Sam the American Eagle was, of course, both the first blogger and the first warblogger, a creature so deeply patriotic that he figured out how to make his youtubes only appear on the American Wide Web. Yes, it’s almost the three-day Holiday Weekend, so let’s enjoy some cheap video clips to make us want to move to Canada all over again. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Ha ha, another week gone, another week in which our economy and the posh lifestyle it has afforded us continues to circle the drain, leading us inevitably towards despair! This has of course led to much finger-pointing, recrimination, etc. Should Tim Geithner be in charge of the Treasury? Should the entire class of jackholes who ran the financial services industry for the last decade be purged? And if so, who should we replace them with? Oh, sure, you liberals will be all like “Trained government bureaucrats!” But is that really “outside the box” enough for our current predicament? What if instead we turned to the animal kingdom? They could do all the work, while we relaxed and lived like kings! MORE »

The U.S. military must be in worse shape than we thought. Once content to harvest recruits from the ranks of the criminal, drug-addicted, and borderline retarded, they then moved on to calling up sad Southern muppets and asking them to serve. Now that our President has called an indefinite halt to post-July troop withdrawals from Iraq, America’s children might want to take a second look at this creepy Sesame Street video in order to find out why Elmo’s dad still can’t come home. MORE »

Ilkka Kanerva, the 60-year-old Finnish politician who won Wonkette’s heart with his erotic telephone love-notes to a orange-fleshed troll, has been forced to resign his post. The resignation comes after a gossip magazine, Hymy, published two dozen of the messages this weekend, including one that read: “Do you want to do it in some exciting place?” MORE »

Hey look, it’s past 5 o’clock, and it’s this editor’s birthday! To fête myself, here is more footage of Eliot Spitzer’s doppelganger, or his secret, face-sucking self. Thanks to commenter loquaciousmusic for digging this up. YipYipYipYipYip. [YouTube]

Wonkette Muppet operative “Scott” writes: “Doesn’t Gov. Spitzer resemble the “Ohhhhhh! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrring! YipYipYipYipYipYipYip” alien from Sesame Street?” Scott is 100% true, or at the very least, he is stoned. Spitzer is this stupid Phone Muppet, and you must play this mp3 with it. Only then will you understand why Hillary Clinton is so terrible.

A cult of rogue Christians in the former Soviet Union (”Russia”) is hiding in a cave. Forever! Well, at least until the world ends, which according to our calculations happened during last night’s Democratic debate. MORE »

Here they are, all seven of them: two closeted gays, four old guys, and a midget. Thanks to Wonkette Commenter RPTRCUB for this disquieting discovery.

The National Association of W Lovers [Sesame Street]

And then they got him high and fucked him in the bathroom, the end.

More hot Bush Twins-on-Elmo pix, after the jump.

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Charles Schumer (D-Not Hillary) has a great new book about how the Democrats suck. He did a signing at some rich-people place in Nassau County last weekend, but his moment of glory was forever ruined by Elmo the Muppet from Sesame Street. MORE »