Wonkette

Your favorite pretend girlfriend Rachel Maddow, whose regular fights with Pat Buchanan this year have become the stuff of comedic television legend, has earned her very own television show. It will air on MSNBC at 9 p.m., following angry old Keith Olbermann. She will replace some show that nobody watches hosted by Dan Abrams, who in the last couple of years has gone from running MSNBC to having his time slot usurped by some uppity short-hair. [NYT/TV Decoder]

Here is Mormon candidate Mitt Romney on the Morning Joe program today, being an idiot. He says Obama is “well-spoken” and “attractive” and a hot “internet date” with whom he wants to engage in coitus. But! Not presidential! (Oh and hey, Joe Scarborough, you’re pretty good here, considering you host a chatty morning show on a cable news network! We hear… real questions, and facts, countering the McCain team’s psychobabble! Keep this up hmm?) [MSNBC]

This is an actual fat cat named “Chunks” who is, of course, hiding under a chair in the green room of the MSNBC studio. Here’s how this obese monster got famous: “BLACKWOOD, N.J. — Turns out, the economy is the reason a 44-pound cat found lumbering the streets of New Jersey became homeless. The Camden County Animal Shelter said the cat’s owner came forward to say she had to abandon the tubby tabby because her home was foreclosed.” Naturally, no one cares about the owner having lost her home. MORE »

Here’s a lengthy segment from MSNBC today, where lovely anchor/reporter Andrea Mitchell talks on the telephone to McCain campaign manager Rick Davis, the adult retarded child responsible for that hilarious memo yesterday about Obama’s food choices, excercise regimen and overall popularity everywhere. He’s a twit. He tells Andrea that the McCain campaign has always been positive and not Trivial; it is focused on Important Issues like offshore drilling. Andrea’s like, “you’re an idiot, you stupid idiot” and Rick’s like, “no Barry Obama is an idiot.” The best part is when they talk about peanut butter snacks 12 minutes in. Peanut butter snacks… [MSNBC]

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This is from the very special MSNBC.com “Candidate Brain Trusts” section, where you can learn about all the terrible careerists advising Our Candidates. Apparently Sen. Lindsey Graham, who definitely talks like a Gay and is very unmarried, is, in fact, one of John McCain’s many secret gay friends in Congress. [MSNBC]

Thank you to Wonkette weather operative “Zandt” for sending this image from the front page of MSNBC.com, which shows John McCain finally gettin’ his from that cloud he’s always harassing. John McCain crashed his plane into this Vietnamese Hurricane “Dolly” intentionally. He will not leave until he has “bloodied its nose,” which he doesn’t mean in any sort of metaphorical sense and yet refuses to elaborate. [MSNBC]

Hey, has anybody seen David Gregory’s show on the MSNBC, called, uh, That Thing Between Episodes of ‘Hardball’? Yeah, us neither. Apparently it features bottled heads in a spaceship, with David Gregory being very self-important in front of them. Unsurprisingly, people do not watch this show, and the gentleman who made his bones being a comically aggressive dick to George Bush in press conferences now finds his star on the wane. MORE »

Maybe it’s true! After all, Osama bin Laden would’ve never known about New York’s big Jewish population had Jesse not called it “Hymietown.” EVERYBODY WILL BE ISSUED NEW NAMES AT THE CONVENTIONS. [Morning Joe/MSNBC] UPDATE: Oh what the hell, Newell posted this like twelve hours earlier. Oh well, no way to take the post down now ….

Here’s beloved liberal Dan Rather responding to a comment from former NFL star Tiki Barber on today’s edition of MSNBC’s Morning Joe, about Jesse Jackson’s influence in politics. We did not see the show as it aired, so we aren’t sure why arbitrary celebrity bums were picked off the street to host today. Point is, Dan Rather says he appreciates Jesse Jackson and that Jackson was importantly “paving the way for an Osama bin Laden to appear.” Our friends on the right would agree! We think he meant “Barack Osama bin Laden,” however. [YouTube]

We have read this elitist New Yorker profile of your annoying loudmouth boyfriend Keith Olbermann and, like most profiles of MSNBC personalities, it confirms everything you learned about current MSNBC dynamics during the first five minutes of its Iowa caucus coverage. MORE »