Tag Archives: mormonism

  take a peakey at leakey

Not-Muslim Mitt Romney Receives Valuable Bigotry And Endorsement From Texas Church

Teeny-tiny little “non-denominational” (FUCKIN’ CHRISTIAN, BOY) Church in the Valley of Leakey, Texas, has a new sign up welcoming everyone but Barack Obama. The sign reads, “Vote for the Mormon, not the Muslim! The capitalist, not the communist!” That marquee standing outside a non-denominational church has become the talk of the town in Leakey — about 90 miles northwest of San Antonio. The Church in the Valley is run by Pastor Ray Miller. Miller declined an interview but did say the sign was solely his idea. He said he changes the sign weekly and this isn’t the first bold statement to be displayed. The pastor said he feels strongly about the upcoming presidential election and feels the message on the marquee speaks for itself. Yes, in that it says, quite loudly, “I do not want my tax exemption any more and am also a terrible dinner companion.” Read more on Not-Muslim Mitt Romney Receives Valuable Bigotry And Endorsement From Texas Church…
  wear sunscreen

Wingnuts Furious: ‘Cultist’ Mitt Romney To Spew Inoffensive Pablum At Liberty University Commencement

Living Jesus Jerry Falwell has taught his students too well: his invitation to presumed GOP nominee Mitt Romney to give the commencement address at Liberty “University” has resulted in a 700-person freakout on the school’s MyFace page. Mormons, cult, booo! said all the students, according to CNN. So that must be why the only notice on the page now regarding commencement is one announcing the bacchalaureate speaker the day before — a good evangi who is not Mitt Romney and not a Mormon and not even (presumably) a Scientologist! Oh man, sorry you did such a good job indoctrinating your students, Liberty. How good a job? Students are complaining that Mitt Romney is backed by billionaire liberal Nazi collaborator George Soros. That is some good indoctrinating! And? There are even complaints about Liberty’s non-Christly drama production of Peter Pan. Oh, COLLEGE! Read more on Wingnuts Furious: ‘Cultist’ Mitt Romney To Spew Inoffensive Pablum At Liberty University Commencement…
  the mouse that bored

Teabaggers To Chase Orrin Hatch Out Of Senate Next Week, For His Liberalism

Don’t be surprised to see a statement next week from six-term Utah Senator Orrin Hatch that he is leaving office “to spend more time with [his] undersea Holocaust-victim baptizing chamber.” DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE, as Orrin’s favorite old-timey band used to say!!! Hatch is likely to be effectively drummed out of office in the state’s labyrinthine Republican nomination process, beginning with the March 15th caucuses, which teabaggers are planning to flood like a truck-stop toilet, because they want a more overtly insane senator to avoid doing the nation’s business in Washington. Read more on Teabaggers To Chase Orrin Hatch Out Of Senate Next Week, For His Liberalism…
  public service announcement

Mentioning Coffee In Romney’s Presence a Form of Grave Offense

One unfortunate Mitt Romney supporter in Florida seems to have discovered a novel way of getting kicked out of a campaign event: Alan Reynolds showed up to a Mittens rally with a sign bearing the (mysterious?) collection of words, “Tea Party Includes Cuban Coffee Romney.” NOT COOL, said Romney campaign staff. Because Mitt Romney does not drink coffee. It is against his magick moon religion. Therefore this hilarious nonsense phrase must be kept away from Mitt AT ALL COSTS and Reynolds was told to leave. No, we don’t understand it, either! Does Mitt Romney melt away like the Wicked Witch if he so much as reads one of the special Mormon naughty words? Read more on Mentioning Coffee In Romney’s Presence a Form of Grave Offense…
  religion in the news

Did Romney Secretly Baptize Holocaust Victims To Make Them Mormon?

Here’s a wacky fun-time ritual thing the Mormons do that you may or may not have heard about: they love to baptize dead people and thus declare them members of their magic moon faith, mostly so that the Mormons can claim a 7 billion person membership similar to the way that those McDonald’s signs claim “50 billion anusburgers served since 1940” to reassure you that it’s, like, really popular. This has, throughout history, not always pleased the relatives of the dead people who were baptized — say for instance, the relatives of Jewish Holocaust victims who found their family members’ names among those who had been posthumously converted to Mormonism. And so hey, know where there are lots of Jewish people these days? Florida. What’s happening in Florida next week? A Republican presidential primary. Who’s leading the polls in that primary right now? A Mormon. Has Mormon Mitt Romney been secretly baptizing Holocaust victims in his spare time? Read more on Did Romney Secretly Baptize Holocaust Victims To Make Them Mormon?…
  can't spell 'mormon' without 'moon'

Most Voters Still Very Weirded Out By Scary Mormons

Voters are still vaguely suspicious about the whole “Mormon cult” thing and whether Mitt Romney can be both President and a Mormon. A new Quinnipiac University poll proves that only 45 percent of voters have a positive view of Mormonism, and 36 percent of voters declare themselves “uncomfortable” about electing a Mormon, because Mormons believe people maybe used to live on the Moon. That’s not so bad! George W. Bush believes Jesus was on his side in the Iraq War. Besides, Americans already elected a Kenyan Muslim Socialist and hardly anybody seems to care about that. Mittens should talk about this! Read more on Most Voters Still Very Weirded Out By Scary Mormons…
  rumors on the internets

