Tag Archives: murder

  Deepest Sympathies For Your Being Black

Alabama Governor Consoles Family Of Murdered 8-Year-Old Black Girl By Suggesting Their Dysfunction Killed Her (Updated)

May this face haunt Robert Benchley's dreams forever
UPDATE: A spokeswoman for Gov. Bentley has offered an explanation; see end of post. Hiawayi Robinson, of Pritchard, Alabama, a small city on the north side of Mobile, was looking forward to turning nine years old next week. On Tuesday, Hiawayi had talked to her father on the phone about what she wanted for her birthday (a laptop computer) and told him that she was going downstairs to see if her cousin was home. She never came back. Read more on Alabama Governor Consoles Family Of Murdered 8-Year-Old Black Girl By Suggesting Their Dysfunction Killed Her (Updated)…
  Black Until Proven Innocent

Michael Brown: Non-Felonious Monster, Still Needed To Die

Pet Shop Boys have the answer
As any fool knows, it’s vitally important to know whether Michael Brown’s death was justified by anything he ever did long before Officer Darren Wilson told him to stop walking in the middle of the street, which is why, in the name of Justice, America absolutely needs to have his juvenile court records released. And so today, in a hearing on the St. Louis Post-Dispatch’s request for the release of Brown’s records, court officials said that Brown had no Class A or Class B felony convictions in juvenile court and was not the subject of any active cases when he died: Read more on Michael Brown: Non-Felonious Monster, Still Needed To Die…
  It's On The Internet So It Must Be True

Was Michael Brown A Murderer? Well, Have You Proven He Wasn’t?

Just look at him with the scary gang signs!
Yr Wonkette is always happy to bring you a fine sampling of the thought processes that propel the rightwing crazytrain, and we are pleased to share this latest analysis of why Michael Brown had to be shot. Charles C. Johnson, the wingnut doofus blogger who insists he’s an award-winning journalist, is suing St. Louis County to seek the release of Michael Brown’s juvenile court records, for a very, very important reason: Read more on Was Michael Brown A Murderer? Well, Have You Proven He Wasn’t?…
  dial t for torture

John McCain Being A Big RINO Lib Squish Again, Just Because Arizona Tortured A Guy, Whatever

Hey look! ‘Grumpy dickwad’ John McCain took a break and decided to let ‘maverick-y sane-sounding’ John McCain come out and talk. And he said some things about that botched execution in Arizona, including telling Politico that it was “torture.” Does this mean that Gov. Brewer will get an extended vacation to Gitmo? Hot damn, we actually agree with the senior, very very senior Senator from Arizona! Something something doddering blind squirrel finds a walnut. Let’s sexplore!  Read more on John McCain Being A Big RINO Lib Squish Again, Just Because Arizona Tortured A Guy, Whatever…
  Our God Is An Awesome God

Heavy Metal Christian Band Was Actually Full Of Lying Atheists

A Christian “news” site reported this week that an actual publication (Alternative Press) reported last month that the lead singer of a shitty metalcore band not only tried to have his wife killed last year, but also lied about being Christian. Oh, Tim Lambesis of As I Lay Dying, how could you? (We mean about the atheism, which is the real tragedy here, obviously.) Read more on Heavy Metal Christian Band Was Actually Full Of Lying Atheists…
  society is to blame: arrest them

A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Bloviating About The Isla Vista Murders

We’ve now entered the exciting “place blame on people you don’t like” phase of the coverage of the shootings in Isla Vista last Friday, where bloggers, teevee news panelists, and other luminaries present their instant diagnoses of the culture-war issues truly to blame for the actions of a disturbed person with a several guns and a carload of ammunition. Here are just a few of the stupidest explanations of What It All Means (and yes, we have a feeling this will be Part One of many). Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Bloviating About The Isla Vista Murders…
  hard-hitting

Sportsball Player Aaron Hernandez Just Can’t Stop Allegedly Murdering People

Aaron Hernandez looks like a really good football sportsball star, with many awards that are nothing but letters (SEC! AFC! BCS!) that show he was well-regarded in college and his career with the New England Patriots. However, it seems that what Aaron Hernandez is really the best at is (ALLEGEDLY) murdering people. Read more on Sportsball Player Aaron Hernandez Just Can’t Stop Allegedly Murdering People…
  still not funny

You Should Listen To This Responsible Gun Owner Murder These Teenagers, Even Though You Do Not Want To

