Tag Archives: morning joe

  For his next trick he'll teach high school civics

Sen. Tom Cotton’s Iran Mash Note Not Working Out That Well For Him Actually

Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Traitor)
Sen. Tom Cotton, Arkansas teabagger and the world’s foremost expert on how to win friends and influence people, appeared on “Morning Joe” to explain why he is not a traitor for writing a letter to the leaders of Iran explaining that President Obama doesn’t really have any authority, so ignore him. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton’s Iran Mash Note Not Working Out That Well For Him Actually…
  More of this please

Badasses Elizabeth Warren And Elijah Cummings Give Joe Scarborough A Talking-To

Call them by their proper titles: Legislative Badasses
What have we here? Oh, just another plan from two of Wonkette’s most favorite legislators, Bestest Senator Ever Elizabeth Warren and Inaugural Legislative Badass award winner Rep. Elijah Cummings, to save the middle class from the Republican plan to destroy it, with a new thing they are calling the Middle Class Prosperity Project. Read more on Badasses Elizabeth Warren And Elijah Cummings Give Joe Scarborough A Talking-To…
  Why aren't the Obamas in bad-parent jail?

Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Beyonce Still Hasn’t Resigned In Disgrace

Mike Huckabee, perpetual maybe-presidential candidate, wrote a book about what’s wrong with America. Everything, basically, is wrong with America — including the Obamas allowing their daughters to get their hippity-hop on to Beyonce’s whore music. But it’s not as if he wanted anyone to notice that. That anyone in the media is all, “Huh? What?” just proves his point that America is a cesspool of Indecency and Immorality and other I-words. (The Huckster is also fond of the greatest I-word in the Bible, which no Republicans ever talk about, ever, but it rhymes with dimpeachment.) Read more on Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Beyonce Still Hasn’t Resigned In Disgrace…
  frontier justice

Rick Perry Is The Best Secret Service Agent, Gonna Kill You Real, REAL Dead

Oooh, I hates tyranny, and I hates jackboots, and I hates gubmint!
Yosemite Rick Perry, the rootinest, tootinest governor in all the land, was in NEW YORK CITY today to spend a few minutes making merry with the Zoo Crew on “Morning Joe.” The biggest surprise of the entire interview was that Joe Scarborough managed to resist flinging himself across the table to plant a sloppy, wet kiss on Yosemite Rick. The least surprising part was when Yosemite Rick let everyone know that, unlike those fancy, arugula-eatin’ Secret Service agents what guard that faggy perfesser Barack Obama, his security detail wouldn’t put up with no interlopers in the Texas governor’s mansion, no sir. Read more on Rick Perry Is The Best Secret Service Agent, Gonna Kill You Real, REAL Dead…
  clipbait

Chris Christie Will Fight Some Dumb Lady About Bruce Springsteen, Boss Of You

Chris Christie, communist who would save New Jersey if he would allow price gouging
Just because New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R-Bridgegate) makes Bruce Springsteen sick to his stomach because Christie stands for everything The Boss stands against is no reason why The Boss doesn’t want Christie pretending they are total besties. Take that, silly lady who thinks otherwise: Read more on Chris Christie Will Fight Some Dumb Lady About Bruce Springsteen, Boss Of You…
  stfu joe scarborough

WaPo Reporter Arrested In Ferguson Invites Joe Scarborough To Drink A Starbucks Cup Of STFU

Last night, Ferguson, Missouri, police arrested Wesley Lowery of the Washington Post and Ryan J. Reilly of HuffPo for assaulting a McDonald’s by charging their equipment there. Joe Scarborough, the former Republican congressman who leads off the day at liberal MSNBC by spewing balls-out sexist shit at his coanchor and laughing at equal pay, had some thoughts about that, like: why would a reporter try to cover something a police said he couldn’t cover? That’s just rude! (Police also tear-gassed a crew from Al Jazeera and then dismantled their equipment. Video here.) Joe Scarborough would like journalists to stop trying to get on TV and show the police some respect! Read more on WaPo Reporter Arrested In Ferguson Invites Joe Scarborough To Drink A Starbucks Cup Of STFU…
  shhh the adults are talking

Watch Mika Brzezinski Shut Down Joe Scarborough As He Sputters About Climate Change

