Say “hi” to our fancy new intern, Malaka Gharib. She writes a crazy restaurant thing for the D.C. Examiner, and also does production at Al Jazeera in Washington, and has this crazy food blog too. And she will be writing about all of those types of things, and also music and movies and etc. Hooray! MORE »

Your Wonkette prides itself on staying current with the latest entrants into the cancerous wasteland of Political Blogging, as it is our duty to inform America about where it should spend its non-Wonkette online time, instead of at the Huffington Post. This week, we have thoroughly studied the new “megablog” from Matt Drudge’s personal slave, Andrew Breitbart. Breitbart described his latest project, Big Hollywood, in a Moonie Times column this week as such: “Big Hollywood is not a ‘celebrity’ gabfest or a gossip outpost - it is a continuous politics and culture posting board for those who think something has gone drastically wrong and that Hollywood should return to its patriotic roots.” To answer your immediate question, yes, Kathryn Jean Lopez is a contributor. MORE »

So there are basically two weekends in this month, January 2009, that are count-y ones: last weekend, as you and what’s left of your liver will recall, was New Year’s Eve; next weekend, hordes of earnest young people will swarm your streets, your bars, and, for a fee, your futons for a glimpse of Rick Warren. So this weekend, take advantage of your DC: go see Lloyd Dobler (the band) and Bette Davis (the person) and Dupont (the place). MORE »

When did it get so cold? It is just miserable out, in the mid-Atlantic anyway. Here are some things this weekend that will keep you warm besides mittens and sex. They include: Bill Murray, Nada Surf, Ne-Yo, and ballet. MORE »

It’s supposed to rain all weekend, except Sunday, a day that counts for nothing. Except God. Well, no matter! All you weekend fun can be scheduled indoors, in movie theaters mostly, and a few concert venues. In fact, Steve Martin trekked in all the way from the 70s to accompany Lisa Loeb in some tribute to narcissism. No sense letting some rain ruin that! MORE »

Halloween is next weekend, which means that starting next Friday, you will be forced to pretend that each of the 700 billion Sarah Palin costumes you see is hilarious, winning, and topical. This will be terrible—an exercise in bad faith that will test the very resilience of the human condition. So! Enjoy this sartorially unremarkable weekend, for next weekend’s free candy comes with a price. MORE »

Have you heard about the great new hilarious comedy about how libtards are communists? No? Well, that’s hardly a surprise, what with the Illuminati trying to keep you from seeing this great new hilarious comedy. It is about how Michael Moore (remember him? crazy times!) is so fat, and then he quits being Anti-American and helps bomb another poor country somewhere so he can “feel good about America” again. You know, comedy! Too bad there’s a Global Conspiracy to keep you from seeing this patriotism! MORE »

Bill Clinton e-mailed us today and guess what he wants, that’s right, more money. He writes that you can purchase a DVD of Hillary & Bill’s convention speeches for $50 dollars, today! And if you pay $250, you get the same thing but SIGNED BY HILLARY. It is called the “Signature” Edition! Oh man, these people miss that $11 million of their $109 million fortune so much. But aren’t candidates who’ve suspended their campaigns only allowed to raise money through the convention, and then it comes out of their pocketbooks? Maybe there’s an article somewhere about this, but fuck reading. Anyway, Bill Clinton wants you to buy porn, was the point. [Hillary Clinton]

A dude sent us this video he made so sure, why not? That wretched Oil Man from There Will Be Blood is a pretty good vehicle for the downward trajectory of John McCain’s famous Honor: people think he’s become Satan in 2008, while in 2000 everyone liked him for… uh… campaigning on a platform of relentless, preemptive interventionism? He was always an evil cock, and a brooding Jonny Greenwood score should follow him around at all times. [YouTube]

All your friends who’ve been in places like Denver and St. Paul for the last nineteen weeks will be back in town tomorrow, hurrah! They will want to drink, heavily. Here are some means to that end, and an elitist movie or two. MORE »

Here’s the trailer for An American Carol, which was first shown to the world on the O’Reilly Factor last night. Movie trailers rarely debut on Bill O’Reilly’s terrible show, but this is a conservative “spoof” movie starring the few Republican actors in Hollywood. The film’s target is the American Left as personified by Michael Moore, the fat clown no one has ever liked, except maybe 4-5 anonymous Internet commenters for a single week in 2003. The plot: Moore is trying to eliminate the Fourth of July holiday! But Gen. Frasier Crane simply cannot let him get away with this. The film is expected to gross $750 trillion dollars at the domestic box office.[YouTube]