Tag Archives: muslims

  I'll take "false equivalency" for $500 Alex

Ted Cruz Wishes America Would Focus A Little Less On Buttsex, A Little More On ISIS

Definitely nothing sexy on his brain.
America, you have GAY SEX ON THE BRAIN. You are thinking about it right now, in fact! How else can Ted Cruz explain why everybody keeps asking him about things like “gay marriage” and “equality?” It’s obviously because The Liberals (read: everybody to the left of Ted Cruz’s dad and Genghis Khan) are just too busy thinking about guys boning each other to focus on the important stuff, like ISIS: Read more on Ted Cruz Wishes America Would Focus A Little Less On Buttsex, A Little More On ISIS…
  gross

Ma And Pa Duggar Still Trying To Make ALL The Babies, For Jesus

You can't tell, but the Duggars are doing sex to each other RIGHT NOW.
It would seem that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have taken your Wonkette’s advice, about how they need more babies, since the Muslims are going to outnumber the Christians very, very soon (55 years from now). So off to the marital bed they have been skipping, because according to their own words, they’ve been fuckin’. In a new interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, they explained that they are SO EXCITED that their grown-up opposite-married kids are having all the babies (three this year, which is far more output than Michelle ever was able to manage when the Duggar Vagina Clown Car industry was a one-woman operation), and if The Lord is still interested, they’d love it if He would put some more Duggar babies in her babycave, via the holy rod and staff of Jim Bob: Read more on Ma And Pa Duggar Still Trying To Make ALL The Babies, For Jesus…
  let's challenge her to a rap battle

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it’s time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week’s top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss the picture above, which Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, shared on the Twitter after her husband’s charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield. Is Ann Romney in a gang now? PROBABLY, because she is so street. She told the Twitter that she was very excited to be part of “Mitt’s posse.” Anybody who coughs up a video of Romney (husband OR wife) twerking wins an “Obamaphone.” Read more on Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth

No, *you're* the most basic of jokes.
It’s been a quiet week in the old deleted comments queue; we somehow managed not to trigger any long manifestos from wingnuts about sovereignty or the UN Agenda 21 plot to pollute and impurify our precious bodily fluids. We’ll try harder. We did get one notable tsk-tsk about our terrible conduct from “TheLongVersion,” who was not at all pleased with all the cruelty directed toward poor innocent George Zimmerman, who once again found himself in trouble last week: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth…
  America is cancelled

Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack

Definitely not an NWA fan.
Bill O’Reilly is very upset. A new Pew poll has shown that the super-majority of Americans who identify as Christian is not quite as super as it used to be. Just eight years ago, 78.4 percent of the population was Christian, and now that number is only 70.6 percent, sadface. So who is to blame? Is it the Jooz and the Muslims? MAYBE! Their numbers have grown by a whopping 0.2 percent and 0.5 percent, respectively. They are attacking Americans with their matzoh balls and their Sharia law! But no, the real culprit is the “unaffiliated” lot, who are now a full 22.8 percent of the population. Bill O’Reilly knows what it causing this, and it is rap music: Read more on Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack…
  lol

Allen West Got Sharia Law All Over Him In The Walmart Checkout Line

What Allen West sees when he closes his eyes.
Look, disgraced torturer Allen West is scared of Muslims. They’re everywhere! It used to be they were just in Iraq, and he could handle the situation by pretending to kill them and discharging bullets right next to their heads, but now the Muslims are in America, and not only are they voting, they are also doing Sharia law to him in the checkout line at Walmart. This is a thing that happened, and Allen West was the victim: Read more on Allen West Got Sharia Law All Over Him In The Walmart Checkout Line…
  weep for the oppressed Christian majority

North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever

If you don't pray in Jesus's name, the big guy in the sky can't hear you.
North Carolina’s Lincoln County doesn’t have any Jewish, Muslim or Hindu houses of worship, but that does not mean the godless liberal Ay-rabs, with their San Francisco Sharia Law values, aren’t currently attacking the poor Christians who populate the rural county. This is why Carrol Mitchem, chairman of the Lincoln County Board of Commissioners, has chosen a particularly stupid passion in life, which is making sure all county meetings start with prayers to Jesus, only Jesus, and definitely none of them Funny Gods from Foreigner-ville: Read more on North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever…
  Derp By Association

Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim

Now it can be told!
Warm up the Drudge Sirens, patriots! We have some major derp incoming at Bradlee Dean’s Clearinghouse For Stupid Shit That Not Even WND Would Publish, in the form of a major exposé of Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s family in The Kenya, which did you know is just crawling with Muslims? The piece, by wingnuts’ favorite ex-Muslim Walid “No Really, I was Totally a Terrorist” Shoebat, informs us that Barack Obama’s grandmother, Sarah Omar Obama (AKA “grandma Obama,” AKA “Grandma Sarah,” AKA “Mama Sarah,” which you’d think someone else would have trademarked) is a devout Muslim who recently visited Mecca, where she said nice things about Islam, if you can believe that! Read more on Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim…
  This will be just great

Disgraced Colorado Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt Will Hunt Demons In State Senate

Next he will be governor, then president, and after that king of the universe!
Colorado state Rep. Gordon “disgraced former Navy chaplain” Klingenschmitt, who is one of yr Wonkette’s favorites, has been in the Colorado House for a whole five minutes or so, and in that time he’s made a mark! Most recently, he was in the news because he went on his Funtime Afternoon Jesus Video Program and said that a truly gruesome attack on a pregnant woman happened because God hates ‘bortion so much, so he, in his infinite omniscient wisdom, sure showed that bitch! Read more on Disgraced Colorado Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt Will Hunt Demons In State Senate…
  Is Barack Obama Killing Christianity? We Are Only Asking.

Fox News ‘Democrat’ Kirsten Powers: I Can’t Believe Obama Drowned Those Christians!

Some things just never go out of style!
Fox News’s token Democrat on Outnumbered, Kirsten Powers, has had just about enough of Barack Obama’s silence on the persecution of Christians in the Middle East. For instance, when Obama held a joint press conference Friday with Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi, Obama just stood there and didn’t even condemn the murders of a dozen Christian refugees who were thrown from a migrant ship by Muslims on April 15: Read more on Fox News ‘Democrat’ Kirsten Powers: I Can’t Believe Obama Drowned Those Christians!…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: You Sheepy Sheeple Are Such Sheep!

To The Management: Please correct this image. I would never use Courier. On second thought, never mind. You'd just replace it with Comic Sans.
We have a Very Special Men And Women of Few Words edition of Dear ShitFerBrains for you today, because due to some odd alignment of the planets this week, we didn’t receive a single long, painful screed that ranged over everything from Benghazi to water fluoridation. Just a lot of staccato bursts of derp. And so the question must be asked: Is our trolls learning? Hahahaha, who are we kidding, of course not (As always, all spelling, spacing, and punctuation is reproduced verbatim). Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: You Sheepy Sheeple Are Such Sheep!…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Rand Paul Is A Genius, You Morons!

To the editors: I liked the old library better.
Today, an abbreviated Dear Shitferbrains, seeing as how Yr Doktor Zoom has Ebola again and also needs to do his taxes like the rest of the One Percent. Not surprisingly, we heard from a lot of butthurt Rand Paul fans this week, most of whom wanted to point out that a journalist’s job is to ask a question and then write down the answers, and not to keep asking her question when Rand Paul interrupts her to tell her that her question is not a good one. “John 440″ was simply aghast that we would even write about such a non-news moment: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Rand Paul Is A Genius, You Morons!…
  Extra crazy Florida Man for president

You Won’t Be Laughing When God Makes Koran-Burning Preacherman President, Muslims!

For a minute there we were worried that next year’s presidential race would be impossibly dull, which would be Bad for Yr Wonkette. Sure, Rick Santorum and Carly Fiorina and Rand Paul and Ted Cruz and Ben Carson and Rick Perry and Marco Rubio and Bobby Jindal and whoever the fuck else has joined the Republican clown car this week are Good for Comedy, which is Good for Yr Wonkette, but we all know Jeb Bush will be anointed by His Daddy’s Rich Friends sooner or later, and he will speak Hispanic at us and then he will win and we’ll begin bombing something in the Middle East, which is a Bush family tradition, hooray! Read more on You Won’t Be Laughing When God Makes Koran-Burning Preacherman President, Muslims!…
  Nowhere to run nowhere to hide

Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!