We do not usually watch “Morning Joe” unless we are looking for tips as to whether to tuck our shirt collar inside our sweaters or not these days, and also too because “Morning Joe” is a monumentally stupid name. However, we will always endure a few minutes of it whenever it involves Mika Brzezinski telling Joe Scarborough to STFU because that is a thing we yell at our teevee every time we are forced to watch Joe Scarborough do anything. Let’s set the stage for the Mika smackdown, shall we? Living breathing receding hairline Marco Rubio showed up on “This Week” on Sunday to explain that he just doesn’t believe in climate change, probably because of Jesus or that his head is too far in the sand, or perhaps just a simple little difference of opinion. Read more on Watch Mika Brzezinski Shut Down Joe Scarborough As He Sputters About Climate Change…
  you come at the queen you best not miss

Get Ready: Another White Dude News Explainer Website Coming At Ya

This weekend Bloomberg Media decided to double down on its political coverage with a game change of an announcement: the company has hired veteran stenographers John Heilemann and Mark Halperin to launch a new website that will cover America’s political news and policy. What a relief! No one has leveraged a big name in political coverage to launch such a site in at least two or three weeks and we were starting to jones a little for something new. Will there be charts? It’s not a political website without charts. Read more on Get Ready: Another White Dude News Explainer Website Coming At Ya…
  today in hippies

Uh Oh, Joe Scarborough Is A Communist Now

What even the fuck, “Joe” Scarborough? We thought we could count on you to be our sexy douchey conservadaddy (shut up wonkers), and it turns out you are just another emoprog #Occupy communist pansy whining about income inequality and Warren Buffett’s secretary’s tax rate. First you came to take all our guns and put them in gun jail, then you called Sean Hannity a racist vulture douche (direct quote, we think), and now THIS? Then you look at what doesn’t make sense to I guess 95% of Americans? That the richest Americans, the richest Americans are paying 14, 15, 16% tax rates. While the secretaries are paying twice that much. Why we don’t have a minimum tax rate of 30% is beyond me. And I say that especially because of all the billionaires and gazillionaires. If you’re not getting a paycheck across your desk, chances are good you’re figuring how to pay 16%, 17%. That is obscene. It’s wrong and Americans, 95% of Americans think that’s wrong. And then the same thing with the off shore accounts. You know? My feeling if people want to move their people offshore, they need to move offshore with their money. Seriously. If they want to shield their money from taxes and go offshore, you’re not welcome in the United States of America. Follow your damn money. Just stop right there, you un-American pussy. No, really, stop, or that nice toddler Ben Shapiro will never be able to catch up with you on his little rubber baby legs, and put you UNDER ARREST. Read more on Uh Oh, Joe Scarborough Is A Communist Now…
  we're gonna run out of mob movie quotes soon

Withholding Hurricane Sandy Aid Should Teach Hoboken Not To Take Sides With Anyone Against Chris Christie Ever Again

We’re going to have to set up some sort of macro template to write about Chris Christie. It can include the words “bridge” and “corruption” and “investigation widens” and “Hurricane Sandy” and so on. The weekend brought news that Christie allegedly (see? no libel there!) blocked Hurricane Sandy aid to Hoboken because Mayor Dawn Zimmer wouldn’t play ball. We’ve touched upon this a couple times already but let’s face it: there is no such thing as too much coverage of the delicious ever-expanding Chris Christie scandal. So what is it that kicked off this latest possibly career-destroying scandal? Over the weekend, Hoboken lady mayor came forward and explained how her city had gotten approximately ten dollars of Hurricane Sandy aid instead of the kazillions it needs since the city was basically drowned during the hurricane, all thanks to Christie withholding those funds unless Zimmer greenlit a pet redevelopment project. Read more on Withholding Hurricane Sandy Aid Should Teach Hoboken Not To Take Sides With Anyone Against Chris Christie Ever Again…
  no one saw it coming

Astonishing! Ted Cruz Turns Out To Be A Thin-Skinned Whiner-Boy!

