Wonkette

Here is Barack Obama playing pool last night, before a Bitter Shadow crosses his face and turns him into some serial killer monster thing from Muslim Hell. He is a terribly evil man, and he is coming for you. [Getty Photo]

Sure, the candidates talk a lot about the economy, and Iraq, and wanting to help people with their lives. But who will stop these terrible murderers plaguing, in particular, Allentown? Also, when will John McCain nominate this guy as Secretary of Defense? [Allentown Morning Call]

The Clintons are different than you, because they are rich and powerful and scheming and crazy, and everyone around them dies strange and horrible deaths. That’s the word from CBS News today, with this great story about Mr. and Mrs. C’s wacky neighbor in Chappaqua. Seems that disbarred lawyer Carlos Perez-Olivo is accused of brutally executing his wife last year, for one of his girlfriend’s birthdays or something. This is the same dude that attacked some reporters asking about the extremely mysterious death of his wife. These people are all sick.

Accused Clinton Neighbor Admits Affairs [CBS News]

So people have this crazy concoction that private security force Blackwater likes to go around Baghdad and shoot people for no apparent reason. What a silly billy thing to say! Obviously, they shoot people — or animals — that piss them off, which is like half-legal for private contractors in Iraq. The New York Times has certainly been pissing Blackwater off every since the whole “massacre” thing by, you know, chronicling very clearly how in-the-wrong Blackwater was. And how does Blackwater respond to the Times‘ ballbusting? BY SHOOTING ITS DOG. MORE »

Police are investigating the murder of the Washington Redskins’ Sean Taylor, who died in a Miami Hospital over the night after being shot early Monday morning. Since Taylor had reported a previous break-in to his home eight days prior to the shooting — and Taylor’s fiancee found the house phone line cut when she tried to call the police Monday morning — something more than circumstance appears to be at play. As Redskins vice president of football operations Vinny Cerrato noted today, “”This was a deliberate attack.” MORE »

Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor has died a day after he was shot in his Miami home, according to his attorney. [CNN]

Here’s a not-exactly-shocking revelation that’s still funny to hear, from Evil Bob Novak himself: The Senate GOP leadership has always known that Larry Craig’s a closet case. Specifically, they knew he wasn’t just a secret gay, but one of those bathroom creeps always chasing cock in public. And this raises an interesting question in this Year Of Our Endless Cummer: How many times has Larry Craig been nabbed by the cops before what made Minneapolis famous made a wreck out of him? How did he cover it up? Bribes? Threats? Murder?

Novak: Senate R’s Knew Craig “Had This Problem” [New West]

Dean Johnson was a six-foot-six bald-headed HIV-positive meth-using porn star and glam-rock frontman known for his New York events such as C.B.G.B.’s “Rock ‘n Roll Fag Party.” He was found dead in D.C. last week, and his unidentified corpse sat in a local morgue for days before being identified. Oh, and according to the New York Post, Johnson was routinely visiting Washington to run “weird sex parties” for an unidentified Saudi millionaire. MORE »