Yesterday, we introduced you to the hip new trend: luring teenagers into your garage and lying in wait for them to burgle, so you can shoot them! How can you be a good guy with a gun if the bad guys don’t come around, for you to shoot them! Oddly, the police and prosecutors in Montana and Minnesota arrested the good guys with guns, just because they they murdered a bunch of teenagers, even though it was in their own homes and “castle doctrine” blah blah blah. The police were like, you seem to have been a little too excited about the shooting people and ground-standing and maybe opening your garage door, putting a purse in front of it, and then BLAM BLAM BLAMMING a high school student was a little much, see? One of the cases resulted in a conviction Tuesday (heads-up to Gawker, dude isn’t on trial, he’s already guilty). That case was Byron Smith of Little Falls, Minnesota, who claimed self-defense after lying in wait for a neighbor girl he suspected of being involved in a rash of break-ins, with a tarp at the ready to protect his basement rec-room floor, and then shooting her and her friend very very dead. Now a judge has released the audio. Do you have to listen to it? Maybe you do not love hearing teens murdered. But we actually think it is important to bear witness to the lengths to which Responsible Gun Owners will go to have their murder cake and eat their self defense too. Read more on You Should Listen To This Responsible Gun Owner Murder These Teenagers, Even Though You Do Not Want To…
  stand your y-axis

Reuters’ Cool Upside-Down Chart Makes ‘Stand Your Ground’ Look Awesome

Now here’s an impressive-looking chart from Reuters that was all over the Twitterverse this weekend. Quick — after Florida adopted “Stand Your Ground” in 2005, did gun deaths increase or decrease? Well of course they decreased, says your brain, which learned to read charts in elementary school — look at that awesome downward slope in the numbers, because a line on a chart going down always indicates a decrease in something, which is why a slope like that in a New Yorker cartoon about Wall Street would be followed by a banker jumping out a window. And then of course you look at what the chart “actually” says, and notice that “zero” is at the top of the chart, and you realize gun deaths increased sharply — but by now the cartoon banker has gone splat (we can always get more off a desert island cartoon). Read more on Reuters’ Cool Upside-Down Chart Makes ‘Stand Your Ground’ Look Awesome…
  he seems nice

Missouri Mayor Thinks Kansas Shooter Had Some Good Ideas About Those Jews

It’s nice to know that you can count on your friends. For instance, accused murderer Frazier Glenn Miller (or Frazier Glenn Cross, depending on which of his pseudonyms you like) has a good friend in Daniel Clevenger, the newly elected mayor of Marionville, Missouri. In an astonishingly unembarrassed chat with Springfield, Missouri, TV station KSPR, Clevenger allows as how Miller definitely did a very bad thing by killing three people because he thought they were Jewish, but on the other hand, he didn’t see any problem with agreeing that the Jews are a real problem for America. You just have to love small-town America’s honesty and straightforwardness, don’t you? So real, so unlike fake Americans in the big cities, the big cities with all those Jews. Read more on Missouri Mayor Thinks Kansas Shooter Had Some Good Ideas About Those Jews…
  how's that wellregulated militia workin' out for ya?

Oh, Look, More Terrible People With Terrible Defenses Of ‘Stand Your Ground’

We are now officially in the “Stupid people make us want to scream” portion of the Michael Dunn trial, when every moron possible will try to outdo the last. For starters, how about Florida state Rep. Matt Gaetz, who disagreed with the verdict and believes Dunn should have been found guilty of murder, but couldn’t just stop there, of course. He had to add that the state’s “Stand Your Ground” law is pretty excellent, all in all: “I don’t think anyone is going to nominate George Zimmerman or Michael Dunn for person of the year,” Gaetz explained to CNN host Carol Costello. “But I think, overall, the Stand Your Ground law has worked for the state of Florida. If you look at the five years preceding Stand Your Ground’s passage, the murder rate was on the rise Florida every year. Since we passed Stand Your Ground, the murder rate had declined every year.” Causation: how does it work? Murder rates have been declining nationwide, regardless of whether states have SYG. But then Gaetz had to top himself and claim that Stand Your Ground is also Good For The Blacks: Read more on Oh, Look, More Terrible People With Terrible Defenses Of ‘Stand Your Ground’…
  man with a gun

How Many Sociopaths Did It Take To Kill This Unarmed Black Boy? One, And That’s Not Funny

We have not been posting anything about the trial of Michael Dunn, the Responsible Gun Owner who shot 17-year-old Jordan Davis to death after an argument about loud music. Mostly because the story is depressing and really not funny. In November 2012, Dunn pulled into a Jacksonville, Florida, convenience store parking lot, got into an argument about the volume of the music coming from the stereo of an SUV parked next to him, and ended up firing 10 rounds into the side of the SUV, killing Davis, because Dunn claims he saw the kid had a gun. Which turned out not to exist. And then Dunn and his girlfriend went back to their motel, ordered pizza, got a good night’s sleep (cause shooting people is hard work) and drove home 130 miles to South Patrick Shores in Brevard County. Finally, he called police, though probably not until he made sure his socks were rolled up neatly and back in his dresser. So you can see why we have not been treating this story as Comedy Gold. But now that the testimony in the trial has wrapped up, we need to address this horrible story. Will it be funny? Haha, no! Read more on How Many Sociopaths Did It Take To Kill This Unarmed Black Boy? One, And That’s Not Funny…
  stand somebodys ground

