Tag Archives: muslims

  Derp By Association

Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim

Now it can be told!
Warm up the Drudge Sirens, patriots! We have some major derp incoming at Bradlee Dean’s Clearinghouse For Stupid Shit That Not Even WND Would Publish, in the form of a major exposé of Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s family in The Kenya, which did you know is just crawling with Muslims? The piece, by wingnuts’ favorite ex-Muslim Walid “No Really, I was Totally a Terrorist” Shoebat, informs us that Barack Obama’s grandmother, Sarah Omar Obama (AKA “grandma Obama,” AKA “Grandma Sarah,” AKA “Mama Sarah,” which you’d think someone else would have trademarked) is a devout Muslim who recently visited Mecca, where she said nice things about Islam, if you can believe that! Read more on Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim…
  This will be just great

Disgraced Colorado Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt Will Hunt Demons In State Senate

Next he will be governor, then president, and after that king of the universe!
Colorado state Rep. Gordon “disgraced former Navy chaplain” Klingenschmitt, who is one of yr Wonkette’s favorites, has been in the Colorado House for a whole five minutes or so, and in that time he’s made a mark! Most recently, he was in the news because he went on his Funtime Afternoon Jesus Video Program and said that a truly gruesome attack on a pregnant woman happened because God hates ‘bortion so much, so he, in his infinite omniscient wisdom, sure showed that bitch! Read more on Disgraced Colorado Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt Will Hunt Demons In State Senate…
  Is Barack Obama Killing Christianity? We Are Only Asking.

Fox News ‘Democrat’ Kirsten Powers: I Can’t Believe Obama Drowned Those Christians!

Some things just never go out of style!
Fox News’s token Democrat on Outnumbered, Kirsten Powers, has had just about enough of Barack Obama’s silence on the persecution of Christians in the Middle East. For instance, when Obama held a joint press conference Friday with Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi, Obama just stood there and didn’t even condemn the murders of a dozen Christian refugees who were thrown from a migrant ship by Muslims on April 15: Read more on Fox News ‘Democrat’ Kirsten Powers: I Can’t Believe Obama Drowned Those Christians!…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: You Sheepy Sheeple Are Such Sheep!

To The Management: Please correct this image. I would never use Courier. On second thought, never mind. You'd just replace it with Comic Sans.
We have a Very Special Men And Women of Few Words edition of Dear ShitFerBrains for you today, because due to some odd alignment of the planets this week, we didn’t receive a single long, painful screed that ranged over everything from Benghazi to water fluoridation. Just a lot of staccato bursts of derp. And so the question must be asked: Is our trolls learning? Hahahaha, who are we kidding, of course not (As always, all spelling, spacing, and punctuation is reproduced verbatim). Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: You Sheepy Sheeple Are Such Sheep!…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Rand Paul Is A Genius, You Morons!

To the editors: I liked the old library better.
Today, an abbreviated Dear Shitferbrains, seeing as how Yr Doktor Zoom has Ebola again and also needs to do his taxes like the rest of the One Percent. Not surprisingly, we heard from a lot of butthurt Rand Paul fans this week, most of whom wanted to point out that a journalist’s job is to ask a question and then write down the answers, and not to keep asking her question when Rand Paul interrupts her to tell her that her question is not a good one. “John 440″ was simply aghast that we would even write about such a non-news moment: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Rand Paul Is A Genius, You Morons!…
  Extra crazy Florida Man for president

You Won’t Be Laughing When God Makes Koran-Burning Preacherman President, Muslims!

For a minute there we were worried that next year’s presidential race would be impossibly dull, which would be Bad for Yr Wonkette. Sure, Rick Santorum and Carly Fiorina and Rand Paul and Ted Cruz and Ben Carson and Rick Perry and Marco Rubio and Bobby Jindal and whoever the fuck else has joined the Republican clown car this week are Good for Comedy, which is Good for Yr Wonkette, but we all know Jeb Bush will be anointed by His Daddy’s Rich Friends sooner or later, and he will speak Hispanic at us and then he will win and we’ll begin bombing something in the Middle East, which is a Bush family tradition, hooray! Read more on You Won’t Be Laughing When God Makes Koran-Burning Preacherman President, Muslims!…
  Nowhere to run nowhere to hide

Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!

