Tag Archives: mormons

  This Is Idaho Not Kali

Idaho Legislator Has A Cow About Hindu Invocation In State Senate

Vishnu? Not much. Vishnu with you?
Idaho state Sen. Steve Vick is all in favor of the First Amendment and freedom and stuff, but that doesn’t mean he has to sit and put up with it when a Hindu cleric gives the invocation at today’s session of the state Senate, which is why he plans on walking out on the pagan voodoo nonsense. Why yes, he is from the same northern Idaho county whose local Republican party floated a proposal to declare Idaho a Christian state last week. Why do you ask? Read more on Idaho Legislator Has A Cow About Hindu Invocation In State Senate…
  FAA issues Flying Pigs Alert

Mormons Suddenly Okay With Some Gay Rights, Weird!

Hello!
Image by Sara Phillips & Neil DaCosta, “Mormon Missionary Positions” So here’s a sentence we never would have predicted we’d type: Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have come out (ahem!) in support of a Utah law prohibiting discrimination against LGBT people. Not surprisingly, there’s a catch — they also want to make sure that “religious freedom” is not infringed by any such nondiscrimination law. Read more on Mormons Suddenly Okay With Some Gay Rights, Weird!…
  do it in the butt

If Your Husband’s Not Gay, He Was The Other Night (TLC Teevee Review!)

Over the past few weeks, there has been a bit of a hubbub over a teevee program on the educational network TLC by the name of “My Husband’s Not Gay.” Due to its depiction of Mormon men who freely admit that they are really into the nude male body, but yet are married to womenfolk, activists claimed that the show sent harmful messages to LGBT youth about a false choice between spirituality and sexuality, and a petition asking TLC to cancel the program garnered over a hundred thousand signatures. TLC did not cancel the program, because they are America’s preeminent educational teevee network, desiring nothing more than to teach Americans about these Mormon gay dudes, who are not gay. Read more on If Your Husband’s Not Gay, He Was The Other Night (TLC Teevee Review!)…
  a day in the life

TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About Naked Guys

We’ve come to expect a certain level of quality and self-awareness from The Learning Channel, which has brought us such chronicles of the human condition as Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 90-Day Fiancee, and Sarah Palin’s Alaska. From this august tradition comes their new one-hour special, My Husband’s Not Gay, in which Mormon guys who like other guys show us how fun it is for them to be married to women. Read more on TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About Naked Guys…
  history repeating

Mormons Gonna Kick It Old School By Excommunicating People, Probably

Remember how back in 2012 or so the Mormons decided to be kinder gentler Mormons, and you had to endure one million of those billboards with a carefully curated racially diverse selection of Mormons? And they had to be racially diverse ads because of that whole thing where Mormons didn’t let black people be priests until thirty-five years ago. And all the teevee ads? SO MANY TEEVEE ADS. We were just beginning to feel all warm and fuzzy about Mormons, but then they had to go and remind us that they didn’t forget how to be dicks and are totally gonna get their excommunication on. Read more on Mormons Gonna Kick It Old School By Excommunicating People, Probably…
  thank goodness

Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews

You might remember that last year, a bunch of angry conservative Christians decided to take their toys and go home because the Boy Scouts were no longer going to stone gays to death. They created a nonsense organization called Trail Life aka Purity Scouts that promised that instead of cramming the gay down your kids’ throats, they’d shove some good old-fashioned religion all the way down there instead. Oh, except for that part where if your religion is Mormon or Jewish or any other of them funny not-Jesus religions, your throat cannot be rammed full of conservative goodness. Read more on Hero Anti-Gay Scouting Group Will Also Save Your Children From Mormons And Jews…
  land of the free and home of the gays

Everybody In Utah Is Gay Now And It Is All Your Fault

Hey Wonkzuelans, you probably know that Obama declared June LGBT Pride month and that now we are all perverted bigots because we love gay sex and hate everyone who does not love gay sex. But what you probably don’t know yet is that the gays have already begun wrecking/perverting/bigoting that formerly impenetrable fortress of gay-hating, Utah. Yes, it’s true. Over the weekend, the gays stone-cold murdered Utah with their cavalcade of gay. Read more on Everybody In Utah Is Gay Now And It Is All Your Fault…
  Purity of Essence

Bryan Fischer Still Obsessed With Boy Scouts’ Firm Young Buttocks

Look, Bryan Fischer, we are all getting pretty tired of the unseemly attention you have been giving to Boy Scouts and teh ghey lately. It as if this topic has turned you into some sort of tiresome one-trick…animal whose name we have forgotten at the moment. And of course, we knew that you’d go just a little more unhinged if the BSA actually ended its ban on gay scouts (but not scout leaders, because what is logical consistency anyway?) So now the BSA has gone and actually done that thing, which Bryan Fissure cannot believe they did, because how can he lose when he’s so sincere? Let’s see how Bryan is Contributing To The Discourse… Oh, hey! It is a twofer! On Friday, Fischer made a bitter butthurt joke about buttsex, and then Tuesday he followed up by blaming Mormons, because although they share Fischer’s rabid homophobia, maybe they also have a secret plan to bring back polygamy! That there is some logic. Read more on Bryan Fischer Still Obsessed With Boy Scouts’ Firm Young Buttocks…
  this exceeds our wildest dreams

