Wonkette

We have read this elitist New Yorker profile of your annoying loudmouth boyfriend Keith Olbermann and, like most profiles of MSNBC personalities, it confirms everything you learned about current MSNBC dynamics during the first five minutes of its Iowa caucus coverage. MORE »

Oh Tim, you are making everybody feel like a slacker today, when we were already feeling sad. Your last blog thing on MSNBC was posted at 9:50 a.m. Friday, a few hours before you collapsed while doing voiceovers for Sunday’s Meet the Press. You talked about Obama’s new anti-smear team on the Internet, and plugged your Sunday show, which was to feature Obama and McCain surrogates Joe Biden and Lindsey Graham debating each other, which would actually be pretty lame. But still …. [RUSSERT ON POLITICS]

• OH JESUS CHRIST: “Breaking News 3:23 PM ET: Tim Russert Is Dead of a Heart Attack, His Family Says.” [New York Times]

This election year might be the most exciting in generations, but that doesn’t mean the conventions won’t be as boring as ever! Now that Hillary Clinton has robbed us of our last, greatest chance for a Convention Floor Fight featuring a shirtless Ted Kennedy jello wrestling a be-thonged Harold Ickes, Democratic conventioneers will be forced to spend their endless days milling around committee meetings and bitching about their chillblains. And the next weekend, Republicans will be too wasted from partying till 4am every night to do anything but golf-clap through Mitt Romney’s vice presidential victory speech. MSNBC will be there to cover all this dull boringness for literally 20 hours a day. This will be journalism’s own Bataan Death March. Will Chris Matthews make it out alive? [New York Times]

Here’s nutty Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe making good on his promise to do shots with Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski, today, at like 7 a.m. They are downing “Puerto Rican rum,” as Terry gladly points out — it’s a very exclusive brand known as “regular Bacardi.” Then they talk about politics for a while, and Mika touches him at the end, and now we know that they are having an affair, forever. [MSNBC]

Tonight we have the 750th and 751st primaries in the 2008 Democratic nominating contest, in Kentucky and Oregon. This means we’ll probably be watching MSNBC for a good portion of the night because (a) Chris Matthews is such a stitch and (b) Chuck Todd, he so dreamy! Hillary will likely be declared the winner of Kentucky as soon as polls close, we’ll get an earful of mindless chatter about Obama’s continuing problems courting Bitters, Chuck Todd and Rachel Maddow and Eugene Robinson will note that Obama’s likely victory in Oregon will neutralize Hillary’s Kentucky delegate pickups, Tim Russert will declare that we have just reached some historical turning point in Math, Matthews will pull down his pants, Nora O’Donnell will be shown from the front only because she is pregnant, Dan Abrams will appear at 1 a.m. with no tie on, the end. Most importantly, Pat Buchanan will spasm uncontrollably all night long — he’s been doing it more and more recently — over Obama’s fatal flaws. Why, exactly, has Pat been even more of a nut recently on the teevee? It’s simple enough: Barack Obama is threatening to undo his life’s work. MORE »

Here is the most painfully awkward moment in the last two days, where Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe tells Tim Russert that his father, “Big Russ,” is dead and watching on from Heaven. “Big Russ” is not dead at all. What revenge does the Hillary campaign have planned for MSNBC? Oh right, killing Tim Russert’s father. [YouTube]

BRIAN WILLIAMS IS HILARIOUS:: Never mind the newscast; check out his blogging! The Sunday New York Times is full of bizarre lifestyle crap, Peggy Noonan is “doing the work of her career,” mom’s cocktails in New Jersey were the best, and he skipped the White House Correspondents’ Dinner to watch NASCAR in his kitchen. [Brian Williams' Daily Nightly]

Last night John McCain appeared on Chris Matthews’ Hardball “College Tour,” live from Pennsylvania’s Villanova University. And who asks the second Student Question but Peter Doocy, and it is about doing shots of whiskey, and he’s the personification of Frat, and he’s the son of Fox & Friends co-anchor Steve Doocy — quite possibly the biggest (yet most harmless) douche on Fox News. They are the same person, except one of them has a national teevee show. The clip is below! MORE »

Oh… oh my God. OH MY GOD. This psychology test appears to have been on an MSNBC special called “A Conversation About Race,” conducted by “psychologists” Kenneth and Mamie Clark. In case this vignette wasn’t fucked enough, they have to play the cheap sci-fi ambient theme. Well, thank you Barack: you ask for a National Conversation in 2008? This is what you get. [YouTube]