Tag: mother jones

Here Is Where To Throw All Your Cash Money For #GivingTuesday (OW! OW! STOP IT! DON’T STOP!)

OPEN UP YOUR WALLETS AND GIVE BACK, FOOLS.

Donald Trump Tweets Something So Awful And Grotesque, You Absolutely MUST CLICK THIS NOW

Did you hear the latest thing Trump wants to do? IT'S OMG WTF BAD!
Celing Putin is watching you masturbate

Mother Russia Maybe Now Undecided Voter Like Ken Bone

A 'Newsweek' investigative report has a lot more WHOA IF TRUE details about the Russian campaign to ruin our nice American election. What fun!

No, For Real, Though, Is Donald Trump A Russian Intelligence Asset?

WE ARE JUST ASKING QUESTIONS.
Breaking political news to grandchildren is the pits

Badass Sen. Barbara Boxer Has Some Questions About Donald Trump’s Illegal Immigrant Models

Maybe the Department Of Homeland Security might be interested in looking into this!

Donald Trump Sure Likes To Exploit Illegal Immigrants When They’re Sexxxy Young Models! (Allegedly)

Sounds like lots of Trump's models worked in America illegally, and he literally made money off screwing them. Would Donald Trump really do such a thing???

Justice Department To Ditch Private Prisons! We Should Probably Send Mother Jones A Pie!

A Justice Department memo states that private prisons are bad, and they should feel bad. Also, they should go away forever.
This fucking guy

World’s Great Memory Haver Donald Trump Not Sure If He Ever Met Vladimir Putin, Yeah, That’s The Ticket!

Republican nominee Donald Trump had the best weekend, y'all, simply yuuge. Not satisfied with merely smearing the grieving mother of a fallen American hero, Trump used a Sunday network show to flash his foreign policy chops and cement his reputation...
You can tell he's being silly because his appleheaded vagina mouth is in the "giggle" position.

Correction: Donald Trump Did NOT Threaten To Deport All Muslims To The Moon

Hello, all Wonkette's favorite liberal blogs, what are you up to? Playing a game of telephone with each other, like Ben Carson telling himself his life story? Cool. Let's watch a media frenzy unfold, but let's do it backward,...
He's one serious guy

American Dude Will Beat ISIS All By Himself If He Has To, Please Send Money

When Yr. Wonkette runs stories about our Liberty-loving pals in the militia crowd, who totally want to play soldier and keep America safe from Tyranny and Obama's plans to destroy America, someone in the comments usually asks "If these...
He is the most accuratest reporter EVAR

Bill O’Reilly Is One Pissed War Correspondent

Bill O'Reilly just wants you to know that he has never, ever, not once in his life ever exaggerated his bravery as a war correspondent. And if you say otherwise, he will END YOU, as he let a nosy...

How All Your Favorite Liberal Blogs Muffed The Yoga Pants Bill (Which Does Not Exist)

Two mornings ago, our husband flagged for us a silly story about some dumb Montana derp farmer trying to outlaw "simulated" nudity. He flagged this story for one reason only: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THE TRUCKNUTZ??? "Haha, poor TruckNutz,"...
Not sure this makes a point about the story -- mostly just wanted to execute a Lego figure.

Looks Like It’s Time To Execute Another Mentally Ill Guy, For Justice

We know you're all sick of Ebola and ISIS, so here's a pick-me-up: Texas is fixing to execute Scott Pannetti, who is so disconnected from reality that he buried a sofa and other furniture in his yard because he...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cornucopia Of Creeps & Crazies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we take a good stiff metaphorical cleaning tool to our browser tabs, collect the stories that are too stupid to ignore altogether but not enough to deserve a...

Zimmerman Bestie Shockingly Uses Racist Slurs On Oprah, Like WTF-Level Racist

George Zimmerman Fan Club President Frank Taaffe, HLN's go-to source for commentary on the joys of killing black children armed self defense against thugs, sometimes is accused of racism. As open- and fair-minded lieburals, we are careful about throwing that...

The Daily Show’s Jessica Williams For Queen

You know Jessica Williams, the young black woman on The Daily Show. You love Jessica Williams. The first time you saw Jessica Williams -- maybe it was that video above! -- you said, "who is this girl she is...