Tag Archives: movies

  She Also Knew We'd Make Fun Of Her

God Gives Lady Gift Of Prophecy To Save The World, Predict How Movies End

If it's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
Spoiler alert: These people are insufferable. In a recent video (sadly not embeddable), self-proclaimed Christian “prophets” Rebecca Greenwood and traditional straight-married couple Cindy and Mike Jacobs compared notes on how exactly their God-given gifts of prophecy work. It was pretty impressive, and we had no idea how trying the work of prophecy could be! Read more on God Gives Lady Gift Of Prophecy To Save The World, Predict How Movies End…
  pee-drinkin' patriots

Todd Starnes Has Some Thoughts On American Jesus We Mean American Sniper

I see dead people.
Here’s a true story about Todd Starnes. Recently, I was at a party and mentioned that I was writing about Todd Starnes. The person I was talking to didn’t quite know who Todd Starnes was until I said, “People make jokes about him drinking pee on Twitter. Pee jokes guy. Big hat.” Then she was like “ohh, that guy! Yeah. That’s the only reason I know who he is. The pee jokes.” So good work everyone, I guess. Read more on Todd Starnes Has Some Thoughts On American Jesus We Mean American Sniper…
  the white flag of freedom

Hollywood Surrenders To North Korean Nerd Squad

dear leader plz don't steal our emails
The power drunk, sadistic, and unstable Dictator for Life of North Korea, Kim Jong-Un — who executed a dozen members of his own family to consolidate power, starves his own people while pumping them full of propaganda, and is armed with nuclear weapons — surprisingly does not have a sense of tolerant equanimity about a film that roundly mocks him and assassinates him in effigy. Read more on Hollywood Surrenders To North Korean Nerd Squad…
  society is to blame: arrest them

A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Bloviating About The Isla Vista Murders

We’ve now entered the exciting “place blame on people you don’t like” phase of the coverage of the shootings in Isla Vista last Friday, where bloggers, teevee news panelists, and other luminaries present their instant diagnoses of the culture-war issues truly to blame for the actions of a disturbed person with a several guns and a carload of ammunition. Here are just a few of the stupidest explanations of What It All Means (and yes, we have a feeling this will be Part One of many). Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Bloviating About The Isla Vista Murders…
  time to throw his asshat in the ring

Please Run For President, Mr. Santorum. Your Country’s Mommy Blogs Need You

Rick Santorum, we need to talk about your future. We know you’re having fun playing at being a movie producer, and apparently you like that part-time job enough that you mention it during your trips to Iowa. We don’t know how great that studio of yours is doing, since you still seem to be talking about the one movie you’ve released as if it were still on the way, at least if this WaPo profile is accurate, and the other movie that you keep talking about went straight to the Hallmark Channel, not theaters. So we’re not sure if film-making is in your blood, is what we’re saying. But being the most sanctimonious douchebag in a gaggle of sanctimonious douchebags? That, sir, is what you’re good at. So stop the tease already and declare, will you? Read more on Please Run For President, Mr. Santorum. Your Country’s Mommy Blogs Need You…
  'tough bananas!' is our new catchphrase

Radio Preacher Kevin Swanson: Did I Say Gay? I Meant Disney’s ‘Frozen’ Will Make Your Kid A Witch. A Gay Witch

So a couple weeks back we looked at how Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson had figured out that Disney’s Frozen is turning kids gay, because it just does, OK? Well, apparently Rev. Swanson simply can’t Let It Go, Let It Go, because now he’s identified another danger that Frozen and other movies pose to kids: these demonic kid flicks are leading children to practice witchcraft, which is a totally real thing, and are also part of Hollywood’s sinister agenda to turn children away from God, as opposed to simply making buttloads of money. Read more on Radio Preacher Kevin Swanson: Did I Say Gay? I Meant Disney’s ‘Frozen’ Will Make Your Kid A Witch. A Gay Witch…
  all the Pretty Princesses

Here Are Some Additional Disney Princesses For Fox News To Worry About

It’s awfully nice of Fox News to take a break from bashing the socialist tyranny of Michelle Obama’s insistence that children try eating the occasional carrot and getting some exercise, so that Fox News can worry that a petition urging Disney to create a plus-sized princess will encourage girls to become obese and get diabetes. That’s just the kind of Deep Thinking About Issues that we’ve come to know and love from Fox. Read more on Here Are Some Additional Disney Princesses For Fox News To Worry About…
  unknown knowns that know knowns...oh screw it

Let Us Watch The Trailer For Errol Morris’s Documentary About Donald Rumsfeld And Seethe Together

I cut way back on my moviegoing at least a decade ago because after several years of living and working in Hollywood and seeing how the sausage gets made, so many movies filled me with an incandescent rage. So it will be nice to see a movie this April that fills me with incandescent rage for totally non-Hollywood-related reasons. Read more on Let Us Watch The Trailer For Errol Morris’s Documentary About Donald Rumsfeld And Seethe Together…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Literally Eviscerates Fox News, Stephen Colbert Feeds Chris Christie To Rabid Polecats

The Daily Show Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook You want Clipbait? We got Clipbait! On The Daily Show, it’s Jon Stewart vs. a million and six Fox News clips, and on The Colbert Report, Stephen has a field day with Chris Christie’s press conference. Read more on Jon Stewart Literally Eviscerates Fox News, Stephen Colbert Feeds Chris Christie To Rabid Polecats…
  happy days are here again

