* The MySpace friend race is the same as it’s been like pretty much this whole time. [Fresh Intelligence]
* Actually, Bill Richardson makes a pretty good point. [MSNBC]
* This time, OJ fucking did it, ok? [MoJo]
* Hey, the CEO of an oil company sent workers over to a senator’s house to do some work on it for free? Can you guess the senator? We bet you can! [Political Wire]
* Bush’s list of the 36 nations in Iraq doesn’t have 36 nations on it. This is how little it takes to lie to America. [TPM]

Well, happy Friday! (If this seems impenetrable, you’ll want to see this. Okay, “want” is not the right word.)

Leave General Petraeus Alone [Phillip Wilburn]

Think of something useless and trendy — something that wastes your time while adding absolutely nothing to your life or work while simultaneously exposing your identity and private information and whatever you’re doing at the moment to a world of sinister strangers who only want to steal your ID and rape you. Right, we are talking about Facebook, which is a sort of web-based rolodex that anybody can look at, on the Internet. IT’S A WEB 2.7 SENSATION OMFG IT’S ON THE COVER OF NEWSWEEK!!1!

Now, think about the most inappropriate possible industry to combine with a Facebook-style application. If you guessed “U.S. intelligence services” then go ahead and appoint yourself “spy czar” or whatever because you are right. And we are fucked. MORE »

Hey guys, Barry Obama’s birthday is tomorrow — and what better way to say you care than to leave him a semi-literate MySpace message? Animated gifs from scantily clad, barely-legal ladies and shirtless dudes with names like “Professor Pickle” (”Happy Birthday….the next one will be celebrated in the Oval Office. I can’t wait.” — his Revolutionary War-era Time Machine has allowed him to witness Barry’s August ‘08 coup!) or ♥lovely.lisa. (”Mr. Obama, You are very fake. and it is a shame and a disgrace how my foolish generation allows you liberals to brainwash them”) or “Sexy Vic” (”HEY BARAK / MR. PRESIDENT HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HOPE TO SEE YOU SPEND THE NEXT 8 IN THE WHITE HOUSE.”). Everyone on MySpace is pretty sure “Barak” is already President and also none of them have any fucking clue when the election is.

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With $300 million dollars, you’d think Mitt Romney could hire good help — but he only hires people he meets at Star Trek conventions. MORE »

Scientists had long argued that nothing could be stupider than an angry misspelled e-mail to a political website, but the creation of MySpace proved there is something ever dumber: the MySpace comment, becomes it comes with a picture of the author. MORE »

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When you think of Dennis Kucinich and JRR Tolkien, you’re obviously thinking of hobbits, right? WRONG. You are supposed to be thinking about Kucinich’s hot young wife, a “6-foot-tall willowy redhead who has been compared to Arwen Evenstar, the Lord of the Rings character.” MORE »

Look, we know. When you log into MySpace, one of the “cool new people” it offers up for your stalking purposes is a presidential candidate. We’ve already run two examples of this due to a guest editor mixup. Yet still, you send them in. By the dozens, every day, screengrabs of Dennis Kucinich and Rudy Giuliani and Ron Paul in the little corner box next to two random idiot teenagers. MORE »