Pretty much everybody reacted with horror and disgust when that one juror in the Zimmerman trial went on a media blitz, said all sorts of awful things, and was shamed into silence, all within three days of the verdict. We all thought, “Oh, wow, with people like her on juries, we are SO SCREWED!” Remember? […]

It kind of sucks when a fun caper story takes a murdery turn, which is why The Italian Job — the 1969 original, thank you — was about stealing an armored truck full of gold, not about infiltrating a murderous heroin ring, which gives you a much darker movie. Which is our way of saying […]

Why does the Washington Post #WAR on Easter every year? Why does it forget that Jesus Is the Reason for the Season? We bet they even call it “spring break,” like a bunch of fucking pagan Wiccan lesbian abortionists, instead of Jesus Died For Your Sins And On The Third Day He Rose Again Vacation. […]

Meet Jerry Patterson! He is running for lieutenant governor of the great state of Texas, and he has some thoughts on why you should vote for him, and those thoughts are GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! Boy, does Jerry Patterson love guns! That […]

Hello Wonkette Trend Watchers! What have we in the world of trigger-happy madness today? It looks like America’s mania for shooting folks is showing no signs of abating. And people are so eager to hop on board this trend that the level of provocation considered acceptable grounds for gun-play is reaching new lows. They’re all […]

Lindsey Graham, a United States Senator, thinks Hillary Clinton is murdering people (again). Not in a “I have flying robots coming to help you celebrate your wedding” way, because complaining about that would be libtarded, but in a MURDER way! Just like she did when she murdered Vince Foster and Joe Scarborough’s intern! Let us […]

Among the city of Detroit’s multitude of problems is crime. Well, not crime so much as murder. The city of 700,000-ish averaged about one murder a day in 2012 even as officials claim crime overall fell. Just like on The Wire! Nothing shady about crime down/murders up statistics at all. But why is Detroit so […]

Tyler Deaton is a handsome young man. He met his wife, Bethany, in prayer group at college. He was so charismatic that by his senior year, he’d convinced a bunch of hot dudes to leave the school-sanctioned Christian fellowship at Southwestern in Texas, and join him in Kansas City instead, so they could be close […]

And now news comes that the dean of White House Queer Muslin Murder ‘Spiracy Theories, Jerome Corsi of WND, is stone cold flying around on Mitt Romney’s plane, like a boss! So let us put on our OWN conspiracy caps (it is a crimson fez, duh), and ask the clear and obvious question: Who’d Jerome […]

Smegma-lipped poutmonster Rick Santorum has declared what side he is on, and it is the side of murdering tiny little babies in their mommy’s stomachs. What? you are saying, because you have been paying some attention over the years as Rick Santorum has declared himself God’s handmaiden and apostle (both!) in the fight to make […]

Hiyo, David and Charles Koch! You guys are weird, but there is a method to your madness: you want to buy Wisconsin, and the presidency, and so you do. (Ol’ Romney’s a pretty good ROI, huh boys?) But what’s your brother Bill’s dealio? On what crazy-ass thing is he spending his billions today? There’s a […]

The more we learn about Mexican president-elect Enrique Peña Nieto, the scarier things get. Behind the Pompadour and circumstance, there lurks a dark and nasty side to the pretty-boy president-to-be. First off, he’s a slut. Big deal. So was Bill Clinton (and John F. Kennedy, for that matter). But a slutty assassin and wife killer […]

The dumbest political campaign spokesman in history has resigned, but why? Probably because he’s the dumbest political campaign spokesman in history, but more likely because of Reverse Sexism. When Jay Townsend, spokesperson for Rep. Nan Hayworth’s reelection campaign, said “Let’s hurl some acid at those female democratic Senators,” who was there to stand up for […]

Here is the thing about the newest RINO, former Alan Simpson: back when he was Wyoming’s lone Congressman and then its senator, he was about as conservative as Republicans got — save a Jesse Helms here and an old Strom there. It’s not like he was ever Linc Chaffee, you dig? And now he’s so […]

When Trayvon Martin was killed, it looked really bad for George Zimmerman until it was discovered that he was fighting the savage effects of a marijuana-fueled person of color. Little did Zimmerman know that the young man he was chasing was seeking weedemption for all of his terrorist pot smoking members who belong to a […]