Wonkette

It’s one of those massive political assassination world story sadness unrest political crisis nuclear death sad sad times, so, two things: (1) condolences to the Bhutto and (2) CNN.com is sooooo funny in times like these! Crisis logo with morose black-and-white gravity and tender fonts? Check. Obvious article about how world leaders are “shocked” at this mindfuck of a story? Check. Articles about how CNN knew this would happen all along, how you can send send your thoughts to CNN then watch them proceed to not give a shit, and how Time — a publication under the same ownership as CNN — has made a definitive statement for the record that will go down in history? Check, check, check. And then of course, other pressing headlines about girls getting attacked by dogs/tigers/screwdrivers, as opposed to assassins. [CNN]

Subject: Possible letter to the editor on behalf of Michele Bachmann
Date: Wed, 7 Mar 2007 17:42:08 -0500

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* Malkin gets a scalp … of some official campaign blogger … two years before anyone could possibly give a shit. [Navel of the Internet]
* The 27-page “weirdness report” on Rudy Giuliani leaves readers with a lingering sense of, “yea, obv.” [The Smoking Gun]
* Who wants to see pictures of John Boehner crying? [Think Progress]
* Blogger rips venerable news magazine over reporting practices, universe remains unexploded. [Horse's Mouth]
* Osama’s dead! No, not the one you’re voting for next year — the other one. [Captain's Quarters]
* Iranian bombs now available with custom engraved gift messages. [TPM Muckracker]
* The “Weekly Worst in [Walnuts], because you’re just too darn busy to keep up with every McCain flip-flop, sell out or new principle.” [The Real McCain]
* Don’t forget your nemesis Valentine cards! [Rising Hegemon]

From the suddenly entertaining yet utterly unknown “Opinion L.A.” blog — a Top Secret site apparently run by the Los Angeles Times — comes a “bloggers are fools” story so perfect that all bloggers should be forced to read it aloud every morning. The short version goes like this: MORE »

• Bush unafraid to reveal his manipulation tactics to reporters, they’re slower on the uptake than terrorists. [The Carpetbagger Report]

• When Nancy Pelosi says “civility and bipartisanship,” she means “get medieval on your ass.” [Whiskey Bar]
• Libertarians are kingmakers in Montana, still paupers everywhere else. [The Volokh Conspiracy]
• Fox News blurb-writing done by either a Murdoch or a 7th grader. [Think Progress]
• Massive election gains by Democrats were not by accident, not a result of your favorite conspiracy theories. [Unclaimed Territory]
• Timing of Rumsfeld ouster irks right-side bloggers and GOP candidates that could’ve benefited from that shit happening two months ago. [Captain's Quarters]
• Republicans to pressure George Allen to concede, as they can’t stand his mouth either. [Hotline on Call]
• Jim Webb announces his transition team, for spite. [MoJo Blog]
• Rumsfeld had offered to peace before, but yesterday’s events made it inevitable. [Gawker]
• Ok, maybe the comedians didn’t quite have the Rummy rumor first. But they were close. [theGarance]

• Depending on how the “angry tide” breaks, East Coast voters could observe normal bedtimes. If tightest races stay tight, next few days could be 2000esqe. [WP, WSJ]

• Candidates buck tradition of ending campaigns on a positive message, continue with, “attacks over personal character and alleged corruption.” [WP]
• 2006 midterm elections: must be present to win. [NYT]
• Percentage of people “absolutely certain” they will vote today is the highest ever for a non-Presidential election. [LAT]
• Democrats fail to manage expectations; failing to retake the House could cause “mass suicide.” [NYT]
• Hillary Clinton drops $30M on a campaign she could have won with five bucks worth of party supplies. [NYT]
• Everyone that has thoughts about 2008 busted their ass for candidates in 2006. [WP]
• Voters look to ask President Bush, “Who’s the decider now?” [WP]
• Network News stations form unholy alliance to monopolize exit poll data and keep it from bloggers. Kiss ass, elitist, and over-moraled blogs seek to deny readers their bread and circuses, we will not. [WSJ]

• Jean Schmidt afraid that after losing her seat in the House, she’ll also be forced to relinquish the title of most moronic elected official from Ohio. [Talking Points Memo]

• For Dick Cheney, a day without waterboarding is like a day without air. [MoJo Blog]
• New Bob Corker campaign ad being “checked” by Tennessee television stations. The ad won’t be aired unless it meets a minimum threshold of racist content. [Wizbang Politics]
• White House spokesman freely admits Iraq policy is driven by political concerns, MSM finds it too obvious to report. [Media Matters]
• Iraqi Insurgents For Lamont to begin airing campaign ads. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• South Korean panic over North Korean nuclear ambitions being assuaged by copious amounts of life-affirming sex. [Outside the Beltway]
• Roll Call steals our idea, improves it by using research tools other than Google. [TPM Muckraker]
• The Swiss cheese memory of Dennis Hastert strikes again as he replaces “forgotten” facts with made up ones. [Think Progress]

• House ethics committee to investigate lawmakers handling of information concerning safety of Capitol pages, has no jurisdiction over now-resigned Foley himself. Hastert’s, “I haven’t done anything wrong” looking to be the, “I am not a crook” of the 21 st. century. [WP, NYT]

• Nice background piece on Hastert, his rise to speaker, and how he’s been eating out for every meal since 1986. [NYT]
• Completely crappy background piece on New Media’s role in politics, focuses on Drudge, mentions several radio shows. [WP]
• Border fence legislation must climb many obstacles to get built, irony lost on all. [WP]
• “White evangelical or born-again Christians” rethinking allegiance to GOP. [WP]
• Former Foley challenger, and soon-to-be Foley seat-taker Tim Mahoney’s campaign slogan, “to restore integrity to public office” attracts voters who want a candidate that can see the future. [WSJ no sub. req.]

• Bill Frist shows his compassionate conservatism by tolerating Nantucket-summering douchebags [Melissa C. Morris]

• In Sweden, all girls named Inge, all think Condi’s gay. [Swedes for Obama]
• The Colorado gubernatorial race hinges on the polarizing sheep-fucking issue. [Pandagon]
• Esquire “We’re not gay, really” Magazine congratulates Barack Obama for not dressing Sensenbrennerly. [Esquire]
• Newspapers plan on buying RV and blowing the kids’ inheritance, as they’ll be dead in 5 years. [E-Consultancy]

Liquid explosives — how can you make them work for you? Today’s prepared, cutting-edge terrorist knows how hard it’s gotten to get a shoe-bomb, box cutter, or snake on a plane. But now, with liquid explosives, anyone can plot the next Lockerbie. But which liquids do you use? Vinegar and baking soda? Coke and pop rocks? No. Baking soda and pop rocks are not liquids.

Thankfully, the mainstream media, who hate America even more than you, are at your service. Find out just how helpful they can be, after the jump.

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