music
Your Rockin’ Wonkin’ New Year’s Eve Playlist
It is New Year’s Eve, which means you will be putting all kinds of pressure on yourself to have an AMAZING TIME, and if you’re single, this pressure to have an AMAZING TIME will be accompanied by extra pressure to meet a PERFECT SOMEONE. This is very silly, but in the event that this is [...]
Wacky British Floppybums Clearly Unprepared for Olympics, Murder Bells Flying Everywhere
Drat, the bell! Did no one think of securing the bells? Hells bells, drat drat drat bollocks, splat. Here is Tiddlywinks McNinnypants, the UK’s “Secretary of State for Culture, Olympics, Media and Sport,” trying to ring a bell, like all British people are required to do during their lunch breaks, and whoops, there goes the [...]
Bruce Springsteen Won’t Even Give Superfan Chris Christie a Handsie
Chris Christie has been to 129 Bruce Springsteen shows, dancing, singing along, jiggling, right up there in the front, while the absolute most overrated musician of all time “The Boss” sings his tunes about 9/11 and the farms and stuff. And over the course of these 129 concerts, how many times has Springsteen climbed down [...]
The GOP Is Throwing Sticks and Stones At The President
Make beautiful music with today’s news! Or steal it, you jerky jerkface. The GOP is encouraging people to hurl “vulgarities” at the President. We at Wonkette know none of you commenters would stoop that low! You’re all a bunch of saints, really. [Washington Post] Mitt Romney should use his Mormonism as a selling point. Well, [...]
High School Principal Defies Lee Greenwood, And No One Defies Lee Greenwood
We all know that Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless The USA” is the official song of Real America and 9/11 and fuckin’ shit up in general. There we were after the day that changed everything, singing Lee Greenwood in unison, sobbing, everywhere around the country, everyday, to honor George Bush and his impending wars on the [...]
Wingnuts Debut Boot-Scootin’ English-Only Anthem For Antonin Scalia (Video!)
Looks like we missed a fiesta grande outside the Supreme Court yesterday, where everyone gathered to gaze in awe at Antonin Scalia as he called your abuelita a bandita. Most of those gathered, according to our spies on Twitter, were just huge Mexicans being a bunch of gangsters whenever they weren’t busy napping under sombreros [...]
Mitt Romney Trying Really-Super-Hard-You-Guys With Spotify Playlist of Sadness
Hey you guys! Common dude/man of the people/human being made of many kinds of tissue and various organs Mitt Romney has released his “Spotify” playlist for a lighthearted “road trip”-themed look into beepboopbeepERRORERRORERRORERROR. In other news, many people who were just trying to drink a goddamned beer and post a few things for Friday larfs [...]
Man Writes Spectacularly Bad Song, ‘Stand With Governor Walker’
Glen Shulfer is an authentic, honest-to-god supporter of Wisconsin Governorish Scott Walker, but he is a musician first, and by first we mean, Oh my word, this guy has written songs: “Dog Bone Blues,” “You Never Do What I Say” and “Hidden Princess” are the titles of just three of Shulfer’s too, too many compositions, [...]
Obama Attempts to Win Back America With Tiny Musical Moment
Thursday night at a fundraiser in Harlem, Obama was having a way better time than the Republican candidates, and at one point broke into song, honoring Reverend Al Green, who was at the event. Obama sang “Let’s Stay Together” (indeed) for about six seconds, in the middle looking down at the podium for a reflective [...]
Lawsuit Forces Charlie Crist To Make Humiliating YouTube Apology Video
If he hadn’t tried for the Senate, Charlie Crist might be running for president right now. Instead, as the result of that David Byrne lawsuit, he looks like he was kidnapped while out selling his wedding ring at a pawn shop and has been forced at gunpoint to read off a list of demands in [...]
Teabaggers Continue To Prove How Not Racist They Are…IN SONG!
COME ON BLACK PEOPLE, It’s about time you acknowledged all the great things Republicans have done for you in the last 50 years! You ARE the Tea Party!
Novelty Song-Writer Ray Stevens Is the Bard of the Teabaggers
Ray Stevens is a 71-year-old singer-songwriter who was popular in the 1970s and 80s for his funny novelty songs such as “Ahab the Arab” (pronounced “A-rab”) and “The Mississippi Squirrel Revival” and “It’s Me Again Margaret,” all of which your afternoon editor recommends for their high kitsch value. But now this silly song-man’s career has [...]
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