Nevada Prefers The Mere Idea Of Not-Harry Reid To Harry Reid

The Internet, as personified by a Utah State Rep., briefly suggested that Jon Huntsman’s ambassadorship means that Huntsman will be in a prime position from which to convert all of China to Mormonism, and probably Republicanism! [Ben Smith] Read more on Nevada Prefers The Mere Idea Of Not-Harry Reid To Harry Reid…
  the ultimate polaroid

Lucky Liz Glover Got To Meet Our Greatest American, Mitt Romney!

We were all jealous of Wonkette videographer Liz Glover after seeing this Polaroid she took with America’s beautiful boy, Mitt “Willard” Romney. That is one tasty-lookin’ fraud salad! Liz claims that they never hooked up, but she doesn’t realize that in Mormonism, a handshake is considered third base. Also: Liz — like most people who, in some fashion, have worked for Gawker Media in the past — has been doing some work for the Radar blog, so help a sister out and watch this interview she did with Spike Lee in Denver. [Radar] Read more on Lucky Liz Glover Got To Meet Our Greatest American, Mitt Romney!…
 

Romney: Got God Or Just The Crazy?

The fancy super-computer algorithm thingie that catches stories so’s we can look at porn must have had a hiccup yesterday or else we would’ve written earlier about this item from Editor & Publisher about the Mitter’s Mormon, erm, problem. E&P turned to an expert source on the zany but endearing beliefs of our friends of the LDS (that always sounds like it should be a learning disorder to me…): Pulitzer Prize-winning, uh, cartoonist Steve Benson! Don’t worry though, he know’s what he’s talking about – he comes from a long line of former Mormons. Read more on Romney: Got God Or Just The Crazy?…
 

Hey Mitt, Put The Needle On The Record!

So, now that old boss man Mitt has given his best JFK impersonation (complete with a Poppy Bush intro!), the pundits are swirling about. Go ahead and listen to Tucker’s take on Mitt, or check out what real life Park City, Utah locals are saying in Romney’s own backyard. Wonkette’s Rocky Mountain correspondent Breaux Murphy took to the snowy streets, busy kitchens and drunken bars to find out. (Full disclosure: your lovably surly editor lived among this wildlife for many years, getting very little sleep). Lee Jenson starts off the dialogue. And now, let my people speak!galleryPost('parkcityonromney', 3, 'Park City Discusses Mitt Romney'); Read more on Hey Mitt, Put The Needle On The Record!…
 

Evangelicals Don’t Like Mormons

So, we’re pretty sure that this video is being disseminated to warn against Mormonism, but it actually makes it sound cool and New Age-y! According to the (scary-voiced) narrator, Mormonism is sort of like Greek mythology, Battlestar Gallactica and Superman all rolled into one with epic battles, space aliens, celestial polygamous sex orgies and weird guys from upstate New York all rolled into one. The narrators also informs us that Mary wasn’t a virgin when she had Jesus because God fucked her; Jesus himself had three wives; and black people have dark skin not because of any crazy science thing like melanin but because their celestial ancestors weren’t mean enough to Satan. Hey, do you think we can get the fundies to ramp up their attacks on Mormons and leave us other godless heathens who smoke, drink and have sex outside of marriage alone? Or can we at least get Romney and Huckabee to debate this shit? Because that would be totally cool. Read more on Evangelicals Don’t Like Mormons…
 

Psst… Bob Jones University Secretly Hates Mitt Romney

In an attempt to quell angry God people from getting all self-righteous (good luck!), Mitt Romney held an invitation-only event with students, faculty and alumni of Bob Jones University Tuesday. Guess he figured that since it was a closed event, whatever private revelations about his campaign that would be discussed would never in a million years reach the press. And who wouldn’t believe that!? Sure enough, some sleuth at the meeting sneaked in an “audio recording device” — they can tape soundz people make! — and leaked it to CNN. Basic point: School Chancellor Bob Jones III endorsed Mitt Romney but by and large hates him. Read more on Psst… Bob Jones University Secretly Hates Mitt Romney…
 

When Jesus Lands In Missouri, He Will Kick Romney’s Blasphemous Ass

Everybody knows that when Jesus Christ returns to Missouri to begin His thousand-year reign on Earth — Oh, what’s that? You didn’t know Jesus is returning to Missouri? Well, there’s probably a lot you don’t know about the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints (“The Mormons!”). All religions are filled with strange and crazy things, and Mormonism is no exception. One of the main parts of the faith is that Jesus will return to Earth, but in Missouri — the location of the Garden of Eden, and the site where Jesus will build the New Jerusalem called City Zion, after he gets back. Read more on When Jesus Lands In Missouri, He Will Kick Romney’s Blasphemous Ass…