Responsible Gun Owner Shoots New Neighbors For Standing On Their Own Ground

We know we brought you a story today about an actually responsible gun owner — that nice Florida guy who communistically thinks other people’s backyard gun ranges should be as safely constructed as his. So now, of course, it’s time to balance that with another story of Our Well-Regulated Militia. This time out our Second Amendment Hero is Mr. Rodney Black of Barboursville, West Virginia, who protected himself from a home invasion by shooting two men dead because he thought they were on his property and breaking into his shed to steal all his worldly goods. And property, as we all know, is a sacred right in our Constitution. Oh sure, there are a couple of teensy details that the gun-grabbers will inevitably fixate on, like the fact that the two men were not actually on Mr. Black’s property — in fact, one of the men, Garrick Hopkins, had just bought the land and was showing it to his brother Carl at 2:30 on a Saturday afternoon — and also, too, the shed was not actually Mr. Black’s either. And he shot them from about 50 yards away. But he really REALLY thought they were trying to rob him, so from his perspective and God’s, it was a clean kill. What part of “shall not be infringed” don’t you understand? Read more on Responsible Gun Owner Shoots New Neighbors For Standing On Their Own Ground…
  slippery slope

Gay Marriage Murdering Straight Marriage After All. Whoops.

Hey, when we’re wrong, we’re wrong. And so it is that for the past 20 years (we were a VERY early adopter), when we asserted that gay marriage was awesome and anybody who had a problem with it was an unreconstructed bigot, and when we laughed — LAUGHED — at those who claimed gay marriage would murder straight marriages, well, mistakes were made, those statements are no longer operative, and other vague ways of saying “someone fucked up probably not us but maybe us who can ever know let’s stop with the fingerpointingblamegaming.” Specifically: this pastor dude just got arrested for ALLEGEDLY murdering his wife so he could gay marry his boyfriend. Next, he will murder the boyfriend so his couch can marry some beans. Read more on Gay Marriage Murdering Straight Marriage After All. Whoops….
  nothing to see here

Cops In Beating Death Of Kelly Thomas Found Not Guilty By Reason Of Orange County

The two former Fullerton, California, police officers accused of beating a homeless man to death were found not guilty on all charges Monday. The beating of Kelly Thomas, who suffered from schizophrenia, was captured on videotape, but an Orange County jury was not convinced by the prosecution’s case that the cops had acted excessively. Because they were cops, of course, and because Thomas was just a homeless guy who, instead of complying with multiple contradictory orders, kept flopping around and trying to breathe while six cops piled on him, too bad, so sad, no big whoop, law and order hooray! The verdict is “controversial,” in that even the Daily Caller described it as a “shock” following the detailed testimony showing that Thomas died of injuries suffered at the hands of cops. When commenters on Free Republic are calling the verdict a travesty, then you know there’s something seriously screwy. Read more on Cops In Beating Death Of Kelly Thomas Found Not Guilty By Reason Of Orange County…
  your tax dollars at work

Sexxxy Hot Pix Show How Scarlett Johansson Is Going To Help Obama And Planned Parenthood Murder All The Babies

In case you were wondering what depths that monster Obama would sink to in order to promote his Hitlerian death panel scheme AKA Obamacare, wonder no more. Planned Parenthood, a beneficiary of federal tax dollars and the largest abortion provider in America, is now hooking up with actresses Scarlett Johansson, Aisha Tyler and Gabrielle Union to push people to use Obamacare. Read more on Sexxxy Hot Pix Show How Scarlett Johansson Is Going To Help Obama And Planned Parenthood Murder All The Babies…
  tree of liberty & cradle of democracy

Leaders Of Greek Neo-Fascist Party Arrested, May Be Sent To FEMA Camps

The Greek government has launched a crackdown on the neo-fascist Golden Dawn party, arresting its leader, three members of the Greek Parliament, and several other top members; they will be charged with forming a criminal organization. After Golden Dawn leader Nikos Michaloliakos was arrested, police said that three guns had been found in his home. Also arrested was party spokesman and MP Ilias Kasidiaris, who you may remember as the charmer who punched a communist party lady on TV. The group has also been implicated in “hundreds of attacks” on immigrants, gays, and leftists during the county’s economic crisis; the last straw appears to have been the September 18 murder of anti-fascist rapper Pavlos Fyssas by a Golden Dawn member. Following Michaloliakos’ arrest, members of Golden Dawn gathered in Athens to protest the crackdown, claiming that the Greek government was trying to silence them. You know, by not letting them have an armed revolt. Not that we’re making any comparisons to other groups that might be calling for the violent overthrow of an elected government or anything. Read more on Leaders Of Greek Neo-Fascist Party Arrested, May Be Sent To FEMA Camps…
  one ring to rule them all