Hold on tight, Patriotic American Christians, for a calamity approacheth! The Pew Research Center has released a study that finds, if things keep going the way they are, there will be more Muslims than Christians in the world in 2070. You will be glad to know the Drudge Report is not freaking out over this or anything, naaaaah, they’re just posting a link to the story at the very top of their page, illustrated with a picture of a concerned little white girl who might be about to cry: Read more on Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!…
  He May Not Have Thought This One Through

Murder Of 3 Muslims Was Hate Crime Against Christians, Says Nutbag Christian

Retroactive Christians
Never one to miss the chance to make a tragedy just a little more awful, Colorado wingnut preacher/state legislator Gordon “Disgraced former chaplain ‘Dr. Chaps'” Klingenschmitt has decided that the terrible murder of three Muslim students in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, proves that Christians are in mortal danger in U.S. America. Read more on Murder Of 3 Muslims Was Hate Crime Against Christians, Says Nutbag Christian…
  beware those muslims being muslims in public!

Homeless Crazy Jesus Lady Knows Who’s Being Invaded By Muslims (It Is Oklahoma)

Guys, do you remember Christine Weick? Of course you remember Christine Weick. Christine Weick is the nice and not at all bugshit crazy American Patriot who drives around in her SUV from town to town — she is NOT HOMELESS, SHUT UP, SHE HAS A BANK ACCOUNT AND EVERYTHING — rambling on about Muslims and homosexuals and how Monster Energy Drinks are of the devil. And here’s the good news: She’s coming to save you, Oklahoma, from the scourge of the Islamics doing prayers to their false god and stuff. Read more on Homeless Crazy Jesus Lady Knows Who’s Being Invaded By Muslims (It Is Oklahoma)…
  Butt I can't even see race!

Tennessee Lawmaker Lady Named Butt Not Racist, Just Loves White People

Gather round, little children, your Tennessee Wonkette has a nice story for you! It is about one of our august state representatives, a gentlelady by the name of Sheila Butt, who once said there would be no global warming if we used more hairspray, but this is not about that. This is about the fact that Sheila is Not Racist. Everybody is being mean to her and saying she is racist, though, because she went on the Facebook recently to comment on a nice note from the Council on American-Islamic Relations encouraging Republicans to stop hating Muslims so much. Butt said what we REALLY NEED is a “Council on Christian Relations” and a “NAAWP,” which some dumb liberal media types are dumbly and liberally assuming might stand for National Association For The Advancement Of White People, but they are wrong. Read more on Tennessee Lawmaker Lady Named Butt Not Racist, Just Loves White People…
  Reality Be Damned

Tennessee Republicans Solve Pressing Problem Of Muslim No-Go Zones. In Tennessee.

A Tennessee representative has introduced a bill to outlaw those Muslimy “no-go zones,” which you may remember are not actually real. Of course that doesn’t much matter, because never let reality get in the way of a good dog whistle. The bill was introduced by state Rep. Susan Lynn (R-Fox News), and defines a no-go zone as: Read more on Tennessee Republicans Solve Pressing Problem Of Muslim No-Go Zones. In Tennessee….
  Nice time in Europe anyway

Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews

Not EVERYTHING is terrible
We all know that every single Muslim on this planet is personally responsible for terrorism because, FACT, that’s just how it works. The only exception is if Muslims denounce acts of terror carried out in the name of their faith, which they never do except for when they do actually do that — but even then, not really, let’s face it, they’re all terrorists who should go back to their own country (even if it’s America, get out anyway) because Jesus Thomas H. Jefferson didn’t write the First Amendment of the Bible to protect them. Read more on Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews…
  He'll be here all week and try the veal

Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again

Obama needs to watch more Fox News, obviously
Last week, President Obama committed the impeachable high crime of saying some historically accurate things at the National Prayer Breakfast about how Christians have also done some terrorism and violence and bad things in the name of spreading their faith, and they have not been perfect all the time since the first year of anno domini. Read more on Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again…
  no heart huckabee

Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer

Huckabee preparing to hold a shotgun to the head of a black American.
Dear practitioners of homogay buttsechs, Mike Huckabee — former Arkansas governor, Baptist minister, once and future failed presidential candidate, once and future Fox News host, Ted Nugent’s buddy (which does not at all make him a big ol’ hypocrite, no you shut up), America’s Great Moral Scold — would like you to know that he would just love to be your friend, because he doesn’t discriminate against friends based on their Lifestyle Choice, even if those Lifestyle Choices will condemn them to an eternity of roasting in perdition’s flames. Gosh, some of his friends use naughty words and drink the devil’s liquid, and Mike Huckabee is still their friend, because he is a Nice Guy. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer…