Wonkette

Guess who hasn’t been mentioned at all tonight? America’s favorite president, George W. Bush Junior! It’s as if Republicans haven’t held the White House for the past eight years. Who can remember that far back? So let’s welcome the new Geraldine Ferraro, “Barracuda Sarah” Palin — her own sister just called her that, on CNN — as she squeaks through a speech destined to give John McCain the SURGE he needs to finish this campaign as a complete sell-out loser who stands for nothing. Go Sarah! MORE »

And South Dakota Clinton supporter Cheryl Chamberlain takes the lead in the “Small Town Voters Who Shouldn’t Ever Talk To The Media” contest: “I won’t vote for Obama… You go on the Internet and see him associated with that church, with the Koran. He won’t wear a flag pin. … After 9/11, there is absolutely no way I’d support someone who is associated with the Koran. I won’t support terrorism.” In case you don’t get it, that mental leap chain is: Obama –> Internet –> Church –> Koran –> No Flag Pin –> 9/11 –> Koran –> Terrorist. [LA Times]

We have seen some “chatter” about the second-straight brilliant episode of Hardball today, and hot damn, this is some seven-diamond comedy here. Matthews is interviewing Republican radio host “Kevin James,” who screams in some white-trash voice about Obama being an appeaser for a couple minutes, before — around 4:00 into the clip — Matthews annihilates him, calls him “pathetic,” says “you don’t know anything,” and does this for several minutes. Nice work. Do it again tomorrow! [MSNBC]

You know, we can’t even tell what’s a stupid parody or what’s a stupid sincere YouTube statement of idiocy these days, so here you go, a YouTube thing uploaded today, so this pretty much negates the nine superdelegates Barack Obama picked up today. (Hilz got one.) [YouTube]

Dawn Gibbons has been living in the Nevada Governor’s Mansion alone since earlier this year. Jim Gibbons, the moronic alcoholic waitress-assaulting sex criminal who was comically elected governor in 2006 and took a secret midnight oath of office in his Reno living room, has moved back to that Reno house. He served Dawn with divorce papers, but she says he won’t tell her why he’s divorcing her. MORE »

Now that the comical idiot girl with the porn star breastises has been appointed John McCain’s vice president and third wife, another “actor” from The Hills has to endorse Barack Obama, for balance. Otherwise The Hills‘ sterling reputation as an unbiased news source will wind up in the trash, along with Heidi Montag’s first nose. So who is this dumb, lightly be-stubbled youngster Brody Jenner, and why does he like the Democrat Barack Obama? MORE »

Awesome Tuesday has turned into Hungover Wednesday. As we sit in our easy chairs with comically large ice packs held to our skulls, let’s remember one important thing: however empty-brained and regretful we feel today, we can still take heart that we are smarter than thousands of morons across this great nation. Because as Walnut King John McCain might say, my friends, my friends, the Super Tuesday voting confusion did not end with the states of Texas and Washington. Who are the country’s stupidest voters? Click the clicky and we’ll join you after the jump. MORE »

Did you once star in a movie or on teevee, or possibly both? Do you have the sort of rippling muscles that only come from hard work, dedication, hours of staring at fetishistic “men’s fitness” magazines, and steroids? Did your brutal antics once entertain millions of mouth-breathing mulleted Neanderthals during the 1980s? Then we want to hear about who you endorse for President in 2008! MORE »