Last year, poor ol’ Johnny Walnuts spent 75 percent of his campaign either changing Sarah Palin’s runny diapers or apologizing to once-famous musicians for using their songs in campaign commercials that nobody watched. One of those musicians was Jackson Browne, who, like John Mellencamp, could have had a brilliant career as a composer of truck commercial jingles, but instead decided to waste his talents on being a liberal. MORE »

It’s Liz Glover! Hi Liz, to whom are you speaking to on the videophone today? Ah, it is Questlove from The Roots, in DC for the Rock the Bells deal, with some important conspiracy theories about Sarah Palin and the RNC! MORE »

This young man from Louisiana calls himself “Hurricane Chris.” The Internet tells us that he is famous among children for a rap song called “Halle Berry (She’s Fine),” the lyrics of which praise the actress’ Oscar-winning turn in the film Monster’s Ball. Recently he put on a concert for the Louisiana legislature. Hmm. [Political Derby]

The demise of Screen on the Green has left many of you distraught, contemplating death and wishing you lived in a world where outdoor movies never even existed in the first place. SUCK IT UP! Things end. It’s a recession. Worse things could have happened: you could have been tortured, Sarah Palin could be the VP right now, or China could stop buying our debt in which case we would REALLY be screwed. But thankfully, not all of our favorite DC summer institutions have fallen victim to the financial crisis. Tomorrow marks the beginning of our beloved Jazz in the Garden. MORE »

Friday, May 1: For those who never tire of sexytime with aging furry-chested musical icons, or at least proximities thereof, Super Diamond is for you. It’s not the “real” Neil Diamond, but are we so sure an original existed in the first place? MORE »

For all the ladies out there who saw the fruits of their XX chromosomes translate to free DJ lessons courtesy of Girls Rock! DC, now is your chance to share your newly acquired skills with aspiring young female musicians. MORE »

Oklahoma, a state as thick and red as artery blood, actually had a pretty fun idea for the kids recently! It opened an online vote — they have the Internet there, too! — for the public to select the state’s Official Rock Song, the winner of which would be passed on to the state legislature for final approval. A number of liberal Internet music weblogs linked to the vote, and so the winner by a large margin was the song “Do You Realize??” by those delightful drug monsters, The Flaming Lips, who are from Oklahoma. The resolution to coronate this song passed the state Senate unanimously… but then it got to the House! And all it takes is one wingnut to start yelling “communism” and “death” to spoil everyone’s fun. And all it takes is one liberal Democrat governor to tell that wingnut to eat a bag of dicks! MORE »

Sunday, April 19: If you were too busy avoiding “hope” (Garth Brooks) to attend the free inaugural concert in January, then you have another chance to enjoy a free ride with the Green Apple Music Festival on the National Mall. You’ll have to endure some speeches about the environment (which, face it, will only hurt a little) but in between you get a free show from the FURRY-APPROVED Flaming Lips, DJ Spooky, Los Lobos, and Phish-lite jam band Moe. Chevy Chase (the person, not the city) will be the MC! Solar panels for all! Free, starts at 12PM. [Green Apple Music Festival]
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Man, the Cold War, those were the days, right? Spy satellites, moon walking, cosmonauts — and all this, minus the constant lingering threat of nuclear annihilation, can be yours at the Out of This World Party on Saturday in the Warehouse Theater. This celebration of Soviet Yuri Gagarin, the winner of the “first human in space” race, is a victorious trifecta of space rock, burlesque entertainment and science experiments. In other words, NASA sucks. MORE »

Heyo, here is a cherry blossom-sanctioned event that may actually be worth attending. The Cherry Blast provides a reassuring alternative to all the outdoorsy wholesome family-friendly activities you try so hard to avoid. For $10, you can get into some random SE warehouse filled with pretty much every medium of art your little heart could desire, plus a vague promise of “swag.” MORE »

Tonight: British folk-rock stalwart Robyn Hitchcock, of Soft Boys “fame,” will be singing weird lyrics, lecturing his audience, and generally being awesome all over the Black Cat tonight. $20 tickets are still available here. 8PM. [Black Cat] MORE »