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks That Save Homeschoolers From Socialist Lies About The Great Depression

You’d think that after a year and a half of reviewing rightwing Christianist textbooks we’d be incapable of being surprised, but wow: this week’s look at how one of them covers the great Depression departs so sharply from what most of us call reality that you may want to strap in and wear a helmet to keep your brains from messing up your nice shag carpet. As usual, of the two books we’re looking at, it’s our 8th-grade text, America: Land I Love (A Beka, 1994), that’s the troublemaker. In fact, this week, we’re hardly going to reference our other book, the 11th/12th-grade United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), because while it still has a conservative slant, it at least presents a recognizable version of historical reality. Land I Love, on the other hand, is so wedded to rightwing ideology that it simply insists that The Great Depression was maybe a little uncomfortable, but not nearly as bad as the socialists in media, government, and academe would have you believe. Mostly, the authors suggest again and again, the greatest tragedy of the Depression is that liberal politicians used it as an excuse to expand government and destroy individual freedom, because that’s just how FDR liked to roll. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks That Save Homeschoolers From Socialist Lies About The Great Depression…
  the whoring 20s

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschooled Flappers And Bootleggers

OK, this is the week we finally get to the flappers, you fappers. We’ve been spending a little extra time with our Christian textbooks’ treatment of the 1920s, which turns out to be a fine decade for the authors to lecture about the culture wars of the last quarter of the century. And as usual, our 8th-grade text from A Beka, America: Land I Love, is delighted to jump in and let kids know exactly where America was deceived: World War I boosted America’s economy and spurred great advances in technology. Prospering businesses and industries brought a higher standard of living, allowing people to work to provide for their families. Most Americans still held to traditional values based on Biblical principles. However, the Roaring Twenties became a turning point in American thought and culture, as prosperity encouraged Americans to pursue pleasure and material gain. Entertainment especially reflected an increasing decline in morality. And of course, because this is a Christianist textbook for 8th-graders, we don’t learn too much about what that decline entailed, except that the divorce rate increased and movies glamorized speakeasies and contraband booze. It’s presumably left to the classroom or parental teacher to explain that there was also (shudder!) dancing. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschooled Flappers And Bootleggers…
  zuzu's petals--of subversion!

History Shocker! Ayn Rand Helped FBI Find Communist Influence In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’

Before War On Christmas 2013 fades into memory, let’s take a look at how the FBI examined a Christmas Classic for evidence of communist propaganda. According to a nifty article in Aphelis, Frank Capra’s tale of the redemptive power of sentimental glurge was listed as potentially subversive, as part of a widespread investigation into alleged communist influence in Hollywood — as if anyone needed to investigate such an obvious fact, haw haw! Read more on History Shocker! Ayn Rand Helped FBI Find Communist Influence In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’…
  richard cohen don't know nothin' bout birthin' no babies

Terrible Columnist Richard Cohen Shocked To Learn That Slavery Was Really, Really Bad

With all of the terrible, sludge-brained, doped-out political hacks whose columns we read over and over until every atom of our being must fight the urge to swan-dive off a twenty-story building onto a fence topped with rusty spikes coated with rattlesnake venom, we often forget about the execrable Richard Cohen at The Washington Post. Perhaps this is an act of self-preservation. Then the Bearded Dipwad writes something so perverse we are compelled to stare at it like the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, until our faces melt and our souls get sucked from our bodies by razor-toothed demons. Hyperbole, you say? That is only because you haven’t read Cohen’s latest yet. Read more on Terrible Columnist Richard Cohen Shocked To Learn That Slavery Was Really, Really Bad…
  frothy the snowman

This Christmas Movie Will Fill Your Stocking With Santorum

Former Senator, presidential candidate, and Google punchline Rick Santorum thought it might be fun to run a movie studio, and now here is the trailer for the first feature churned out by his Christian production company, EchoLight Studios. It’s The Christmas Candle, a holly-jolly ye-olde family yarn with snowflakes, miracles, Good Simple 19th Century English Whitefolks, Susan Boyle, and a trailer with enough cymbal swells to hammer home the point that it’s Inspirational. Read more on This Christmas Movie Will Fill Your Stocking With Santorum…
  sharing Is weakness

‘Atlas Shrugged’ Producers Launch Kickstarter To Finish Their Self-Reliant Epic

As you may recall, the first two parts of the Atlas Shrugged movie adaptation were not exactly a huge success with audiences or with critics. Critics are not a problem, of course; they can be dismissed because they’re just part of the Liberal Media Establishment. And if audiences stayed away, well, that’s just because maybe they were simply not ready for the Important Message of an Ayn Rand movie — they’ll find it, they will, and it will change their lives. But the epic must be finished, and unfortunately, not a lot of money rolled in from the first two outings to finance the third. Never mind what the free market said about the need for the third installment, there’s a goddam Artistic Vision here that needs to be fulfilled. And so co-producers Harmon Kaslow and John Aglialoro have gone on Kickstarter to raise $250,000 to help produce part 3, Atlas Shrugged: Who Is John Galt? As the A.V. Club says, it’s just what they had to do in order to “propagate its titular character’s manifesto to ‘never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.’” Read more on ‘Atlas Shrugged’ Producers Launch Kickstarter To Finish Their Self-Reliant Epic…