Tag Archives: mormons

  Sometimes tears are funny

Mormon Dad Forgot To Teach Son To Hate Gays, Will Never Get His Own Planet Now

Girl that church has been gay forever.
Hey Wonk liberals, let’s listen to the NPR together while we drink our vegan kale lattes, shall we? Ooh, here is an NPR radio program about the Boy Scouts organization ending its ban on openly gay scout leaders. Is there a Mormon dad very upset about this, due to how the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints basically bought the Scouts a long time ago, and everything’s ruined now? There sure is! His name is Quin Monson, he teaches political science at Brigham Young University, and his son is a Boy Scout. Mr. Monson used to be one too! Let’s talk to him in our NPR drone voice about his feelings: Read more on Mormon Dad Forgot To Teach Son To Hate Gays, Will Never Get His Own Planet Now…
  Here let me yell at you

Boy Scouts Gay Now, Mormons’ Magic Underpanties All In A Wad

Finally legal
Hurray, the Boy Scouts of America have finally ended years of bigotry — sort of — by lifting the ban on gay adult scout leaders. We say “sort of” because individual church-led chapters still have the authority to decide they don’t wanna play by the rules and can instead continue being small-minded childish bigots, like they were promised by Jesus in the Bible. This came after former Defense Secretary and current BSA president Robert Gates explained how it was just fine for scout leaders to be gay, despite the fact that the very thought of that makes wingnuts like Bryan Fischer quiver in their fearful loin parts about how this is going to immediately lead to a buttsex infestation in an otherwise Christian organization. Read more on Boy Scouts Gay Now, Mormons’ Magic Underpanties All In A Wad…
  Sisters Are Doin' It for Their Men

The Submissive Wives Of TLC Would Be More Than Happy To Make You A Sammich

“If you are a strong woman, you can submit to your man.” This potent message of female empowerment comes to us from Tara Furman, one of the stars of an exciting new TLC special rolling out this Sunday night. The network responsible for such radical re-interpretations of the American family as My Husband’s Not Gay and Sarah Palin’s Alaska stands ready to spice up your weekend with Submissive Wives’ Guide to Marriage. Read more on The Submissive Wives Of TLC Would Be More Than Happy To Make You A Sammich…
  No not his Catholic church his other church

Surprise! Marco Rubio’s Church Is Full Of Demon-Wrasslers, Gay-Haters And Creationist Derp

Marco Rubio may very well believe this is happening right now, in the sky.
Marco Rubio has two churches in Miami. One, as you might imagine, is the Catholic kind, because the Cuban-American Rubio is Catholic. The other one is a ginormous Baptist affair, featuring demon-wrasslin’, homo-hatin,’ and a sincerely held religious belief that Jesus rode a dinosaur. But how can a person be both Catholic and Baptist at the same time? Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on Surprise! Marco Rubio’s Church Is Full Of Demon-Wrasslers, Gay-Haters And Creationist Derp…
  This Is Idaho Not Kali

Idaho Legislator Has A Cow About Hindu Invocation In State Senate

Vishnu? Not much. Vishnu with you?
Idaho state Sen. Steve Vick is all in favor of the First Amendment and freedom and stuff, but that doesn’t mean he has to sit and put up with it when a Hindu cleric gives the invocation at today’s session of the state Senate, which is why he plans on walking out on the pagan voodoo nonsense. Why yes, he is from the same northern Idaho county whose local Republican party floated a proposal to declare Idaho a Christian state last week. Why do you ask? Read more on Idaho Legislator Has A Cow About Hindu Invocation In State Senate…
  FAA issues Flying Pigs Alert

Mormons Suddenly Okay With Some Gay Rights, Weird!

Hello!
Image by Sara Phillips & Neil DaCosta, “Mormon Missionary Positions” So here’s a sentence we never would have predicted we’d type: Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have come out (ahem!) in support of a Utah law prohibiting discrimination against LGBT people. Not surprisingly, there’s a catch — they also want to make sure that “religious freedom” is not infringed by any such nondiscrimination law. Read more on Mormons Suddenly Okay With Some Gay Rights, Weird!…
  do it in the butt

If Your Husband’s Not Gay, He Was The Other Night (TLC Teevee Review!)

Over the past few weeks, there has been a bit of a hubbub over a teevee program on the educational network TLC by the name of “My Husband’s Not Gay.” Due to its depiction of Mormon men who freely admit that they are really into the nude male body, but yet are married to womenfolk, activists claimed that the show sent harmful messages to LGBT youth about a false choice between spirituality and sexuality, and a petition asking TLC to cancel the program garnered over a hundred thousand signatures. TLC did not cancel the program, because they are America’s preeminent educational teevee network, desiring nothing more than to teach Americans about these Mormon gay dudes, who are not gay. Read more on If Your Husband’s Not Gay, He Was The Other Night (TLC Teevee Review!)…
  a day in the life

TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About Naked Guys

We’ve come to expect a certain level of quality and self-awareness from The Learning Channel, which has brought us such chronicles of the human condition as Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 90-Day Fiancee, and Sarah Palin’s Alaska. From this august tradition comes their new one-hour special, My Husband’s Not Gay, in which Mormon guys who like other guys show us how fun it is for them to be married to women. Read more on TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About Naked Guys…
  history repeating