Fiscal Cliff Negotiator: Screw It, Let’s Get Drunk And Drive Around Arlington

Oh, internets. Thou hath delivered such joyous tidings as we head into what was likely to be an achingly slow holiday news week. We already fought and won the War on Christmas, so we were pretty much just planning on stone cold loafing and drinking until January 3rd or so. But lo, internets, you gave us something so perfect, something so tailor made for yr Wonkette, that we rejoice at the good tidings you have brought us: Read more on Fiscal Cliff Negotiator: Screw It, Let’s Get Drunk And Drive Around Arlington…
  take a peakey at leakey

Not-Muslim Mitt Romney Receives Valuable Bigotry And Endorsement From Texas Church

Teeny-tiny little “non-denominational” (FUCKIN’ CHRISTIAN, BOY) Church in the Valley of Leakey, Texas, has a new sign up welcoming everyone but Barack Obama. The sign reads, “Vote for the Mormon, not the Muslim! The capitalist, not the communist!” That marquee standing outside a non-denominational church has become the talk of the town in Leakey — about 90 miles northwest of San Antonio. The Church in the Valley is run by Pastor Ray Miller. Miller declined an interview but did say the sign was solely his idea. He said he changes the sign weekly and this isn’t the first bold statement to be displayed. The pastor said he feels strongly about the upcoming presidential election and feels the message on the marquee speaks for itself. Yes, in that it says, quite loudly, “I do not want my tax exemption any more and am also a terrible dinner companion.” Read more on Not-Muslim Mitt Romney Receives Valuable Bigotry And Endorsement From Texas Church…
  oral pleasure

Mormons Apparently Not Allowed To Do Sex With Their Mouths

General JC Christian, Patriot, points us to these sad LDS sex-rules that are doubtless responsible for making Miffed and Egg Romney such delightful humans to be around: LDS President Harold B. Lee: I was shocked to have you raise the question about ‘oral lovemaking in the genital area among married couples.’ Heaven forbid any such degrading activities which would be abhorrent in the sight of the Lord. For any Latter-day Saint, and particularly those who have been taught in the sacred ordinances of the temple, to engage in any kind of perversions of this sacred God-given gift of procreation, would be sure to bring down the condemnation of the Lord whom we would offend were we to engage in any such practice. Even Pat Robertson thinks it is cool by God if ladies suck on and fondle their husbands’ penises and balls! Read more on Mormons Apparently Not Allowed To Do Sex With Their Mouths…
  this is the end my only friend

Oh Yeah, Mitt’s Mormon Mexican Cousin Thinks We Should Legalize It Also Too

And so Vice’s foray to Me-hee-co, to the Mormons and the cartels, comes to an end. You guys loved it so much! Anything happen this time, besides a general wrap-up? YES. Mitt Romney’s Mexico-born cousin Kelly Romney, who is a terrible Christian, says to leeeegalize it. Read more on Oh Yeah, Mitt’s Mormon Mexican Cousin Thinks We Should Legalize It Also Too…
  Looking For Mr. God-Bar

Bryan Fischer: Maybe Christians Can Vote For A Mormon (If They Use Hand Sanitizer And Pray)

Pity Bryan Fischer. After spending much of the GOP primary season telling the Christian Right that Mormons aren’t real Christians (and that the First Amendment doesn’t even apply to them), Fischer’s worst fear was realized: The Heretic won the primary, Fischer was not invited to speak at this year’s Values Voter Summit, and now the poor bear-obsessed schlub has to figure out how to kinda-sorta support Mitt Romney without going back on his insistence that Mormons are anathema. And so he has decided that maybe, since America’s very survival is at stake, sure, well, yeah, it might be OK to vote for a Mormon as long as you tell Jesus that you’re really voting against the Kenyan Usurper. Read more on Bryan Fischer: Maybe Christians Can Vote For A Mormon (If They Use Hand Sanitizer And Pray)…
  typical mormon libtard

Mitt Romney’s Mexican Mormon Cousin: Amnesty For Everyone!

Well, we are finally at Part Six of Vice’s foray into the wilds of Me-hee-co, about the Mexican branch of Mitt Romney’s family, and how they and the cartels are just totally kidnapping each other all the time, and this part is really interesting! Why is it interesting when there hasn’t even been a beheading in four whole installments? Because Mitt’s cousin thinks there should be AMNESTY for illegal immigrants in the US, AND a guest worker program, and probably, like, food and shelter and not starving to death too! Sorry, Mitt Romney’s cousin, but obviously you are a terrible Christian. Read more on Mitt Romney’s Mexican Mormon Cousin: Amnesty For Everyone!…
  Is saying "freely gave away" twice in 146 words enough?

