America Vs. the Sex Dwarves
Friday, July 10th, 2009
By the Comics Curmudgeon
Readers, your Comics Curmudgeon apologizes for missing last week’s column, but you were all probably using alcohol, smoked meat products, and dangerous explosives to mask your self-loathing and economic despair and weren’t watching the Interhoo anyway, were you? You probably didn’t even notice that I was gone, after all I do for you, week after week … [quiet sobbing] … where was I? Oh, right, last week. Anyway, Sarah Palin quit and Michael Jackson died or whatever, so obviously this week’s Cartoon Violence is all about sex perversions involving moose and little people. MORE »











There’s a big VP debate watch party tomorrow night in Washington, D.C., at the James Hoban’s bar in Dupont Circle, and its guest of honor will be a gal named “Elizabeth.” Elizabeth, for those of you not IN-THE-KNOW, is the most famous celebrity in the world now, as she is “the only Wasilla resident living in Washington, DC.” Can you even imagine how rich she must be now? And yet, Elizabeth was kind enough to let your associate editor Gchat her in the middle of the day for an informal interview. Among other topics, we discuss Wasilla’s famed retail outlets, meth, moose guts, what Bristol Palin’s REALLY LIKE, and Palin’s years as Wasilla mayor. Does Elizabeth like her hometown VP candidate? Well, here’s a hint: this party tomorrow night is doubling as an Obama fundraiser. Interview below!
Remember when men used to go hunting? Well, they all quit — all but Ted Nugent and Dick Cheney, anyway. Today, American men just sit on the couch in their underwear eating Taco Bell and watching video of people driving cars around in circles. So the whole hunting industry of gun manufacturers and camouflage outfitters and various animal-shooting paraphernalia is fading away like all the other American industries. Can Sarah Palin at least help this lost cause?
OK, no more “promises” about when stuff appears. Let’s just say Ron Paul is a flirt and Tom Tancredo thinks Liz needs to learn a thing or two about what “racism” means. We’re in the lobby of the Manchester Radisson now, somehow on the set of MSNBC’s Morning Joe, with the Dennis Kucinich campaign team (very nice people!) on one side and Chris “Rangoon” Matthews (avoid! avoid!) on the other. As it turns out this is the only way to get Internets in the state of New Hamsters.