Tag Archives: morans

  All Dots Connected

CA Dad Would Like Anti-Vaxxers To Stop Trying To Kill His Son

It's your right to make everyone around you sick
Not only is refusing to get your kids vaccinated aggressively stupid, it’s also exceedingly selfish, a fact anti-vaxxers will have a hard time dismissing now that 6-year-old leukemia patient Rhett Krawitt has come to national attention. His father is asking the school district to require students to get their damned vaccine shots, unless they have valid medical reasons not to. And “dumb parents just don’t believe in vaccines” is not a medical reason. Read more on CA Dad Would Like Anti-Vaxxers To Stop Trying To Kill His Son…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: General Palin’s General Orders

She may not be a brilliant grand strategist like Metternich O’Reilly, but Sarah Palin is more than comfortable playing armchair field marshall. There’s some really great stuff in here, and it totally won’t want to make you want to shove knitting needles in your eardrums. Let’s listen, and then go smash something beautiful! Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: General Palin’s General Orders…
  math has a liberal bias

If You Notice That $9 Is More Than $7.25, Are You A Communist?

In Tuesday’s State of the Union address, President Obama pointed out that you can work for 40 hours a week at minimum wage and still live in squalid poverty, and suggested that we raise it from $7.25 to $9 per hour by 2015, and also index it to inflation. This, of course, is Communism! This is because wages are kind of like a tax on employers, and if you raise that tax, then employers won’t hire anyone, and ergo defacto, $9 is MORE than $7.25. Also too, raising the minimum wage will not help the deficit, which is the most important challenge our country currently faces, really! In sum, the best way to help Poors is to not help them at all, the end. Ha ha, just kidding, everything we just said is bullcrap, and raising the minimum wage will help lots of people start clawing their way out of being perpetually poor. Read more on If You Notice That $9 Is More Than $7.25, Are You A Communist?…
  good heavens

The Secret Service Would Like A Quiet Moment With Ted Nugent

Celebrated guitar-plucking analberry Ted Nugent caused quite the stir with this delightfully braindead comment the other day: “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” Heh indeedy, what? Perhaps that was an “assassination joke,” or he was just chugging lighter fluid and saying nonsense, or both. What do you think, Secret Service? Read more on The Secret Service Would Like A Quiet Moment With Ted Nugent…
  everybody hates everybody

Americans Describe Debt Battle As ‘Stupid,’ ‘Ridiculous’ and ‘Disgusting’

Guess who wins politically, in this pathetic “debt showdown” thing in Washington? Nobody in Washington, that’s for sure! More than three-quarters of Americans polled about the budget battles and threatened government shutdown used “negative words” including disgusting, ridiculous, stupid, childish, joke and sucks to describe the idiocy. A lot of people also said something the Washington Post spells as “bull____,” and we can’t figure out what it means. Bullwinkle? Probably. Meanwhile, let’s all congratulate Ronald Reagan Junior Barack Obama for further pissing off a percentage of people equal to those pissed off by the Tea Party Fanatics during this long national nightmare. Read more on Americans Describe Debt Battle As ‘Stupid,’ ‘Ridiculous’ and ‘Disgusting’…
 

Scooter Expert Moran Doesn’t Like Being Called a ‘Moran’

Well, fast forward to this afternoon. I couldn’t find the link to the newspaper story so I Googled myself. The first link to the story lead me to Wonkette, a website that specializes in satire. Wonkette spoofed the Times story under the headline: “In A Troubled Economy, Scooter Manufacturing Is The Only Successful Industry.” Read more on Scooter Expert Moran Doesn’t Like Being Called a ‘Moran’…
  heroes of ethics

IT’S MORE FUN WHEN IT’S YOUR WIFE’S MONEY: Representative James Moran of Virginia used to be a stock broker, and it turns out that he did a lot of stock buying and selling — including behavior that verged on “what later came to be known as day trading” — while in Congress. Much of this happened in the late ’90s, but whatever, that won’t stop the Post from building a story about Congressional stock-trading ethics on it! We’d normally pass it over in silence, except this is funny: “In 1999, after the congressman lost about $120,000 over two years through options investments, attorneys for Moran’s second wife described his behavior as ‘stock market gambling’ in court papers filed as part of a divorce.” Wait, he lost money in the stock market from 1997 to 1999? Was that even physically possible? Anyway, Moran has a new rich wife now and everybody is happy, the end. [WaPo] Read more on …
  political costumes

HALLOWEEN IDEAS: Dress Like A Popular Internet Picture

Operative “Sam G.” sends us this gritty look at his “political Halloween costume,” of the popular Internet picture that launched 1,000 ships. His Internet friends will get it! If you like the idea of dressing as a wingnut Internet picture, this is your year! Read more on HALLOWEEN IDEAS: Dress Like A Popular Internet Picture…
  math and numbers

K-LOAD: Mouth-breathing fart-sack Kathryn Jean Lopez has posted a confusing new Word Jumble, in which she claims that Prop. 8, the Mormons’ financial assault on California homosexuals, “won by the same margin as Barack Obama did in that state.” Obama crushed McCain 61%-37% in California, while Prop. 8 squeaked by with 52%. [Andrew Sullivan] Read more on …
  sarah palin pals around with terrorists

Sarah Palin Now Making Nice With Terrorist Pal Barack Obama

After a week of witty meditations on Barack Obama’s America-hating friends and asking, “Who is this guy who has been running for president for two years who everybody knows pretty well after seeing him in nearly 30 debates? Did you know some crook sold him a strip of lawn once?” Sarah Palin has BLINKED and decided to stop calling the Democratic nominee a terrorist. Why? Because no one in the McCain campaign can use the same argument for more than a week. It’s all right there in the Maverick Handbook! Right next to the “no blinking” rule! Read more on Sarah Palin Now Making Nice With Terrorist Pal Barack Obama…
  nation of morons

Barack Obama Has Illiterate Supporters, Too!

Shortly after this photograph was taken, the gentleman on the right was offered the Republican nomination for vice president. He turned it down to go run Lehman Brothers instead. Thanks to Brian for sending this along. Read more on Barack Obama Has Illiterate Supporters, Too!…
  klutzes

As America Goes, So Goes Miss USA

Here’s your latest “Miss USA,” falling on her ass during the Miss USA Show, just like the last Miss USA, who fell on her ass last year. But this one starts seal-clapping for herself after tumbling, which is kind of … repugnant? She was taken out back and executed immediately after the program. [News.com.au/AFP] Read more on As America Goes, So Goes Miss USA…
  you're doing it wrong

July 4 Bush Speech Censors Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson invented July 4, by writing the Declaration of Independence for “Independence Day,” and later writing the Constitution, and then patriotically dropping dead on July 4. This is why George W. Bush went to Jefferson’s famous slave brothel, Monticello, to read a July 4 speech that quoted Jefferson except for the part of the quote where Jefferson said Christians were idiots. Read more on July 4 Bush Speech Censors Thomas Jefferson…
  i am aware of all internet traditions

Internet Wisdom For Your Holiday Weekend

Our pretend buddy and former colleague Will Leitch left the sports blog Deadspin last week. As he invented that popular website and has a reputation for being an agreeable human being — rare for the Internet — we were interested in his parting words. Here are some of them. Read more on Internet Wisdom For Your Holiday Weekend…