Weekly Standard: Filthy Rich Romney Gave Far More To ‘Charity’ Than Did Merely Wealthy Joe Biden

Hey, everyone, just stop being so mean to Mitt Romney, right now, OK? Jeffrey Anderson of the Weekly Standard has done some math that conclusively proves that Mitt Romney is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being we’ve ever known in our life, especially when compared to that pipsqueak not-even-a-millionaire Joe Biden, who is not nearly rich enough to do anyone any good, and probably stomps on the iddle-widdle toes of adorable baby kittens for fun. Read more on Weekly Standard: Filthy Rich Romney Gave Far More To ‘Charity’ Than Did Merely Wealthy Joe Biden…
  breaking: bad

Hey Why Are All These Mexican Mormons Drinking Tequila All The Time Anyway?

Does Mitt Romney secretly drink tequila? (No.) But his Mexican cousins do, in between getting kidnapped by the cartels and then “accidentally” shooting them, also too. In this installment of Vice’s tour through the Mexican Mormon/cartel death match, the Vice hipsters might get killed! (But they do not get killed.) Read more on Hey Why Are All These Mexican Mormons Drinking Tequila All The Time Anyway?…
  could use more cheech too

Watch Mexican Mormons Complain About Being Murdered All The Time Constantly By The Cartels

Time for your newest Vice video, Wonkers! There are four more before you are done forever. Which part will you whine about this time? (The hipster. You will whine about the hipster like you did in Part One and Part Two.) Read more on Watch Mexican Mormons Complain About Being Murdered All The Time Constantly By The Cartels…
  vice in the pursuit of liberty is no extremism

The Cartels, Mitt’s Mexican Mormon Family, And MURDER

So we were in New York, and we stopped by the Vice offices so that we could remember that we too are supposed to be a 170-man empire by now (after all, we have been at Your Wonket six months!), and they showed us this video to see if we wanted to share it with you (apparently Vice is tired of owning the 15 to 34-year-olds and would like some Wonker temps-with-doctorates and State Dept. retirees to see their shit), and then they were like, “So describe this video to us in your words” or something, like a salesman thing? Like, they did not have to sell us on showing this video to you, because like it says in the headline it is about the Mexican cartels, and Mitt Romney’s Mexican Mormon family, and kidnappings and MURDER? Warning: There are a couple of images that are seriously HOLY SHIT Mexican cartel beheading NONSENSE. Read more on The Cartels, Mitt’s Mexican Mormon Family, And MURDER…
  ooh a rumor to spread

Hot Blog Rumor: Maybe One of Those Huntsman Boys Gabbed To Harry Reid About Romney’s Taxes

The Internet is rapidly zeroing in on the identity of Harry Reid’s source, the one who was like “oh yeah Harry, that guy, Romney, no taxes from that guy,” which Harry Reid reiterated on the Senate floor, destroying any semblance of what had previously been a sense of good faith and comity between the two parties in the World’s Greatest Deliberative Body. After a couple of weeks, Kos and Cannonfire nosed around a bit and found themselves with a lead: Oh, duh, it’s probably someone from the other rich Mormon political family that owns the other half of Utah, the Huntsmans — Jon Jr. and pop Jon Sr. They’re not the first to surmise that Reid’s source came from within powerful Mormon circles, where secrets do not appear to be safely kept. But they are the first to google around for a few more nuggets of circumstantial evidence and crap it out into a blog post, because why not? Read more on Hot Blog Rumor: Maybe One of Those Huntsman Boys Gabbed To Harry Reid About Romney’s Taxes…
  seven more months

Your Cutesy Little Insight Into Mormonism Sucks

Oh man, so, you know that cutesy little insight you may have Mitt Romney and the Secrets of Mormonism that you think could pass off as clever or “ironic”? Well, it’s not really interesting at all, nor is it clever, and you don’t know what irony is. So please, please, cut the crap, Brian Schweitzer and Martin Bashir, because we don’t really need to spend the next seven months watching daily evil cable news debates about whether Romney’s Mormon church or Barack Obama’s Jeremiah Wright church is WEIRDER, as would inevitably — and not unfairly — be the case. Read more on Your Cutesy Little Insight Into Mormonism Sucks…
  how uncouth

RON PAUL! Supporter Harasses Mittens About Interracial Procreation

Flaccid Mitt Romney was out in Howard, Wisconsin to tell more crappy jokes to old people today when who interrupts him but a supporter of Doctor Congressman Ron Paul, a man who ran for president in 2011. He kept hollerin at Romney about the Mormon religion’s attitudes regarding black people, and black people who spawn with white people. Why does, or did, Mitt Romney’s church — like all other religions for most of time — wait so long to assume the absolute most basic, modern views on race? RON PAUL, on the other hand, has always been a champion of harmonious race relations. Read more on RON PAUL! Supporter Harasses Mittens About Interracial Procreation…