Wonkette

For many moons, MTV was the channel where you could watch Downtown Julie Brown in her fingerless gloves talking about music, and then the Genesis video with the Claymation people would come on, and you could dance around your living room wearing your jelly bracelets and baggy neon shorts. Sadly, those days are over now and the only thing on MTV is a series of progressively more depressing/humiliating reality shows featuring drunk idiots who have sex with each other in the shower. But now there will be political ads, too, on this channel that never allowed political ads before, and the first one just aired! It is shockingly bad. MORE »

Dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb. That is one “dumb” for each paragraph of Jonah Goldberg’s Los Angeles Times column today. For the record, we did not expect it to be “good,” in the traditional sense — we didn’t expect to read it at all! But 18 paragraphs of unmitigated “dumb” has a strangely magnetic appeal during this lazy news season. So let’s check out Jonah’s column, in which he argues that Obama’s plan to offer educational aid as a reward for national service is somehow both (a) welfare and (b) slavery. Europe, MTV, “the JFK cult,” and Rolling Stone magazine also play bit parts in Jonah’s remarkable paean to the God of Shit. MORE »

Wonkette’s own Liz Glover took her video camera and Polaroid to an April 1 party for “Our America,” a thing to help the low-income youth. As you can imagine, the powerful D.C. media wanted nothing to do with this (poor black kids are such downers), but John Kerry was there! MORE »

According to the textbook definition of “cultural hegemony,” MTV Arabia launched this weekend in an attempt to show Middle Eastern youths what their American counterparts were watching in 1984. Hopefully the new channel will never syndicate The Hills, because watching Spencer Pratt is known to encourage suicide bombings and other forms of jihad. MORE »

Well, happy Friday! (If this seems impenetrable, you’ll want to see this. Okay, “want” is not the right word.)

Leave General Petraeus Alone [Phillip Wilburn]

We had no idea MTV still had those little news things. Who took over after Kurt Loder died? But a Wonkette tipster who must be about 12 years old tells us MTV not only has news … MTV’s got an interview with C-Rice. MORE »

• In case there was still any doubt as to why MTV will never do a season of Real World in DC: a Francis Fukuyama/Charles Krauthammer blowjob scene. [The Corsair]

• If a journalist writes 4000 words on the relevance of journalism in the internet age, and every reader does the first-n-last paragraph scan, do the other 3900 words exist? [New Yorker]
• Referring to the large number of Boston police officers testing positive for marijuana, Urban League CEO says, “it seems like it’s a chronic problem.” [Boston Globe]
• Mention the Washington Time and bad puns spew forth like diarrhea from the mouth. [Fishbowl DC]

• Attention tourists: the following will vastly cut down on the number of dirty looks you receive per hour of touring. [An OC Girl Living In An Extraordinary World]

• Not included in the guide: how do handle crazed violent psychos on the metro. [ Thoreau's Journal]
• Distinguishing the rapport of a bottle-rocket from a MAC-10 is for more advanced urban tourists. [Cruel Sommer]
• A cell of terrorist haxors has started attacking sites they find while surfing for porn. [The Gentlemen of the CPMC]
• MTV heads to Hawk n’ Dove for the same reason everyone does: hard partying underage interns willing to exploit themselves. [The Hill]

* Paging: N.W.A. [Velvet In Dupont] MORE »

America — united by tragedy, costume changes: