Tag Archives: muslims

  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Perplexed By This Muslim Sportsball Man And His Exotic Ways (Video)

Actual penalty; Holding... the wrong religious beliefs
Stephen Colbert is just as puzzled as we were about the curious case of the Kansas City player who was penalized for Muslim Tebowing — especially after the NFL decided, no, that wasn’t a penalty after all. It’s not so much the religious freedom question that has Colbert perplexed as a more fundamental matter: Why are Islamazoids like Husain Abdullah even playing in the NFL “if they’re not allowed to touch pig skin? What’s gonna happen? We’re gonna have to switch to Halal balls.” Read more on Stephen Colbert Perplexed By This Muslim Sportsball Man And His Exotic Ways (Video)…
  One Ringy Dingy

Arkansas Hero Lady Bans Muslims From Gun Range So They Can’t Cut Off Your Head

The tinny tones of Jihad!
In a world where scary Muslims are cutting off heads every few minutes, and where scary Muslims are also just generally being scary all the time, it only makes sense to be scared of Muslims, and to keep your business safe from them. That’s why Jan Morgan, owner of the Gun Cave Indoor Firing Range in Hot Springs, Arkansas, has declared her business to be a “Muslim-Free Zone.” She has a pretty good reason, too, which we’re sure will be very convincing to anyone who tries to argue that Title II of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 might apply to her business: Read more on Arkansas Hero Lady Bans Muslims From Gun Range So They Can’t Cut Off Your Head…
  Freakout Level: Pants-Filling

Wingnuts Sure Oklahoma Beheading Suspect Proves Jihad Is Here

Alton Nolen, from a prior arrest
The wingnuttosphere is very excited about the implications of a terrible crime today at Vaughan Foods, a warehouse and distribution facility in Moore, Oklahoma (disgusting details follow, no way around it): Read more on Wingnuts Sure Oklahoma Beheading Suspect Proves Jihad Is Here…
  Surrey with the lunatic fringe on top

Oklahoma Lawmaker Definitely Not Racist Against Muslim Islamics, Because Dictionary

He seems nice
Oklahoma state Rep. John Bennett is just an ordinary America-loving guy who resents being called a “racist” or an “Islamophobe” just because he tells the absolute undiluted truth about Islam, which is that it isn’t really a religion, but is instead a social and political movement that is aimed at world domination and destroying western culture. Oh, and also, it’s “a cancer in our nation that needs to be cut out.” But he means that in a fact-based way, not a hateful or phobic kind of way. Read more on Oklahoma Lawmaker Definitely Not Racist Against Muslim Islamics, Because Dictionary…
  Snake Oil Cowboy

Ted Nugent Poops Pants Again

Inexplicably neither jailed nor dead
Walking Teabagger Id Ted Nugent is a man who knows what’s going on in the world. He is a fellow with what the French call the savoir faire, or “Savory Fairies” as we would say. And sure, maybe some of his prognostications haven’t quite come to pass just yet, such as the Absolute Tyrannical Monarchy of Barack Obama, or that disappointingly inaccurate prediction that he’d be dead or in jail by April 2013. But you can’t be as hell-raising a wango ze tango full-auto full-metal jacketed Patriot sonofagun as Ted Nugent without the occasional off day, or decade. What we’re getting at is that Ted knows stuff, man. And what Ted knows this week is that 1) Thursday is the anniversary of 9/11; 2) ISIS is one scary bunch of maniacs and they are very definitely coming across our completely unprotected borders right now; 3) Barack Obama is still a big pussy weakling subhuman mongrel sumbitch, not that Ted means that in a racist way; and 4) Guns solve everything. Read more on Ted Nugent Poops Pants Again…
  He Also Shares A Name With A Muppet On Socialist Public TV

Victoria Jackson Will Root Out The Muslim Menace (Grover Norquist)

You just knew this would come out
American Hero and unsuccessful county supervisor candidate Victoria Jackson is very concerned about the Muslim Threat in America, of course, and is especially sad to see that even supposed conservatives like Grover Norquist are secretly helping to help Sharia Law creep into Our America. And so she has published a very thoughtful examination of Grover Norquist’s disloyalty to America, in a two-part series that is Just Asking Questions: Is Republican Grover Norquist Connected to Islamic Terrorists? Also, Who is Grover Norquist? Friend or Foe? Read more on Victoria Jackson Will Root Out The Muslim Menace (Grover Norquist)…
  Second Amendment Solutions to the First Amendment