Mormons Gonna Kick It Old School By Excommunicating People, Probably

Remember how back in 2012 or so the Mormons decided to be kinder gentler Mormons, and you had to endure one million of those billboards with a carefully curated racially diverse selection of Mormons? And they had to be racially diverse ads because of that whole thing where Mormons didn’t let black people be priests until thirty-five years ago. And all the teevee ads? SO MANY TEEVEE ADS. We were just beginning to feel all warm and fuzzy about Mormons, but then they had to go and remind us that they didn’t forget how to be dicks and are totally gonna get their excommunication on. Read more on Mormons Gonna Kick It Old School By Excommunicating People, Probably…
  thank goodness

Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews

You might remember that last year, a bunch of angry conservative Christians decided to take their toys and go home because the Boy Scouts were no longer going to stone gays to death. They created a nonsense organization called Trail Life aka Purity Scouts that promised that instead of cramming the gay down your kids’ throats, they’d shove some good old-fashioned religion all the way down there instead. Oh, except for that part where if your religion is Mormon or Jewish or any other of them funny not-Jesus religions, your throat cannot be rammed full of conservative goodness. Read more on Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews…
  land of the free and home of the gays

Everybody In Utah Is Gay Now And It Is All Your Fault

Hey Wonkzuelans, you probably know that Obama declared June LGBT Pride month and that now we are all perverted bigots because we love gay sex and hate everyone who does not love gay sex. But what you probably don’t know yet is that the gays have already begun wrecking/perverting/bigoting that formerly impenetrable fortress of gay-hating, Utah. Yes, it’s true. Over the weekend, the gays stone-cold murdered Utah with their cavalcade of gay. Read more on Everybody In Utah Is Gay Now And It Is All Your Fault…
  Purity of Essence

Bryan Fischer Still Obsessed With Boy Scouts’ Firm Young Buttocks

Look, Bryan Fischer, we are all getting pretty tired of the unseemly attention you have been giving to Boy Scouts and teh ghey lately. It as if this topic has turned you into some sort of tiresome one-trick…animal whose name we have forgotten at the moment. And of course, we knew that you’d go just a little more unhinged if the BSA actually ended its ban on gay scouts (but not scout leaders, because what is logical consistency anyway?) So now the BSA has gone and actually done that thing, which Bryan Fissure cannot believe they did, because how can he lose when he’s so sincere? Let’s see how Bryan is Contributing To The Discourse… Oh, hey! It is a twofer! On Friday, Fischer made a bitter butthurt joke about buttsex, and then Tuesday he followed up by blaming Mormons, because although they share Fischer’s rabid homophobia, maybe they also have a secret plan to bring back polygamy! That there is some logic. Read more on Bryan Fischer Still Obsessed With Boy Scouts’ Firm Young Buttocks…
  this exceeds our wildest dreams

Fiscal Cliff Negotiator: Screw It, Let’s Get Drunk And Drive Around Arlington

Oh, internets. Thou hath delivered such joyous tidings as we head into what was likely to be an achingly slow holiday news week. We already fought and won the War on Christmas, so we were pretty much just planning on stone cold loafing and drinking until January 3rd or so. But lo, internets, you gave us something so perfect, something so tailor made for yr Wonkette, that we rejoice at the good tidings you have brought us: Read more on Fiscal Cliff Negotiator: Screw It, Let’s Get Drunk And Drive Around Arlington…
  take a peakey at leakey

Not-Muslim Mitt Romney Receives Valuable Bigotry And Endorsement From Texas Church

Teeny-tiny little “non-denominational” (FUCKIN’ CHRISTIAN, BOY) Church in the Valley of Leakey, Texas, has a new sign up welcoming everyone but Barack Obama. The sign reads, “Vote for the Mormon, not the Muslim! The capitalist, not the communist!” That marquee standing outside a non-denominational church has become the talk of the town in Leakey — about 90 miles northwest of San Antonio. The Church in the Valley is run by Pastor Ray Miller. Miller declined an interview but did say the sign was solely his idea. He said he changes the sign weekly and this isn’t the first bold statement to be displayed. The pastor said he feels strongly about the upcoming presidential election and feels the message on the marquee speaks for itself. Yes, in that it says, quite loudly, “I do not want my tax exemption any more and am also a terrible dinner companion.” Read more on Not-Muslim Mitt Romney Receives Valuable Bigotry And Endorsement From Texas Church…
  oral pleasure

Mormons Apparently Not Allowed To Do Sex With Their Mouths

General JC Christian, Patriot, points us to these sad LDS sex-rules that are doubtless responsible for making Miffed and Egg Romney such delightful humans to be around: LDS President Harold B. Lee: I was shocked to have you raise the question about ‘oral lovemaking in the genital area among married couples.’ Heaven forbid any such degrading activities which would be abhorrent in the sight of the Lord. For any Latter-day Saint, and particularly those who have been taught in the sacred ordinances of the temple, to engage in any kind of perversions of this sacred God-given gift of procreation, would be sure to bring down the condemnation of the Lord whom we would offend were we to engage in any such practice. Even Pat Robertson thinks it is cool by God if ladies suck on and fondle their husbands’ penises and balls! Read more on Mormons Apparently Not Allowed To Do Sex With Their Mouths…
  this is the end my only friend

Oh Yeah, Mitt’s Mormon Mexican Cousin Thinks We Should Legalize It Also Too

And so Vice’s foray to Me-hee-co, to the Mormons and the cartels, comes to an end. You guys loved it so much! Anything happen this time, besides a general wrap-up? YES. Mitt Romney’s Mexico-born cousin Kelly Romney, who is a terrible Christian, says to leeeegalize it. Read more on Oh Yeah, Mitt’s Mormon Mexican Cousin Thinks We Should Legalize It Also Too…