DIRT CROSS COLLAPSE: “The White House’s response to the Russia/Georgia war gets a smirking ‘whatever’ from Moscow. Who are we to be telling anyone not to invade little countries? We’ve been doing it with great fanfare and steady failure since Vietnam, and we’re bogged down in so many doomed occupations today that Robot Troops are the only hope. Maybe we can buy some from Japan, on credit. Or that famous swimmer Michael Phelps can save the country by, uh, swimming very fast to various problem zones, like Aquaman.” [Political Machine]

Imagine a White House full of scheming backstabbing power-mad global criminals — you know, but not right now. Earlier, like from 1969 to 1974. That’s when the hilarious duo of Henry Kissinger and his meathead drunken buddy Richard Nixon were president.

Like our current crazy duo of Cheney & Dubya, “Jew Boy” and “Meatball Mind” broke hundreds of laws, murdered hundreds of thousands of people and basically tried their damnedest to destroy the United States of America. After the jump, read hilarious highlights from the just-released Kissinger tapes — turns out Kissinger was taping everybody’s phone calls, too!

MORE »