No No, Kansas GOP Dude Definitely Not Gonna Shoot All The Muslims, He Swears

Some smalltime GOP loser in Kansas — but we repeat ourselves — is super sorry he twitted that tweet about “offending” Muslims “with a .45.” Didn’t mean it dudes, totally sorry, hell he ain’t even own a gun! (And if tweeting about shooting Muslims won’t get him removed from his GOP office — AND IT WON’T — the fact that he’s not strapped should do it.) Read more on No No, Kansas GOP Dude Definitely Not Gonna Shoot All The Muslims, He Swears…
  theocracy in action

Cool Georgia GOP Candidate Pretty Sure The First Amendment Doesn’t Cover Muslims

Let us tell you about how yr Wonkette accidentally made a monster years ago, and only now is that chicken coming home to roost. (Mixed metaphors, whatever, fuck off.) In 2010, we mock-endorsed some ridiculous wingnut nobody for a Georgia Congressional race, just because we could. Our endorsee, Jody Hice, ended up doing surprisingly well in that race, but did not ascend to a House throne. The confidence boost he got from our backing clearly never disappeared, however, as Hice has now flung himself at the GOP primary for the 10th district of Georgia seat. No less a luminary than Erick Erickson has endorsed Hice, so you know he’s a quality severe wingnut extraordinaire. He also is a super First Amendment defender, except for the part where he doesn’t believe that the First Amendment covers Muslims. Let’s check out Jody’s website for his stirring defense of religious liberty first, shall we? Read more on Cool Georgia GOP Candidate Pretty Sure The First Amendment Doesn’t Cover Muslims…
  your easter vomit

Stupidest Man On Internet Pretty Mad That Bamz Spent Easter Making Sweet Love To Muslims

Barack Hussein Obama committed the unpardonable sin of mentioning other religions in his Jesus Weed Day message, which was clearly an offense to God and a signal that he is hopelessly out of touch with the true message of Easter, which is that we must hate all Muslims forever. You see, what Obama did was to shockingly suggest that Muslims somehow share values with other people: Holy Week and Easter are times for reflection and renewal. We remember the grace of an awesome God, who loves us so deeply that He gave us his only Son … And we recommit ourselves to following His example, to love and serve one another, particularly “the least of these” among us, just as He loves every one of us. The common thread of humanity that connects us all — not just Christians and Jews, but Muslims and Hindus and Sikhs — is our shared commitment to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. To remember, I am my brother’s keeper. I am my sister’s keeper. Whatever your faith, believer or nonbeliever, there’s no better time to rededicate ourselves to that universal mission. For me, Easter is a story of hope – a belief in a better day to come, just around the bend. How! Dare! He! Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Pretty Mad That Bamz Spent Easter Making Sweet Love To Muslims…
  fox news unamerican committee strikes again

Allen West, Fox & Friends Expose Muslim Plot To Jihad America With Votes

You guys, there is some serious UN-AMERICAN activity happening, and we bet you don’t know about it! According to Allen West on Fox & Friends, there is a secret Muslim plot in America to… wait for it… become politically organized in order to push for policies that are more friendly towards Muslims. Now is the appropriate time to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Seriously, freak out, dammit. What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you freaking out! Did you not click on that video? Did you not see the graphic of “Islamic Extremism on the Rise,” with totally not-racist pictures of men in turbans wielding rocket-launchers? This threat will ruin American civilization and likely cause the death of all kittens, because it is THAT BAD. If your hands aren’t shaking too much, let’s scaresplore this threat to life, liberty, and religious freedom the American way.  Read more on Allen West, Fox & Friends Expose Muslim Plot To Jihad America With Votes…
  They're Under the bed

Don’t Blame Breitbart When Al Qaeda Murders The NYPD!

So, everybody was all Happy and Nice Timey about the New York Police Department ditching its “Demographics Unit,” a.k.a. Muslim surveillance unit, right? All it did was anger New York and New Jersey’s Muslim communities and screw with civil liberties, whilst producing exactly bupkis in terms of counter-terrorist intelligence, so everyone said, “Good riddance,” no? N-O, the answer is no, not everyone was happy to see this waste of money come to an end, because what part of Muslims do you not understand? Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home for Hysterical Xenophobes is SO MAD, you guys, about how political correctness has rolled the red carpet out for Al Qaeda to just attack New York whenever they want, go right ahead, nobody will stop you. As Breibart’s National Security Editor “Dr.” Sebastian Gorka notes, the NYPD has completely surrendered and is just waiting for Al Qaeda to come apply for murder permits at One Police Plaza. Read more on Don’t Blame Breitbart When Al Qaeda Murders The NYPD!…
  smallotry