Pat Robertson Educates About Murderous Intent Of Gays Like Shepard Smith

Oh, Pat Robertson. After giving us a confusing nice time about sex change operations, you had to go out and open your foul, putrid assface talkhole. We’re thankful to the folks at RightWingWatch for enlightening us about the wise words of St. Robertson of Dumbfuckville: Pat Robertson told co-host Terry Meeuwsen that gay men in cities like San Francisco attempt to spread HIV/AIDS to others by cutting them with a special ring when shaking hands. Apparently, Pat learned this while cruising for le buttsechs down in the Castro district after blowing fourteen camels and pedophiling some boy scouts, because gays only think about bestiality, pedophilia, buttsechs, and how to spread the Hivy, right?   Read more on Pat Robertson Educates About Murderous Intent Of Gays Like Shepard Smith…
  can't something be done about these liberal race baiters?

Forget ‘White Hispanic'; Daily Caller, Fox, Find White Teen Who Is ‘Black’

So, you may have heard about the awful murder of an Australian baseball player by three teens in Duncan, Oklahoma. The killers more or less admitted to killing Chris Lane for the fun of it as he was out for a jog. It’s sick and disgusting. But what’s really outrageous, according to Fox & Friends, Fox Nation, WND, the Daily Caller, and former congresscritter Allen West, is the horrifying double standard of the national media and professional race-baiters like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Barack Obama, because they aren’t treating this murder of a white man by three black teens as an outrage, like they did the shooting of Trayvon Martin. Oh, except one of the “three black teens” is white. Also, they were arrested and charged right away, not given a handshake and a “Good job standing your ground, dude!” by the police. Otherwise, the two killings are virtually identical. Read more on Forget ‘White Hispanic'; Daily Caller, Fox, Find White Teen Who Is ‘Black’…
  muddle she wrote

Zimmerman Juror: Oh Yeah He Was Super Guilty, Sorry About That, You Guys

Pretty much everybody reacted with horror and disgust when that one juror in the Zimmerman trial went on a media blitz, said all sorts of awful things, and was shamed into silence, all within three days of the verdict. We all thought, “Oh, wow, with people like her on juries, we are SO SCREWED!” Remember? So now, here comes another Zimmerman juror, and who seems far nicer and thoughtfuller, and she says she thinks George Zimmerman “got away with murder,” but also that under Florida law she had no choice but to acquit, even though she feels terrible about it, and we are left saying “Oh, wow, if Florida law makes a conviction impossible, even with people like her on juries, we are SO SCREWED!” Read more on Zimmerman Juror: Oh Yeah He Was Super Guilty, Sorry About That, You Guys…
  it's interesting when people die

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s Crack Video Wasn’t Enough, So Let’s Throw In A Murder

It kind of sucks when a fun caper story takes a murdery turn, which is why The Italian Job — the 1969 original, thank you — was about stealing an armored truck full of gold, not about infiltrating a murderous heroin ring, which gives you a much darker movie. Which is our way of saying that, for all the larffs we’ve been having over Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and the cell-phone video that may show him smoking crack and being stoopid, it also turns out that one of the people connected with the video, Anthony Smith (the non-pixelled and non-Mayoral guy in the above photo — which is not, apparently, a screenshot from the video) turned up dead back on March 28. Smith may be the person who originally shot the video. One person has been arrested and charged in the murder, and a second suspect was arrested Wednesday. Oh, and TalkingPointsMemo editor Josh Marshall has been quietly losing his shit over the possibility that Ford’s office may be involved somehow. See? If the caper involves crack dealers, the fun times are hard to maintain — Just Say No, kids! The 1972 style movie of this story will need one doozy of a car chase to balance things out. Read more on Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s Crack Video Wasn’t Enough, So Let’s Throw In A Murder…
  jesus god and paul: all dead

Washington Post Does War On Easter Because It Hates Jesus, God

Why does the Washington Post #WAR on Easter every year? Why does it forget that Jesus Is the Reason for the Season? We bet they even call it “spring break,” like a bunch of fucking pagan Wiccan lesbian abortionists, instead of Jesus Died For Your Sins And On The Third Day He Rose Again Vacation. Well, once again the “wits” at WaPo are mocking not only Jesus, with their stupid “Peep” shows, but also the military, God, the Pope, and America itself. Let’s steal some pictures! Read more on Washington Post Does War On Easter Because It Hates Jesus, God…