murder
Congressman Realizes He Can Just Shoot People Who Get In His Way
How will the Republicans ever pass that nice young boy scout Paul Ryan’s budget and finish ruining the country? Unless Republicans can put together a simultaneous presidency, House majority, and 60-vote Senate majority, it’s unlikely that our government will ever be able to double seniors’ out-of-pocket medical costs and put this busted experiment to rest. [...]
Dick Cheney Explains Why He Loves Torture (Because He Is Darth Vader)
Evil zombie Dick Cheney came back from the dead recently to hack up a book, mostly as a courtesy to the hobos pillaging Borders stores across the country, who would otherwise go without the materials needed to kindle their trash can fires. That book is here now, and it is causing “controversy,” for the people [...]
Terrorists Not Nearly as Good at Killing People as Dogs
Either we are doing a TERRIFIC job keeping those terrorists away, ha ha, OR we are not spending nearly enough money on the real threats in this country. It sounds like maybe it is the latter, because people are just dropping dead everywhere, from things like “dog bites,” instead of at the hands of evil [...]
NATO Murders Gaddafi’s Son, Three Grandchildren
While America’s useless young people were busy chanting brain-dead Neanderthal slogans in front of the White House on Sunday, angry mobs of uncivilized Africans attacked many of the Western embassies in Tripoli! Why would they do something so loathsome and disgusting? (Ha-ha, which “they” are we talking about, again?) Here is your “no fly zone,” [...]
Right-Wing Radio Nut/Ex-Cop Accused of Murdering Neighbor
A former Baltimore cop, carpet installer and wingnut host of some web-only thing called “Liberty Works Radio Network” has been arrested for the shooting murder of his next-door neighbor, because the neighbor’s dog allegedly wouldn’t stay in its own yard. Charles “Pete” Richter (?), a 66-year-old ex-cop and failed candidate for Queen Anne’s County sheriff [...]
Hot ‘Extremely Graphic’ Pixxx of U.S. Soldiers Murdering Afghan People
Wow, we are not even going to click through these, because we kind of remember the last several batches of “extremely graphic” pictures of U.S. troops and U.S. military contractors murdering and torturing Muslims in the various countries where America continues to murder and torture people, for Freedom. In fact, we’re going to cover our [...]
Journalism Suggests Sheila Jackson Lee Is a Murderer
Today The Daily Caller, for some reason, has a long profile on all the objectionable things Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee has done over the years. It is a lot of things! Why is it that people with power are so commonly awful and so rarely humble? Humanity sucks! But there is evidence Jackson Lee is [...]
South Dakota Legalizing Abortion(-Doctor Murder)
While those useless fat cats in D.C. twiddle their thumbs and let our country sink perilously into debt and endless unemployment, the hardworking legislators of America’s heartland and working together to get things done for their citizens. Yeah, we’re talking about legalizing murder, a common-sense solution to pretty much every problem. South Dakota is considering [...]
Anti-Immigrant Fanatic Found Guilty of ‘Home Invasion Murders’
Are you a little worried about the lunatic anti-Mexican gangs of middle-aged white slobs “patrolling the border,” for America? You should be worried: The leader of an anti-illegal-immigrant group was convicted Monday in a home invasion that left a 9-year-old girl and her father dead in what prosecutors said was an attempt to steal drug [...]
Cops Seek Second Suspect, Say Giffords Gunman Didn’t Act Alone UPDATE: Just a Taxi Driver
Tonight’s weird new details: The alleged shooter walked through the crowd and directly to Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. “He ran through the crowd and when he got to [Giffords] he just started shooting,” Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik said. ABC News reports on the mystery “white man in his 50s” who may have delivered the lunatic [...]
Super Fun Holiday Xmas Star Wars Murder Video Arcade!
Why is everybody sending us all these weird Christmas videos? Because we are Big Baby Jesus that is why! So let’s enjoy them, and then stop sending them to Wonkette. (Send them to your friends instead, with the Jib Jab and etc.) Happy Life Day or whatever, ha ha.
Happy John Lennon Day! (The FBI Is Probably Still Investigating Him)
This is the anniversary of John Lennon being murdered by some creep, and it follows not so far behind what would’ve been Lennon’s 70th birthday — ha ha, and 70 doesn’t feel that old anymore, to us! (Nor does 40, which was Lennon’s age when he was gunned down outside his apartment, while signing stuff [...]
New Chandra Levy Trial Hopes To Frame Illegal Immigrant
Prosecutors are going to “retry” the horrible Chandra Levy murder case, and this time they are sure that they will convict Ingmar Guandique, who is from El Salvador so convict him already! This is a textbook “intern-had-sex-with-a-Congressman-and-then-was-murdered-by-an-illegal-brown-person” case, and the evidence is overwhelming: In recent days, prosecutors further acknowledged that detectives in 2004 and 2005 [...]
You Know It’s Bad When the Army Actually Calls It Murder
Everyone knows that the ’60s are hipper than ever! But allegedly, some overachieving members of the 5th Stryker Combat Brigade, of the 2nd Infantry Division, weren’t content to have a Mad Men-themed costume party. No, it got real My Lai-licious over in the Afghanistan, at least according to evidence and testimony presented at a military [...]
blog advertising is good for you