Reminder: Rights Of Muslim Citizens Still Routinely Trampled In United States

That’s yr Wonkette’s shoulder and neck in the extreme right foreground. The ox-man in the flag polo was trying to steal our sign!   It seems like only yesterday that we could hardly believe some of the awful things people were doing to Muslims in the United States 2,000+ years after JC met his bio dad. But lately the big news has been “Gays win” and “Pot smokers win” and “Blacks still get murdered a lot” and “Mass shootings” and “IRS Ben Gozzi Obamacare!” That one is kinda Muslim, but we are talking about the quotidian traumas of being viewed as enemies by your own neighbors and government. These stories have lately been absent from the National Conversation, but have they been absent from real life? Read more on Reminder: Rights Of Muslim Citizens Still Routinely Trampled In United States…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: BYU-Idaho Fights The Battle Of The Boner, And Other Dispatches From The War On Stupid

Welcome, O Wonkers and Wankers, to another edition of the Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we clean the sticky residue of stoopid stories from our browser tabs, cut it with a secret mix of chemicals from Freedumb Industries, and serve it up to you in an elixir that’s easily as tasteful and memorable as Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey. Read more on Derp Roundup: BYU-Idaho Fights The Battle Of The Boner, And Other Dispatches From The War On Stupid…
  hooray!

Mississippi Senate Candidate Chris McDaniel Here To Warn Us About All That Hollywood Sharia Law Sex On Demand

This Mississippi Republican state Sen. Chris McDaniel, who has big dreams of being in the US of America Senate one day if he can primary that dirty liberal hippie Sen. Thad Cochran (R-Not Actually A Dirty Liberal Hippie) out of the way, sure seems like a real winner, at least by Mississippi standards. He loves him some neo-Confederate Klan rallies potlucks and Real Mericans love secession. And turns out in 2006, while he was co-hosting a wingnut radio show, he had some great protips for Hollywood: “It’s funny how the movies have portrayed themselves lately and how the video games have portrayed themselves lately,” McDaniel said in the segment. “There’s one person that cannot be a villain in Hollywood, ever. One group that cannot be villains. Who is that? [Cohost: The Muslims.] Yeah, isn’t that neat? They’ll go out of their way to find some Russian white guy that’s just nuts, and he’s the terrorist, which I’ve never seen that. But the Muslims, they’ve just disappeared from Hollywood’s radar.” Yup, that’s exactly our experience of movies as well, except that we are having a hard time thinking of any movie in which a Muslim does NOT play a terrorist. But nah, we’re sure McDaniel must be right because of, uh, stuff. Why can’t a handsome white man catch a break in Hollywood these days? Sheesh! Meanwhile, McDaniel also had some Deep Thoughts on other things that certainly qualify him, if not over-qualify him, for Mississippi Republican o’ The Year: Read more on Mississippi Senate Candidate Chris McDaniel Here To Warn Us About All That Hollywood Sharia Law Sex On Demand…
  all aboard the je-bus

PC Police End Hero Praying Bus Driver’s Mission To Save Muslim Children

A Minnesota school bus driver — who’s also a pastor at two Minneapolis churches — was fired from his bus-driving job last week for mixing up his two occupations. Needless to say, he believes that interfering with his evangelizing to a captive audience of children on a bus is a violation of his First Amendment rights. George Nathaniel received a warning and was transferred to a different route after the bus company received complaints from the Burnsville-Eagan-Savage school district, but wasn’t going to let some stupid Constitution of the United States get in His Way: “I let them know I am a pastor and I am going to pray,” he said. Because he has a special duty to be a Christian pastor when he is driving a school bus full of Muslim children, don’t people understand that? Read more on PC Police End Hero Praying Bus Driver’s Mission To Save Muslim Children…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium of Cads, Creeps, and Crazies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, that weekly big ball of wadded-up idiocy from our inbox that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that didn’t quite merit a full-length Wonket post. Up first, a quick visit to that land of fiscal restraint, North Carolina, where Gov. Pat McCrory presided over a 2013 legislative session that raised taxes on the poor and cut them on the rich, resulting in a projected $2 billion cut in state revenues over the next five years. The revenue loss will require huge cuts for social programs and public schools — after all, what can go wrong when you slash school budgets, anyway? — but times are hard, and you gotta be careful not to waste the taxpayers’ money. Which is why it only makes sense that Gov. McCrory is going to spend $230,000 on “remodeling bathrooms in his private living quarters at North Carolina’s Executive Mansion.” Sound like they’ll be really nice once the work is done: Planned upgrades include new marble, tubs and fixtures for six bathrooms on the upper floors of the Victorian-era home in Raleigh. We aren’t sure we can be too angry about this, though, since the last time the bathrooms in the Governor’s Mansion were refurbished was in the 1970’s. Gov. McCrory shouldn’t have to deal with all those fixtures in Avocado and Harvest Gold. Besides, there’s probably some extra costs involved in making sure the bathrooms aren’t compliant with Sharia law. You can’t be too careful about these things. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium of Cads, Creeps, and Crazies…
  not the cantaloupe guy actually