Hold on tight, Patriotic American Christians, for a calamity approacheth! The Pew Research Center has released a study that finds, if things keep going the way they are, there will be more Muslims than Christians in the world in 2070. You will be glad to know the Drudge Report is not freaking out over this or anything, naaaaah, they’re just posting a link to the story at the very top of their page, illustrated with a picture of a concerned little white girl who might be about to cry: Read more on Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!…
  He May Not Have Thought This One Through

Murder Of 3 Muslims Was Hate Crime Against Christians, Says Nutbag Christian

Retroactive Christians
Never one to miss the chance to make a tragedy just a little more awful, Colorado wingnut preacher/state legislator Gordon “Disgraced former chaplain ‘Dr. Chaps'” Klingenschmitt has decided that the terrible murder of three Muslim students in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, proves that Christians are in mortal danger in U.S. America. Read more on Murder Of 3 Muslims Was Hate Crime Against Christians, Says Nutbag Christian…
  beware those muslims being muslims in public!

Homeless Crazy Jesus Lady Knows Who’s Being Invaded By Muslims (It Is Oklahoma)

Guys, do you remember Christine Weick? Of course you remember Christine Weick. Christine Weick is the nice and not at all bugshit crazy American Patriot who drives around in her SUV from town to town — she is NOT HOMELESS, SHUT UP, SHE HAS A BANK ACCOUNT AND EVERYTHING — rambling on about Muslims and homosexuals and how Monster Energy Drinks are of the devil. And here’s the good news: She’s coming to save you, Oklahoma, from the scourge of the Islamics doing prayers to their false god and stuff. Read more on Homeless Crazy Jesus Lady Knows Who’s Being Invaded By Muslims (It Is Oklahoma)…
  Butt I can't even see race!

Tennessee Lawmaker Lady Named Butt Not Racist, Just Loves White People

Gather round, little children, your Tennessee Wonkette has a nice story for you! It is about one of our august state representatives, a gentlelady by the name of Sheila Butt, who once said there would be no global warming if we used more hairspray, but this is not about that. This is about the fact that Sheila is Not Racist. Everybody is being mean to her and saying she is racist, though, because she went on the Facebook recently to comment on a nice note from the Council on American-Islamic Relations encouraging Republicans to stop hating Muslims so much. Butt said what we REALLY NEED is a “Council on Christian Relations” and a “NAAWP,” which some dumb liberal media types are dumbly and liberally assuming might stand for National Association For The Advancement Of White People, but they are wrong. Read more on Tennessee Lawmaker Lady Named Butt Not Racist, Just Loves White People…
  Reality Be Damned

Tennessee Republicans Solve Pressing Problem Of Muslim No-Go Zones. In Tennessee.

A Tennessee representative has introduced a bill to outlaw those Muslimy “no-go zones,” which you may remember are not actually real. Of course that doesn’t much matter, because never let reality get in the way of a good dog whistle. The bill was introduced by state Rep. Susan Lynn (R-Fox News), and defines a no-go zone as: Read more on Tennessee Republicans Solve Pressing Problem Of Muslim No-Go Zones. In Tennessee….
  Nice time in Europe anyway

Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews

Not EVERYTHING is terrible
We all know that every single Muslim on this planet is personally responsible for terrorism because, FACT, that’s just how it works. The only exception is if Muslims denounce acts of terror carried out in the name of their faith, which they never do except for when they do actually do that — but even then, not really, let’s face it, they’re all terrorists who should go back to their own country (even if it’s America, get out anyway) because Jesus Thomas H. Jefferson didn’t write the First Amendment of the Bible to protect them. Read more on Norway’s Muslims Did Not Get Fox News Memo, Will Do Nice Things For Jews…
  He'll be here all week and try the veal

Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again

Obama needs to watch more Fox News, obviously
Last week, President Obama committed the impeachable high crime of saying some historically accurate things at the National Prayer Breakfast about how Christians have also done some terrorism and violence and bad things in the name of spreading their faith, and they have not been perfect all the time since the first year of anno domini. Read more on Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again…