Here is Andrea Mitchell recalling a little run-in that she had last spring with Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Poutine). Mitchell was on the Morning Joe gabfest yesterday, and said that Cruz appeared to be far more interested in pursuing his Presidential Destiny (as prophesized by his father), instead of making nice, being Senatorial, or passing laws: “Ted Cruz’s strategy is that he wants to be either a presidential nominee or part of the presidential process,” Mitchell said. “He has no strategy to get along and make friends and produce legislation in the Senate.” You would think that someone who wants to be preznit would know that Friendship is Magic, but that is apparently just not on Ted’s agenda, thank you very much, he is a busy man who has some very important grandstanding to do. Read more on Astonishing! Ted Cruz Turns Out To Be A Thin-Skinned Whiner-Boy!…
  battle of the network stars

Joe Scarborough Says Sean Hannity Is A Racist Vulture Douche

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy Do you watch Morning Joe? We do not watch Morning Joe. Our mom, Commie Mom, watches Morning Joe, for the same reason she listens to Rush Limbaugh: she has dangerously low blood pressure, and without some hypertension SHE WOULD DIE. Read more on Joe Scarborough Says Sean Hannity Is A Racist Vulture Douche…
  the sky is falling

Paul Krugman Brings Facts To Ideology Fight

OK, the bad news is that so in order to watch Paul Krugman, you have to first endure Paul Ryan (R-Pissant) and his smarmy little mug, but don’t worry, the good news is he goes away pretty quickly! But then — and this is more bad news — he is replaced by another idiot (Morning Joe) and Ed Rendell, who we have come not to like so much now that he is chairing the corporate-sponsored “Fix the Debt” campaign. So anyway the video begins with Joe and whatshername asking Paul Krugman what the hell is going on in Spain. No, not as in “why is there 50% youth unemployment” but as in, “why are they buying your book over in Spain and also in Japan?” Important questions indeed. Read more on Paul Krugman Brings Facts To Ideology Fight…
  don't retreat reload

NRA: Why Does Uppity Obama Refuse To Let Sasha And Malia Die From Guns Like Regular American Children?

Here is the latest super smart and with-it ad from the NRA, who are obviously geniuses of social intelligence. We are fairly shocked that in their jeremiad against the president’s having Secret Service protection for his daughters, they did not actually feature pictures of said daughters, and, say, “surveyor’s marks.” (Watch closely for a cameo by David Gregory as a member of the uppity blah ‘lite.) But what do other people think of this dumb fucking thing? Read more on NRA: Why Does Uppity Obama Refuse To Let Sasha And Malia Die From Guns Like Regular American Children?…
  people who call people chauvinists are the real chauvinists

Joe Scarborough Yells Over All The Ladies, Snaps His Fingers At Them, To Prove That He Is Not A Chauvinist

Joe Scarborough is trying to do the right thing. He is trying to get Barack Obama to hire more women. That is good! GOOD FOR YOU JOE SCARBOROUGH. (It is also somewhat akin to the Republican mouthpieces foaming that Chuck Hagel is too mean to gays, but baby steps.) Unfortunately, then Mika calls him a chauvinist, and he tries to make the point about how not-chauvinist he is by yelling over all the women, and snapping his fingers in their faces. This is … problematic. Read more on Joe Scarborough Yells Over All The Ladies, Snaps His Fingers At Them, To Prove That He Is Not A Chauvinist…
  Bitch Please

Not On My Show Says Joe on Morning Joe Morning Show

Joe Scarborough can’t stop talking about guns, and now he’s gone and shouted at poor Kansas Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R-Kansas) in an “explosion” (although if this is Joe Scarborough “exploding,” Yr. Wonkette concludes he must be a pretty chill bro) about assault weapons and children’s safety and DO YOU DARE COME ON MY SHOW blah blah blah because “politics.” Read more on Not On My Show Says Joe on Morning Joe Morning Show…
  class traitors

Millionaire Joe Scarborough Class Wars ‘Rich People’

Wonketteers, did you know that the country is full of rich people with mansions and jets? And that these people are far richer than most Americans are or ever will be? Joe Scarborough knows a little something about wealth inequality — not because HE’s wealthy, but because he’s seen OTHER PEOPLE hoard vast quantities of wealth, and thinks — get this — it’s morally wrong. Spokesmodel Mika Brzezinski gets the ball rolling, asking something about “tax rates today, those who are impacting taxes [sic] are contrived in some way.” Was that a question? Apparently it was, because Morning Joe, wearing his most Serious looking spectacles this morning, explains why these concerns are NOT contrived. It is because in the ’90s, lowering taxes on capital gains was probably the “right” thing to do to stimulate growth, but now, it’s looking like it was NOT probably the right thing to do. Joe Scarborough doesn’t know anything about income inequality PERSONALLY, of course, since he lives such a humble existence on his $4 million per year salary. Read more on Millionaire Joe Scarborough Class Wars ‘Rich People’…
  cool apology bro

