Tag: morning joe

Wonkagenda: Thursday, August 11, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Why Can’t Man-Baby Donald Trump Use Nuclear Weapons, WHY WHY WHY??? A Wonksplainer

Trump reportedly asked a foreign policy expert THREE TIMES IN ONE HOUR why he's not allowed to nuke everything. THREE TIMES.

Newt Gingrich Knows What’s Good For The Blacks, And It’s Not Icky Black President Obama

Remember when Newt Gingrich said something sensitive about the black experience in America? He's done doing that now.

How Many Broom Closets At 30 Rock Have Joe And Mika Used To Bump Uglies?

Or should we ask how many they've NOT banged in?

Lying Liar Carly Fiorina Already Lying For ‘Running Mate’ Ted Cruz

Carly Fiorina is doing that thing again, the thing that always happens when she opens her mouth. Yes, she is lying! But what things is she saying so far, now that she is Ted Cruz's "running mate" who will...

Speaker Paul Ryan Finally Letting Donald Trump Have His Way With Him

Poor pitiful House Speaker Paul Ryan! He's supposed to be the sane Republican savior to herd all the feral cats together and actually get something done in Washington, but this Donald Trump man has been getting under his skin!...
I *AM SO* PRESIDENTIAL!

Delicate Flower Donald Trump Has The Vapours From Hillary Clinton’s Unladylike Shouting

Trump says he hasn't quite recovered from Clinton's reaction to his accusation that she is playing the 'woman card.'

Obamas Doing Spanish Sex Dances In Argentina While World Burns, Oh Great

Where do Barry Bamzgasm The Dictator Obama and his wife Michelle The Vegetable Enforcer get off? First they larked about in Ted Cruz's homeland singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" with Castro, and then they got on their Obamaplane...
NOPE!

Even Ted Cruz ‘Supporters’ Think He Sucks

It's possible we are enjoying ourselves entirely too much as we watch the Republican Party eat itself alive, choke on its own bone, vomit up undigested chunks of itself, and slip-n-fall in its own sick. The orgasmic pleasure we derive is probably...

Jeb Bush Tells Mean Pope To Leave His Favorite Teddy Bear Trump Alone

Jeb Bush is not dangling on the edge while fondling his gun that says JEB BUSH on it, contrary to certain vicious internet rumors he started, but he is definitely suffering from Stockholm syndrome. In the epic fight between Donald Trump and...

Fear And Loving In New Hampshire: Your Wonkebago Primary Wrap-Up!

It was supposed to be eight hours from our Pennsylvania rest stop to Nashua, New Hampshire. But 13 hours later, we were still driving, looping around looking for a freeway that wouldn't lop the top off our Wonkebago. We...

Ben Carson Vows To Continue Winning Streak In South Carolina Primary

Oh, to have the utter confidence of Ben Carson. This is a confidence that surpasseth understanding. It is a confidence completely unrelated to any external indicators. In short, it is a confidence completely divorced from reality. You may remember...

Has This Democratic Primary Killed You Yet? No? LET’S ALL YELL SOME MORE! A DEBATE LIVEBLOG!

Guys! GUYS! ARE YOU SO ANGRY AT YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS WHO ONLY AGREE WITH YOU ON 95 PERCENT OF THE THINGS? ARE YOU READY TO TELL EVERYBODY THEY ARE CROOKS FOR LIKING THAT WHORALLY CLINTON? Can you not...

Wonkette Babby Wins All-Important New Hampshire ‘Morning Joe’ Primary

ALL HAIL WONKETTE BABY! You already know that, because you "all hail" her all the time. But if you were doing your normal routine Tuesday, which is obsessively staring at the respective Twitter feeds of Joe Scarborough and Mika...
Caramba!

NH Primary Down To Donald Trump’s Watermelon-Sized Balls, Ted Cruz’s Vagina

In Manchester, New Hampshire, Monday night, Donald Trump continued an unbroken string of getting away with crap that would have sunk any other campaign in history, enthusiastically repeating a supporter's shout that Ted Cruz is a pussy for hesitating...
Bye Rick.

Rick Santorum Wants To Bareback Marco Rubio. With Votes.

Oh well, guess Rick Santorum's dreams have died again. Late Wednesday, Santorum surprised exactly no one by declaring that he would no longer be quote unquote "running for president," and that he has decided Marco Rubio is the change...