morons
Sad Pundits: Why Won’t Insiders Tell Us Who Will Win The Election?
THIS ELECTION, YOU GUYS! It is … confusing? Like, some people say that Barack Obama will win re-election, while others say that his opponent, Mitt Romney, will prevail! WHO ARE WE TO TRUST? Normally, of course, we’d turn to the literally of hundreds of people who are employed full-time by various old- and new-media outlets [...]
New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)
OH CRAP ROMNEY’S AHEAD BY TWO POINTS IN THE LATEST AP POLL AND THE LADIES ALL LOVE HIM NOW TIME TO FREAK OUT??? No, don’t worry, libs, your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a 70% chance of winning (and also offers soothing words about how the media specifically pays attention [...]
‘Fox & Friends’ Investigates the ‘Lesbian Cabal’ Running DHS
Pretty light day on Fox News’ illiterate dementia variety hour, Fox & Friends; the muppet crew, plus Geraldo, only entertained questions about one federal department being run by a “lesbian cabal.” Let’s up the game a bit for Monday, Fox & Friends?
Michelle Obama Threatened By Cops, People Who Hate Spider-Man Musicals
One would think that the words following “Michelle Obama threatened by…” would be something along the lines of “Slurpee Machine Technicians” or “Vengeful Hoveround Gang.” Actually, though, the threats made against the First Lady’s life in recent days came from – surprise! – a police officer and a run-of-the-mill moron. First, a D.C. police officer [...]
Sandra Fluke Engagement Leads To Even More Hilarious Jokes
To a man?”Sandra Fluke Announces Engagement” — Monica Crowley (@MonicaCrowley) April 26, 2012 Did you hear that free sex-pill devourer Sandra Fluke is getting engaged? Whatever. But here’s Fox News/Washington Times mistake Monica Crowley making history’s funniest joke, ever. “To a man?” Ha ha ha ha! OH, YOU. (“To a man?”, she tweets.)
Bristol Palin Mumbles Dumbly To Alaska ‘Rock Jocks’
America’s princess, Bristol Palin, did an exclusive phone-in with these two minor-market FM morning show announcers all about the mysteries of her life — and she called in from her Arizona stucco ghetto foreclosure about 50 miles outside of Phoenix, surrounded by garbage and cotton fields and bits of rock, and you can almost see [...]
Republican National Committee Candidates Unfamiliar With Books
Which pea-brained clown will become the new chairperson of the Republican National Committee? Whether it’s the dingbat woman dreaming of getting wasted at her kitchen table again or the lunkhead who just keeps barking “Reagan! Reagan!” when asked if he has ever read a book, all five of these mouth-breathing imbeciles are perfect representatives of [...]
Alex Pareene Will Burn a Koran For You
Due to a hilarious Google mix-up, hundreds of people looking for holy-book-burning superstar Terry Jones’ contact info somehow ended up with Alex Pareene’s e-mail address, and sent him their Very Important Thoughts on the subject! Because he writes for Salon now, he uses this as a very serious “teachable moment” to explain why Peter Orszag [...]
Coptic Christians Look Too Muslim To Anti-Mosque Morons
Do you know what this idiotic anti-Cordoba House crusade has done? It has poisoned the atmosphere at Ground Zero, one of America’s most important places. Ground Zero is a giant open pit in the ground that has remained a sad hole surrounded by ugly temporary fencing for nearly a decade because of 21st century America’s [...]
Millionaire Idiot Sarah Palin Blames BP Oil Spill On … Environmentalists
Comedy time again, as long as you can laugh at an oil-drenched seabird who can’t get back to its wetlands nesting site to feed its babies, stupid bird! Sarah Palin has a hilarious new Facebook message that will, probably, end up being BP’s actual legal defense, which the Supreme Court will eventually rule in favor [...]
LIBERAL FASCIST COPS BREAK UP GOOD CLEAN FUN: A quintet of Georgians were arrested for building a bunch of pipe bombs, but they claim that they just wanted to “play” with the deadly explosives, blowin’ up shit in their backyard for fun! The group says that they “stole materials from a residential property with trailers [...]
Entire Country Confused by Competing Palin Books
How do you baffle a not-too-smart nation of people who aren’t really much into book-learnin’? Have competing publishers release similarly-titled books about popular idiot Sarah Palin! Not even counting the “I’m buying this only for ironic reasons” crowd in Brooklyn and Silver Lake, there is apparently total chaos in bookstores, as people who’ve only previously [...]
English-Only Wingnut Conference Can’t Spell ‘Conference’
Black Irish immigrant leprechaun Patrick “Sinead” Buchanan knows what kinds of immigrants he hates: all the ones who showed up after his ring-kissing potato-drunkard parents were dumped by the British in New York Harbor as a final retaliation for the American Revolution. That’s why Buchanan and his wacky white-supremacist friends are, these days, mostly concerned [...]
Religious Conservatives Crazy For Porn
Here is a SHOCKER regarding the holy trinity of American hobbies (religion, wingnut politics and pornography). It turns out that conservative Jesus Goblins are using up all of America’s precious porn reserves. A new study proves the “red states” consume so much (gay and interracial) naked sex media, it’s crazy! But is there another, hidden [...]
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