Suck It, Nate Silver! Joe Scarborough Apologizes For Nothing

Joe Scarborough, who hosts MSNBC’s morning show because the rest of MSNBC’s Obama food stamp-loving libtard talent don’t wake from their welfare-funded fortified wine benders until well after noon, is really, really sorry he conflated Nate Silver with that unwashed hillbilly “unskewed polls” guy. And by really, really sorry, we mean he’s not sorry at all. While most of the world has moved past the 2012 election to focus on more important things, like Ken Layne’s fun cooking blog for moms and the possible 2016 presidential candidates, Scarborough remains upset that people are so mean to him just because Nate Silver was right all along. Read more on Suck It, Nate Silver! Joe Scarborough Apologizes For Nothing…
  this is excellent news for john mccain

Sad Coot John McCain Simply Does Not Care For Whippersnapper Obama And His ‘Cheap Shots’

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy US Senator John McCain is not happy with That One, Barack Obama, making merciless fun of His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney in last night’s debate “draw.” Bamz was all like “What up, dummy? Can you see Russia from your house?” And Mittens was all like “Does anyone have a stack of illegal notes with which I can wipe my terrible, mortifying flop sweat?” And John McCain was all like “THIS. SHALL. NOT. STAND.” Because mocking people for being inexperienced lightweights is just not done. “Frankly, I don’t understand why the president wants to take these kind of cheap shots — bayonets and horses, what’s that all about?” he said. “You know, when I debated then-Senator Obama I didn’t criticize or belittle his lack of experience on national security issues. And he seemed to take these kind of cheap shots. … I kind of resent it.” Do you, John McCain? Do you “resent it”? Hang on, gotta just tighten the loose nut on this Wayback Machine … Read more on Sad Coot John McCain Simply Does Not Care For Whippersnapper Obama And His ‘Cheap Shots’…
  baby we know what you need

Shrill Harpy Mika Brzezinski Totally On The Rag Over Paycheck Fairness Act (Video)

God what is up with that mad cow Mika Brzezinsky? More importantly, why are “Morning Joe” and MSNBC letting her be the person to moderate the panel on how the GOP blocked the Paycheck Fairness Act? Did they not notice that she is herself an un-man, and therefore must totally smear her period blood all over men’s right to earn and keep all the money, because otherwise “lawyers” and “government”? Anyway, get a load of the lone chick on the entire show (we’re not sure why they let on even one of ‘em, since punditing obviously requires physical as well as logical strength) stone cold proving that broads are too emotional and hysterical and possessed of ovaries and fallopes to be able to think clearly about things like … well, whatever they are talking about. Someone in Congress did a thing, right? We don’t know, we heard there was a new Manolo Blahnik somewhere. Read more on Shrill Harpy Mika Brzezinski Totally On The Rag Over Paycheck Fairness Act (Video)…
  when you've lost joe you've lost america

Joe Scarborough Discovers ‘Disgusting’ Daily Caller Racism, Is Surprised (VIDEO)

We wonder who Joe Scarborough is talking about here, when he calls out rightwing websites for being “beneath contempt” in their treatment of Trayvon Martin! (No we don’t. He is talking about Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller.) Noting that the Daily Caller had breathlessly presented Trayvon Martin’s Twitter feed as fodder for the poor oppressed whites of the world to note what a bad bad boy Trayvon Martin was, Scarborough practically throws up at the disingenuousness of presenting something so “innocuous … I can show you a lot of white kids, from suburban neighborhoods … come on.” Then he goes on and on and on about some on the right (Tucker Carlson) being “disgusting, warped, twisted and distorted.” Transcript and video of Joe Scarborough calling out Tucker Carlson for hurting America, after the jump. Read more on Joe Scarborough Discovers ‘Disgusting’ Daily Caller Racism, Is Surprised (VIDEO)…
  lies and the smegma-lipped liars who tell them

Rick Santorum Simply Does Not Care for Joe Scarborough’s ‘Gotcha’ Questions

Rick Santorum put the pout back on his smegma-caked lips when Sad Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough insisted on reminding him he was a dirty liar. First, temptressy succubus Mika Zbrzeziznzkszy was all, “Hey, so is everybody on your team telling you to zip it with this birth control nonsense yet, because I and all other ladies in the universe except for Kathryn Jean Lopez want to smack you right in your mean little puss?” Read more on Rick Santorum Simply Does Not Care for Joe Scarborough’s ‘Gotcha’ Questions…