New York’s Peter King Yells ‘First!’ In GOP 2016 Comment Thread

Grumpy owl and New York congressman Peter King (R-IRA) announced this weekend that, having protected America from the Ground Zero Mosque and scary Muslims taking over America, he will now take his bigotry on the road and run for President of the United States. As the first GOP candidate to announce, he wins a special prize, which is for everyone to ask “Is he the IRA guy or the guy with calves the size of cantaloupes?” (Answer: Yes.) Read more on New York’s Peter King Yells ‘First!’ In GOP 2016 Comment Thread…
  i heart bigoted ex-governors

Mike Huckabee Has ‘Not Ruled Out’ Losing To Hillary Or Ted Cruz In 2016

Mike Huckabee, we can hardly even remember why we hate you! Oh yes, because you said the Newtown school horror happened because of abortion pills and how we expelled God from school. And also because you want to point guns at our heads to make us watch your nutty Jesus friend David Barton lie about history to us. And OMG, you know how he over-pronounces the “h” in “why,” like “huhwye?” That’s a capital offense right there. Oh, and there’s a new reason, which we will get to in a minute. Anyway, The POLITICO says Huckabee is “informally chatting with people, asking if they think there’s any value in my taking it to another level.” There’s another level? RESET! POWER OFF! UNPLUG! BREAK IN HALF! Right, so what’s that new reason we hate Mike Huckabee, and does it have anything to do with saying a terrible/hilarious thing about Muslims? Read more on Mike Huckabee Has ‘Not Ruled Out’ Losing To Hillary Or Ted Cruz In 2016…
  one of these things is not like the other

Pennsylvania GOP Governor Logically Compares Gay People To Dumb Little Children

Pennsylvania Republican Governor Tom Corbett is not a happy man. He is bound and determined to stop a county-level municipal employee from spreading human rights and dignity, because that is not appropriate on Corbett’s watch. Since July 24, a Montgomery County official, D. Bruce Hanes, has been issuing marriage licenses to any old Adam and Steve who apply — and has issued 154 marriage licenses to sodomites and lesbomites since then. Gov. Corbett knows that ya gotta keep a close eye on that shit, or pretty soon traditional marriage will be destroyed, which would force cows and goats to marry pineapples, obviously. Gov. Corbett’s administration is not taking this promotion of basic decency sitting down — they are fighting it in court, per Philly.com: In a brief Wednesday, state attorneys said those marriage licenses were never valid, and compared gay and lesbian couples to “12-year-olds” who are also barred from marrying under state law. Come on, 12-year-olds… everyone knows you need to go to Alabama. But while you work on getting those parental consent forms, let’s wonksplore this Pennsylvania issue some more.  Read more on Pennsylvania GOP Governor Logically Compares Gay People To Dumb Little Children…
  hindus buddhists and other muslims

What’s Bringing On The Apocalypse This Week? How About Immigration Reform?

Just in case plain old hating Messicans wasn’t enough reason to oppose immigration reform, Texas wingnut extraordinaire Cathie Adams, the former state GOP chair and current president of Texas Schlafly Rangers Eagle Forum, has found a new reason: on something called “End Times Radio” last week, she explained that the Senate’s immigration bill legislates the Mark of the Beast, and will bring about the End Times. Leaving aside the question of why that’s something Christianists want to delay — after all, it will get Jebus back here sooner — it feels like wingnuts are finding impending signs of the Apocalypse about as often as the House votes to kill Obamacare (which may or may not require you to have an RFID chip implanted in your butt, too). Read more on What’s Bringing On The Apocalypse This Week? How About Immigration Reform?…